Need help. Big question of my life

Hy to all of you. I feel I already know you so well, as I am reading your posts since back in December, when I was trying to find some information abot the Libra guy I was falling in love with. And falling hard! Apparently him too. I found many of your ideeas so enlighting and I hope that now that I speak up you won't trash me down. The reason I was restraining myself from writing here was that him and I were both in a marriage when we met. So it wasn't the most correct thing we did hooking up together. I was married to one guy for 7 years, a colleague of his. He was married to his wife for 15 years, has one kid and another on the way. Just to cut a long story short, we got busted, we moved in together, we are getting along great, needless to say I am the happiest person on earth since I met him. He is loving, carrying, tender, affectionate, funny, sexy, intelligent well I don't know where to start and where (if ever) to end. He is desperatly trying to make everybody happy in the given situation. Visiting his kid as often as he can, talking about him A LOT, spreading the house with his pictures, buying him things and so on. I am very ok with it, even ecouraging him to do so, but my biggest fear is that every visit there he meets his pregnant wife (as he decided to ask her to stay in their house together with the kid and his father). He asked me if I was ok with the decision to start his divorce (I've already started mine)only after his wife gives birth, and I said it's ok (I am learning patience as we speak). But everytime he goes there, he seems to put me aside (or I just feel like he does) he never calls, just text-messages me, and he seems to catch every moment we are not together to go there to his son (when I asked sometimes ago if he misses his former life, he told me the only thing he misses its his kid and he resolves that buy going there and his father, and that usually he misses me a lot). I try to stay tooned to his "other" life, asking questions and having oppinions but somehow he seems he's trying to keep me aside. Sometimes I feel he's trying to hide my existence in front of other people even he explained once he doesn't like his life to be known to everybody... But still, the question arises: if he uses any moment he gets alone (without me) to be with his son, how does he feel during weekends when we are constantly planning and doing things together? I asked him if he wants to go these in weekends too, and he denied.

I'm wondering, how much of this can a Libra take? What are the chanses of making up with his wife? How should I behave? Up to now I was hurting as a dog every time he was there, since some days ago I've decided to give him time and space to do things in his own way, just be funny and airy and lovable, just being the person he fell in love with... but it's hard, the insecurities are killing me, and the guilt... Please help.

The fact that you had an affair is where this all starts. Pple make mistakes. BUT if the guilt consumes you, it will (inevitably) take over and ruin the relationship before it starts. My dad is a libra and have several libra friends. The experiences that I personally have with libra's is that they are very wishy-washy. Flighty. Good pple but can be unsure in there ways. I have often found them somewhat lazy. Not physically but w/ relationships. Almost as if they give up on them after awhile.. Not sure if you have noticed any of that? Honestly, though, I am confused by what you are wanting to know? You are just scared he is going to go back to her?

You are in a quandary for sure. I've always believed in the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater". I know I may catch some flack for that, but I feel it's true. If he cheated on his wife of 15 years with you and got a way it, what's keeping it from doing it again? For that matter, what's keeping you from doing it again since you also created infidelity?

Secondly, he has left her in the middle of her pregnancy. If she needs him to be around and be the father of that baby, then it's his responsibility to do so. You can't be selfish this and allow him to be with his kids. If you are scared he's going to go back to her, that's a chance you have to take because of the situation the two of you created.

You say that you feel he's trying to hide your existence from other people - perhaps he is. Look at the situation it created. He cheated on his pregnant wife AND moved in with the mistress who broke up the marriage.

Good luck.

I know it all started wrong. Sometimes it's just the way life is. Or maybe me being an aries take it much lighter than others. But I know for a fact that libras tend to torment themselves with being fair to everyone. So now I am wondering, if he wants to be fair to his "former" family, how could he? They merely don't need his visits or presents, they meed him. What would he do when he'll find out that this is the thing that would make them happy? From his declarations he's not unsure about us, he told me he loves me and that is forever. Lazy with relationships? Maybe. I allways want to think it's that non-confrontational thing of theirs. But then I keep on thinking "what if he wish-wash me?" (that's maybe the bad in reading all that much of horoscopes mesage boards). Yes, I am scared: what do you think? Is a libra likely to do that? Abandon the love and go back to an older love...

