New Year Drama

First off, I hope my fellow gems have been having a wonderful new year so far. Last night interesting to say the least, but I need some insight on a situation that involved my gem and his friend. I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

Last night the gem who I am fairly close with and dated back in the summer (and we reconnected in november) called me around 8 or 9 asking what I was doing for the night. Earlier in the day, he had texted me asking me the same thing, and I told him my roommate and I were going out to eat, and afterward celebrating in our apartment since we didn't want to go to this party. So when the gem called me, he said he wanted to hang out with me and whatnot, so I told him to come over since it was just me and my roommate. He got really excited, and I knew if he was coming, he would be bringing his close friend, a Cancer.

So, fast forward, the gem and the cancer get to my place by campus and my roommate had gotten alcohol earlier. Throughout the night, we all just drank, joked around, had conversation, played card games, ect. At midnight, my roommate was pushing me to kiss the gem because she knew my history with him, but I told her I couldn't do it when put on the spot. The gem said he wouldn't even mind kissing me, but he'd also like to see his cancer friend get some action too. Note, the gem and the cancer work together (kind of like, main man/wing man sort of thing). My roommate didn't really want to do anything with the cancer, but throughout the night, she kept pushing for me and the gem to go and "take care of business." So, the rest of the night and being a bit intoxicated, the gem and I were randomly flirting with each other (he more than I), but I kept saying if we were going to do anything, it'd be later. So, we're playing another card game (and this is past midnight) and I lay my head on the gem's shoulder. He nudges me and I asked him if he wanted to go into my room. He just smiled and stood up, so we went back into my room. Not going into details, but we actually didn't do anything besides some making out and heavy petting (to the dismay of my roommate). The gem is still practicing celibacy even though he acted like he wanted to not do that. So, we just lay there and talked, and it was very nice. We talked about school, things, ect, and he told me that he really cared about me and respected me, even if we weren't really anything exclusive.

Moving on, the gem was getting tired from drinking and so I told him he could sleep in my bed. I wasn't really that tired, but it seemed the night was dying down, so I lay there with him again. He told me we could just talk until he fell asleep. So we went into conversation about his foray into religion and his celibacy, only because I wanted to understand better and to catch up with his life. He told me things that he felt like he just should wait and his number one focus was school. I told him I respected his desires, but we had some disagreements about his priorities, since he was telling me that with theway he worked now, he would be open to people when he wasn't focusing on scool, but when things started up again, he'd shut himself off. I told him he couldn't just cut people out that easily and come back like that, but he said "real people" would always be there. While I understood his idea, I still wasn't on the same page with him.

So, the gem fell asleep and I eventually went back out into the sitting area. His cancer friend at one point tried to wake him up, but it wasn't happening. So for the next few hours, me, the cancer, my roommate, and another friend of ours just sat outside and talked. I spoke to the cancer more because we always had nice conversation, but it was just conversation between friends and whatnot. Later, after we were all going to bed, I told the cancer he could sleep in my roommates bed across the room (there are four girls in the apartment, two share a room, my actual roommate was on vacation elsewhere). So, he laid in that bed whle I went back to the gem. The cancer wasn't really tired so he was just up on his phone while I was attempting to sleep. Next thing I know, the cancer asks me if I'm still up. I said, sort of. I asked him if he was still not sleepy, and he told no. He then said that he was too aroused to sleep. I laughed and said he should take care of that, but he said he'd rather have a girl help him. I wasn't really getting the hint, so I just said that it was understandable and laid back down. He said, "So, are you going to come help me out?" I was silent then asked him what was I supposed to do. He said, you could go down on me. I told the cancer that this was awkward and I didn't feel like I could dothat because his friend was right next to me. The cancer said he understood, but then said it could just be between him and I. I just laughed nervously and said that it just felt weird.

