Virgo strapped in tight on a Libra rollercoaster..

Please help a poor girl out. Here's the dilemma:
Over the summer I had recently ended a 3 year relationship with a Cancer and was left distraught and unsure about relationships in general. I met a Libra boy towards the end of summer at my new job. I am very wary of people at first, and because of my terrible break up only a few months prior, I was unsure about him. He was incredibly charming, but I wasn't terribly attracted to him so thought we'd make good friends. Slowly but surely his charming demeanor grew on me, and I accepted an invitation to go out on a date. I was extremely scared about getting into another relationship and told him so, but that didn't stop him from acting like a smitten puppy dog. We started going out, but as soon as he would call me his "girlfriend" he seemed to change. When before he used to act infatuated with me, after we technically were a "couple" he, at times seemed very indifferent. Since I had just gotton out of a terrible relationship that lasted too long I was determined to leave a relationship when I felt it wasn't right, so I broke up with him because he changed so drastically. He cried, begged, and pleaded to change so I said I'd try again with him. Things didn't really change, and although I loved his personality his ideals in a relationship seemed almost childish, as if he had never experienced a relationship before. So I told him that I thought it would be best to be friends. Our entire relationship has been this cat-and-mouse game. We say we'll be friends, take time apart, then he'll try to sneak back into my life. I have a tendency to forget about things that people do to hurt me, and always focus on the positive points, which makes me allow him back into my life. The truth is he did a lot of careless things that hurt me, reading all of these posts I see that it's not purpose, but it still hurt. We had stopped talking for awhile after a second time of deciding to be friends and I moved. I texted to tell him I was leaving and we said goodbye. Since, he's been doing everything in his power to get my attention, but to be discreet about it at the same time. Leaving messages up that are definitely about me, saying he loves me even. I miss him and may just be in love with him, but am very scared about telling him how I am feeling, which I'm sure he is too, but I'm afraid if I reciprocate longing he'll become indifferent towards me again, and the game will start all over again.
This [he] is so confusing...please help

And also, I'm going back home in a few weeks and all I want to do as soon as I see him is jump him. I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not haha especially for the long run.

Thoughts?

How does he treat you "indifferently?" I'm just curious, because it sounds like he cares about you, and that you are the one having problems in the relationship. Libra can be very passionate about love, and at the same time, detatched from it.

Really, it sounds like you expect more from a boyfriend, and maybe you should seek that with somebody more compatible. You should only get involved with him again if you can accept the way he behaves in a relationship, if you can believe he cares for you without having to smother you...

Give me a few more details, though, about the behavior..

I am used to a boyfriend doing more for me, but that's not necessarily what I want/need. When we started going out he stopped calling and talking as often, maybe once or twice a week, and I felt as if we were becoming distant. We were both very shy around eachother which didn't help either I guess. The relationship seemed more so like a friendship at many times. In the beginning he was very openly affectionate, but after we were together he acted as if I was a friend with benefits rather than a girlfriend. I meant indifferent towards my feelings as well, but not intentionally I don't believe. He would constantly bring up past relationships/flings, and even created a list ranking everyone he had sex with, ranked them, and then sent this list to me with a message saying "where will you go?"
Being a virgo, sex is something I don't do with everyone and take pretty seriously so this message made me pretty upset. He made me feel that I was just one on the list a lot, but again not intentionally unless to try to provoke some sort of jealousy in me to see how much I cared. On the surface it sounds like a terrible thing to have done, but he did it in a joking way. It did still upset me though and I spoke to him about it in which he (kind of) apologized.
It's been several months now and he has yet to move on and seemingly still has feelings for me which has reassured me that maybe I wasn't just another girl on his list (I'd like to hear others thoughts on this too 🙂 ). I do not think that we're not compatible, I just feel that there's this terrible problem communicating what it is that we truly feel. The only reason I'm still hung up on him is because I have this feeling that if we just both let our guards down and were completely honest with eachother the relationship could be beautiful. Or maybe another disaster, who knows, but I'm willing to try.