Thanks HP, I was expecting some harsh comments from many of you (that's why I didn't write to you until now) so no offence taken. What can I say? IT WAS WRONG. But couldn't help it (?). I believe many ppl have cheated at least once in a lifetime, does it matter if it's a 15 yrs marriage or just a 2 week relationship? Maybe. But still how could you stay away when the perosn you met fulfill every dream that you have or have had about your relationship? How many divorced friends do you have? Ok, maybe not cheaters, but still, ppl who are trying to relive their lives? I am not staying in his way to relate to his family! I thought I said smth about encouraging him?! I am just ventilating some of my deepest fears. "Once a cheater, allways..." noooo way! I for myself learned that lesson. Never again!

Wow, bms. Where to start. I myseld was married to a Libra for 6 years (still legally - divorce isn't final) together for 8. Our relationship was great until the later 2 years... We grew apart. So, I can speak on the divorced Libra thing. We have a 4 year old and I filed for the divorce. He would take me back in a hearbeat if I wanted it. Even though he knows we are too far apart to reconcile at this point. Me, I can't live with anyone without being happy. Plus, I have "the right" Libra for me now... Hehe...

Librans are committed in duty. Although he cheated with you on his wife and sees that staying married isn't going to work and the fact that he left her pregnant clearly shows he cares/loves you deeply. It is a very immoral thing to do, but when they love they can't help it and I can't say I don't feel really bad for the wife. He took a big step leaving and ending that duty, especially at this time and he is probably extremely guilty about it. Not justifying it at all though, still wrong.

Libra men and kids. Their kids are their life. Nothing/No one will stop that. Even to the extent that he and his wife are truly over, he will probably be at her delivery, even take her to the hospital when she is in labor, continue to spend huge amounts of time at the ex wife's home, all for the sake of his children and probably not her at all. They are his former family and they always will be. She is the mother of his children so there will be contact for the rest of their lives in some form or fashion.

You knew this going in, these are the things you have to deal with when making major decisions. I do understand you are scared, because Librans are very committed in duty (most of them)the guilt might draw him back to his former family even if it is miserable or an arrangement, especially if he realizes that it is extremely negatively affecting his children. Guilt, is something that Librans feel easily, they don't like to hurt people. Some do it and don't realize they are.

You have to accept this for what it is, only time will tell. It seems he really loves you, but love didn't keep him from cheating on his wife or leaving her while pregnant. Who knows if he won't leave you. I don't know if I believe in "once a cheater always a cheater" 100% although there is some truth in that. However, I don know that people have different connections with different people.

Some people are just "that right" person and you might not run into them until after you are committed to another. What you do at that point will be the hardest decision. He decided to chose you over his family, I don't know if you should be happy about that or not, but he did. However, he is still a father to his children and I am positive he still cares about his wife. He might not be in love with her, but he cares for her. So, it is what it is.

***However, I don know that people have different connections with different people.***

I do know that people have different connections with different people.

What sign is the wife?

To care is quite ok. I myself find very unconfortable to desert the ones I once loved. And if I could I would make it right for the whole world... And I love him so much, you all might imagine how much an aries girl would love mr. right. My concern is to make it as comfortable as I could for him. Help him carry on with his duties as a father, support him all the way, even get engaged in that as much as I am left to do so. I think it's easier for one person to just talk about his feelings, epecially when they are deep-cutting ones. He is a very talkative person, at least the small talk, silly, funny flows very easity between us, but I sometimes feel it's so much going on inside his brain, and I fear it's pain. I would do anything if he could just let me sooth his pains, talk to me, share it with me, but I think he doesn't do that because of fear to hurt me too.
I know he will be there when delivering, he preety much told me so, he brought a capture of the echography to have it saved on our computer and asked me if it's ok to show it to me "my bold nosed daughter", he talks about having kinds of our own, and not only one.
I am definitely not proud for what we did. I know it's wrong, and he knows it. I feel he's feelings and I would do anything to help him and (I have to admit it) secure my place near him.
I like to think he stoppped loving his wife long ago before cheating her with me, it was an ... "arrangement" well said qs! The thing is, maybe I'm feeling so insecure because she's acting so cold and detached and relaxed with her loss. I mean, how could you lose such a man, and be cool about it (she's a cap though, maybe it explains a bit), I would go ballistic about it, I would at least try to talk him out of his decision, what am I saying, at this poins I would crawl at his feet if I was her (is this the moment i should feel ashamed of myself?). But she's like he left this morning for work, everybody is. They all act as nothing happened. And he's not trying to push any evidence into their faces. That may be much of a torment for an deep-in-love aries girl... being ignored.
"the guilt might draw him back to his former family even if it is miserable or an arrangement" !!!That's what I fear the most!!!

