Is Libra Man only after for sex?

I was in a committed LDR with a Libra man for more than a year, on our second year we were on an off and on relationship because he finds me too controlling and jealous with his friends. Few months ago he decided that we better stay as friends instead and that being in a relationship would only cause fights and arguments between us on the issue on how he treats his friends. Recently he is on a visit, he met with me and was still clear on the status of our relationship...that it's best if we stay on as friends and that he is clear on the fact that he has no plans of marrying me. He said he is too afraid that we end up in arguments each time I find something wrong about him. But on the sex part we knew that we both like the idea of having a good sex with a partner, and we are just strongly compatible with each other sexually but emotionally he said he is not into me as much as I am into him. We had mind-blowing sex recently and so far he said he had never done it with anyone except me and is not even looking around to have it with others.

I found out too that he still continues to flirt with some friends verbally on-line, when I asked him about it he said that I knew of it and that he admitted to me before that he is a big flirt but it doesn't mean that he is sleeping around with anyone he flirts and that flirting to him is just an art of communication. From how I see it we had turned out to be friends with benefits but he knew that I am holding on to our relationship cause I still love him. He said he has the love for me but marriage between us is a remote possibility. I'm confused I don't know if staying in the relationship and changing my ways could even change his mind.

Thanks for responding, I knew that I was really the one to blame when I ended up to be too controlling and overly jealous of what he does. And he is clear on this, that he will not be in this kind of relationship if I'm like an insecure freak. On the one hand, I knew that I'm like being considered as an option...

To clear things up, me and libra were in a committed relationship before. He loved me and showed his love in a lot of ways, I believe he was genuine about it for more than a year. As I have said, on our second year his love for me fizzled out because I was too overbearing and jealous of his friends. He constantly chats with some of them and they are his friends for several years now, some of them he admitted that he flirts by saying hun, and even sent hugs and kisses their way as they chat. I got jealous on how he treats them, librans are sometimes too friendly to a point were they don't realize they might be giving wrong signals to the opposite sex. Add to that most of his friends are female, and that was where my issues come from. He got annoyed when I tried to control him by telling him not to chat with his friends and that he should limit it to once a week at least. And there are other issues that I have raised that his friends are just using him for their financial gain, but at some point he justified why they are behaving that way.

With all the things I have said about his friends and me trying to control him to limit his communication with them so that he won't be used up for their gain had backfired on me. He told me that I am just overly zealous and that I wanted him only for myself and that he told me that I don't understand that his relationship with his friends has a long history more than he had ever known me.

you are right blueribbons, the real question is if I could make him alter his decisions once I did it with him. I was thinking if we did have sex again maybe he will remember how he had loved me the first time and that he would stop flirting with other women if he gets in touch with our sensual/emotional partnership in bed.

In between one year and and half of LDR we did see each other thrice and we were happy during those times. He did make plans of marrying me and that he will purchase a lot where we can start building our own house. Eventually all those fizzled out when I bombarded him with jealousy and accusations that he said is not true at all. It all started from his flirting and how he treats his friends and it was blown out of proportion to the point that I accused him of sleeping around, I know I was the one to blame. I used to be so kind and loving to him but because of his flirtiness I thought he was being unfaithful to me. That's why he was pissed to no end when each time we would chat on-line (for a year it was a continuous on-line chatting) I would be accusing him of being unfaithful. He admitted being a flirt but not to the point of sleeping around, he said he is not that type of libra who sleeps around without no concern for the beauty of sex and love. I know he is not the type and I still believe that he has been faithful to me eventhough he treats me now as a friend. He said he just could find anyone who he could slept with other than me since we had it before. I was thinking that he was just trying to give me a signal that being in a relationship makes me a controlling freak but if we are friends then we can be happy again since we have started that way...as friends with no complications.

I eventually realized it because he continues to tell me that nothing will happen to our relationship if I continue to treat him the way I would treat him. I realized that when I almost lost him and he never bothered to reply on my messages. But surprising enough even though he hated me and my ways he continued to have the communication with me on-line. He would just stop if I pissed him to no end but if I'm back to being sweet to him he would entertain me and chat with me. Hence, I thought he is just saying that we are friends so I can revert back to my old sweet and loving way, at least that's how I see it. BUT, when he told me that there will be no marriage between us and yet he still wants to be with me is so confusing on my part. Add to that the message that I saw on his phone where he addressed the girl with terms of endearment, to that he said he was just being flirty. And he said that I was never an option when I asked if he did find someone new, and further added that he has the love for me but marriage is a big no...