The cancer said he felt bad that his gem friend had fallen asleep on me, but I told him that stuff happens and it wasn't a big deal. All of a sudden, the gem said to me, "If you want to go over there, you can." I just stared at him because I didn't know he was awake and it caught me off guard. The gem said if I was thinking about it, I should just go over there. I told the gem I wasn't thinking about it and it felt strange. I asked him if he wanted me to, and he just shrugged and said, "If you want to." The cancer laughed and said that his friend was supposed to be asleep. But the gem said to his friend, "are you trying to pull some sneaky shit behind my back?" The cancer didn't know what he was talking about and the gem said, "it's not cool that you're saying it should just be between you and her. That's really shady." The cancer asked him if I was his girl. The gem said, "she's my friend and I really respect her." The cancer said that he shouldn't be mad because if I wasn't his girl, then there shouldn't have been a problem. So, the cancer kept asking him was I with him and what the big deal was. This kept going back and forth for several minutes and I just lay there unsure of what to do. So while they argued, I got up and tried to wake up my roommate in the other room, but she was completely out. So I went back to find them still arguing. I told them that they shouldn't be arguing over this and that it wasn't a big deal and that they needed to chill out. The cancer told me he was calm and that "I knew him." I got back in bed, and the gem sat up. He didn't move for maybe 10 minutes, and the tension was incredibly thick. Finally, he said to the cancer that if he was drunk, he'd be more understanding of the cancer's actions at that moment; but if he wasn't drunk, then he was a "snake." The gem then said that he didn't like that his friend was making me out to be a "ho." The cancer said it wasn't like that at all, but the gem just said, "are you calling my friend a ho? are you calling my girl a ho. I've known her longer than you have known her, and I don't appreciate that."

Eventually the cancer got up and left the room, and I turned to the gem and said I didn't want to see a friendship be ruined over something like this. I kept asking him was he okay, and the gem said he was chill. I said, no, you're upset. He said he wasn't upset, just disappointed. He told me the argument had nothing to do with me and that I shouldn't feel guilty.

I asked him, "If I'm just your friend and you were okay with me going over there to "help" your friend out, then why is this such a big deal?" The gem just kept saying he didn't associate himself with "snakes." I kept asking him the same question because I felt like there was more than the cancer just "going behind his back." But at that time, I didn't realize that the gem was probably testing me when he said I could go over to his cancer friend.

Eventually, the gem got dressed. His cancer friend had gone out a few times because he was angry, but at that point, the two of them were going to leave since it had been hours after we drank. I made sure they were good enough to drive. While the gem was using the bathroom, the cancer came back and told me he had fun regardless. I just nodded and asked him if he was going to be okay, and he said yes, but he was probably going to have to "knock some sense" into the gem. Before leaving, the cancer gave me a hug and they both walked out as if they were still friends. I could hear them arguing outside on the breezeway. I stuck my head outside and told them to stop and if they were goign to argue or "fight", they would have to do it back home.

The entire night just ended as a mess, and I'm not even sure if they got back okay, considering the car ride was probably a lot of fun. From all this, is their friendship over for good? The gem told me not to worry about him or what's going on, but I told him I would anyway. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I kind of do still. The whole time, I just wanted to know what the gem really thought about me and why he blew up like that. What do you think about this entire situation? It's so weird because it only just ended at 6am this morning (eastern time), so it wasn't even that long ago.

Happy New Year Candeh...
and...Jesus Christ!! I am not going to speak only as a Gemini but as a woman as well...
WHAT were you thinking—? Please, do not even go there and feel guilty for that stupid git, the Cancer...
He was completely, utterly disrespectful to you! I would have slapped him to oblivion, even more so since you offered him a pplace to crash at YOUR room and instead of him thanking you and shut it, he started behaving like a rogue! I dont know how s the scene at your campus (and i am not older, i am early twenties and in college) but this kind of familiarity is distasteful. Familiarity breeds contempt you know? YES, the Gem propably harbors some feeligs for you - and we do test, contrary to popular belief that we are too 'nonchalant' for that...yes this is our attitude, we dont act or react super emotionally but we are not indifferent and shallow. He had absolutely right to defend your honor to his friend, first and foremost because you re a LADY with whom he might have or not have a history....I wouldnt think higly of a male you d disregard this...
Your priority was to coolly show the door to the 'friend' - and I hope it was calculated/set between them too, although Gems wouldnt go that far and involve a friend as well - no matter is he got 'offended'. He offended you!
And I dont look favorably upon your asking him if there was sth more to his reaction than defending your honor...you feel this is not good enough reason?! YES, I understand how you meant it but my concern in your place would be to stop a drunk (?) lad making passes at me in such a way...
I dont know how close you are with cancer but spare him...they ll be ok...and if they are not its not your problem...perhaps your gem is right, i d be appalled...wouldnt you feel the same if a girlfriend of yours did it, whether you were still with the guy or not?
Again...I DO feel he has feelings...if he contacts you, say nothing of the incident and dont be too close with his friend...he was preoccupied with being upset but when he ll think about it - if he still has some feelings for you that i believe - he ll examine your reaction too. Geminis are not fixed and upon looking at a situation might draw different conclusions after each point is touched.