"she's acting so cold and detached and relaxed with her loss. I mean, how could you lose such a man, and be cool about it"


I have never had a child, but I do understand some complications to watch out for. She could be weighing her odds of stressing out over this while pregnant. Stress can cause miscarriages, premature labor, etc., so I think you need put that into consideration.

And you have to accept the consequences of whatever happens. If he goes back to his family, you have to accept that possibility. If you don't, this guilt will continue to eat you up.

What are the ages of everyone involved? You, him, the wife?

Easy to say "accept". I hope I will. I am not a mother neither, so maybe I'm speaking bullxst, but to put my marriage on hold for fear of losing the pregnancy? It means to me that I would already made a choice. I don't know, it feels like she's holding an ace up her sleeve and she's going to release it when the moment is right. Maybe it is exactly this newborn... maybe not.
Anyway it helped me a lot to talk to you and receive your ideas, I would stay all night at work just to see what you have to say, but I have to go home (me being in Europe), sorry for the misspellings (i am not even far from an English speaking native).
I'm off to the hospital as he had a big nasty car accident 2 weeks ago and he had an shoulder surgery today. That's another "saga" and if anyone interested I would tell you more about it tomorrow.

Me: 33/ Him: 35/
Wife: 34/ Kid 1: 12/ Kid 2:-4 mths

* Even to the extent that he and his wife are truly over, he will probably be at her delivery, even take her to the hospital when she is in labor, continue to spend huge amounts of time at the ex wife's home,

WHICH HE SHOULD!!!! It is his absolute responsibility to his wife and child to do this.

I wouldn't go ahead with your divorce. I would start the process when he does.

Also, he is with you all the time. Why would you begrudge his time with his children by complaining that he doesn't phone you while with them? If you really want him to be happy, allow him his time with his children without pressure and guilt from you.

Personally, I would never consider having children with this man. Heavenforbid he get bored of you and leave you while you were preganant. (which is possibly one of the most selfish things I have ever heard.) Maybe she isn't upset about it because he was a complete ass to him. You really don't know.

***I mean, how could you lose such a man, and be cool about it (she's a cap though, maybe it explains a bit), I would go ballistic about it, I would at least try to talk him out of his decision, what am I saying, at this poins I would crawl at his feet if I was her (is this the moment i should feel ashamed of myself?). But she's like he left this morning for work, everybody is. They all act as nothing happened.***

It is very easy when there is no love there. I was the same with my ex before I finally left. Nothing mattered. He could have had a mistress and it wouldn't have made me jealous one bit, the act is what would have pissed me off, but jealous... Nahh.. I could care less at that point. I know, a scorp can be extreme in each aspect. Either extremely in love or extremely not. Rarely if ever any grey areas, this applies to other aspects of life as well. It looks like all parties involved has accepted the facts.

***And he's not trying to push any evidence into their faces. That may be much of a torment for an deep-in-love aries girl... being ignored.
"the guilt might draw him back to his former family even if it is miserable or an arrangement" !!!That's what I fear the most!!✨**

It really sounds like you are his home as far as a partner. When Libras discuss kids with you, then yeah, they are really serious. Doesn't look like he is going back anytime soon, if ever.

***Also, he is with you all the time. Why would you begrudge his time with his children by complaining that he doesn't phone you while with them? If you really want him to be happy, allow him his time with his children without pressure and guilt from you.***

I agree, when he is with his children they take priority... You guys live together and he is with his kids so let him be. This will always be the case. Libra men love their kids. Does he sleep at the house? Let him be a father.

Beingmyself,

Just read your story. I think that it is important to know that Libra is capable of having two relationships going on simultaneously, one on the out (and the management of ending this hamoneously) and the favoured one. And we are capable of keeping the two completely separate because otherwise there is little chance that the two of you actually stand a real chance.

In principle there is little guilt about finding love with someone else. But I think that when we then see our child (e.g. we meet up and physically spend time together and that too a child) we ''feel'' joy and subsequently guilt, in that order. The physical meeting does that. As long as we don't see we can cope pretty well alone. Emotionally we can detach until we see you. So afterwards we retreat a little and have to get our bearings to justify, in this case, the reason why we made a decision to be with someone else and face the consequences that come with that decision. We retreat to reset our minds and be happy with the chosen relationship (e.g. you).

We will not have that much regret for feeling the real thing with someone else but we have to get out heads around the guilt. If he spends time with his son and seems to forget about you then don't worry so much. If afterwards he is absentminded it means he is re-creating the space he needs to feel the love he knows he feels for you. The head vs heart thing. I have no idea whether this makes any sense.

