my goodbye letter

I am moving out tomorrow and my aqua-ex is not coming with me. It has been a roller coaster. I gave her this letter today.

To my Aqua:

There are very few things in my life that I regret doing. The biggest ones relate to the way I have treated you. While we were married I took you for granted. I always loved you and never did it intentionally, but I still did it. I have apologized for this before; it is the single biggest mistake I have made in my life. Somewhere along the way we got caught up in the day to day and lost each other. The day we got married is still my fondest memory. The woman I love promised to stand by me forever, for better or worse, to have and to hold, long as we both shall live. Our break up and divorce was not just the dissolution of a paper contract, it was the death of my dreams. Our love, our family was the most important thing in my life??_ and I failed at it. When you came back in December I had another chance. I could show you how much I cared and wanted to help you reach your goals and dreams. I could show you what I had always said??_ that I love you.
While I did fix some of my mistakes from our last attempt, I replaced them with all new ones. My insecurity cripples my ability to trust and not take things so seriously. This is a self defeating cycle I find myself in. My insecurity pushes you away, your distance makes me insecure and I wind up just pushing you further??_ making me more insecure and thereby less desirable to you??_ over and over. My next mistake just cemented our failure. I made your feel like a piece of meat. For that, I am sorry. I never meant to make you feel this way. You??ve told me before but I never understood how you felt inside, I should have, but it never clicked. When we talked the other day, it hit me like a lightning bolt. I know I was wrong and all I can do is to apologize. This last two weeks hit me real hard. I had a chance to win back my wife, to be the man she needed and let her fall in love with me again. Instead of winning anything, I failed again. I have sat and cried because I don't want to move without you. I don't want to lose you again, but I already did and it is my fault.

There are definitely other factors involved. The cure to my insecurity is touch and affection, which makes you feel cheap and used. Your dislike of affection and touch makes me feel rejected on a daily basis. My desire to understand you better comes across as interrogation and makes you feel like you are being controlled. Your freedom and independence make me feel like a burden and a hindrance to the life you want. No matter how you slice it, the result is the same. We are not right for each other. We both want the other one to change in some deep basic area. Our alternative to changing is one of us has to be miserable. Neither of us wants that for ourselves or for the other. We have different needs and fulfilling the others needs either make us both feel uncomfortable, objectified, disrespected, and generally unloved. This is a toxic situation for us both, that's why we fight and have those stupid outbursts. While it is not how I had hoped things worked out, I think the best we can do now is just be decent to each other and take care of the children. We both want the relationship to work but only with some made up version of the other person. I asked you the other day why it was so hard for us to just love each other since we both claim to love the other so much. I think this is why; we are in love with an idea of the other person, not reality. In reality I am far too indecisive, insecure, sentimental, and emotionally needy for you.
Regardless of what the future holds, I thank you for sharing this part of your life with me. I am a better, stronger, more capable person for the time we spent together. I doubt I will ever meet another person who will command my attention like you can with a simple smile. You will always have my heart, whatever that is worth. Part of me wishes that when I came home you would run over and give me a giant hug and kiss and tell me you love me and we can work this out, that you are attracted to me and want me to be your partner for the rest of forever, sit in my lap, kiss me, look me in the eyes and make me believe it??_ but that is not who you are. That is just the dream I have again. In reality, this probably won't even be talked about. Even if it is, we won't follow through with anything. Neither of us is going to make a lasting change. Hell I am moving Friday anyway and you won't have to put up with me anymore. There goes my insecurity again.

I will not bring this up ever again. We will have to see each other a lot for the kids and I don't want to make you more uncomfortable than I have. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you find someone who gives you everything I could not. I hope he treats you like a queen. It is hard to accept but I know you will be happier without me. It's hard to imagine anything different after having lived with you for the last 10 months. I know in my core that I will love you for the rest of my life. I would not be who I am if you hadn't been in my life. No person that I meet from here to the end of time could ever have the influence in my world that you do.

maybe I should have put this in the writing section. I'm not really looking for any kind of response. I frequently see people on here who can't understand the Libra they know so this is a deep glimpse into this man's inner thoughts.

thanks for sharing.