Posted by blueribbons

Posted by Pecheresse
She'll move on at some point, it's just too much of an energy draining situation

Haven't you seen the trend of Sags? There are some long lasting ones, but they're always "on and off". IMO that's not a long lasting relationship, that's one thats filled with turmoil. Just my take.

click to expand

*co-signs*

Thanks everyone for the ideas, it's true that he was into me at the beginning of our relationship. He did all the pleasing and showed how much he loved me. When my father died he flew in and comforted me for 2 weeks and during those times I have asked him not to visit his friends, he did grant my wishes. But after that visit, I didn't hear from him for 2 days when normally he would be telling me that he had arrived home safely few hours after (2 of his visits with me he did message me a day after the flight and we are basically texting while he is at the airport). He did message me short and brief on the 2nd day after his 3rd visit with me. During this same period he started to act strange by not going on-line and I would notice that he went invisible on my YM and he would be on-line on the times when he was supposed to be sleeping, days have passed and eventually I caught him lying that he wasn't home yet and I have guessed that he had visited his friends here in my country (we are of different race but he has friends in my country, he knew them even before we met). To make the story short he didn't come home for a week after his visit with me, I believe he visited his friends here and that he had lied about it so I wouldn't get mad at him. But because of the lying the raging Sag in me continued to bombard him with angry messages, and some accusations of him sleeping around with his friends. We were basically cats and dogs on-line for 18months, on some occasion we would be sweet with each other but my continued distrust on him and the non-stop ranting made him say enough. Then he made a decision that we are better off as friends but not lovers. He further said that marriage is remote for us as long as I continue to be mad at him for no reason. I do admit that sometimes I accused him of chatting with his friends eventhough he is not, and I'd be mad to him the whole time we were chatting.

I have issues with him on his flirting and at the same time his being too accommodating to his friends had brought us to this stage and my continued rant on him is what basically had made him to end the relationship. He said it will only get worse as long as we are on LDR, but if we are together then we can basically work it out together. The reason why I am holding on is that I knew I was too much on him and that he had put up with my crap for the longest time, and seeing him again might rekindle our passion for each other.

Sag: if you don't see love and sex together with me then be honest and let's just move on
Libra: true once you have love for some one it does not go away some part of you will always love the other
Sag: and I would continue to be jealous I can't just see how it's easy for you to say hun and flirt with others when you love someone
Libra: and sex is no fun unless the heart is in it, tha'ts why i do not have sex back home, there is no one interesting to date i know i have tried for years
Sag: but you don't love me just the same so it's not good
Libra: there is only bad and more bad to choose from
Sag: i tried hard to change my ways, but i dont know if you can do the same for me
Libra: i guess once the relationship stops moving forward then ya know its going to end
Sag: so be honest with me now
Libra: I am, we both know there will be no marriage, love to have that different but I know its not going to happen.
Sag: no marriage only this year or no marriage at all?
Libra: if you're saving up for more than a year yaaa
Sag: or are you saying i should change my ways
Libra: love have those moments again

He believes in marriage, but he is too afraid that when he jumps into one (me for example) then he had to live with all the ranting and the arguments that we had on-line. He doesn't want to marry someone who he will later on divorce, he doesn't want to commit the same mistake that his parents once did.

If his behaviour makes you insecure then its probably best you move on. He is unlikely to change his flirty ways and you are unlikely to ever be ok with him flirting so it cant ever really work out. There are some things people cant change and false accusations when you know your innocent can hurt just as much as feeling jealous/insecure about your partner. I dont think he used you I think he just got tired of you always being angry at him. but dont blame yourself you cant help the way he made you feel. I would just stay friends (only obviously if you can cope with just being friends) and try not to expect anything other then friendship from him. It seems he has decided he can not cope with your suspicion just like you cant cope with his flirting. Suppose sometimes sexual compatability just isnt enough!

Thanks Libra Sun, he is basically trying to tell me that we can just be friends. I don't know if I'm fine with being friends with him. I don't know either if being friends with him will make him alter his decisions. I want to know though if there's a way or if there's anything I can do at this point to be able to save our relationship. He gave me hints that if in the future he couldn't find anyone he might stay single for good or he would take the risk and accept me in marriage.

He once said that this will never happen if only he is here with me, since I would know and be able to see that he would never sleep around with friends. I know he is fed up with me for more than a year but he keeps on mentioning that he still has the love for me and no matter how we love and hate each other we still end up talking with each other. So he is trying to tell me that there is something in me that he just can't let go, but he also can't continue being with me when I'm being obsessive of him.

I did tell him that 2 guys are showing signs of interest on me, but I just couldn't allow them to enter my life cause I am still not over him. He said the same thing that he never dated anyone back home nor is he looking forward to date anyone, and that thing I saw on his mobile is just flirting, nothing serious.