As regards the current pregnancy - give his wife the peace she needs to see it through. Don't add to her stress etc. (am not saying that you are doing this btw). Equally she is not your responsibility. And equally you are not to blame for the downfall of their marriage.

But you need to be prepared for what's to come when baby comes out. And that's something I have no idea/experience about. Be careful there e.g. more guilt...

Good luck. Make sure you keep reinforcing positive stuff...

harmoneously* (spell check)

"The fact you two are together after breaking up other marriages speaks for the love you must share for each other."

Spoken like a true Libra. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Quite interesting story. I am bit curious to know what is his wife's zodiac. Since he fooled around her, I can deduct 2 possibilities - Either his relationship with her wasn't that smooth or he liked you more and had that instant romance. (yea.. we like aries a lot though they are bossy)...

He has to give enough care to his kids and no way he is going to ignore them. That can unbalance him and make him all guilty and that in turn will affect his relationship with you. If he asked you is it ok to start the divorce after his wife delivers the kid, to me it means he has already made up his mind that he want to go with you but doing what he think is fair from his side. After all its his kid. So relax... its not easy to get a libra to come to this point where he has made up his mind. You should consider yourself lucky. 😉

Wow! Thanks a lot for your comments! I'll try and answer one at the time.

LS: It is his responsibility and duty and I want him to take care of these things, and I would like to let me take part in this but it is maybe too soon for that. In respect of my divorce, it is something I will not use as some kind of a weapon against him, or use it for forcing his hand. It's something I have to do for my own. At this moment I would feel honored to bear his child inside me knowing that it will be al least one small part of the special sweet person he is. What if he will get bored? (I have to admit I can't see him getting bored with me. I might be anything but boring). I really don't know about the ass thing, but I feel any libra, and especially this one cannot be a complete ass to anyone.


QS: You wouldn't know how much it bothered me the thought that his feeling home only in my physical presence. I had thoughts like ?whet if I am not around a couple of days? Would he go and find his home elsewhere? Maybe next to his wife?? But now that you said it, it feels just right. I am his partner and I am his home, and that's what I wanted to be in the first place! He never slept there since we've moved in together. Should he? Would he?

Kennyg: It is so true! We had our share of second thoughts about our non-orthodox relationship. But every time I tried to back off I found it unbearably soul/ mind and equilibrium breaker. It was so wrong but it felt so damn right! The past will never be clean, especially when there are kids involved, but I hope we'll have a clean and sunny future as I am not concerned about the strength to carry on to anything should happen. And I'm positive I have a lot of strength to give. In respect of the soon to come newborn, it seems his wife was trying for years to get pregnant ?no matter what? and I felt some bitterness in his words. We all know cappies can be very determined at times and they sometimes forget to think about the others when their minds are set off to do something. He also said that ?in a strange way he wanted this new child as that his children will always be his?. Was she trying to re-new the relationship? I don't know. Maybe. I have no intention to judge her but in my opinion this is a very wrong thing to do. He told me once he was really trying to work things out, and that happened for years in a row, and even after we hooked up, even after she got pregnant and it wasn't possible anymore.

We all know you are lying to yourself if you think that once being in love with someone else you are purely authentic and genuine when trying to save the old relationship? but that's what he said and I am inclined to believe him.

Libra: It makes perfect sense! And I'm teaching myself to give him the space and time he needs. My instincts tell me that he needs to harmonize me and our life with them in order to feel happy. At the moments he is there I feel he misses me but he sets his mind not to think about it, and when he is with me I believe he misses his kid (only one for the moment), and it hurts me to know him in-between hammer and anvil (it's a common saying in my country, I don't know if it makes sense with you). God help me in the moment the new one is born? I hope we'll find a way to deal with everything and hope that by then more of the feelings will fall in their places?

As far as his previous relation, thelibran, all I can say is what he told me (and it was very very little), meaning that she imposed a non-harmonious climate in their home, lot of shouting and loud voice arguments (and from what I've read this is the perfect way to lose a libra) and she always wanted things to be her way (which seems it is ok with libras but even them can't take it for 15 years?). She's a Capricorn but I don't know any other details.
The thing is he said he noticed me long before anything happened between us and I was very puzzled he stayed and waited until I made the first move (which I admit was a little too bold, during a dance I touched his ear with my lips) and then he took the lead and sent me an sms, and after a few weeks he told me he was pretty sure about us from the very beginning. Nothing about sex between us for a long time, just connecting and planning the future. How strange is that—
So I consider myself the luckiest person in the whole world, I just want him well, happy and balanced and mine forever.

