Ginnia
@Ginnia
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 15 · Topics: 1
WTH— One confused Sagittarius...
"I have to wonder who it is your trying to convince,you or me... furthermore, whatever is going on in your head that you don't wish to share is your issue not mine. I find your argument to be with yourself, not me and therefore is invalid. As for putting a ring on my finger with no intention of marriage, my honest opinion is that if I'm not good enough to marry, I'm not good enough for the ring either, but considering we have never made a commitment to move in that direction, you will excuse me if I'm not crushed by the news." Now this was a conversation, there was no yelling or being nasty, it was simply a discussion, which was opened up out of the blue by him.Neither of us were upset or offended.He was a little defensive with the the first sentence , but I guess my response quickly doused that. After the conversation was done things went immediately back to normal like it had never happened. Now my confusion comes into play in the fact that when he introduces me to his new work mates or refers to me in comments in his facebook gun groups he introduces and refers to me as his wife... Yup you read that right...So WTH? What do ya do with that..? Can anyone hazard a guess as to what might be going through his mind? It has never been brought up again since that night. He still says he loves me all the time, he is still attentive to our relationship and when we are not working, we are still inseparable which is both our choice. Things are great with us, but I can't help but think there was something he was fishing for or somewhere he was going with it, but I didn't play into it right, ya know what I mean? I'm a Sagittarius and when caught off guard we tend to be brutally honest, maybe I didn't handle the situation right. Any insight as to what it was all about would be much appreciated. 🙂
The truth? It means nothing. He can call you whatever he wants but that doesn't really mean much of anything. Just observe his actions. That's all that matters. As long as you guys are happy and get along great, no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.
I'm not trying to be indifferent with your worries or the possible reasons why he's like this. Let's just cut to the chase. At the end of the day, all that matters is what both of you do in your relationship. It's not about the label, the piece of paper nor the ring.
I'm not trying to be indifferent with your worries or the possible reasons why he's like this. Let's just cut to the chase. At the end of the day, all that matters is what both of you do in your relationship. It's not about the label, the piece of paper nor the ring.
It's definitely insecurity. He is a libra in love, you're is world, his future,his everything. When he brought up the idea of future marriage and you put on the brakes, it was a reality check for him. We don't always do well in reality, we prefer our romantic utopia. He got offended and decided to go passive aggressive. That's why he had the sudden change. He was probably hoping you'd get emotional and express some deep feelings or some shit. Clearly that conversation didn't go how he wanted it to. Now it sounds like he's trying to get you comfortable with the idea by just pretending it already happened. That's why he's introducing you as his wife. You'll get used to hearing it and won't object next time the topic comes up lol.
Basically, he approached the topic of marriage and was told he hasn't proven himself yet. The last husband let you down, but maybe in a few more years you'll believe he wouldn't. Remember, libra's are generally very romantical and idealistic. If he's bringing up marrying you and asking you're thoughts, he's in. Finding out you're on a very different page about how you feel is a strange thing. If I'm all in and crazy about a woman, she should feel the same about me.
We're kind of emo sometimes, he got his feelings hurt and over reacted. Were all there of these steps close on the calendar? Him bringing it up, the visit and reversal of position, and the wife introductions? If so, yeah. He had a mantrum. He realized it though and has over corrected. "Hi, have you met my wife"? Lol.
We're kind of emo sometimes, he got his feelings hurt and over reacted. Were all there of these steps close on the calendar? Him bringing it up, the visit and reversal of position, and the wife introductions? If so, yeah. He had a mantrum. He realized it though and has over corrected. "Hi, have you met my wife"? Lol.
He wants to co-exist and play house with you. No confusion there. This is his way of trying to see if you??re cool with that without him having to come right out and saying it. Libra??s are not as blunt as Sagittarians. Him saying what he said was as about as blunt as you??re ever going to get out of a Libra man. And judging by your response when he said he didn't want to marry you, I would??ve taken that to mean your cool with playing house.
You sound older, so I know your values in a relationship is slightly different.