And being passionate about love, yet detached from it at the same time really confuses me. How can you be both?

omigod run girl...run!!!! its gona be a long+painful ride. librans are weird!

o waitaminute... . my guy's a libra. heee




btw whats his moon sign ?
his is Scorpio ... scary...

Hah run?? Should I?

His moon sign is Virgo.
I wish you luck with your scorpio boy, I've heard they can be challenge...

I agree ! RUN. You are nothing more then a sexual conquest to him. Which is why he only wants you when you don't want him. He agrees to the idea of "friends" because he counts on his "libra charm" to get you back whenever and as often as HE wants on HIS schedule. You are a ride to him and you've been rode in the past. I agree it is extremely difficult to separate your feelings and intentions of what you want to see and believe from the reality of what is occuring. But it is more of an exciting game, as you said of "cat and mouse". For him it's the thrill of the chase to catch you when he really doesn't want you the way you hope and believe in your heart it could be. The list he derived was probably more for boasting purposes. Not intended to hurt you, I don't believe, but probably again more to brag more about his sexual accomplishments like trophies. Do you really want to be a trophy for him to add to that list—

Come on ! You're much better and smarter then that. You deserve someone who isn't into playing games. That's all you're doing is being the victim and the participant in a game of catch and release, catch and release. Find the strength to let go. It's hard, I know but you're in the frame of mind now it appears that you are already suspicious because your intuition is telling you the same thing. Stay friends but don't waste your time or your tears on this guy!

templeofjaguar: I think you're right, and I'm going to try to let go the best I can...thank you 🙂

UPDATE: Still need help :/

I tried to run I really really tried! Probably could have tried harder though, but he finally contacted me and poured his heart out which swept me off of my feet. He said that he couldn't stop thinking about me, missed me, had a lot of deep feelings for me that he wanted to talk about when I returned home, and even apologized for the way he had acted during our relationship. I was so happy. I told him I had been feeling the same way and everything seemed fine, but now things are starting to feel weird. The next day I spoke to him he started treating me as a "sexual conquest" like I had thought, but not just being flirtatious about it, but being extremely degrading, and disrespectful about it. So I got upset, and have yet to talk to him since. It's been a few days and I've cooled down, but dammit, he's giving me such mixed signals and as much as I'd like to run away all of the sweet things he said to me the night before is staying with me.

I just don't know what to do...

I also have a question: Are Libras normally pretty spiteful when they get hurt (even if the hurt is in their own minds and isn't what is going on at all)?

He poured his heart to me on Friday, and then I didn't talk to him all weekend. I think he was waiting for me to talk to him, but I didn't call until Sunday night. He knows how I feel about sex and how I'm usually uncomfortable with it if I'm not in a relationship with a person, which is why the way he was talking to me on Sunday, the disrespectful sexual way, really shocked me, and seemed almost as if he was getting back at me. Maybe not though. Anyway, the way he spoke to me really hurt me, really hurt me. I cried all night, and decided to avoid him for a few days to calm down, but now he seems to be avoiding me!

So confusing, please help me out if you can...

What did he say so degrading?

this is great...not that ur in this mess Virg. but that I too am seeing a guy that is Libra Sun/Virg. Moon...the guy I dated for 3.5 years prior to was a Libra/Scorpio moon...the whole back and forth...it seems to weigh upon ea. individual...I found the more aloof I treated a Lib. guy (and the 2 mentioned are not the only ones I have had the pleasure or grief of knowing) the more they chased. The more I got attached (I am Cancer/Aqua Moon so I can be just as aloof as the next guy or attached depending) the more they seem to think "i got this one in the bag". The Lib/Scorp guy was up my butt in a matter of weeks and then clung like a puppy dog. So annoying. He would disrespect me and then apologize profusely- then turn around and do the same thing once the air had cleared. (I always chalked it up to his Scorp. moon as they are sooo revenge oriented). and revenge oriented for crap that I had no idea he felt hurt over. Then the latest guy- I hear from him around Thurs. as we have a group that goes out on Fri. so he goes with his boys I go with my girls and by the end of the nite- we're at his place. it's great. until Tues rolls around and I wish that I could talk with him or hang with him or something- but I am too afraid to call- arent Virgo's pretty independent....like I dont want to crowd him and at the same time I am wondering if he wants me to? i miss him thru the week and cant wait to see him on Fri. so aloof during the week and then fireworks the second I see him. Fri. is like waiting for Santa to come and I'm 5...I really get excited to see him walk in to the local pub.

