Help

I really need help- I am an A-man, less than 2months ago pushed my Leo gal of 18 months too far- I simply overreacted to a situation and said something's I shouldn't of said one of which was good bye-
She was stressed at time about her finances and only day or two before I told her I would help her with everything she needs-
I want to be honest because I need clear advice- I lost my patience over silly stuff several times in 18 mo and she told me several times to stop-
Please understand this is the love of my life- I'm 42 yrs old she 41 she absolutely adored me and I still her-
She is simply the most caring , loving,physically beautiful woman I have ever met- I look at her as though she is Magic- I can't keep my eyes off her-
- I tried talking texting emailing -
After Few days after initial incident it seemed she was just done with me even though I apologized up bad down she continued to withdraw emotions and push me away-wouldn't even let me visit her- A week went by,
Once it seemed I couldn't win her back I then informed her I could no longer help in her finances -since she is so unforgiving and won't accept my deepest apologies
I wish I knew about her what I do now- about you LEOS!
she was financially dependent on me for a almost 18 mo as I subsidized her income and she thinks I think she wanted my money- NOT TRUE- she also thought I wronged her with money- NOT fact!she using as basis of no more relationship - look..I am a giving person-I enjoy helping people
she has sAid not to bother her and leave her alone- any hope? But she is in terrible financial shape This all started on June 9th- period before that we were two starry-eyed lovers who really cared for eachother and now 7 wks since we were lovers- we met just once in last 6 wks at park where she repeated reasons but I swear I could sense her LOVE- and PRIDE -
She made hurtful comments like "at least you'll have more money now"
And also "the next one will suck you dry"
Even though she was telling me to find someone else - that it's over ,,,several times she brought up her pride and her financial mess - I sensed such anger from her or maybe disappointment but also very powerfully (so I think) her genuine love- she couldn't mask it - I saw and felt deep down that while she is saying one thing she still loves me-
During our talk - our fingers touched briefly by accident and she seemed repulsed by the contact -
Then saying she was tired began to walk back go her apartment -
In the

DINO-help Leo part2

the softest most sincere way I attempted to hug and whisper "I'm so sorry"
No more words were said-
I left thinking "ok I know she still loves me- I just have to let her go and maybe our paths cross again"
The next day I sent her emails - sweet emails and she responded quite coldly - "I thought you understood, don't bother me ..leave me alone"
Please leos- help me ubderstand -
Am I dissillusioned about her? But wait ...there is more.. And this is why I'm so fixated on understanding all the dynamics so please KEEP reading

This is a woman who suffered a lot of pain including domestic abuse in first marriage 20yrsago also death of her fianc? 5yrs ago- while our love was growing we had very deep conversations about both these men- I tried to help her understand that she must forgive her abusive ex

There were several powerful coincidences about this womanthat hard to ignore and I know there is something we didn't finish-
I believe I met her to teach her "forgiveness" and her teach me about love and patience-
I CANT let this amazing woman go!
Here are the coincidences and you decide for yourself -

Her first name - same as my mother
Her middle abbreviated name -my grandmothers name (Milly)
Had very distinct laugh- EXACTLY like my mothers -
Had hearing loss in one ear-
Suffered spousal abuse from husband at same age my mother was when she gave birth to me 22yrs old at which time there was domestic abuse in my parents relationship-
These are striking to me- deeply spiritual and hopefully you agree that me and this woman were suppose to meet-
Any thoughts and God Bless Anyone who read all this -

Dino- HELP 3

I love this woman more than anything else - she has inspired me to make radical and positive changes in my life- but I'm deeply heartbroken
I can't handle not being in her life-
No friend,, no lover
No nothing
Very hard to bare
She is the love of my life

Posted by Dino
I simply overreacted to a situation and said something's I shouldn't of said one of which was good bye-

... she thinks I think she wanted my money-

What *exactly* did you say/accuse her of doing?

Thx for response - give me a minutes
I'll copy the email
-

Ok - she said she was very stressed about her finances and was rude to me on phone because I couldn't make it to her apt-
This is what I THEN sent her..keep mindful several days before I reminded her NOT to worry I would take care of everything ....

To my Leo-

This isn't stress-
Stress is where you were 6 wks ago
Behind almost 4 months rent-

I helped you !!!!
I took thousands of dollars that I needed and helped you-

And you talk to me and make me feel like a piece if crap-

When I asked to help and use the AMEX I never intended to pay May rent -

I shouldn't be treated like this
So I will deposit $ 500 tomorrow and
Deposit $ 4000 more this week
Since you don't appreciate my help chose to nag for no reason
Ill just go away
I'm too much damn trouble I guess and like you I'm not going to beg someone to be with me-

Seriously people
I dONT CARE about money -

I love this girl and asan Aquarius I am short tempered and easily hurt

This was a girl I always wanted to be with - we enjoyed eachothers presense-
In retrospect I see where much of my frustrations came from -
I was so in love with her and couldn't handle all the times we were apart -
I always made her reassure me of her love -
And since all this I see that's a result of child phobia_
I suffer from fear of abandonment - I was left home alone and parents were divorced when mom was 22-
The same age my Leo was at times he married a guy who like to put hands on her-
Perhaps my mother and Grandma being dead now and fact that I didn't speak to my mother for 2 years prior to her death and wasn't by her side at time if death-
Remember people the coincidences-

Should I forget her? How can I?
Should I not attempt contact?
Her birthday is 2 wks
Shouldi surprise her with a cute lovely well thought out gift?