I on the other hand have never been married, but I can't honestly say that even if I had and things went sour; that I would be cool co-exiting with a man that didn't plan on making an honest woman out of me. If he would??ve said that to me, then I would??ve told him we need to rethink this whole relationship thing then. The reason for coming together as man and woman, dating and getting to know one another is to see if the person is worthy of meeting at the alter and sharing forever together.
You have a choice to make, if you wanna play house then stay, if not then you should start apartment shopping. Because like he said —He's never going to marry you??.. he got a lot of nerve, I don't even know him and that statement pissed me off a little lol. I'm a woman first I guess. Lol.
You sound older, so I know your values in a relationship is slightly different.
I on the other hand have never been married, but I can't honestly say that even if I had and things went sour; that I would be cool co-exiting with a man that didn't plan on making an honest woman out of me. If he would??ve said that to me, then I would??ve told him we need to rethink this whole relationship thing then. The reason for coming together as man and woman, dating and getting to know one another is to see if the person is worthy of meeting at the alter and sharing forever together.
You have a choice to make, if you wanna play house then stay, if not then you should start apartment shopping. Because like he said —He's never going to marry you??.. he got a lot of nerve, I don't even know him and that statement pissed me off a little lol. I'm a woman first I guess. Lol.
Posted by LibraSid
Basically, he approached the topic of marriage and was told he hasn't proven himself yet. The last husband let you down, but maybe in a few more years you'll believe he wouldn't. Remember, libra's are generally very romantical and idealistic. If he's bringing up marrying you and asking you're thoughts, he's in. Finding out you're on a very different page about how you feel is a strange thing. If I'm all in and crazy about a woman, she should feel the same about me.
We're kind of emo sometimes, he got his feelings hurt and over reacted. Were all there of these steps close on the calendar? Him bringing it up, the visit and reversal of position, and the wife introductions? If so, yeah. He had a mantrum. He realized it though and has over corrected. "Hi, have you met my wife"? Lol.
Yes! THIS! I totally forgot about the libra mirroring.
It's like telling you, "So you think in the future you might want to marry me. Let me give you a ring and I may or may not marry you. That should make things even."
Anyway, I'll tell you a story about what happened between me and my leeb ex. Kinda like yours too BUT with a different ending.
We were in college back then. He was quite miserable, always missing his classes, had to force him to go most of the time and made sure he attended his lectures. It was like that for 2 years. It burned me out completely. I felt more like a mother to him than a GF.
One day, he told me, someday we'll get married. My reply was, "PFT!!! WTF you gonna feed me with, your balls and your pubic hair?! You can't even be a responsible student now. How can you expect to have a future if you can't even push yourself to finish this?!"
That was the beginning of the slippery slope to the demise of our relationship.
So in your case, if he's still attentive towards you and you feel like nothing changed between the two of you after 'the talk' then I guess you don't have anything to worry about... for now.
We were in college back then. He was quite miserable, always missing his classes, had to force him to go most of the time and made sure he attended his lectures. It was like that for 2 years. It burned me out completely. I felt more like a mother to him than a GF.
One day, he told me, someday we'll get married. My reply was, "PFT!!! WTF you gonna feed me with, your balls and your pubic hair?! You can't even be a responsible student now. How can you expect to have a future if you can't even push yourself to finish this?!"
That was the beginning of the slippery slope to the demise of our relationship.
So in your case, if he's still attentive towards you and you feel like nothing changed between the two of you after 'the talk' then I guess you don't have anything to worry about... for now.
Pfft, what an immature fuck.
Posted by AesmaDaeva
The truth? It means nothing. He can call you whatever he wants but that doesn't really mean much of anything. Just observe his actions. That's all that matters. As long as you guys are happy and get along great, no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.
I'm not trying to be indifferent with your worries or the possible reasons why he's like this. Let's just cut to the chase. At the end of the day, all that matters is what both of you do in your relationship. It's not about the label, the piece of paper nor the ring.
Thank you AesmaDaeva. See that is how I see a relationship. If we're both content with our life as it is why do we need to label and categorize it? I have found in the past the piece of paper and the ring tend to send men into panic mode, after the newness wears off. They begin to feel trapped and that is definitely not what I want this relationship to turn into.
