Thought this was funny. It's about toothpaste.

Aries:
After a five-minute rant in the bathroom when you throw everything out of the window looking for your tube of toothpaste, you finally find it in the laundry basket. You hammer it flat with your bare hands.

Taurus:
The Taurus toothpaste tube always lives in a toothpaste tube cozy on the third shelf down and is always rolled up from the bottom. If anyone moves it-let alone squeezes it in the middle-you kill them.

Gemini:
You have a shiny new electric toothbrush "borrowed" from somewhere, and toothpaste picked up from the unguarded retail displays-you didn't pay for it, so why should you give a **** about how it's squeezed.

Cancer:
New Moon: New toothpaste, cap firmly ******* on, tube squeezed from end; Half moon: cap quiet near tube, squeezed anywhere; Full Moon: Cap lost, tube cut open; Moonless Night: No toothpaste at all.

Leo:
Leos would not deign to behave inconsiderately around the toothpaste. You simply wouldn't know how to squeeze the tube from the middle; you have a little woman to do that for you.

Virgo:
In a time-locked closet in your bathroom are 3 x 365 individual prewrapped disposable toothbrushes, each loaded with the precise amount of toothpaste needed for one cleaning. Only you have the key.

Libra:
You don't have toothpaste in tubes, since squeezing involves effort. You have three kinds of pump-action dispenser instead, and there is always an intimate friend around to help you choose which flavor you want.

Scorpio:
You neither leave the lid off the toothpaste nor squeeze from the middle of the tube; you either use rock salt and a twig, or minimalist Japanese designer devices that disgorge paste in precise, bead-shaped portions.

Sagittarius:
Grab the nearest tube and squeeze in the middle until the cap pings off and toothpaste hemorrhages out and hits the ceiling; catch some on its way down, hurl tube aside, clean teeth, sling brush in sink.

Capricorn:
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the Capricorn toothpaste is always tightly rolled from the bottom up. When it's finished, you unroll it, cut it open, and scrape off the last smears.

Aquarius:
You don't use toothpaste mostly because you've usually lost the tube (last seen as a bookmark), but clean your teeth at the lab with the handheld sonar gun. They glow a bit in the dark, but it's a good look.

Pisces:
You squeeze from the middle and leave the cap off, but are usually using a tube of shaving gel or hemorrhoid cream because you don't do small print; blame the bathroom's owner when you throw up.

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Lol Aries description fits me quite well 😄

That sag description sounds like my little one!

Lol. Very funny

I've totally cut open the tube in a moment of thriftiness.

JK. It wasn't a moment. I cut it open everytime.

AAHAHAHAHAHA good one I like it 😄

LOL!