I am wondering how much influence is the aspect of his moon to your sun...as I am weighing the same in regard to my Aqua moon to his Libra Sun and my Cancer Sun to his Virgo Moon. I would check to see where his Mars is and your Venus... CafeAstrology is good to check out synastry like that...use as a guideline for general and basic personality aspects but nothing further as an end all.

U`C`ME: I'd rather not repeat what he said, but trust me, it wasn't something anyone should say to a girl that they respect.

moonmadness: Is the Libra guy you're seeing now revengeful/spiteful? Because he tries to get back at me too but in odd ways. And I've come to realize that the apologies just aren't legit, mine would disrespect and apologize over and over, but actions many times speak louder than words and if they keep repeating the action it's hard to believe they meant the apology at all. And Libras are good talkers, so be careful.

So I had never really experience the Libras not calling back aspect until last night. He told me to give him a call when I got home, but it was really late so I texted instead asking if he was up. I got no response back and still haven't. I'm not really sure how to take this. I'm not sure if he think she has me wrapped around his finger now so he can stop trying, or if he just thinks he'll talk to me later. I thought things were a little better last night, but now I'm not so sure. Thoughts? Others who have dealt with the no-call-back situation?

Sorry to say this but no-call-back has never meant good with my (ex)Libra...that's a sign of hesitation. When stg was wrong, he rather not called to avoid direct confrontation.
This actually always resulted in even bigger hurts in me at the end cause of worrying too much in th "waiting" period!

Nothing's wrong though. At least there shouldn't be anything wrong. We're not in a relationship right now, we're just talking/flirting through messages.

I am a libra . you must stay distant if you want your libra to be your dog 🙂. never show too much love. never . let him love you .

well, the Lib/Vir. has not returned my calls in several days and so there it is.
I suppose my antics after having a few brews...which I get the feeling were bought on purpose...nothing like seducing a drunk broad- I'm such a MILF... oh well. I dont see me hanging w. the guy and he is supposed to go on a trip soon...his sister has no answers- I suppose the time I had was fun and there it sits.
I think it was a conquest thang. consider me conquered. it was greeeeaaattt! while it lasted.

i was married to a libr manfor 4 yrs. it was great in the beginning. but then it turned out to be awful. I was hurting soo much. i was second guessing myself something i had never done. we have 3 kids so u are so lucky u can just cut off all ties.. when i have to talk to him he takes me out of my character. i hated this.. but not anymore.. I control my own emotions. He hastried everthing in his power to break me. calleing me bitches and and saying fuck me till i die. just horrible.. the thing is he will be the 1st to say I am not the problem its him. so I told him he should sek counseling but he will not. i am sad for him because I know he is not happy..

"I have a tendency to forget about things that people do to hurt me, and always focus on the positive points, which makes me allow him back into my life."



There's your problem right there ^^^^^^^


Positive is great .. but, when overlooking what could be detrimental for your well-being is where your focus is, when in reality, people carry with them issues .. then this ignorance becomes the real problem at hand and NOT the other persons issues.


Whether he is (this) or (that) ... has no revelance to your happiness.

What has relevance to your happiness is that you acknowledge that it's always about your own choices that guide your life ... and if your choice is to ignore that in which he does to hurt you, to only fall off the same cliff repeatedly .. then, in reality, your own choice is what is hurting you, and not him.

Just today I was talking about this on the Scorpio board .. here's an example I hypothesized and it appears to be true .....

It's referencing when people will ONLY view positive, when in reality, negative DOES exist, and to overlook it, you've accomplished actually bring a negative into your life, instead of a positive.