Awwww LibraSid, I am seriously crying for you, no really. This was the sweetest, bitter sweet letter. Your words are saying goodbye. But your heart is saying, please don't let me leave. And it's true that people think Leebs don't really feel, or rather that they do it in a selfish way, but this is not really always the case. Libra's feel, and Libra's cry too. (though it may appear to everyone else on the earth that the libra is always on top of his relationships, and that even without, he is GOOD...this is not true always)

Can I just tell you, I felt your sincerity, and most impressive, you took responsibility, or rather you owned up. I do believe the lost of this relationship will definitely make you better for the next one.

Best of luck LibraSid

Sweetie.. I'm dumping my Libra, so that you and I can run away together! —

But seriously.. I hope you do find the woman who straight up and down ADORES your indecisive, insecure, sentimental, and emotionally needy ass. I already do, forreals.. you're SO very much like my own Libra, it still freaks me out -- you already know that. So there's GOTTA be another woman out there who is so much like me.. that she'll click with YOU, and your former supposed "faults" will be fantastic attributes -- to her. You're too wonderful to be alone forever, and therefore you won't be, you can't be.

And if the next one hurts you, Imma snatch the bitch bald-headed, jus' sayin' 😉

I gotta give you props for admitting mistakes on your side, too. It's one thing that I've noticed about Libra guys- they may have a problem with someone/a relationship, gripe about these problems, and then turn around and also admit their faults. Sometimes it's a bit overkill since you guys take on faults that aren't really yours, but still. It's always refreshing to see amongst the male sea of egos who want to take no accountability for their side of the issue.

Anyway, hang in there. I know it's been rough. It'll be easier to finally get past all this because she won't be living with you. Yay for finally being able to move on and find someone better.

Posted by Nefer
Sweetie.. I'm dumping my Libra, so that you and I can run away together! —

But seriously.. I hope you do find the woman who straight up and down ADORES your indecisive, insecure, sentimental, and emotionally needy ass. I already do, forreals.. you're SO very much like my own Libra, it still freaks me out -- you already know that. So there's GOTTA be another woman out there who is so much like me.. that she'll click with YOU, and your former supposed "faults" will be fantastic attributes -- to her. You're too wonderful to be alone forever, and therefore you won't be, you can't be.

And if the next one hurts you, Imma snatch the bitch bald-headed, jus' sayin' 😉

@Nef - "Sweetie.. I'm dumping my Libra, so that you and I can run away together!" Girl, you got one of them good ones too... Leave him, and leave me his number (You know I love the Leebs) 🙂 JK

"And if the next one hurts you, Imma snatch the bitch bald-headed, jus' sayin' 😉"

and sooogem got your back if you need a posse to ride shotgun 🙂

Seriously... I agree with all you've said here.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
I gotta give you props for admitting mistakes on your side, too. It's one thing that I've noticed about Libra guys- they may have a problem with someone/a relationship, gripe about these problems, and then turn around and also admit their faults. Sometimes it's a bit overkill since you guys take on faults that aren't really yours, but still. It's always refreshing to see amongst the male sea of egos who want to take no accountability for their side of the issue.

Anyway, hang in there. I know it's been rough. It'll be easier to finally get past all this because she won't be living with you. Yay for finally being able to move on and find someone better.

^^^^ +1

I think it is high time you stop punishing yourself, your wife and your children and believe what you are saying and move on. Not saying it is going to be easy by any means but you know that it will be the best thing for you all.

Good luck and stay strong LS

I'm sorry to hear and read of this news Sid. I wish you the very best . Us Libras need that special someone who completes us and hopefully you will find a new match .try to learn so you can live again , balence is everything 😢

She's heard me complain about her more than enough haha. I didn't want that to be the last message. Most of you know way too much of this drama anyway. So when I got home Thursday after she read that. She said"well I read your thing, so whatever".

Its all good. I moved Friday. My oldest son, my daughter, and I got an apartment. Well I did, they don't really contribute... slackers... Anyway, spirits are high and I am really okay with everything. I'm just having fun with the kids right now. I ain't even worried about the rest of anything. We did a lot of camping this summer and are looking forward to some snow this year. The first half of the move went great, eeverything is in the house but we're gonna take a week to unpack at this rate. We set up the playstation early and lost track of time. The boxes aren't going anywhere right?

Nefer, I did run away. See you at dinner?

Wow, Sid... her few simple words were approximately 0 degrees Kelvin. @_@

But look at you.. getting back on track. Play more Playstation, that's what the kids will remember. The boxes can wait.

Aw Sid —