Keep mindful she has said for 5wks leave her alone- she wants nothing -

Sadly to say ...I think she would rather suffer and move on rather than forgive me and move on to a better place than ever-
I look at it like one step back-TWO huge steps forward
Because now I KNOW!! What makes her tick -

We currently have no communication-
I send her an email every day or so with "I love you"
I miss you-

Nothing more

Thx Leo
Believe me
I've spent 6 wks agonizing
Feeling so helpless and guilty -

I have good days and bad

But Leo's!! I am addicted to her love

Impulsv-
Btw she never asked for anything
I simply identified her stress and need and because I loved her and she treated me like king I felt compelled to help her-

She is very independent before I met her

Therapy is next 4 sure !
Thx

You're pouring your heart out to this forum when in actual fact if you want to win her back it is her you need to be talking to. Everything you have said to us say to her!!! You stated you need her, you miss her, you love her. TELL HER! Let her know this! Be truthful with her about how you feel and do not let your pride get in the way. Be honest with her about how much you still love her, if she still won't give you another chance after this then you must move on and let her go. Honesty and truth are vital here. No holding back anything. Good luck x

Thx nickynoo
But I did try that for 6wks
And all she did was reject
Even in person last week she met me at park and talked for 45 min-

I sensed her pain but also her love_

I told her everything -

Then next day I was rejected again-

I thought it was just her pride
But maybe now she simply has moved on-

Not easy letting go of this creative beautiful not to mention no longer feeling the way she made me feel-

This girl knew how to love her man

Posted by Dino
Impulsv-
Btw she never asked for anything
I simply identified her stress and need and because I loved her and she treated me like king I felt compelled to help her-

This is pretty one-sided, so far-- no offense.

Did she get mad that you weren't going to her apt, because maybe you had already said you would?

You haven't told us that-- we are left to assume that she demanded your presence, and when you

couldn't drop everything and run to her, she had a meltdown.

If that's how it happened, and not because you 'said some things you shouldn't have'-- then dump her.

Otherwise... something isn't right with this story.


To take money is to be controlled, obligated, etc-- nothing a LEO woman would want, much less ask for.

So what gives, Aquaman?

I was in love - she had a need and I handled the need so she wouldn't have to worry-
She was always sensitive to it-
She has pride -

She was frustrated for several reasons most of which were not me - then at end if long day she was very rude and stubborn when I said I couldn't drive 45min to see her-

After her tone - I then wrote her the email-

I failed to mention ***3 months before this we broke up when she went to Peru-
I talked to her and emailed her and she was very depressed" in hell as she called it"
Me still being in love was there to rescue her from hell-
She was 4mo behind rent plus exp $ 8-9k
Not only did I pay it all-
When she had returned from Peru we had an outstanding rejationship and she said She felt greater love and warmth and protected than ever-
Then two mo later I brought it up during a spat-
Don't get me wrong - she has forgiven me before but this time no-

I have periods where it's very clear and I'm at peace -
We was very mature woman latina-

I'm a crazy gringo-

Perhaps she was has simply crushed my ego by the continued rejection and my tru self is intact inside me-
I hope I can find him on more consistent basis -

The fact that I am denied ANY involvement is most difficult to ubderstand-
Why can't she accept friends?
Too hurt?
Too stubborn ?
Too something??

Seraph
Thx for taking the time-
I agree on all levels and I never have been someone to have self-control
Hence the reason she rejected me-
I think this is the reason she came into my life- to teach my self control and love-
I always said to people I learn the hard way through pain and suffering-

So I'm trying to see this as blessing and be grateful such a woman ever adored me-
She saw good and bad - showed me the bad had to go and
Then left me-

Either way I know this will change me permently -

I just hope one day I can show her what she helped to create-

A better me-

Thx Leo's

Posted by seraph
She already told you that she wants no contact with you. And given her level of non-response, she means it.

So show yourself, her, and the world, that you are capable of self-control. Self-control and self-mastery is sexy. It also puts you in a better position to manage the vicissitudes of life.

Leave her be. The two of you are broken up. Don't contact her. Don't check up on her. Resist the temptation to be all up in her social networks. Grieve to yourself, your good friends, and to the trees in the woods. Resist all urges to re-establish contact. Your next message to her will be a simple Happy Birthday and best wishes. Wish her a great day. And then you're done....

