Gotta Get Him

I have had the most wonderful little long distance flirting relationship with a Leo man for the past year (plus a few months). He is my constant flirt...always there for me in the days after some horrible break up to cheer me (he doesn't know I've broken up with someone, but is there, either by my will or his nonetheless). It has escalted of late, these past few months the contact becoming more frequent, the communication itself, more serious.

I really do have a thing for this guy who can always put a smile on my face and make me feel like the most special girl in the world, but he lives far away (in state, but it's TX after all). He can't seem to make it out to come for a visit and lives with his family, close quarters, so I don't feel comfortable going to visit him and esp. not alone (no ally and no idea what to expect, we've only met in person twice).

What can I do to push this man along? He calls me his precious and his "amor" (he's mexican). I want to see him badly, it's getting crazy for me here in my head! Any suggestions on how to entice him so there's no way he can stay away?

Be careful with Leos, especially if they are Mexican or Hispanic.. No offense to anyone, but Leo has enough "passion" as it is. A little more and you might get severely burned.

Anyway, has he told you why he doesen't want to visit you? Or maybe you haven't asked yet?

how did the in-person meetings go?

it is odd that he won't visit you.....how old id this man?

We met over a weekend camping with friends, it was his birthday and we just hit it off. But he was moving, sort of a combined going-away/bday bash for him. It was the first time I met him. Then he was back in town for a family member's wedding and we saw each other for only about 20 minutes, but the air was thick..we were both shy and we kissed, and he got out-of-control gropy on me and I told him "dinner first!" and he had to leave. I didn't get to see him after that, and that was about 8 months ago.

We call each other off and on...he lives about 9 hours away, and I believe it is a money and time off work issue that keeps him from coming. He isn't real forthcoming about those topics though, maybe his pride?

Oh - he's 27.

I did ask for HIM for my birthday!! I asked for him with a big bow, and he said he would try, said he would love to come down, but he couldn't...again, vague reasoning.

OK, my experience with these "out-of-control gropy" guys is that they are major players, only they don't get as much pussy as they think they are entitled to. If that's your idea of a good time, then knock yourself out. But just reading this gives me bad vibes. He reminds me very much of a guy my ex girlfriend used to date; his definition of having a good time ws to ignore her and once they met he would get all gropy and stick his tongue down her throat. In retrospect she finds him extremly repulsive and even today we sometimes laugh at him behind his back. Totally pathetic and immature guy. Sorry to say, seems common in latino culture ... this guy was from Chile.

Once again, no offense to anyone, I'm just talking from personal experience. Really hope your guy isn't this type and everything works out.

Don't trust guys from over that way...or Italy for that matter..slimeballs..

No offence to anyone..LOL..

Vague reasoning..hmmm would defo be questioning that..do they get married young over there?..don't know..

Distance, combined with his genetic make up...not a good sign..

My point exactly. No that ALL italians or latinos are slimeballs, but what can I say ... most of the men I met from those cultures, like 8 out of 10 are real pricks. Their women seem to love them, so they deserve eachother.

his definition of having a good time ws to ignore her and once they met he would get all gropy and stick his tongue down her throat"

I would agree, player, but he doesn't ignore me. And it's not like we're dating, we live too far away, this a friendship over the phone thing with flirting in between.

I don't typically like Mexican men, being mexican myself, I know first hand about the machismo factor. This guy just doesn't have it that way...

And I don't know...they (mexicans) can be pricks, yes, but typically they are faithful and loyal to their women. And believe it or not, cultures can be different, they tolerate different things. "Their women" tend to look down on American culture for their own reasoning, too.

Don't make this into him being a slimeball cause he's mexican. He groped me, he's a man, white men have done that before.

I appreciate your comments, just don't see the need to bring his "genetics" into it...its odd to me.

As I said, I'm just talking from experience, otherwise I would keep my mouth shut. And you seem to be talking from personal experience too when you say you know about the "machismo factor" involved.

Also, regarding marriage and loyalty it's a crock of shit. Marriage within these cultures (even my own culture) is a prison for women. Knock them up so they won't be able to leave you. Then the men sit around and talk about how Americans can't stay loyal to their partners, but truly, it's not about loyalty. It's about freedom and individualism. There is something basically wrong with a culture where you stick together for the sake of reproduction. There is nothing "loyal" about any of this. I don't even believe in marriage. It has nothing to do with love. Divorce, there's an act of love for ya. But divorce is not an option here of course, a bullet to the head is.

Marriage within these cultures (even my own culture) is a prison for women. Knock them up so they won't be able to leave you. Then the men sit around and talk about how Americans can't stay loyal to their partners, but truly, it's not about loyalty. It's about freedom and individualism. There is something basically wrong with a culture where you stick together for the sake of reproduction. There is nothing "loyal" about any of this."

