I've lost my Libra friend

I have been friends with a Libra man for over 10 years. He is in a band and we first met by him just comming over and striking up a conversation with me and telling me how beautiful I was. I told him I was married. But we hit it off as friends and exchanged numbers. He lives far away but would come here roughly 2 times per year. We would always get so very excited to see each other. We would text each other all the time talking about random things. He ended up telling me he began dating a girl shortly after we met. I was super happy for him and told him how I would love to meet her. He was always telling me how I needed to come visit him and her. I loved our friendship. It was so fun and care free. We always talked about how we missed each other and Loved each other and couldnt wait to hang out when his band came to play. We were always together for whatever short times we had each year to see each other. I remember my friend had a small convo with him when I wasnt around and he kept saying to her how awesome I was. She told me he said this and I just brushed it off thinking he had his girlfriend now for a few years so it didnt mean anything to me that way. We loved each other as such good friends. Last summer he came to play. We hung out throughout sets and after the show went to the bar the whole band. I would hand with him and chat with the others as I was friends with them all really. We ended up having quite a bit to drink. I dont know how drunk he was be he seemed to be ok I guess. Walked back the the hotel and waited outside as I called a cab. We were talking and he was just staring into my eyes and grabbed me and kissed me. Kinda shocked I didnt know what to do but then pulled away. I said to him you know I cant do this. He understood. We parted ways and I texted to let him know I got home ok.

A few days later I texted him and didnt bring it up at all. We chatted as usual. Later on in the day it hit me that perhaps this whole time he did still have feelings for me and it wasnt just an act of being drunk. I decided to mention it to him. I felt we needed to clear anything up. He absolutely did not want to talk about it. And said he would call me later as he didnt want his girlfriend to see this conversation. I told him it was not a big deal and we should just disregard it and not let anything ruin our friendship. He phoned me later on and we started the convo as if nothing happened. He then started talking different. Asking me what I wanted for the future and how we should just move on. I was very confused. He would say things on how much he liked his girlfriend and how him and her were working towards a future together. I was happy for him always was always have been. He then said we should tone down our convos and just be casual acquaintances. I was shocked. I didnt know what to say or how to understand what I did wrong. After we got off the phone it took a while to fully collect and understand my thoughts but I sent him a text explaining that it was just a kiss nothing had happened and in no way should I have to be demoted in a friendship. To suddenly go to a casual friendship when we have had for years (what I thought) was such an awesome plutonic relationship literally kills me inside. All because of one night where nothing happened!!!!. At all!! But you feel so guilty and are so scared so to further prevent any remote possibility of something happening again you just decide it's better to walk away from our friendship. Either that or you are a coward for not saying what's really going on. He replied by saying

Yes we are friends. Yes i have enjoyed spending time with you.

But you frame this as ALL OR NOTHING!!!

Your interpretation of casual friendship is not the same as me. To me casual friendship is enjoying each others company, being open and honest with each other, and not putting ridiculous demands on one another.

I will gladly end this friendship to avoid any further over dramatizing over spilt milk. That was pretty much the last of it. For months I have been feeling so very much like shit. I miss our friendship. I think about him and all the good times we had. I miss him. He hadn't tried to contact me at all so I decided to reach out. I messaged him just saying I need to swallow my pride and that I miss our friendship. I saw that he received the message and read it. It stayed like that for a day or 2. Then suddenly he became unavailable on messenger. He blocked me. I feel gutted. I dont know what I did to deserve this. I dont know what happened or why. Please anybody help me to understand this

First of all maybe it happened because you don’t know how to type paragraphs !!

Second of all you are freaking married and he has a gf and you both ended up “accidentally” kissing... clearly one of you is developing more feelings for the other and it’s just best to not dabble with fire at all.

Get over it if you don’t want to further hurt your marriage and his relationships.

What’s your sign?

I'm a pisces.

Yes you are right it is hard to have feelings for someone and be a friend at the same time. I have been there as well. This hurts a lot. I cherished our friendship so very much. 20 years ago I lost my best male friend to cancer. My world ended. I was lost ever since. I found my libra and he helped fill that deep void in my heart. He gave me life again. He truly did. I dont think he realizes how much he meant to me. I miss him. Why did he take that chance and kiss me only to just completely unwind everything we had? Why?

Only logical thing to do is kill your friend and console him for his loss

Its not fair of you to dictate the definition of what your friendship should look like.

You set your boundaries of not kissing, and rightly so.

He is setting his boundaries of gaining some distance to gain control and respect his current partner.

Its obvious that there is some feelings there on his side. If you truly love him as a friend you'll put your needs aside and try to understand and compromise so that the friendship can be salvaged.