What si your sign btw? ANd have you been in constant touch after you werent seeing each other??

PS. I sent it accidentally without correcting some typos....I apologise - for example, it should read "I hope it WASNT calculated..." etc...

Thanks for you input lilith.

I didn't make such a drastic move because the whole time, I was like in shock and not sure what to do. I didn't even expect things to go that way since the entire night up until that point had been going fine; so when it did, and already being tired and intoxicated, my brain just shut off. I've never seen them act like that towards each other. The majority of the time, I was in a corner and I didn't say anything. I realize it probably wasn't right for me to question the gem like that; I wasn't questioning because I felt it wasn't good enough that he was doing what he was doing; I was just utterly confused. Because at the time, I didn't even realize that he was defending me if he was. He kept going back and forth about a lot of things because the majority of the argument was the gem saying he wasn't cool with the cancer acting like he was going behind his back. Whenever I was mentioned, it just seemed to come out of left field.

I'm not necessarily close to the cancer. I don't have his number, I don't have him on facebook or anything, but when I have met him, he was always pretty cool and a relaxed; kind of like the gem. I allowed the cancer to sleep in my roommate's bed because he was originally supposed to sleep in the other room, but one of our other roommates came back home with her girlfriend. I know I'd also be upset if a friend did that with me; I'd be fucking livid. But at that moment, I just kept thinking about their friendship and not me; I just felt like if it had been any other guy, I would have been more upset or more quick to react, but since this was the cancer that was always with the gem and they'd been friends for years, I didn't know how to deal with it. I texted the gem only because I just want to know if he got home okay. It was like 6am and I'm just hoping they really were that sober to drive and that they didn't kill each other or something. They were really in each other's faces right as they left. I don't want to ask about the fight, but just checking that nothing happened to them on the way home.

I'm a virgo by the way. And no for a while we weren't in constant touch after we stopped seeing each other. The majority of the night when the gem and I were together last night was just talking about things and he admitted a lot of what he felt about me. Even today, my roommate said that the gem really seemed to care about me.

I was talking with my roommate, and I decided I'm just gonna distance myself from them a little. The whole situation still has me feeling a little uncomfortable.

You did well. You shouldn't put or allow to get involved in situations that make you uncomfortable and trespass your boundaries. If the Gem cares, he'll come around (I imagine hesitantly)...if not, well...you'll work it out.

Take care 🙂

Thanks Lilith. I texted the gem yesterday in the evening because I was still worried. I mean, it's like an hour drive if there is traffic and it was super early and I'm sure they were still fighting. But, I still haven't heard from him, so I decided today I'm just going to not kill myself over it. I do think the gem cares for me; he kept saying that all the things he told me in text were true and he continued to say them to me in person (like, he called me amazing, that he loved talking to me, that he respected me and cared about me a lot); so I figure if he does, I'll hear from him at some point. He does this sometimes when I text him and I won't hear back from him for like a day or two. Although, considering the situation itself, he probably needs time to himself.

However after speaking to him, even though I do care about him a lot, I'm not sure if it'll work as a relationship only because the gem himself doesn't seem to have his priorities straight, still; even if he thinks he does.

lol pesca, I told my roommate "let's start off 2011 single and without boy drama." And she goes, "Candice, you literally started 2011 with boy drama. Like, from the moment the ball dropped to the moment they left." lol

"I asked him if he was still not sleepy, and he told no. He then said that he was too aroused to sleep. I laughed and said he should take care of that, but he said he'd rather have a girl help him. I wasn't really getting the hint, so I just said that it was understandable and laid back down. He said, "So, are you going to come help me out?" I was silent then asked him what was I supposed to do. He said, you could go down on me. I told the cancer that this was awkward and I didn't feel like I could dothat because his friend was right next to me. The cancer said he understood, but then said it could just be between him and I. I just laughed nervously and said that it just felt weird."