I have to disagree with you on this, severely. Marriage is not about reproduction, it is a commitment, and often, it is through honoring and respecting the individual (and RECOGNIZING that fact) that a person reaches the heights of what it means to be human. To learn to live with somebody and all their faults and their freedoms, quirks, and mistakes makes people stronger. There is not a sense of bitterness between my mexican family, who has yet to see a divorce btw, there is extreme bond of love and support throughout my extended family. I hope I can meet somebody in my life that I can commit to on such a level. You have your beliefs, I don't share them in the slightest.

And I feel you are aiming this toward a culture that you have extreme misconceptions about. Do you not focus your telescope on one aspect of a culture, such as machismoism and think you can glean what that culture values and respects.

sorry:

***Do not focus your telescope....

I agree with muse a libra!There are many latinos who are faithful and nobody should assume because someone is latin they are not.I am sure if he is a latin leo he must be very attractive.Maybe similar to Antonio Banderas who is another sexy leo!!!

Oh I don't doubt that they are faithful. However, they remain young boys all their lives, looking for a new mother figure. I mean, just go f**k your mother if that's what you really want and get it over with already!

Had a guy at my work, we were good friends but one day he took nude photos of his wife to work to show us "what" he gets to sleep with every night. Uh, okay ... It was never the same between us again. I hate pigs like that. This is not my only experience with latino men. So sorry, you can say what you want, but I have my reason for feeling the way I do. And yes, I know that ALL men aren't like this, but most of the ones I met are. Nothing against latino women though, they are gorgeous.

@prringLeo: "A Muse came in here with a valid question; i have yet to read a valid answer."

I gave a valid answer. He's a player. Ain't worth the time. End of story.

@sp1200: "funny place."

No, the place is fine.

If enlightened means "politically correct" for the sake of political correctness, then yes I am unenlightened 🙂

Besides, I wasn't talking about Mexicans. I've never even known any, would like to, seem like nice people. I was talking about the general macho attitude among men in latino cultures. No more, no less. Living in Croatia, we have this type of thing too, only not as excessive.

It has nothing to do with ethnicity, it's about culture. I don't think all men from the Middle East are killers of women. I do know however that most of them, meaning 51% or more, if you want to get all mathematical, do practice some sort of abuse on their women, all in the name of the almighty Allah. So there you have it. The difference between culture and ethnicity. I'm talking about sociological factors. About different societies and different attitudes among these.

It's as prejudice (and true) like saying most women in our western civilization don't mind pre-martial sex. That's true, but does it mean I'm being prejudice? No, it's just a sociological fact. And for me to generalize like this there must be at least 51% or more women in our society that don't mind having pre-martial sex. As far as I know it's true. Does it have anything to do with ethnicity? No. It's about our cultural values.

Altough I agree, I stepped out of line back there somewhere, mainly for my bad experience of men from these cultures. I can't apologize for that, the ones I met were real pigs. However, I can apologize if I hurt some feelings in here. But the above was the only point I was trying to make.

"so, back to the OP, A Muse, you write that you're phone friends with a bit of flirting. how long have you two been friends? what is he doing in his life? has he been in a relationship recently or currently? have you even brought up this topic? are you at the point that you want to try to have a LDR? need more info from you, dear."

...valid questions. I have been friends with him for over a year now. He is a manager at a cell phone store, though he has had a lot of different kinds of jobs: nurse tech, sales, etc. I don't know about his relationships and we don't discuss it. Though, the flirting has gotten more "serious" of late: we've discussed that we would like to see each other and that if we lived in the same place we would likely be dating, gf and bf without all the pretense.

I don't know about a LDR. I want to see him because I feel like I'm starting to care a lot more, think about him a lot more, I almost said "love you" as we were saying goodbye the other day. My feelings are increasing, and I want to validate them (or not). As for what that might lead to, I don't know.

I am willing to drive the 9 hours, but I feel that would be a mistake. I am through with putting myself out there with guys only to receive poor treatment...maybe that's not right, but it's how I roll these days. I would be willing to meet him halfway, but I won't go all the way out there...esp. because I know it would entail meeting his family WITH WHOM HE IS VERY CLOSE AND LOVING.

ooops! I forgot, he's mexican, can't love...just roll in shit.

"Besides, I wasn't talking about Mexicans. I've never even known any, would like to, seem like nice people. I was talking about the general macho attitude among men in latino cultures. No more, no less. Living in Croatia, we have this type of thing too, only not as excessive. "

You WERE talking about a mexican!!! God, you are so prejudice judgmental, and RACIST. You don't even read what you're writing do you. You admit to knowing only a handful (that's being generous, I've heard you mention 2) and you assume 51% of "latino" men are like that. It's a narrow view. You have a mexican telling you you're wrong. WRONG. It gets under my skin for a reason...I know and love many mexican men who are much more upstanding and respectful to the women in their lives than the white men I know (and I know hundreds).