It isn't about using your divorce as a weapon. How will you feel if you proceed with your divorce and he reconciles with his wife?

Bored doesn't imply that you are boring. When he married his wife, don't you think she believed the same as you do now?

Everyone has good and bad in them including your mate.

Oh well, I didn't imply he's perfect. He is just perfect for me. And you are entirely right, life just gets boring for some people, especially in marriages, especially when you look aside and let your life pass as it is. The lesson I think I've learned from my marriage is that no relation should be taken for granted, love it's not something you inharitage or gain, it's something you work for, you invest in, you take care of, for as long as you want to have it. I was allways like this, in friendships and in my previous marriage. Too bad he wasn't the man to make a team with me (strangely enough he was also a capricorn. So for those saying horoscope signs and marriages have nothing in common I have to strongly disagree)
"How will you feel if you proceed with your divorce and he reconciles with his wife?" I am indeed very sorry but I cannot catch your point? I mean how would I feel if I am free of a marriage that will not ever work and he is going back to his wife? Bad of course. But the same bad as I would be if I was still married with my husband.
I feel myself as being his woman from the moment we've met. So why did I still carry on with my marriage? Out of cowardness, out of fear, out of plain stupidity? All of these, and I'm banging my head up the wall since then. But, pffff, what can you do? You live and you learn.

About him and his wife, yes, I am sure she felt the same (NOT! - on the second thought, knowing capricorns), and I am comming to realise that people shouldn't mary young and they shouldn't make children young, only if they are not sure they have a lot of maturity and strenght inside, if they know exactly who they are and if they respect their own persons a lot.

He is not gonna go back to his cappy ex wife. She was ruling him and he is definitely feeling better with you. Ask him if he was doped when he proposed to this cappy women or may be she proposed to him. A normal sensible libra wouldn't be making such a stupid mistake unless he did it when he was in his late teens or early twenties. Libra and Cappy means friction. Loads of friction.

I can bet that once he get the divorce done, then the kids will be the only reason he will prefer to go back her place. Never her. Cappy and Virgo girls are our last choice bcoz they are way talented in pissing us off.

LOL

***But now that you said it, it feels just right. I am his partner and I am his home, and that's what I wanted to be in the first place! He never slept there since we've moved in together. Should he? Would he?***

It definitely seems you are his partner from what you have said, and he simply couldn't take being with his wife any longer.

Definitely don't think he should ever sleep there. He won't.

LLLLLOL thelibran, you spoke as if you were there! He once told me that he met her at a party where she was the host, she served him a very sweet alcoholic drink that he couldn't swallow and latter that night she needed the glasses for the champaign. So, he figured, it wouldn't be nice to pour the liquid into the sink, so he drunk it all (isnt't that sweet!). wghen he came into senses they were hooked together and it took no more than a few months 'til they were married. He was 19-20 yrs old.
So I guess she was rulling him, and he responded in a passive non-agressive manner, and sometimes there are issues when I came to the conclusion he was dependent of her (e.g. he didn't know the telephone no of the family doctor and had to call her to find out), and I was thinking, how long will it take him to get rid of this rulling thing. Furthermore, when the wife is behaving nice and sweet all of the suddent, no more yelling, no more arguments, wouldn't he be inclined to hope for better times and have thoughts of getting back together. My oppinion is that even she figured that him being the father of her children and her staying in his house, it wouldn't be nice to behave lika a bitch, but I'm afraid she might hope he'll reconsider, and only after the divorce starts she will be behaving the way she was used to and the way she is.
I know that for myself, when the love is gone it is gone forever, and it takes hours or days to forget everything about the past and concentrate to the future (or maybe the present), but when the love is gone, is it really gone for a libra? Why are they speaking about the ex-s so much (he's not, or not that much).