no offense candeh, because you seem like a nice girl, BUT if i had heard this convo, it sounds like you were considering it..but you couldnt because gem was right there. if i had been you, i would have said, "dude you've lost your mind. and you better handle yourself"...but instead you laughed nervously (giggled) and said this is awkward and weird.
gem prolly thinks if he hadnt been there, you would have done it.
i'm not by any means saying that is the truth, i'm just saying, it could have been interpreted this way. why do you think gem basically said, well if you want him, don't let me stop you..."if you want to go over there, you can"

can you see my point candeh?

oh, and i'm new to the boards..hi and nice to meet ya candeh!

I know the way it came off sounded bad. It honestly hadn't been my intention; at the time I had still been drunk and exhausted and didn't know how to articulate what I was thinking; I remember in my head I was thinking "wtf? This isn't even cool. This is just weird." But when it came out, it just wasn't like that. I think I was trying to be polite at the same time and it just turned out terribly.

My roommate kept saying that the cancer was a little sketchy because he had attempted to get with her (well, the gemini was trying to set them up), but when she didn't want anything to do with him, she figured he turned to me. So either way, it seemed his intention was to get sex all along. When the gemini said that I could go over there if I wanted, I had been really freaked out by that. I couldn't tell whether he was testing me or not, and there were times when he sounded like he seriously would have been okay with it if the cancer had just asked or something. I was really not okay with that thought and I just kind of wanted to ask him, "What exactly am I if you're okay with me having sex with your friend." The gem may have had a celibacy pact, but the entire night, he was talking like he was totally okay with having sex and that he was entirely capable. My roommate said it as, "He was talking a lot, but he certainly didn't prove anything." I realize that he wasn't even practicing celibacy correctly,and that sort of upset me a little when the entire night he acted as if he was no longer celibate.

And cappyluv, at the time I was trying to just leave the room and sleep elsewhere, but when my roommate wouldn't wake up so that I could talk to her, I went back because I didn't want the fight to escalate, especially in my apartment.

I still haven't heard from the gem, but in the end, it's bothering me less and less. I saw on Facebook a couple of days ago that he and the cancer are still okay with each other (so they eventually got back home okay and they didn't kill each other). If the gem is weary about me, I wouldn't blame him. The whole situation could have been handled better or just dealt with better, but it just didn't turn out that way But, I'm just trying to look ahead now. I still care about the gem a lot, but I'm just trying not to worry about it.

candeh, sounds like you're too good for either one of these guys.
gem...already alluded to he is gonna be out of commission when his studies get back on track. and who has time for someone "who is or isnt celibate"..i bet if you offered up a bj, my guess would be he'd accept.
and cancer....heck, he's just trying to get his rocks off any ole kinda way..can't blame the guy tho, with so many willing girls these days.
get rid of 'em both would be my advice. and gem should have defended you a lil better and plus i'm sure it makes you feel like arse if he can be friends with cancer (according to fbook) and not contact you.

Posted by txtbukariesgirl
candeh, sounds like you're too good for either one of these guys.
gem...already alluded to he is gonna be out of commission when his studies get back on track. and who has time for someone "who is or isnt celibate"..i bet if you offered up a bj, my guess would be he'd accept.
and cancer....heck, he's just trying to get his rocks off any ole kinda way..can't blame the guy tho, with so many willing girls these days.
get rid of 'em both would be my advice. and gem should have defended you a lil better and plus i'm sure it makes you feel like arse if he can be friends with cancer (according to fbook) and not contact you.

Welcome to the board and thank you for the thoughts! Yes, the gem did allude that he was going to be out of commission, and I appreciate that he's honest about that, but I know I just won't be able to deal with that anymore. It happened once before and while I'm not angry or spiteful about it, I do want someone there for me and I want to feel like I can go to someone.

In fact, you're correct. The gem does accept oral sex and heavy petting. And I admit, we did engage in oral sex, but when I did, I thought it would go further, and I told him I'd only do it because I cared about him and trusted him; but before anything else could happen, he just stopped, and at that point I realized he really wasn't going to go any further. At that point, I just knew we weren't going to really work out sexually because my expectations were different from his.