I am sure if he is a latin leo he must be very attractive.Maybe similar to Antonio Banderas who is another sexy leo!!!


HE IS muy CALIENTE!!! yummy yummy delicious. I want to kiss his face!!

Best move on from the word 'racist', it puts a downer on everything"

it does put a downer on my mood, too. I don't like narrow minded though process, and I don't like calling something that is uncomfortable by any other name than what it is. A racist is:

"1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability "

I completey agree calthorpe...I don't believe there was malintent behind it, but there has been a lack of recognition and a complete defense of the beliefs by enfant_terrible. I don't like to be a PC police...I don't feel that way about many things. I would rather hear the real thing a person has to say without censorship. But I will call it like I see it....and to clarify: I don't think enfant_terrible is a bad person, I think he/she(??) is like everybody else in this world, but perhaps a little more stubborn 😉.

Chilean men are a DREAM to me!! I've never been with one, but ever since I read Pablo Neruda, I've been dying to. He writes THE MOST romantic poetry I've laid eyes on, and not in a cheesy way. That latin culture is very different than their northern counterparts. I have a friend from Peru who is awesome, too. Where did you meet him? Too bad you were a little of sorts and wasn't able to get in on the deal! Maybe you could run into him again?

@a muse a libra: "1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability "

But that is not my opinion! I just explained the difference between ethnicity and culture. Ethnicity is in your blood, culture is something that you can change, for better or worse. If I was a racist, I would stand for it. A dog is one race, a human being is another. That's my opinion anyway. And even then, I don't think human beings are better than dogs. So there you have it.

Later.

Yes @a muse a libra , I'm too damn stubborn. It's my cross to bear in this life 😉

Race is kind of mixed up of culture and ethnicity. I'm not trying to pick it apart, any way you slice it, your view was narrow...that's all I have to say about that.

calthorpe---sounds like a lovely little adventure. No wonder this guy has you still thinking about him!

Although he has made some generalized and somewhat racist remarks I would like to defend ET on the grounds that he probably gets most of his news from this guy:

He moved just over a year ago...on the day we met. Our friendship has been established over the phone. The move was because his mother was sick with cancer, and yes, it is supposed to be temporary. He has said that he wants to come back to Houston, and that if he did, I would be one the main reasons for his return...

This is how I know he isn't a slimeball and that he isn't playing me: I never kissed him, only held his hand and flirted on that first day (because I knew he was leaving). And here we are...a year later, still making each other smile across all this space.

I haven't mentioned meeting halfway yet! I don't know what I'm holding out for...guess some silly hope that he will come see me

So, the Leo and I talked and have decided to meet up halfway somewhere! We had the most amazing conversation last night. The first I've had like that with a man since my first love, Picses, 5 years ago.

It did come out why he hasn't returned to visit me since he left...he was involved in drugs, which, along with his sick mother, is why he had to move in the first place. Explains why when he was hanging out at his old haunt (the place of the groping scene) he left quickly and didn't return. He said he had never thought he would get so involved with drugs, but it happened and he had to get away from it. He's been clean except for pot since then...

oh...his mom is in remission, has been for the past year.

I'm glad that things are progressing. I'm sure that it took a lot of trust for him to reveal his past drug problems to you. And I'm glad he got away from that scene, he recognized the problem and tried to save himself. MJ is a drug, but then again so is alcohol, caffeine, aspirin, etc., etc. There are worse things than a can of Pringles @ 3am.

It sounds like you two are building the foundation of a possible kinda relationship together. Honesty is always the best policy, and leos speak from the heart even when it is embarrassing.

Might I suggest Austin as a meeting point? Plenty to do here, you two lovebirds won't be bored even if you do manage to leave the room. On a side note I just got back from a weekend in Dallas. I had never been even though I have lived in TX for over eight years. It sucked as much as I had imagined, although the downtown Aquarium was really cool. And the drive...cows, California-wannabes and cop cars as far as the eye can see...

Good luck 🙂

"It sounds like you two are building the foundation of a possible kinda relationship together"

haha...yeah, something like that. I'm not sure what we're working towards. He was in an accident last weekend and got hurt, I was teasing telling him he needed me there to "tend to his wounds" and he said.."you are just going to have to move here" and I said, "what would I do there?" he said..."i don't know...be my housewife?" I laughed and said..."yeah,. somebody cook for you! But I have this big brain, I have to use it..." then he got a little more serious and was really thinking of jobs I could get, real ones, doing marketing like I'm doing now....

It is sweet, really, and a nice thing to think about, but I'm not sure how to build a relationship together from so far away...does that ever really work out or is it just fantasy?