----------------------------------

And she has a lot of insight ... however, I believe people are flawed when they attempt to apply this Secret to their lives because the positive they focus on most of the time, is on the surface (ego) which in reality brings a negative to your life.


Here's an example for both of you ....


You meet this man, and you are absolutely smitten ... you want him, you focus on all the wonderful and beautiful and positive qualities about this coupling and him. You throw out anything negative about him, or this union with him, and any negative feedback you might get from others. What if he's a player? And he's using you? You will never "see" this because you decided you would ONLY see the positive.

You embrace him and all he has to offer .... to later get your heart burnt so bad that you want to die.

So, my point is .... in order for a real positive to come into your life by wishing it so, by using the powers of LOA .. this HAS to be done by the soul, with depth .. if it's on the surface (ego) .. then you haven't brought a positive to your life at all ... you've brought a negative.

Most people don't understand this concept .. they think that just because they want it, that it's a positive force.

lbr: That seems to be the situation I'm in. Ignoring him is what makes him crawl back, which I'm sure is just a desperate attempt to salvage a bruised ego.

But my question to you is this: isn't that completely unsatisfying? To go through your life, never in-sync with a person you think you may love? How will you ever be content, or even happy this way?

virgo83: I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things work out with the both of you...

P-Angel: I do agree with you. Seeing the positive instead of the negative definitely has its detrimental points, but isn't seeing things the opposite way even moreso?

I do feel that many times I look at people that I love/like in a positive light, but not by choice, it is a very unconcious thing but I'd hate for myself to be thinking negatively about them all the time either, unless it is deserved. I tend to overlook the negative mostly because I tend to have a very forgiving nature. I'd rather just forgive and forget than dwell on, hold grudges, or induce any kind of confrontation, which sometimes is good, but also has it's negative points as well. I feel like I still need to decifer inside myself what I feel like I can handle and what I can not. And this Libra man, like virgo83 said, definitely made me question my boundaries including what I should or should not be comfortable with concerning his behavior.

And I'm not sure what you mean by wishing it on the surface by using my ego, but I'm interested if you'd like to explain it a little more.

An update: He texted me apologizing and telling me he was asleep and wasn't able to talk the night before. We then spoke back and forth for a few days but stopped talking. It's been about a week since I spoke to him last.

I'm getting tired of all the games and just kind of figure that the ball is in his court now. I feel like I did everything I could, but that he's still waiting for me to make a move of some sort and I'm not sure why or even what to do.

I'm just going to move on at this point, and if he'd like to contact me he can.

He had told me he wanted to see me when I got home, and told me to make sure that I call him. Before I gave much thought to it I really did want to see him, and a part of me still really does, but I have decided it's best if I don't.

Unless he contacts me and I change my mind, but I'm hoping to stick with this decision, and maybe even more time apart will help us closer to one day actually being friends because that would really mean a lot to me.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for all of the advice, it's helped me a lot ^_^

- Virgoian

"Seeing the positive instead of the negative definitely has its detrimental points, but isn't seeing things the opposite way even moreso?"


No .. not "seeing" it. I'm not talking about embracing the negative, I'm talking about acknowledgement of it's existence and properly putting it into perspective as being a part of his character. You keep going back to him, eventhough, you think you are acknowledging that he has negative traits .. but, you aren't really acknowledging this, because you said that you overlook pains caused to you by him, as if they don't exist.

There is no success in anything in life, without realization of failure, for if there is no realization of failure, then how will know how to proceed to overcome obstacles to gain your success?

You can't ... an obstacle will hit you in the face and you'll know not how to proceed because all past experiences with this ... you ignored.

Expertise comes with experience, does it not? If you never allow yourself to experience something, then how will you gain insight on how to conquer, or become wise?

That's great to look at people in a positive light .. however, you MUST acknowledge that every person also has darkness.

To say you forget about things this man does to hurt you .. and then go running back as if it never existed to embrace only his positive traits is a set-up you are causing yourself to fall off the same cliff.

Do you think a person only grows from positive input?