It does make me feel like kind of an idiot that I haven't heard from him. I don't really care if we're not having conversation, but I had just wanted to know that he got home fine. I was legitimately worried, but he's obviously ok as is his cancer friend. If he doesn't want to talk to me, I can live with that (although he made it seem like things were okay and that the argument wasn't on me at all), but it is just a little disappointing because I still care about him on a platonic level even if it wouldn't work out romantically.

Posted by wineaux

Posted by woundedbird
a slut is a slut is a slut

i'm sorry...are you directing that towards the cancer in this scenario? because candeh did NOTHING. she initiated NOTHING. she got caught in the middle of a game and was like a deer in the headlights.

@woundedbird, you consistently come on to random threads and post venom. if you don't like what people are dishing out, go eat somewhere else.

alcohol+stupid horny boys+LATE night=nothing good 😉 that cancer is an ASS btw. don't know if this was planned, but it was extremely immature and childish of them to behave like that. VERY disrespectful. good luck in the future with these kids - because that's exactly what they are.

click to expand

lol yeah, I'm hoping it wasn't planned either. While you can't always trust everyone, I'm giving the gem the benefit of the doubt because I just feel like he wouldn't throw me out there like that. And yeah, the night was just no good, or at least it turned out that way. I still think it never would have turned out the way it had if the cancer had been sleeping in the other room, but unfortunately it didn't turn out that way.

Posted by BelovedAssata
Girl..for a new year's resolution, don't be afraid to NOT be accommodating to assholes.

That cancer guy was WAY out of line and your response, though I get you were trying to be nice,easygoing about it and were extremely caught off guard, it may(read: will) invite some future 'reprehensible behavior" better learn to shut that shit down. Before you're caught in a worse situation, what if that cancer try to make a move on you?

And better yet candeh, not tryin to be your mother or anything but did you really know those guys well? Even if you like the guy, two guys in the same room alone with you, wouldn't look right by any passerby...And beyond that again, that could have literally been ten times worse. What if both of those men try to make a move on you and you have your roommate dead asleep in the next room. (remember you couldn't wake her up and you were drunk. You have any idea how many of my friends had that happened to them and they were just as 'nice and innocently oblivious' as you. You were much better off sleeping in the sofa or have them sleep on sofa.

I know you like gemini dude and all, but it seems gemguy is a hopeful and not a sure thing, never let a hopeful sleep in your bed. Save that shit for someone 'worthy'. Or better yet, just not be in the bed with the guy.

I don't blame you. The gem I knew very well. At that point, I had known him for nearly a year, even though we had stopped contact for a bit. The cancer I really only knew as part of the gem; like, I hadn't been around him alone really. If anything, I KNEW the gem wouldn't pull anything strange; as for the cancer, that's where the shock came in. And as for the gem, I didn't mind him sleeping in my bed because even if we weren't going to be romantic, we've always been close and respected each other; the gem is far more trustworthy than the cancer.

And I have no contact with the cancer, so I really don't see the cancer trying to make moves on me any time soon. I've done a good job of putting the situation behind me at this point. I learned my lesson, and while it could have been prevented, alcohol+lack of sleep+raging hormones = a lot of strange mess.

When I was questioning the gem, I was trying to get to the bottom of everything because I did not want to have the guys literally fighting in my apartment. I tried to pull the gem aside when I asked him so

I tried to pull the gem aside when I asked him so that he'd be more calm, but he told me to just be upfront. I really appreciated him doing that, but also at the time, I couldn't even tell that he was defending me, because in the long run, it sounded like he had been defending himself. Whenever he brought me up, it was random.

I felt guilty because in my state I just kept thinking, "This did not have to happen." And I guess I was just upset that I couldn't stop it or that I didn't handle it better at the beginning. I literally did not start feeling pissed until I sat down and reviewed the entire situation when I was more sober and had more sleep (I didn't get to sleep until 6 something in the morning). At that point, I was just over it and was ready to move on.

Posted by wineaux


it's time for a do-over! grab your girls and have a REAL nye2011 celebration since yours was flushed down the toilet.

Hahaha the irony of this situation is that it was probably one of the more eventful NYE I have had. But yeah, a do-over would be nice. 😛