I find it very hard to make him talk. My idea of a partner is besides being deeply tooned to one another, being able to talk about everything, sharing and asking all the questions and ideas. He is, I don't know, sometimes he seems as if he would talk but the act of talking hurts a lot. And he is rambling around the truth. For example, when he was telling me he goes to his old home (which he still calls home, even if I tried to hint that it hurts me), he allways finds a reason (to bring, to take, to tell, to do something). We had a talk last night and I told him that all I want is the truth, as I feel I deserve it and I feel I can take it. And if he's going there because he misses his son, he should tell me this because I am able to understand and sometimes I miss his son, only because I'm next to him and I hear his stroies and I feel his empty place. But if he's telling me half truths or white lies I will allways feel this and I am cut in such a way that I am imagining things, imagining that maybe there is more to it than just bringing, taking or doing something. And at the end of my monologue the tears were rolling down his face, he told me that indeed he goes there because he misses his son, and he is so sorry he' hurting me with all this stuff... Was it a bad thing that I was so bold? Is he going to hate me for making him cry? Is this a bad thing or a good thing? I never made someone cry, I was the one crying (but I have to admit I am overly emotional sometimes).

I think he appreciates that you were open with him. You should not feel guilty about expressing your feelings to him, but I think you should be a little more sensitive. That is his son. As I expressed previously, Libran's children are very important to them. This separation from his son is hard for him. It sounds like he really loves you. He needs your stregnth, support and for nyou to show some sicurity in the situation. You, being emotionally insecure, isn't helping him right now. I don't think people who don't have children can fanthom the depth of unconditional love that persists. There is not greater love...

Be his comfort zone. I think it is good you got that off his chest. Try not to make it more than what it is. I think you should counter this discussion with the fact that you understand this is a hard time for him and that you are there.

He loves you and is expressing this in every way. Except it and don't create situations (in your mind, wondering) that don't exist. You will eventually run him away with that.
Love and live with the harmony and love you have today. Tommorrow isn't promised to anyone, wether it is relationships, life, death, success etc.

I dont think your libra had some real life since he was stuck with this cappy all his life(which would have been more like a slow death). And it will take a while for him to get out of that trauma. Cappy has this grandmother syndrome and Aries has this baby syndrome. He has to swing all the way from a grandma to a baby(wonder if u still love soft toys) the extend he can understand the working and thinking mechanism of Aries. Its way way easy once he gets a grip on your character. So you talk more and let him do his calculations and deductions to adapt to your character. It can be accelerated a bit further by giving him linda goodmans love signs. He will talk once he gets used to you and gets out of his mental block which he has been suffering with cappy. Remember cappy want only opinions from others just to establish her control. She never would have listened to him during the entire relationship and would have driven the whole thing by herself. So he might have stopped communicating in his usual ways over the course of time and slowly became what we never wanted to become - brain dead. So give him a bit of space and you talk more till he recovers. Also make it a point to let him understand that you want his ideas and suggestions and you will follow it after a minor debate(bit of compromise needed for ur Aries nature here). That can bring out the responsible and intellectual side of a Libra and soon he will be back in balance.

Also ask if how he handled his ex wifes "silent mode" all these while.. cappy dont talk when there is some argument. They don't want to listen to his side of story or his thoughts and they totally shut them selfs off and do things in their way. I am quite curious to know how he handled all these.

"Definitely don't think he should ever sleep there. He won't." Does the afternoon nap counts for sleeping over or not. He is trying to spend as much time at his old home as he can. Now, that he's been injured in a car accident and he's in medical leave, whenever I'm at work, he goes there, spends time on the internet (which we don't have at the current provisory home), eats with his son, or smoke&dinks coffee with his father. But he stays there even when nobody's home (it is the house he was born in!), even taking afternoon naps (he hes his own room in which he spent about one month living alone after the breakup discussion with his wife, until we were able to find a house together). Is that ok? No matter how hard I am trying to put myself into accepting this, it still gives me some kind of a uncomfortable feeling.
thelibram, at first he was amused and somehow pleasingly surprised by my childish nature (i don't like especially soft toys, but I am very curious about trying new toys before ther are given to the children, and many other childish stuff). He used to call me his kid, wiping my mouth and my nose and holding my hand... In the meantime, speaking about the accident, the roles were switched a little, meaning that I am the one feeding him, clothing and bathing him, arranging the pillows, injecting the medicines and so on. He seems to forget about me being the child, even though he's allways complaining that he's putting me in too much of a stress and physical work...
And what you said it may be sooooo true. He told me once that she (the wife) was allways finding a way to do things her way, and in time he got used to it and tried to find compensations and joy in his work. Even about his son he used to say that he's "mamma's boy", and his son used to search for eye approval for everything from his mom (I saw that myself). Also, that he was so sick of arguments and loud voice that he would give in from the begining anyway.
About the silent modes of the wife... I don't know. But I know how he handles other people showing to be a little upset with him. He never asks what's all about. He tells me "if he wants to talk, he'll talk" and when I'm telling him that maybe for the special ones in your life you shoud show some more inetrest and at least ask once why are they upset, he never replyes but does the things his way.

