Black Clouds, Grief and other senseless things

Some days, I feel like I have a black cloud hovering over me. I try to stay optimistic but I get that damn Saturn gut punch and it starts all over.

Yesterday was my late father's bday. Good celebration of him. My dad was the coolest person ever. Still sucks he's not here. I really need him now.

I've had my 2 younger sisters kids for 3 days straight. Was supposed to be only a day. They didn't show up to my dad's celebration. And they're avoiding me—?. The fuck—

Last week, I went to brunch with a few friends. Real nice place. One of my friends brought her boyfriend along. No problem. But I think her boyfriend likes boys. The way he enunciates his s's at the end of words that has an s, his eyebrows were arched to the Gawds, and the fact that he pretty much eyed all of the guys us ladies were eyeing.. but, I try not to judge. They're engaged to be married—? but... ok?

For the past month, My ex husband has been following me around or randomly showing up at my place. I have a new place, we sold our home. Or... I went to a mall with my male cousin that came here from my hometown. Ex shows up and tried to make a scene. Followed me home. Stayed outside my house until I texted him to let him know I called the police. Scorpio——

My butt is ginormous. I hop in my jeans every morning. It's exhausting. I exercise now. But this craving for red velvet cake and baked ziti is ruining my life.

I still have my sisters kids. One of them call me momma now. They eat a lot.

My baby boy is the most intelligent baby on the planet. So great seeing him in action. He's so loving and stern when he needs to be. Only 1 years old. He has a little personality already. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Creating him. He brings me so much joy

But this black cloud. It still hovers over me. I can't shake it. When will it leave?

I'm a sexist pig and all I saw was "butt" and "ginormous" I'm sorry......

I hid the wrong post.

Internally, I'm about to go crazy.

On the surface, I seem fine. The only time I vent is here. I don't know why I just can't seem to get in that space of opening up to those around me.

I'm good though. Thanks ladies. Once I get it out, I'm fine.

Posted by capitalism
"Some days, I feel like I have a black cloud hovering over me. I try to stay optimistic but I get that damn Saturn gut punch and it starts all over"

That Capricorn life.

Venus in Cap is me.