I have been in a few relationships and 1 marriage and it was always a battle of wills. This eventually turns into resentment and things get said that can never be un-said, then you lose all the wonderful things your relationship was, all the things you have tried so hard to hold onto. This relationship is a friendship and it's just...comfortable and easy. I just don't want to jeopardize what we have for the sake of a ring that could end up being our undoing as in past relationships.
Thank you so much for your thoughts... 🙂
Posted by tizianiPosted by RainDancer88
Oh girl, hahahaha. Tiz- it IS the truth! No holding what is true in.
Good of you to keep your cool, and good that you stood up for yourself because he was the one hunting at it and he is the one who threw it in your face... smells like insecurity. But be that as it may, I would never force a libra an into Amy commitment because they can be nasty with throwing it in your face at their convenience (not hating tis truth)
Don't play games. Enjoy the love and let the good times roll. Let him figure his intentions out alone. 🙂
If it were the truth, there would be no confusion.click to expand
Raindancer88, thank you for your thougts. 🙂 He is actually very accepting of my faults...and trust me, I have a quite a few. I really didn't think there was anyone out there capable of loving on the same level as myself. He is like I am when it comes to flaws,we don't dwell on them, we say our peace, step over them and keep moving forward. I did think it might have been an insecurity thing, but then pushing in the opposite direction he wanted it to go just doesn't make much sense to me. Then again, I have a tendency to be direct on what I want and honest in saying exactly what I mean... maybe he is not or maybe he was worried about upsetting me with his real thoughts. Men are different creatures,lol!
Posted by GinniaPosted by AesmaDaeva
The truth? It means nothing. He can call you whatever he wants but that doesn't really mean much of anything. Just observe his actions. That's all that matters. As long as you guys are happy and get along great, no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.
I'm not trying to be indifferent with your worries or the possible reasons why he's like this. Let's just cut to the chase. At the end of the day, all that matters is what both of you do in your relationship. It's not about the label, the piece of paper nor the ring.
Thank you AesmaDaeva. See that is how I see a relationship. If we're both content with our life as it is why do we need to label and categorize it? I have found in the past the piece of paper and the ring tend to send men into panic mode, after the newness wears off. They begin to feel trapped and that is definitely not what I want this relationship to turn into.
I have been in a few relationships and 1 marriage and it was always a battle of wills. This eventually turns into resentment and things get said that can never be un-said, then you lose all the wonderful things your relationship was, all the things you have tried so hard to hold onto. This relationship is a friendship and it's just...comfortable and easy. I just don't want to jeopardize what we have for the sake of a ring that could end up being our undoing as in past relationships.
Thank you so much for your thoughts... 🙂click to expand
FYI...that is not at all how a libra male looks at marriage. You need to let go of the past and stop thinking this guy will fail you. You will push him away. I'm not saying you should marry him or nothing. Just let your current relationship be your current relationship, he ain't your ex husband. We're romantics at heart, you're analogy is sad. If you view a future with me as a prison, I'll set you free now.
Not an analogy, just outlook I guess.
And no ultimately the ring and piece of paper don't matter. Being married did. Maybe I'm old fashioned, sentimental, corny, whatever. I was married too. My shit ended bad too. I'll still probably do it again at some point. Rings can be lost, papers can be destroyed, my word means something. I'm telling you, when he suggested marriage and you told him he hadn't earned your trust yet, you offended him. Guys can't tell you that you hurt our feeling because we ain't supposed to have them, but you hurt his.
I'm not saying his mantrum was the right way to go, I just recognize the passive aggressive behavior.
And no ultimately the ring and piece of paper don't matter. Being married did. Maybe I'm old fashioned, sentimental, corny, whatever. I was married too. My shit ended bad too. I'll still probably do it again at some point. Rings can be lost, papers can be destroyed, my word means something. I'm telling you, when he suggested marriage and you told him he hadn't earned your trust yet, you offended him. Guys can't tell you that you hurt our feeling because we ain't supposed to have them, but you hurt his.
I'm not saying his mantrum was the right way to go, I just recognize the passive aggressive behavior.