*** I'm telling him that maybe for the special ones in your life you shoud show some more inetrest and at least ask once why are they upset, he never replyes but does the things his way.***

BMS, you should tell him why you are upset. He shouldn't have to ask. We (women)sometimes think men can/should read our minds, but we don't understand that men are from mars/women are from venus and most times they are clueless that they have done anything wrong. So you must let him know, never expect him to just know.

Uhhh, taking naps and having his room, is a bit much. I must agree. Now that you guys have a home, I think he should only reside there ie. Napping having space there only. Why can't he pick his son up and bring him home (your home)? Why does he have to be there all the time? This is the part that I really don't understand and I can understand your concerns.

QS you are so right! They are so lost with our hints and inuendos... But this time I was speaking in general, not hinting that I am upset about smth or that he should ask me when he feels I'm upset (he does that anyway! hahaha).
The idea about him visiting his old home is generated by the fact that during these days he is in medical leave. Otherwise being a very active perosn, keeping busy, working two jobs, now he founds himself a little lost and useless. Our current home is not such a pleasant place (it is very small, one 15 sqm room. Thanks' God we're moving out at the end of this month.) So, visiting his son is now besides a pleasure, an activity of itself. Spending lots of time there upsets me a little, and him not going out with his son the same. Still there are some founded reasons because he's doing that (not able to play games in the park and the heat in our country exceeds 36*C these days). The other thing is, he never had a talk with his son to explain him what's going on. He wanted to make the announcement together with the wife but she was so detached and cared less and he didn't succeed to initiate the talk. Then we moved together and he postponed it for after the term exams and now the holiday started and he still didn't speak to him. I tried to encourage him to do that, explaining how much bad can he do with this silence, but at some point I felt him annoyed about me insissting, and I left him be. He said that his son is big enough and clever enough to know what's going on and for sure a discussion would shake his feelings (as he's a very sensitive kid, he says). So, the kid doesn't know about me officially. Even though we've met, we went skiing last winter with a group of friends and I established a good relation with him. We met one more time, last month, when his father took him for a pizza on children day, and he suggested I should attend as an "accident". The kid was ok during the lunch, told some stories and acted ok, but everything about him told me he knows that I wasn't there from accident not to take into account his father's sunny glaring eyes when he was watching me over the table. I know it's that non-confrontational attitude, but it is not allways right, I'm wondering how can I transmit him some of my sparks and head behind attitude without sounding patronising and over-repetitive?

Beingmyself,

Let Libra man take his sweet time on telling his Son about you as emotionally that is how he prefers to handle this e.g. sit on it for a while (he's thinking about it no dobt but it may not be a priority at the moment), think it through as to what the best way of managing this is. This may not be how others would manage it but it is the nature of the beast.

I would stay out of it completely. Fight the right battle at the right time. Or, create your own relationship with his Son and go about it your own way. Sort it out that way. Not behind anyone's back but get on his Son's good side through your own actions.

If you force the matter now through Libra man YOU will end up getting hurt even. And only because you mean well and what everyone to be happy. But the thing is, Father and Son have their close relationship and even if they ended up in heated arguments over this they have their natural bond and it's virtually impossible to disturb it. Don't put yourself outthere becuase you'll be the one dealing with the aftermath whilst they make up as per their natural bond.

(This is a Libra view, of course, and not a general consensus so it may not be the right thing to do but procrastination is out middle name - a little bit...)

Thanks Libra! I was just preparing myself to start another discussion with my libra man in this respect. You might just saved a life! I hope with all my heart you're right. Sometimes I just feel he would hurt less if he would do some things as per my suggestions. I feel delicate things should be evacuated from our "systems" as soon as possible. And for sure it is a thing he's thinking about a lot, and for sure he'll feel better when he'll be out in the open with his son...But, well, let him do things his way, and I am going to be patient and believe in him.

The thing is that I procrastinate when I cannot see the path e.g. how to do it, or emotionally difficult stuff e.g. I have to hurt you. Things that are straightforward or that I have experience in is usually done yesterday.

You can steer him a bit but you cannot tell him what to do. Because we want to do things our own way. That's our sulky side.

But the fact is that you are 100% right in that you shouldn't wait too long with important things and sometimes we need that kick up the backside but equally we don't want it.