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Honestly, I would be ashamed to even speak to him again. Don't you have any pride or integrity? He's not even your boyfriend when this all occurred.
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It did occur when he was my bf, he did the lying thing after I have asked him not to visit any of his friends (there's also an explanation as to why I don't want him to visit his friends--he was being used financially for their gain). Then eventually the constant rage and ranting that I put up with him on-line made him realize that our relationship is going nowhere. But at some point in January to March of this year I tried to change my ways and became sweet to him again and I never accused him of anything, although I knew we are friends at that point I feel like he is sweet to me and treats me like his gf. And it's true that I can't look past on his old mistakes/faults that I keep on bringing it up in our conversation for succeeding months, until he decided that there will be no marriage for us. He knew that when he tried to visit me my mom will ask him about it, if he has plans for me, so that have added up to his stress of staying at our house. He'd rather stay in a hotel or stay at his friends house.

On the day he arrived here we had an argument again, so over all I knew it was me to blame, partly him as well cause he failed to assure me. At some point he did assure me of his love and faithfulness for me but seeing/knowing how he chats with friends make me more insecure and felt that he is cheating on me.

I'm sorry, sag-thing, I keep on jumping from one topic to another without thinking that some of you are not familiar with my story. I have posted in the past that I have some lying issues with my Libman but eventually people here told me that Libs lie to avoid confrontation, it's different for Sags when they are being lied upon. But I do understand that I ended up being obsessive of my Libra man that I have turned out being insecure as well.

I did mention that 2 local guys are interested with me, because he told me that if we are better of as friends then it's best if I try to date other people in the same way that he is free to date anyone he chooses. But we both agreed and realized that we love each other too much that we can't go out on a date with anyone, thus he brought up the idea of sex between us, since we haven't seen each other for 18months and neither of us had slept with anyone that's why we ended up doing it. It was just my fault that I have let that thing happened when he was so sure that he considers me as a friend, me on the other hand thinks that when we do it, it might rekindle our passion for each other. It turned out that he is still sure that it's best for us to stay as friends, considering that I can't look past at his flirting.

You've all been helpful to me. Thanks for the input. I realized I can't revert the things that I've done, and that I just have to accept it that we have no future together.

Posted by blueribbons
I guess the most important thing, is to treat each other lovingly. Because opportunity often knocks only once. And regret is a difficult thing to live with.

Perhaps showing him the lead, that you can be loving, patient and kind toward him - even when he's wrong - he will come back to you.

Thanks for saying this blueribbons, I was thinking the same thing that if I continue to love him and be sweet to him maybe he will eventually see that we have a future together. I know it's futile if I continue to be mad and reason out with him, the more I rant the more he backs off. I did try to be loving and sweet to him before and it did work he became understanding and a loving Lib again, the only problem is that the raging Sag in me burst out from time to time.

So either I work on my issues and get back with him with a renewed sense of spirit, or forget about him and don't contact him at all. But you are right opportunity knocks only once so I better make it right this time. Thanks BR...

thank you so much 🙂

We just had a few chats and he said these things...
"the answer is NO find some one to marry and yes we are friends don't wish to loose my friend as well but if you must stop chating i understand. i cant keep giving you hope. and then you loose time. but im tired of going around the same question. you are the only one right now. dont have anyone else i love as friend or any other way. and cuz we had a night don't need one here with girl or i just think of you anyway."

He is giving me mixed signals, he still loves me but not enough to marry me, should I give up and accept that we have no future?

Time is running out on me, he will be staying here in my country only for 17days, we met 3 days ago and now he is staying with his long time friends to attend a wedding. When I sent him off the airport he promised me that he will come back on the 18th, but with the recent chats that I have with him he is again unsure if he will see me. The reason why he is unsure now is that I did ask him again about the text that I read on his phone. The message of him flirting with another woman is what made me ask if he is unsure of us because there is someone he is interested in now. I just told him if he is then he has to save me the heartache and stick with that girl, but he is still saying that he is not in a romantic relationship with any one and that I am still the girl that he loves. Sorry to bother you but I appreciate all your help and advice.

Thanks I will 😢

Thanks everyone for the concern. I'm trying my best not to contact him by making myself busy at work. Lately, I am so much stressed at work and I have completely forgotten him until I have log-in here again. I did realize that I have appeared so desperate wanting him that I ended up forgetting my self worth. If he don't respect me then I better respect myself and pull-out from him. It's true that if I turned out insecure it's because he didn't show me enough security in the relationship. I may have regretted what I did to him but if we both really value our relationship it should have been a give and take relationship. So far it's like I am the only one working on my weaknesses and faults and trying to correct them just to make this relationship work, he is not willing to give up his friends nor even limit his communication with them just so we can live in harmony. So with that said, it's best to walk away and move on...