Good stuff.

@Dino

Can't disagree with the above-- though I'm not sure why you want to be with someone who you say is draining you, financially.

I wouldn't.

But Seraph's right-- if you want more of this, then back off.

The more you go after her, the more she will resist.


Good luck, and don't let the next one suck you dry. 😉

Leos typically do not like to feel owned by, or lorded over by others. Just a thought.

You said you mentioned the fact you paid for her bills during your fights. This may have seriously hurt her pride. She allowed you to help her and then you rubbed it into her wounds. So of course she's going to feel that you think she just wants your money. Personally, I hate the idea of any one paying for or buying something for me. I fought with my mother the other day because she paid for an eye exam and glasses for me. This was something I should have taken care of myself, but she did it instead. I'm grateful for it, but it still bothers me. And if she were to ever bring that up during a fight I know I'd feel 10x worse and completely lousy as a person for it.

Yes but not exactly what happened-
Days before our last blow up we were in perfect harmony -
Then she got stressed for several reasons one of which was I coukdnt make it to her home- we had bed apart for over a week

There was no reason for her to stress because I already made her promise she Wouldht stress - then she did -
Which maybe made feel insignificant and not able to provide and I just snapped and sent email reminding her that this wasn't stress like last time and I took care of it-

The more I read old emails the more I realize I simply made her tired of me-
Too much drama - she always like my craziness - she just had enough -
I know this is best - I just need to flip the switch off thinking of her and back to myself-
For 18 mo I put her needs first
Before all

I failed to mention -she was a dancer!!
Stripper living double life-

One side legit - artist - painter sculpture Actively involved in her culture and social networks
Except I'm only one knew she was a stripper-
She even stopped for 4-5 mo then went back while we were together

- she's now I feel like total dumbass!!

Posted by Dino
I failed to mention -she was a dancer!!
Stripper living double life-

One side legit - artist - painter sculpture Actively involved in her culture and social networks
Except I'm only one knew she was a stripper-
She even stopped for 4-5 mo then went back while we were together

- she's now I feel like total dumbass!!

Ahh... now we get to the truth:

She *was* supporting herself, moonlighting as a stripper.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but there is nothing illegitimate about being a stripper.

You provide a service, and then lo and behold-- you get paid.


But you asked her to quit, and promised to foot the bill-- with Strings Attached.

I can hear it now:

Baby, before you met me, you were stripping to pay your rent!.

Of course she went back to it.


If that isn't the truth-- then this new information is in NO way relevant to this story.

You just threw it in there to make her look worse than you've already made her look.


And with a nod to TornadoFlame, it's easy to see why you've been cut off.

Posted by Dino
Yes but not exactly what happened-
Days before our last blow up we were in perfect harmony -
Then she got stressed for several reasons one of which was I coukdnt make it to her home- we had bed apart for over a week...

click to expand

Ohhh... she missed you.

lol

You're kind of an ass.

Just saying.

Posted by Dino
Ok - she said she was very stressed about her finances and was rude to me on phone because I couldn't make it to her apt-
This is what I THEN sent her..keep mindful several days before I reminded her NOT to worry I would take care of everything ....

To my Leo-

This isn't stress-
Stress is where you were 6 wks ago
Behind almost 4 months rent-

I helped you !!!!
I took thousands of dollars that I needed and helped you-

And you talk to me and make me feel like a piece if crap-

When I asked to help and use the AMEX I never intended to pay May rent -

I shouldn't be treated like this
So I will deposit $ 500 tomorrow and
Deposit $ 4000 more this week
Since you don't appreciate my help chose to nag for no reason
Ill just go away
I'm too much damn trouble I guess and like you I'm not going to beg someone to be with me-

You say you don't care about money? You are an Aqua right? I can tell you exactly what happened. You took her independence away and it came with a price for her as well. You say you don't care about money? But it is all in your email. And it is condescending.

1st: you told her how she should feel. She shouldn't be stressed? How could you tell her what she should be feeling. Have some empathy and understand these are HER emotions and she is feeling them for a reason. She may have told you for your emotional support not for you to save the day. WE hate having our independence and ability to do for us taken away.

2nd: You say you don't care about the money but yet you rub in her face all that you have done for her. Like she owes you for it. One thing about Leo's we love to give, but we give because we want to not to validate ourselves or for our own gain. I learned from my Aqua Mom not to accept help or be cautious in the help I receive because she sure in the hell knew how to dangle that right over your head and as a way to maintain "control" in my life and keep me in debt. As long as I never receive anything...we can be good until she gets into her self righteous Aqua rant.

She is prideful and you are stripping her of her self identity. Hence why she probably left you. She couldn't feel belittled anymore, undermined, and feel she can not do for herself.