Need help. Big question of my life (Page 2)

"He almost never tells me stories about the time spent there, just ideas (I would like him to tell me step by step what happened"

We are a bit like that. Especially when there are two different worlds. I think he might find it emotionally heavy or he might think that you don't want to hear it. Either way, he does not see a reason to share. If he saw the reason or point of it he definetely would. Don't take it personal and do not worry about it.

When someone is aloof it is VERY sexy for us. That they might have a life of their own is also very sexy. He might seem upset if you spent two hours somewhere else but he will find that incredibly sexy. We don't like sticky...!

***He almost never tells me stories about the time spent there, just ideas (I would like him to tell me step by step what happened)***

Why? Do you feel like he is leaving you out of that part of his life? Or are you concerned that he is in the house where his ex wife is? He doesn't feel comfortable about something. Libras normally don't have a problem talking about their children etc. My libra talks about his children (with his ex wife) all the time and he is ver interested and participates in the life of my daughter. I think the way the two of you came together plays the guilt on him too. It seems it can be quite uncomfortable for you both, it will take time to get over the guilt.

are you kidding— Libra gonna leave an aries girl halfway— you should be worse than his ex if he ever does that. Libra man can break up with cappy and virgos one fine day and walk away without much of guilt. Can get cold with cancer and taurus and silently disappear. Not with rest of the zodiacs.

I believe you're right again QS. And also Libra. I feel he's leaving me out of the other world. A world that's very important to him. He speaks very freely about his son. I know already all his childhood habits, ilnesses and speaking curiosities. He speaks about his son all the time! So, maybe, he's hiding only the details of his relationship with his wife. Which may be very smooth and nice since she seems to have decided they could be friends. And he is hiding it because he might have sensed the situation hurts me. Anyway it is quite frustrating for the moment that I am shut out from everyone that used to be around him and instead he is part of my life now, my friend and parents accepted him and like him. He is out of his world and into mine and I feel thses wolrds should mingle at a certain moment in time, in future. Plus, he has no real friends I could meet. Just a few colleagues (which I have met already) and some members of his family. Isn't it strange for a libra not to have friends? Or is it also the result of the long marriage with the cap girl?

"Plus, he has no real friends I could meet. Just a few colleagues (which I have met already) and some members of his family. Isn't it strange for a libra not to have friends? Or is it also the result of the long marriage with the cap girl?"

Answer: Long marriage with cappy girl.

Hahaha, thelibran, you are absolutely delicious sometimes!

I know a Libra whose been married for a long time to a Cap girl. We were talking one day and I mentioned something about going out for drinks with my best friend and he said "I don't have a best friend." And I look at his life, and he really doesn't have any friends. He has one guy that he works with and that's about it. When we were talking about Easter one time, I told him we had 30 people over for dinner. He was floored by that. He said he and the family (Cap wife and three kids) were supposed to go to brunch with another couple but the other couple canceled so they just went to a local restaurant for breakfast. I got the impression he was jealous of my big Easter fete.

I realize now looking at him, I think this marriage to the Cap wife has really sucked the life out of him. He doesn't seem that happy and jovial.

So I agree with The Libran. I think a long time with a Cap girl can change a Libra. Question: do they ever come out of it, revert back to their former selves?

Good question maygirl! Do they? Mine seems so calmly eager to please. He enjoys the company of my friends but he is somehow reserved. Doesn't speak much, doesn't joke much. Although it seems that my company is enough for him, I sense there is more to it. I like having friends, going to pubs, dancing, talking, being vivid, but I would slow myself down if this would cause him discomfort... Mine neither has a best friend. Don't we all have one?

WOW. A Libra without a ton of friends? Unheard of... Cappy's must drain the life out of them!!!

when "grandma is always right", a libra has nothing to do with his precious brain. thats how life with cappy goes. I am glad i was in the edge of a total disaster for 3 times(yea tried cappy 3 times) and came out of it successfully. 2 times escaped from virgo. I wasnt myself when they were around me...

Imagine spending 15 years with them... It can be painful than that movie Shawshank redemption. Am glad he met you BM.

LOL!!! Kenny G, I have been advising that to thelibran! He better ask somebody!!! I am sure LP would agree!!! Yet, it has to be the right Scorp, maturity has to be in play.

I spend 16 precious months of my life with a scorpio. All cappy's were a mistake. All ended in 3 weeks exactly in the same way;
like how it was mentioned in linda goodmans lovesigns book.
"He will be friendly but wont be the same boy again"....