Let me ask you a question:

When you were in school and you took a test .. wasn't it because of your errors on the exam that made you go back and re-read chapters because apparantly, you didn't get it because you had errors.

We learn from mistakes .. that's why we make them. If we don't learn from a mistake and just ignore it, then what are we learning?

Nothing. We know not to run with untied shoelaces because we FELL from doing it and got hurt.

If you forget about pain caused you from another person, if you overlook and completely IGNORE what this man is doing to you to hurt you ... then you will NEVER be able to grow with him because no realization of the difference between right and wrong is in place.

P-Angel: I do agree with you for the most part. It is something that I do need to work on. I feel as if I'm looking at the experiences differently however. I feel if someone apologizes for something then I should give them the benefit of the doubt and hope to not fall off of the same cliff as you described it, which is what I felt about him. He did things to hurt me yes, but usually apologized if I made it known to him. "Ignoring" the negative is kind of a stretch as well. I don't think I ever purposely ignored the negative and focused on the positive. It was a very unconcious thing, and was only aware of it until after the end of the relationship when I took time to reflect. I will take your advice though and try to keep some of the hurtful things in the back of mind from now on, I'm sure it will help me learn and move on.

ANOTHER UPDATE: So I haven't spoken to him in a couple weeks, mostly because I haven't had much time.
I get this text today saying: "Hey are you home yet"
I replied no because I'm not and he responds with: "Well I can't wait to see you but no hanky-panky because I'm kind of seeing someone so let's hang out as friends,

play him back. I know this sounds childish..

tell him thats good because its best you not see each other at all because you have begun seeing some1 else. bet that will keep him interested. He doesnt have a gurl friend he just wants to see if you have started seeing some1. but he does not just wanna come out and ask you if you do. he has no grounds to ask you this. so he has to bring it to you another way. Its just another game

i_gottaluvme1st: Thank you, and I think you're right. It hadn't seemed as if he was seeing someone at all which confused me even more.

I didn't tell him I was seeing anyone, but I didn't say I wasn't either. I just laughed and said "ok deal" and haven't spoken to him since. If I said I was seeing someone and that I couldn't see him when I got home, wouldn't it make him back off instead of more interested though? I'd rather not worsen the game, but I do want to know what the hell he's thinking. I don't understand how telling me he's seeing someone else isn't supposed to make me back off, because that's all it made me want to do.

"I don't understand how telling me he's seeing someone else isn't supposed to make me back off, because that's all it made me want to do."



Actually, that is incorrect .. it's made you come in here and ask about what he's doing and what he is thinking .. in fact, all of his playing has led you to put more focus into what he's doing, and why.

If it had made you back off, then you wouldn't be here because you wouldn't even care.

By him telling you that has actually compelled you to want him .. which is his intent.

I don't agree with playing him back .... I think your correct course of action is to be a confident woman, not just act like one .. and swim.

P-Angel: I'm planning on not seeing him because of it which to him is backing off. I still have strong feelings for him and am confused by his games, that's why I'm asking these questions...

okay. well maybe playing him back was a bit childish. but he is not seeing anyone he just wants u to pay him attention.. I mean most women is into a man who can "commit".. but igg him if he cant come correct then dont come at all. thats what i told my ex when he pretended to want to get back together.

Stop over analyzing Virgo and be confident in yourself and really give him chance to show you what he knows. You Virgos are focused in the past experience but this is very strange for us Libras.
I am also Libra with some relation with Virgo guy and i really ignore him right know and i wait for him because he really is not sure for me and this is the some reason with your Libra he is very confused with your action and why is so " indifferent " what you said he is not he think on you every minute but say this to him and you will see what will happen.
We Libra really want to feel save with someone and this is the problem with Libra and Virgo in the beginning because we really dont give us some seve and why we react in this way just think how many times you hurt him with your cold behavior.
Just stop analyzing and focus on your current relationship not in your past one because your Virgos really have the difficulties with this all your life is in your past not in your present just stop to think on your past partner and focus on this one we deserved this and the same treatment. We really not guilty for your bad experience in your past.
GOOD LUCK