@ravishing

Willingness to go to rehab is a fine first step, but you have more work to do. You often see people who've been to rehab 10+ times only to turn around and make the exact same mistakes all over again.

That's because they haven't dealt with what causes their addiction in their first place. Addicts have something they're trying to avoid/hide from, and they attempt to do so by wasting themselves with booze or drugs.

You need to figure out what your trigger is, what is causing you to turn to vices. Find that wound and take steps to heal it. Otherwise rehab might very well become your personal Groundhog Day.



I know that's far easier said than done. But your first step has to be believing that you are worth saving.

We were meant to live for so much more

Have we lost ourselves?

Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world's got to offer

And everything inside screams for second life

Here's a little food for your soul (Meant To Live - acapella/instrumental)

https://dbr.ee/4Xnh

https://dbr.ee/hmUC

Posted by Ravishing
The most disappointing thing about all of this is I'll never be able to drink again. I know that sounds so bad but hello? I'm a Gemini. We love to party and get smashed. I'm like an animal, I can't contain myself with substances or alcohol for some reason. I went through a really long battle in my teens with substance abuse, took me so long to fight it off and now I have the same problem with alcohol. Super, super disappointing.

Apart of me is still in denial though, I can't lie. Like I'll go to rehab and do what I need to do but God I will try having drinks like rarely during occasions and like birthdays anyway. Like seriously, I am not giving that up so easily.

Also, I regret drunkenly admitting this on DXP, but now I have no choice but to address it.

It's not that you drink, it's how much you drink. One-two drinks aren't gonna kill you, it's the 3rd and the 4th and the 10th that do people in, those who can't stop.

I actually hate the taste of alcohol in general, but I used to be addicted to violence. Two whole years - long story I'd rather leave buried in the past. I did get counselling for that but sometimes it comes back. Jed said that when he saw that guy limp on the ground with blood on his face, he thought he was dead and it looked like a quick but brutal job, as if I knew what I was doing like a trained mercenary. Truth is, I did know what I was doing. Said the look on my face was demonic, as if that guy was a lowly cockroach and I was internally debating whether to squash him or not.

Exercising control is imperative. Same goes for every other intense urge, including sexual ones. Yeah you like the taste of liquor and noone says you can't enjoy it again. But when you've already had two drinks and you feel like having 5 more, train your brain to switch focus to something non-alcoholic. Imagine how great that other drink tastes and how much you'll enjoy it too, instead of "yeah whatevs let's just get it down me real quick" like a chore.

Think of your brain like a dog. They are predisposed to be receptive towards training, and that's why disciplined dogs thrive so much.

Sit.