The best line I always liked was.... "If you ever find a Libra - Cappy couple saying they are in a relationship for long and they are happy, then you can bet your a $ $ that one of them is was an adopted child and dont know his/her real birthday" ...

LOL!!!
... or an aries! But I'm taken 😉
Hope all the horoscopes saying that there is no good prospectus for a long term relationship shall not be right in our case. Because if what you're saying is right, and he is reinventing himself, even better times are ahead, yupyyyyy!
I suggested to bring his son in our home for a visit when I was at work and he was reluctant for a moment, I proposed we could hide our pictures (which he framed and showed all over the room together with his son's pictures from when he was a baby) and he agreed. He told his wife about his plan and she said she's ok with it. His comment was that maybe she didn't expect this kind of situations yet. I have emotions for this moment as if it's a biiig step. I tend to be interested about his son, asking him questions about him, suggesting presents or things he could enjoy. He is listening quietly and sometimes agrees. I don't want him to feel that I'm entering with my boots in their relationship, or even worse, that I try to manipulate him (naaaah! he wouldn't think that!). Is it right or is it wrong? Would he feel I'm trying to "steel" his son?

Go to any book stall and get a copy of linda goodmans love signs. Give that Libra- Cappy section to ur libra and tell him "salvation lies within". If there is some guilt left in him for ditching his ex, it will vanish before he finish that chapter.

When you first mentioned the love signs I didn't think you're speaking about the actual book. You wouldn't believe that I have one linda goodman's book! It is maybe the single piece in my country. And it was the first book I took from my exhusband house and the first to bring with me in my new home. LOL! Things do happen for a reason!

BMS, LOL!!! Stealing his son... My ex had 2 daughters already before we married and had ours. He used those exact words. "You are stealing my daughters from me." Not in a bad way but in an endearing way, those girls adored and still adore me. When we lived together and they would visit, I think he got a little jealous as they would want to go with me if I am running out the house rather than stay at home with him. He loved that we adored eachother on the other hand though. It brings peace to him, to know that you guys get along. Just don't be pushy. Sorry, I know Aries can be a little pushy about things. The ex-wife agreed to let the son come over so, it seems things should work out fine. Why hide pictures? I don't get it. I am positive, by now his son knows the deal.

I always love LEEBRA's advice.

Oh well! If I was to meet the kid, as the girlfriend of his dad I would have been so frozen not even to you guys I could not have written. The kid came to visit while I was at work, and the pictures... well, I proposed to be taken away as I presumed they would make my man uncomfortable. The fact he agreed proves me right. Anyway I am sorry I proposed that, even though the house has marks a woman is living there too. I guess that the moment when us as a couple will meet the kid, will be a biiig breakthrough for my man, and a big weight off his chest. Sometimes I feel to be pushy only to see him getting rid of his worries.
The kid's sign is scorpio and he seems to be very intuitive but not so curious or communicative.
After yesterday get-together, my man was very quiet, spoke little about it, and he was somehow... lost in thoughts. As I've learned from you guys, I left him do the separation between the two worlds. But I don't know why I didn't feel him comming back into ours yesterday. It is just a feeling, just my intuition. I don't know if something happened, he said not, and he said he promised he would tell me if smth's wrong.

I do have to ask you this: where is the fine line between pushing and actively supporting your man to do something. I mean, it's been 3 and a half months since him and his wife have separated. It's been 2 months and a half since he left his old home and moved with me. And his son never saw us together (except for that pizza meeting when we acted as we were just friends). Should I tell my man I want us to try to do a three party meeting? Is it normal to take so long for him to decide? Wouldn't his son accuse him (me) later of not trusting him to tell him the truth?... My man speaks about some plans of holiday together and I'm wondering... how could we arrange it? I don't think telling the kid in the morning of leaving for the seaside, that another person will be spending the holiday with them, and then kiss and hold hands as if nothing happened...How cand I help him without hurting him?

BMS, again, a little pushy, however, I do understand you want to be a part of every aspect of his life. I had no idea the boy was 12. Uhhh, three months isn't a loooonnnng time, but if he has started his life with you and plans to continue it with you, then I really think a 12 year old, especially a scorp can cope with the fact you are in his father's life. It is his father's responsibilty to explain to him that this doesn't change the way he and the boy's mother feel about him, and explain that you are an addition to his (your) lives not a replacement of any sort. I am in the Libra's situation so it can be tough, but me being a Scorp, know when it feels right it feels right so it is a little easier for me to do this with my daughter and my new Libra beau... Give him a little time, don't push, make suggestions around his.