Posted by Ginnia
About 6 months after we were living together he spoke about marriage, he said he had been seriously thinking about us being married and asked my thoughts on it. I told him I had only been married once and the outcome was not good, my ex had cheated on me and that was a huge betrayal of my trust I just couldn't get around, so divorce was the only option in that case.
This is the part I'm talking about.
Posted by LibraSid
Basically, he approached the topic of marriage and was told he hasn't proven himself yet. The last husband let you down, but maybe in a few more years you'll believe he wouldn't. Remember, libra's are generally very romantical and idealistic. If he's bringing up marrying you and asking you're thoughts, he's in. Finding out you're on a very different page about how you feel is a strange thing. If I'm all in and crazy about a woman, she should feel the same about me.
We're kind of emo sometimes, he got his feelings hurt and over reacted. Were all there of these steps close on the calendar? Him bringing it up, the visit and reversal of position, and the wife introductions? If so, yeah. He had a mantrum. He realized it though and has over corrected. "Hi, have you met my wife"? Lol.
So there's a years gap between his being pro marriage and against it? No conversations in between? I have no idea then...
I was thinking it was close, maybe weeks, a month or two at most. I thought it was just emo over reacting. A year later to just randomly pop up and say that is strange to me.
That quoting is annoying sometimes
I was thinking it was close, maybe weeks, a month or two at most. I thought it was just emo over reacting. A year later to just randomly pop up and say that is strange to me.
That quoting is annoying sometimes
As for the comment being hurtful, maybe he sees it maybe not. Like I said, I thought it was in the heat of the moment (weeks later still is to us, btw...we're slow). I'm better at it now but I can get nasty with words and not realize how deep it cuts. If I'm really upset, in an argument I can still go off, but I try not too. Aries moon? I have a temper haha.
Have you talked to him about this? Not a talk where you're posturing for power, but a real heart to heart. You all been together a couple years now. If I wasn't pissed off and being mean, it'd have to be something... No. I'd have to be mad to say that. I can imagine seriously thinking I'd pit a ring on someone but not truly marry them. That's some fucked up stuff. I wouldnt do that to myself haha. If I'm giving someone a ring it's real. But remember I'm a corny old romantic, you're results may vary.
Have you talked to him about this? Not a talk where you're posturing for power, but a real heart to heart. You all been together a couple years now. If I wasn't pissed off and being mean, it'd have to be something... No. I'd have to be mad to say that. I can imagine seriously thinking I'd pit a ring on someone but not truly marry them. That's some fucked up stuff. I wouldnt do that to myself haha. If I'm giving someone a ring it's real. But remember I'm a corny old romantic, you're results may vary.
Really there ain't been nothing said recently? You ain't the person posted a thread about not wanting their libra man to go to a family members wedding are you? I could see that restarting this shit. Otherwise a year later is some shit. The first conversation would still be in my mind but I wouldn't come outta left field changing my stance like that.
Posted by LibraSid
Not an analogy, just outlook I guess.
And no ultimately the ring and piece of paper don't matter. Being married did. Maybe I'm old fashioned, sentimental, corny, whatever. I was married too. My shit ended bad too. I'll still probably do it again at some point. Rings can be lost, papers can be destroyed, my word means something. I'm telling you, when he suggested marriage and you told him he hadn't earned your trust yet, you offended him. Guys can't tell you that you hurt our feeling because we ain't supposed to have them, but you hurt his.
I'm not saying his mantrum was the right way to go, I just recognize the passive aggressive behavior.
So how do I right this thing at this point? Should I bring it up again and explain my confusion and get clarification on what he actually meant or should I leave it alone? I know he had been in 2 marriages and one very serious relationship that didn't come out well. He told me that he had been single for 3 years before he met me. He has told me his heart just wasn't ready to love again until he met me. He has told me he really enjoyed the single life and that he didn't need a woman in his life to be happy. He basically told me I have no worries, I'm with him because he wants me to be with him, not because he needs me. I just wonder if things have changed for him and this is why he doesn't see us married...maybe he doesn't see me in his future. Maybe I have unknowingly done something that has changed his outlook on our future together?
I'm rambling again. My last dance with maryjane is almost done, is bed time.
Where are we in the time line now? Is there a gap between his recording breaking "world's slowest comeback" and his introducing you as wifey?