But because you don't want to end up being viewed as the bad guy in this case I believe you should refrain from pushing Libra man and voicing your opinion. Going with that flow. As such there is no urgency anyway. Getting it right is more important.

BMS, you must let him decide when the time is right for him to explain the situation to his son. He knows his child the best and it is a sensitive situation. I am in the same situation. LP has spent sometime with my daughter and they get along great. However, she is a "daddy's girl" and I have to explain to her what my position is between the two quite often. She is four/act's like she is 14 though. LOL!!!

She often asks questions like. "You love LP mommy", You still love daddy...

My answers: You love LP: Yes!!!! You love my daddy: We are friends and we both love you. (us being friends isn't even true at this point).

Parents always take their child's interest to heart first. It can be challenging for parents. It has always been hard in my mind, how my child would adapt to a new relationship her mommy got into as her dad was the only man she has ever seen me with. With LP it is working out so naturally and she adores him. He calls her his little princess.😉
My mom thinks he is a great person as well. Hehehe. He hasn't met my dad yet. Oh boy!!!

BMS, I agree with Libra, no pushing. Aries are aggressive, like us Scorps and sometimes we want what we want and NOW!!! Not a good thing with the Libra, if anything else they will teach you patients and in some ways that has made me a better person in dealing with situations.

that's so true...the patience thing!!

I've never known patience as I do now (thanks to a LIbran man and also through the lovely people on this forum)...its a GOOD thing to learn, especially for a Leo who has always jumped in head first, and thinks later...that's also not always a bad (spontanaity is a fun thing) trait, but learning to think first does help sometimes hehehehe.

Go with the flow...man, I've learnt that the hard and long way - trust your LIbran will come through for you 🙂

A real challenge for me. But a good ocasion to learn! And on the sweet way, too. I'm staying cool and trust his actions. Afterall I must remember I'm allways on his mind and I'm sure he'll do the right thing for us.
Later this month his son will be going in a sports camp (as he is a little basketbal player) to the seaside. I am sure my man will want to go visit and then I'm sure he won't leave me home or around the corner of the building. We'll see then.
The other day, while he was visiting his son, he had the IM window opened with me, his son saw my ID and asked if him we are still going skiing (as the fist time we met I tought him how to ski and he enjoyed it a lot). OMG I would make snow in the middle of summer just to see him smile and us be together for a while...

BMS, trust him. You have to give him that until/or if he ever gives you a reason not to. When the time is right, it will happen.

Trust issues: big problem. To be honest with you, from the very begining everything seemed too good to be true. And he was so sweet, tender, affectionate... as a dream. And I couldn't shake the feeling I would wake up and he'll be gone. I still have this problem. It might be because I was very dissapointed in my relation with my ex husbandt (a cappy too!!!!), cos' he allways suceeded to make me lose my trust. And now I know that trust is almost the most important thing in a relationship... Please help me God not to lose it again!

This is why you need to keep reinforcing your strong feelings for him. So that he knows why he is going through this.

We like to replace with something, not with emptiness. At least I notice that in myself...

BMS, it isn't fair to make him pay for your past partner's mistakes... I know it is hard. When you have been hurt, it is hard to trust that the same thing won't happen again. However, you can lose your potential blessing that way.

Also, it could be guilt because of the way the two of you came together through infidelity. The fact that he might do the same to you as he has to his pregnant wife.

These are the things you have to think about before making decisions. Also, like I said before, nothing is gauranteed. Enjoy what you have now.

I agree with that, QS.

I think BMS's biggest insecurities are coming from guilt, IMO.

You all keep on saying that, I'm starting to believe you're right. Maybe I am concerned somewhere deep inside that he would dump me and my potential baby, since he did it with me. Though it doesn't feel like my feeling...I don't know. If I look harder I realise that a value too much what he had (a family) even though I know that a family without love means nothing, and I think he made a bigger sacrifice than me in order for us to be together, and maybe I did not expect it, feld I did not deserve it... Sometimes, when he stokes my hair and looks to me with those deep loving eyes I feel like thaniking him he chose to be with me. Very seldom I verbalise it.
As for the home visits thing I decided to play aloof, I organise the weekends in such a way he has time to go there. He almost never tells me stories about the time spent there, just ideas (I would like him to tell me step by step what happened), I try to make plans for myself even for my afterwork time (when he comes and picks me up and go home together) but it feels somehow wrong, as if I'm punishing him nd telling him "well if you could spend 7 hours there, you can spend 2 more while I'm with the girls for a coffee". Is it wrong? Would he be upset with me?