How does you husband/partner feel about this relationship? Did you tell him about the kiss?

Posted by Black-Mamba

This sucks cause women want friendships with men and one man can't fit all our needs or wants in life

we have to be stuck with one guy for life and not even have friendships cause of these bs scenarios

The loophole here is a gay friend/s.

Posted by Black-Mamba

This sucks cause women want friendships with men and one man can't fit all our needs or wants in life

we have to be stuck with one guy for life and not even have friendships cause of these bs scenarios

I've had guy friends all my life. I grew up around guys more than girls so I tend to form good relationships alongside them. Very rarely have I had any of them step out of friendship to form a romantic relationship. Sometimes girls really do want just a male friendship and they shouldnt have to be a difficult scenario I agree.

Posted by MissKrabs

Shitty story. You were always somewhere in the back of his mind, like some fantasy, and when that shattered, you have no use anymore. Idk 10y is a lot.

I just wish he told me how he felt if that was the case. He knew he meant so much to me and could trust me with anything. At least let me know this is why you decided to become casual acquaintances. And then just outright blocking me. Ugh so very hurtful

Posted by _mudra_

I dunno... you must be good with your husband having friends he kisses and feels like this towards too then? Where has he been during this?

I am great with my husband. He understands the friendships I have with a lot of my male friends as some of them he is friends with as well. I never grabbed and kissed my friend this is something he had done and obviously does not happen on a regular basis. It's never happened with any of my other male friends

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by MissKrabs

Shitty story. You were always somewhere in the back of his mind, like some fantasy, and when that shattered, you have no use anymore. Idk 10y is a lot.

I just wish he told me how he felt if that was the case. He knew he meant so much to me and could trust me with anything. At least let me know this is why you decided to become casual acquaintances. And then just outright blocking me. Ugh so very hurtful

Why are you making this all about you? He’s trying to protect his relationship with his girl. It’s about respect and boundaries. I’m not understanding the angst here. You have a whole husband. Make him your best friend.

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I am not trying to make this about me however I am allowed to express and say directly how I feel and as a friend my only request would that he would do the same. His girlfriend knew of our friendship as well and never saw a problem with it as far as I knew. I was so very happy for him and her being together and was dying to actual meet her. My husband is still my friend. You can have multiple best friends there is no law stating your husband or wife has to be your only best friend.

Posted by thatlibralife

He wants to be loyal to his girlfriend. He let his guard down by drinking and kissed you. He feels it best not to fall into temptation further and doesn’t want to hang out with you again. I’m wondering if he came clean to his girlfriend and that’s why you’ve now been blocked. In any case not a good idea to keep trying to contact him. His mind is made up. Unfortunately some men and women don’t do platonic friendships well. Time to cut your losses...

You could be right. He may have told her about what happened. I dunno. I just would have liked some honesty and closure. Tell me why you chose to now block me. That's all I wanted. After 10 plus years that's not too much to ask.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Black-Mamba

This sucks cause women want friendships with men and one man can't fit all our needs or wants in life

we have to be stuck with one guy for life and not even have friendships cause of these bs scenarios

The loophole here is a gay friend/s.

click to expand

So very true

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by MissKrabs

Shitty story. You were always somewhere in the back of his mind, like some fantasy, and when that shattered, you have no use anymore. Idk 10y is a lot.

I just wish he told me how he felt if that was the case. He knew he meant so much to me and could trust me with anything. At least let me know this is why you decided to become casual acquaintances. And then just outright blocking me. Ugh so very hurtful

Why are you making this all about you? He’s trying to protect his relationship with his girl. It’s about respect and boundaries. I’m not understanding the angst here. You have a whole husband. Make him your best friend.

I am not trying to make this about me however I am allowed to express and say directly how I feel and as a friend my only request would that he would do the same. His girlfriend knew of our friendship as well and never saw a problem with it as far as I knew. I was so very happy for him and her being together and was dying to actual meet her. My husband is still my friend. You can have multiple best friends there is no law stating your husband or wife has to be your only best friend.

I get that you’re upset. But put yourself in his girlfriend’s shoes. I’m betting he told her what happened. Girlfriend is none too pleased and demanded he cut ties. Can you blame her?

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I def wouldnt blame her at all. I'd be pissed too. I just wish if that was the case he would be man enough to let me know that was the reason. I'm a big girl and I can take the hits it's when the opponent doesnt swing at all and yet I feel the punch is when I need to know what's happening. Plus why the hell did he do it y'know. Why did you just go ahead and kiss me and then just completely destroy our friendship.

Posted by MissKrabs

Shitty story. You were always somewhere in the back of his mind, like some fantasy, and when that shattered, you have no use anymore.