Where are we in the time line now? Is there a gap between his recording breaking "world's slowest comeback" and his introducing you as wifey?
Lol... no i'm not the one that posted about not wanting the libra to go to the family members wedding.
Actually no gap...I didn't realize it at the time he had said he wasn't going to marry me, but in his groups he was already referring to me as his wife, at that same time. That has not changed to this day, I am still referred to as his wife among his groups and his work buddies, they all think I am his wife. Quick thought could it be the case of not buying the cow because the milk is already free? Is he maybe afraid of commitment and backing out of his earlier feelings about marriage?
Actually no gap...I didn't realize it at the time he had said he wasn't going to marry me, but in his groups he was already referring to me as his wife, at that same time. That has not changed to this day, I am still referred to as his wife among his groups and his work buddies, they all think I am his wife. Quick thought could it be the case of not buying the cow because the milk is already free? Is he maybe afraid of commitment and backing out of his earlier feelings about marriage?
You're gonna have to talk to him and see. I know I wouldn't give someone a ring if I didn't want to marry them. It'd be phoney. I've had enough games. I'd break it off if I felt that way. I'm gonna get my happily ever after damn it. Not everyone thinks like that though.
Do you know what you want? What if he does want marriage and happily ever after? Do you, or is it too soon to know? He has brought it up seriously before. Now he's coming from a way different angle. You told him that won't fly for you. What if he was serious?
I would have handled it differently in his shoes and maybe I'm taking his side too much cause I'm feeling sappy tonight..
I think it is just insecurity though. Yeah it sucks. Yeah he needs to get it in check. Here's one of those things a man gets mocked for admitting. The easiest way to squash my insecurity is a big hug. I don't do it often but sometimes I get hung up on bullshit. I'm a lover not a fighter.
Do you know what you want? What if he does want marriage and happily ever after? Do you, or is it too soon to know? He has brought it up seriously before. Now he's coming from a way different angle. You told him that won't fly for you. What if he was serious?
I would have handled it differently in his shoes and maybe I'm taking his side too much cause I'm feeling sappy tonight..
I think it is just insecurity though. Yeah it sucks. Yeah he needs to get it in check. Here's one of those things a man gets mocked for admitting. The easiest way to squash my insecurity is a big hug. I don't do it often but sometimes I get hung up on bullshit. I'm a lover not a fighter.
Posted by Ginnia
Lol... no i'm not the one that posted about not wanting the libra to go to the family members wedding.
Actually no gap...I didn't realize it at the time he had said he wasn't going to marry me, but in his groups he was already referring to me as his wife, at that same time. That has not changed to this day, I am still referred to as his wife among his groups and his work buddies, they all think I am his wife. Quick thought could it be the case of not buying the cow because the milk is already free? Is he maybe afraid of commitment and backing out of his earlier feelings about marriage?
Heh, I guess but I always hated that saying because it's just not me. if I don't want the cow I don't need your milk that bad haha.
I wouldnt introduce just anyone as wife either. I'll call any ol bitch a "ball and chain" or "the old hag" but wife is someone special.
Its midnight, I'm out. Talk to him. Don't take no bullshit but don't come at him attacking.
Oh! Protip for dealing with a libra...
We're like dogs, you can say anything you want if you do it in a sweet voice and give us a treat afterwards 😱
It's true though. Don't come at me angry. Don't come looking for a fight. Come in open, honest, straightforward, and I'll give it back.He's clearly got something on his mind. He needs to work on his approach, but yeah...
Oh! Protip for dealing with a libra...
We're like dogs, you can say anything you want if you do it in a sweet voice and give us a treat afterwards 😱
It's true though. Don't come at me angry. Don't come looking for a fight. Come in open, honest, straightforward, and I'll give it back.He's clearly got something on his mind. He needs to work on his approach, but yeah...
Ok so that helps! See... I think his thoughts tend to be more like yours. The cow thing just doesn't seem like him, It's out of character. He had told me he didn't need me, he wanted me and he loved me, actually Crazy about me is how he referred to it. So I guess we need to have a talk to find out what cryptic meaning there is in his out of the blue statement. After speaking with you I believe there is somewhere he was going with it and I didn't play into it right for him to get to the heart of the matter.