To be supportive is to make suggestions, not advise. Or to help him implement his ideas, or decisions. No NAGING! LoL...

Update: Since they had such a grate time on Wednesday, he wanted to take his son again to our home on Friday (again when I was at work) but his wife disagreed and told him until they tell the kid what's going on between them, it's not ok by her to take him. He aked her to set a time and place to have a meeting in three, and, as she did before she tried to avoid it. This time my libra was more decided and they had the meeting which was a total fiasco. Even though he asked her to keep the meeting's agenda i.e tell the kid what's going on, she had an public outburst, acusing him of everything, violently taking her son and trying to avoid my libra to ahve a chance to speak about his side of the story. The kid cried. she tried to take him to the car, where the kid's grandfather was waiting (libra's father) (to whom she used to argue a lot and they made life hell for the man in the last 7 years or so), he had his chance to tell his son that all this is not his fault, that he will remain his son no matter what and he will love him and protect him until he dies.
My man returned pretty shook up, very sad and especially dissapointed that his behaviour of being kind and nice to everybody was mistaken as weakness and that his wife got false hopes from it. Very dissapointed that she is not such a lady afterall and that his father is still trying to control things.
I felt him comming to me for shelter and for strenght and it felt really good. I covered my mouth not to say "i told you so", but really, guys, how naive can a libra be? how much could he beleieve in goodness of the world, in cheated women acting like real ladies and so on?
Today he went to visit his son, again home, the kid was ok, but not a single word about the whole situation. I feel that is very important for the kid to speak, to ask his questions, and i'm afraid that being raised in a family without real communication and with a control freak mother, he won't find teh way to do it. On the other hand, the father himself is very closed in himself, not accustomed to speak about his feelings... I feel they are loosing a precious occasion to become real friends. I pray I will find the right words to give him strenght to open up in front of his son and invite him to di the same.
Well as harsh as it might sound, at least now I am calm because I know what to expect and i realised that her ace in the sleeve was in fact false hopes. I am just sad, very sad that the kid has to suffer.

BMS, keep in mind that the wife, although a controlling cappy, has the right to be hurt, because again, the two of you came together through infidelity. So, you really can't blame her for her feeling of being betrayed. However, I don't feel like she handled it correctly, clearly she hasn't gotten over the betrayal as of yet and it might take awhile.

Librans crave peace, all the extra dramatics make them unbalanced. So, yes he is all out of sorts right now, however, at some point, since the ex-wife still doesn't have a handle on it, he should allow himself the chance (with he and his son only) to explain the reality of the situation at hand. He doesn't need to elaborate on the infidelity, but the present situation at hand. enforcing the fact that both parents love him and turning the situation into a positive, like: "Now you have two homes, or we both love you and we can expand our love for you with other people we love i.e. YOU... He should start to ease you into the sinerial slowly. Let him know you are an addition to his life not a replacement (replacing his mother). This is very important to children and children love those who are nice to them. There is no greater love than the love of a child.

BMS, just remember the love the two of you have, even though you might not have come together in the most moral way. If you hang on to the love you have, you can get through anything. Remember suggest, don't tell or advise.

You should all know that your words are written with fire letters in my head now. Every time I want to say anything I realise that I mostly advise, impose or tell. And every time I remember what you've said. Thanks a lot for that!
Since that unfortunate event of last weekend my man opened up more to me, and he continued to visit his son, took him for pizza, told him that whatever he wants to ask or know, he can ask him freely and their relation is continuing very smoothly. He renounced to the plan of taking him to our home anymore of fear to put the kid in between him and the mother. He's taking things as the come.
In the meantime we found an appartment much bigger and more cheaper, and very close to his old home, and we are trying to arrange it as we can to make it home. Even if he's been injured, and "operates" only with one hand, he does a lot of work in the new house and finds energy to reassure me that it will look smashing!
In the meantime I'm reading the web about how to be a good stepmom, hope I won't repeat the mistakes in the past...
I'll keep you posted guys and girls. Again, thanks a lot!

BMS, were you a step-mom in your previous marriage? Me too.