Agreed.

Posted by thatlibralife

He wants to be loyal to his girlfriend. He let his guard down by drinking and kissed you. He feels it best not to fall into temptation further and doesn’t want to hang out with you again. I’m wondering if he came clean to his girlfriend and that’s why you’ve now been blocked. In any case not a good idea to keep trying to contact him. His mind is made up. Unfortunately some men and women don’t do platonic friendships well. Time to cut your losses...

^^^This^^^! He was attracted to you at that moment to the point of wanting to kiss you but it didn't happen and he's glad because it's clear he cares a lot for his gf and doesn't want to cheat. You say you don't know how to do casual and you want it to go back to platonic well they are the same thing. It is clear this guy is not your friend but someone you want to have an affair with. He probably doesn't want the karma that comes from cheating on his girl and having sex with a married woman. Since you are married it may be best to look for a "friend" who is the same sex as you so you don't cross any lines.

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by MissKrabs

Shitty story. You were always somewhere in the back of his mind, like some fantasy, and when that shattered, you have no use anymore. Idk 10y is a lot.

I just wish he told me how he felt if that was the case. He knew he meant so much to me and could trust me with anything. At least let me know this is why you decided to become casual acquaintances. And then just outright blocking me. Ugh so very hurtful

Why are you making this all about you? He’s trying to protect his relationship with his girl. It’s about respect and boundaries. I’m not understanding the angst here. You have a whole husband. Make him your best friend.

I am not trying to make this about me however I am allowed to express and say directly how I feel and as a friend my only request would that he would do the same. His girlfriend knew of our friendship as well and never saw a problem with it as far as I knew. I was so very happy for him and her being together and was dying to actual meet her. My husband is still my friend. You can have multiple best friends there is no law stating your husband or wife has to be your only best friend.

I get that you’re upset. But put yourself in his girlfriend’s shoes. I’m betting he told her what happened. Girlfriend is none too pleased and demanded he cut ties. Can you blame her?

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Yes and I wouldn't be surprised if he told his girl what happened. When a Libra man loves you they will tell it all. When I was with a Libra I went away one weekend, he cheated and told me as soon as he picked me up at the airport.

Damn, you fell in love

Posted by DMV

Damn, you fell in love

sounds about right

Posted by Aliensusedourbogroll

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by thatlibralife

Posted by Trickysix989

Posted by MissKrabs

Shitty story. You were always somewhere in the back of his mind, like some fantasy, and when that shattered, you have no use anymore. Idk 10y is a lot.

I just wish he told me how he felt if that was the case. He knew he meant so much to me and could trust me with anything. At least let me know this is why you decided to become casual acquaintances. And then just outright blocking me. Ugh so very hurtful

Why are you making this all about you? He’s trying to protect his relationship with his girl. It’s about respect and boundaries. I’m not understanding the angst here. You have a whole husband. Make him your best friend.

I am not trying to make this about me however I am allowed to express and say directly how I feel and as a friend my only request would that he would do the same. His girlfriend knew of our friendship as well and never saw a problem with it as far as I knew. I was so very happy for him and her being together and was dying to actual meet her. My husband is still my friend. You can have multiple best friends there is no law stating your husband or wife has to be your only best friend.

I get that you’re upset. But put yourself in his girlfriend’s shoes. I’m betting he told her what happened. Girlfriend is none too pleased and demanded he cut ties. Can you blame her?

I def wouldnt blame her at all. I'd be pissed too. I just wish if that was the case he would be man enough to let me know that was the reason. I'm a big girl and I can take the hits it's when the opponent doesnt swing at all and yet I feel the punch is when I need to know what's happening. Plus why the hell did he do it y'know. Why did you just go ahead and kiss me and then just completely destroy our friendship.

Would you say you’re the type of person who needs closure before you can move on from something?

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Definately 100% .

Posted by Librasetting777

Posted by DMV

Damn, you fell in love

sounds about right

click to expand

No. I think it was the other way around. And I think it was like that for a long time and perhaps it just built up so much in him that he saw a chance and then went for it? I dunno. It just sucks cause I miss him alot. I miss all our chats and I dont think I can face him when he comes back. I reached out to just keep our friendship the way it was. He thought about it. Then just blocked me. I thought he was better than that is all.

It wasn’t the one act that made him block you.. think a little harder. I’m betting you’ve ignored his feelings/advances/looks at least 5 times. We hang in there and hope for a better outcome and give ourselves reasons to hang on until it finally dawns on us that we are better off cutting all ties with friends/loved ones.

Then you’re cut and we don’t look back until we’ve moved on completely and you don’t even factor in our minds. Favourite saying “their loss”