And actually, that is why I'm so concerned about finding out what was in his mind, because although we had not truly discussed moving toward marriage, I honestly can't imagine being without him, ever. I have full plans on being with him for the rest of my life. At 43 I'm no spring chicken so if he is not on the same page, I really need to know where we stand and how I can fix what may have caused this sudden block in his mind.
And actually, that is why I'm so concerned about finding out what was in his mind, because although we had not truly discussed moving toward marriage, I honestly can't imagine being without him, ever. I have full plans on being with him for the rest of my life. At 43 I'm no spring chicken so if he is not on the same page, I really need to know where we stand and how I can fix what may have caused this sudden block in his mind.
Thank you so much for your advice Librasid, I truly appreciate it!!! 😄
If I lead with that when I speak with him Tiziani?
Cool, I will! 🙂
If marriage was the thought in his mind before, do you think I can resolve the issue and set things back to where they were in his mind?
If marriage was the thought in his mind before, do you think I can resolve the issue and set things back to where they were in his mind?
Posted by Ginnia
Cool, I will! 🙂
If marriage was the thought in his mind before, do you think I can resolve the issue and set things back to where they were in his mind?
I thought at first he was saying the 'put a ring but probably not gonna marry you' because he was hurt and possibly mirroring your initial reaction when he opened up about it before. But it took him a year to say that. Seems like he has swept this under the rug for too long. He really didn't take it well.
It's time for an honest talk about it. I like the way you talk. You're soothing my aries moon. 😄 So just keep it up with this tone and tell him this:
Posted by Ginnia
And actually, that is why I'm so concerned about finding out what was in his mind, because although we had not truly discussed moving toward marriage, I honestly can't imagine being without him, ever. I have full plans on being with him for the rest of my life. At 43 I'm no spring chicken so if he is not on the same page, I really need to know where we stand and how I can fix what may have caused this sudden block in his mind.
Posted by Ginnia
He had told me he didn't need me, he wanted me and he loved me, actually Crazy about me is how he referred to it.click to expand
That's wonderful! That's how mature relationships should be.
I understand your worries from previous relationships but like I always tell my friends, keep the past where it belongs. It's okay to look back to avoid the same mistakes but don't start new relationships filled with paranoias or emotional baggage because of the past. That is sad and a recipe for disaster.
All relationships are unique and there might be basic patterns on every relationships you've had but that's where the similarities end. So always think positively and look on the brighter side of things.
I wish you luck and keep us posted!
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I have been with my Libra man for 3 years and I can say he is a dedicated, wonderful, attentive, loving man. That being said here is my problem...
About 6 months after we were living together he spoke about marriage, he said he had been seriously thinking about us being married and asked my thoughts on it. I told him I had only been married once and the outcome was not good, my ex had cheated on me and that was a huge betrayal of my trust I just couldn't get around, so divorce was the only option in that case. However, I did tell him the inclination had never crossed my mind to re-marry until I met him and that I could definitely see us married in a few years if our relationship remained as compatible as it seemed to be. We are great friends and our relationship is just easy...no arguing and fighting, just comfortable...even now.
So his daughter came home for a visit and the day she was getting ready to leave she said she was so glad her dad had found someone who made him so happy and she hoped we would get married. I told her we hadn't really discussed it in depth, but that it was a possibility in the future. (He was in the other room watching TV and I have no idea if he heard the conversation or not.) About 3 days after she left we were sitting in bed watching TV and out of the blue he said, " I'm never going to marry you. I might put a ring on your finger, but I'm not marrying you" Shocked at where that even came from I looked up from my book and just looked at him for a minute. Then I said "Really...Ok, well first off you are the one who brought up the conversation of marriage quite a while ago,not me, if you remember...so acting like I have been badgering you to get married is out of line, because we have never discussed it outside of that ONE time." He said "Yeah, I know but I changed my mind...I don't want to" I said "Well no one is forcing you to so stop being defensive, if anyone has a right to be defensive right now it's me, you burst out of the blue with this statement and your excuse is I don't want to...no reason why, no explanation or discussion." ***see comment