BMS, you can advise your libra. He will listen to your views. We are in constant need for others opinions and suggestion. Mainly to cross check if we have missed those perspectives while trying to see the whole picture. You can make it clear to him that your thoughts might help him see some other different perspective. Also tell him there wont be a peaceful solution between libra and cappy. Its meant to end in forced silence.

He cannot help being polite with her bcoz of his principles. Not bcoz he dont know how to show a wild side and control this female. He know for sure that she wont understand or listen to him no matter how much he try to solve the issue in a fair way. So his only two choices are to either keep his mouth shut and be as polite as he can so that she cannot fight for long. Or he has to turn into his dark side and kick her butt with one heavy duty dialog which she will never forget in her whole life. You think he will ever do it—

Remind him always that this problem cannot be solved like he imagine and its best to leave it as a problem itself and device simple methods to tackle his ex.

and i wouldn't call it infidelity. Infidelity is when one fools around his wife. To have the position of a wife, she has to qualify. This female don't.

***He will listen to your views. We are in constant need for others opinions and suggestion.***

Giving opinions and suggestions is different than advising, imposing or telling. Any man even the easy going libran perfers suggestions and opinions over the latter.

hmmm... its a bit different when an Aries girl advices. It comes in our expected format. Thats why its a good match. 😉 We kinda hesitate to buy a scorpion advice and can argue on that even if we know its good. But Aries way of saying it is easy for us to understand and welcome it.

It's true that usually I start telling him what I think and end up all flamed up and a little angry. I hate see people taking advantage of his kindness. He allways teels me that I'm very sexy when I get carried away like that. And yes, thelibran I tried to tell him long ago that the situation will not be solved with kind words and hight expectations and eventually he will have to say the right words even hurtful ones. But he seems uncapable of doing so from the begining. I feel him pretty sure of his decision but very uncomfortable with the methods of enforcing it.But I understand him somehow, he HAS to hoope for a peaceful solution. He has his 2 kids in between and his first concern is not to hurt them anymore than he did. His son shall be ok, his a young man and growing fast, but the newborn shall be a girl, and I really cannot see how my man will be able to create a relationship with her if the wife doesn't allow a normality climate to be set between them, at least not now, but latter. In my experience (7 years) I know cappies are very proud and controlling, and the hurt cappies are very revengeful, so... He'll keep his mouth shut and hope for the best. For the moment.
The leebra I see your point. But unfortunately he won't be able to cook as we don't have a kitchen yet and also he has only his left hand to use. But he is buying me my favourite fruits and holding my hand in a special way and looking into my eyes in that special way... I cannot make him do anything couse he does it anayway... or maybe I am settling for less these days... I could ask him to make me a sandwich...

QS, yes, I was a stepmom in my previous marriage. The girl was 5 when I entered her life. She was in the care of my husband's parents, who were doing a lazy/great job with it (as almost any grandparent would). My husband never wanted to take the kid with us, saying she's better with her grandparents. In fact, as I realised later, he would do anything not to take real care of her. I was young and unexperienced, and very arieslike optimistic, thought that love will solve everything and I will be better than her real mom (dissapeared when she was 3). But it wasn't so simple, and I did a lot of mistakes. My husband did a lot of mistakes too. And it came out not so good. I still have a relationship with the girl, chatting sometimes on YM (even though he told me to interrupt any communication to her).
I do not want to repeat the mistakes. I know now that I am not a mom, and for sure I am not the mom of these kids, I'm older and wiser and for sure my man is far from being a prtend the impossible kind of man.
I just received a text message from him now, in reply to mine containing the train schedule for his son trip (he's leaving tomorrow for that 10 days basketball camp) saying "In 98% of the time I feel that his is your son. The rest of 2% are the moments you're keeping some kind of distance because you're afraid you're interffering too much".
Back in April, when the whole situation bursted into flames, I told him that he can count on me if he wants to take his son into custody, and I am ok with it. He told me that he's sure I'd make a very good mom to him. I replied then that his son has a mother but I'd try my best to be a good friend to him.

BMS, I commend you, wow, your ex and his daughter? That is rough. It is very different with mine. I don't have as much contact with my step-daughters as before, but they love me. They are my duaghter's sisters so that line of communication and contact will always be open. Just breath and take your time with your Libra, he is going through a tough time, be his friend first. Also, you should get a life of your own, they like that. Hang out with friends sometime, keep busy, find a new hobby. Good luck...