Dealing with Libra Boyfriend

Hi! I'm with my Libra boyfriend with aquarius moon for 7 months now. I'm a taurus girl also with aquarius moon and leo rising. We started as officemates and we??re both still in the same company for more than 3 years now. He's a nice, sweet and respectful guy. But we really have problem in communication. He tends to withdraw whenever he's not okay which others call Disappearing act.I can feel he's distancing himself from me, not to get too close. Our jobs are really stressful and we are always busy. Even if we can see each other everyday, we barely spend time as a couple. I just feel I'm the one who constantly try to reach out and make time for each other now. I try my best not to smother him but I guess being in the same place already makes him bored with my presence. He can be hot and cold any moment and any day. Also his mom calls him 3 times a day, everyday. I think he's afraid I??ll be the same and he's already drained by it.

I try to make sure to give him space and let him have his alone and guy time. I already talked this with him except about his mom and our conversation is good. He said sorry if he's making me feel that way. There are times that I really wonder if he really loves me and I know it's not right. But I can see his efforts in dealing with our issues. I told him I??d appreciate if he can be more honest with his feelings. I really dont know if I'm doing things right with him. Anyways, it really requires so much patience from me. He's important to me so I'm willing to do as much as I can to make our relationship work.

He sounds like a mama's boy and if so commitment is really going to be an issue with this one. Talking to your mom multiple times a day, screams arrested development. There's a difference between loving your mother and being dependent on her. It's all about degrees of attachment and 3 times per day is too attached.

@freshnog - his mother sounds like one over protective mom! No wonder he can do without someone else trying to keep tabs on him.
I think you are doing whatever you can not to appear as a threat but its upto him to acknowledge that. I just hope you dont get frustrated with the long wait period! You seem like someone who is confident in herself and the relationship. Hope things work out just the way you want them to!

@este8
Yeah he is but he denies it haha.. He acknowledge that commitment is an issue with him. He has improvement in communicating with me though. At first I didn't really mind it as long as it doesn't affect our relationship. But now I can see the side effects of it...

@starry22
Yeah his mother told me he's always worried about his son so she always call. There are times he won't answer her calls and texts. And she'll ask me about him. It's really ok with me but I can sense my boyfriend's annoyance sometimes. Already cleared to him that I'm not his mother. The truth is the waiting is already getting toll on me. Lol.. I think I am confident enough but I also have my limits.. But still trying my best.

@beautifuldiaster
I don't want to come to that point that he has to choose. I value my family also. I told him once that it's not right that her Mom is always worried about him. She is not young anymore. But I backed off when I sensed he's not comfortable.

Thanks for your comments I appreciate it. But for now I guess I need to keep my distance from him to keep myself grounded. I really can't keep my emotions at bay now because of stress. I don't want to keep pushing him in fear of pushing him away for good. I guess need to take care of myself for now.

@beautifuldiaster
His parents are still living together 9 hours away from our city. My boyfriend is the youngest only son and he has a married older sister. They're already like that since he moved in this city for more than 3 years now. Usually they're conversation will just be about if he has eaten his meal already, what he's doing at the moment (work as usual), about his nephew living near his mom or any other matters regarding their family. Sometimes he'll let me talk to her. I already met her once. I guess she really misses her son. They're conversations usually last 2-5 mins. Usually my bf will end the call. Sometimes he won't answer the call when he's doing something which ends up me receiving a message. I can sense his boredom sometimes talking to her.
Honestly if my Mom will do it to me, it will also take toll on me haha.. I really don't mind with the attachment they have. I don't intend competing attention and love from any one as long as I get my fair share. I don't want to always demand time or attention. I want it to be freely given. And I really feel his fear of me getting too attached with him also. I barely call him or text him. Sometimes I just text just to say good morning/night and don't initiate chat especially at work. He can be picky in replying to my texts and usually I'm the first one to initiate communication.

One thing I'm worried also is that he never told me if I've done anything wrong that upsets him. He just told me there are instances I forget but he never specified. I can think of some but he won't admit it. He never also get angry with me but sometimes he'll get annoyed if I push an issue too much. I just don't like him keeping peace for the sake of having it which Librans are known for.

You pretty much already recognized what factors created the problem. Correct me if my understanding is wrong.

1) Work together
2) Stressful work
3) Overbearing mother
4) Aquarius moon

Do you live together as well? Even if you didn't, that is a lot on both your plates! He needs a lot of space right now to de-stress.

Don't ever pressure a Libra to do anything. It will backfire. They need to go through their mental processes to feel like they've had enough time to weight all the information.

You need to work on reducing those stress factors above. Maybe change your job to another place. Sounds drastic, but trust me, spending a lot of time together in a stressful environment associates you with stress. You don't want that. He needs to associate you with relaxation and happiness. That is the only factor that seems you have any control over. If you care a lot about him, I would start looking to change jobs or at least to another department where you don't run into each other as much. Just seeing you at work places pressure on him.

I have a lot of experience with Libras - best friends, lovers, coworkers, family, etc.

Good luck!

Posted by EarthenFire
You pretty much already recognized what factors created the problem. Correct me if my understanding is wrong.

1) Work together
2) Stressful work
3) Overbearing mother
4) Aquarius moon

Do you live together as well? Even if you didn't, that is a lot on both your plates! He needs a lot of space right now to de-stress.

Don't ever pressure a Libra to do anything. It will backfire. They need to go through their mental processes to feel like they've had enough time to weight all the information.

You need to work on reducing those stress factors above. Maybe change your job to another place. Sounds drastic, but trust me, spending a lot of time together in a stressful environment associates you with stress. You don't want that. He needs to associate you with relaxation and happiness. That is the only factor that seems you have any control over. If you care a lot about him, I would start looking to change jobs or at least to another department where you don't run into each other as much. Just seeing you at work places pressure on him.

I have a lot of experience with Libras - best friends, lovers, coworkers, family, etc.

Good luck!

Nope, we're not living together. I can see his tolerance to stress is quite lower than mine.

Yeah, pretty much when being pushed, he can overcompensate for thinking too much.

I guess he starts to associate me with stress haha... Good point. I've already asked him if I'm doing things that stressful to him though. I don't like smothering relationships too. I'm an independent woman but I guess sometimes my bull side kicks in and it saddens and confuses me when he seems to be aloof with me but I'm trying my best not to take it personally. He can be too flighty at times.

Honestly, I've been considering changing job but I still have things to consider. My case with him can be an advantage or disadvantage but not the ultimate reason for changing job. I have some fears that our situation will just worsen if I go away. I've already told him that I'm considering it and he has no objections with it, he'll support me wherever I'll be much happier. Good thing he's out of town now for work. We just chat and text for a few minutes and we're both seem okay now.