Cohabitation 101

Professor of "Like Everything" poises herself before her evening class at a local university. The lecture hall is filled to the brim with eager minds waiting to absorb the days lesson...


Good morning class!

Good morning Professor!

Today we are going to discuss the do's and don't's with respect to Cohabitation. Can I get a show of hands of people who whether dating or married have ever or are currently cohabiting with a partner?"

*half the class raises its hand*

Wow, that many of you huh? Well I'm sure you've learned some lessons along the way. Instead of our normal lecture session, I figured that today could learn from the real life experiences of your peers. Let's go around the room and share what you've learned in living with a spouse or significant others.

Now to get your brains churning, here as some questions to get us started...


- What are some of the common mistakes one should guard against?
- How do you deal with discord?
- What about "alone" time?
- Housekeeping style s, what to do when there are differences?
- What if you're simply "not in the mood?"
- What if you don't like their friends/family who visit often?
- Money management. Joint or separate accounts?



Ok, now that we have several questions out there, I'd like to hear from the class. Tell me what you've learned in your cohabitation experiences...

oh and uhm, i've never lived with a boy because my momma raised me better than that BUT i found one i like very much and my momma also didn't raise no fools.

so i've decided to take a leap of faith and submerge myself in neptunian fantasy. don't worry, i have scuba gear and he likes to sunbathe so we should be fine. i do however wonder about what it would truly be like to have someone there like...ALL THE TIME?!?!?

i dont think the reality has set in upon me yet but there are things i dread as a women when i think of the permanence. ie...

- FUCK! i gotta shave my legs, pits, cooch like all the damn time now 😢
- OMG! what about that gray nose hair and that stubborn chin hair that grow back like every other day?
- Seriously, what if i dont feel like doing my hair?
- But i like wearing sweat pants when i'm lazy!
- Sometimes i feel like a bitch, sometimes i don't...

i've had roommates in the past but this is different. one, he's a he and he has a wee. two, this isn't fleeting. we are coming together not for a semester, a summer or "until...," this is about an attempt to merge lives...for like ever and frankly, the aries' in me is on the verge of spazzing beyond belief.

so seriously, any suggestions? lessons learned?

Posted by everevolvingepithet
- What are some of the common mistakes one should guard against?
Too many pairs of shoes/wardrobes, clothes making for a second carpet

yeah, i can see that.

- What about "alone" time?
Night shifts/mancave, crash at a friends house

that seems kinda dangerous. i mean, i dont know if that would go over too well. wouldn't that result in "where the fuck where you last night—"

one of my gfs has resigned to taking a day off of work, not telling anyone and getting a hotel room. she hangs out, maybe gets some pampering in. then returns home "after work" at her scheduled time. i told Catfish about this and this will not be an option.

- Money management. Joint or separate accounts?
Separate accounts and a kitty for some stuff to keep it fun (not for 'emergency shoes' either)

click to expand

so like never merge your accounts? i dont mean all of your money going into the same account but like a % or certain amount of your check going into the joint account that covers bills? i have so many friends who do things separately and truly, one hand doesnt know what the other is doing.

my friend's scorpio was responsible for paying the mortgage. he decides to short sale the home and oops, mortgage doesnt get paid for two months. she of course finds out 60+ days later.

YOU'RE FUCKED

🙂

no actually it's not that bad. Just communicate. Don't be afraid to tell him you're not in the mood and you want to be left alone. You'll be over it by tommorrow and he can sulk in the meantime

About the only one I have an answer for was the money one. Basically, we had three accounts. One for her, one for me, and one community account. Community paid bills etc. The other two each pretty much did what they wanted with.

One thing did arise though, for a long time I made the most money. A time came when both of us were making pretty much the same amounts. She had a really hard time seeing where she needed to increase her contribution to the community pot to match my contribution. It was indeed a source of a lot of grief, but really, if I am sharing all the household chores, cooking, shopping, on and on, you need to cough up some bucks for bills.

i'm not so much worried about the money issue. i do see what you're saying though. it would suck if he had that attitude of my money is his money and his money is his money but i dont get this vibe from him.

Posted by ianthepisces
Where do you come up with this bullshit?

my 12th house 😛

i believe i would be technically moving into his 12th house given he's the owner

Posted by caligula
oh and uhm, i've never lived with a boy because my momma raised me better than that BUT i found one i like very much and my momma also didn't raise no fools.

so i've decided to take a leap of faith and submerge myself in neptunian fantasy. don't worry, i have scuba gear and he likes to sunbathe so we should be fine. i do however wonder about what it would truly be like to have someone there like...ALL THE TIME?!?!?

i dont think the reality has set in upon me yet but there are things i dread as a women when i think of the permanence. ie...

- FUCK! i gotta shave my legs, pits, cooch like all the damn time now 😢
- OMG! what about that gray nose hair and that stubborn chin hair that grow back like every other day?
- Seriously, what if i dont feel like doing my hair?
- But i like wearing sweat pants when i'm lazy!
- Sometimes i feel like a bitch, sometimes i don't...

i've had roommates in the past but this is different. one, he's a he and he has a wee. two, this isn't fleeting. we are coming together not for a semester, a summer or "until...," this is about an attempt to merge lives...for like ever and frankly, the aries' in me is on the verge of spazzing beyond belief.

so seriously, any suggestions? lessons learned?

Aaww, this is cute, you will be fine...nothing is better than having someone to hold, smile with, laugh and love anytime you want. And as Ever said, one of you can always do the man/woman cave thing periodically.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
- What are some of the common mistakes one should guard against?
Too many pairs of shoes/wardrobes, clothes making for a second carpet

- How do you deal with discord?
Battle it out then make up sex etc.

- What about "alone" time?
Night shifts/mancave, crash at a friends house

- Housekeeping style s, what to do when there are differences?
Battle it out then make up sex etc.

- What if you're simply "not in the mood?"
You can sleep on the settee ?

- What if you don't like their friends/family who visit often?
It'll slip out eventually so don't worry about it when it does.

- Money management. Joint or separate accounts?
Separate accounts and a kitty for some stuff to keep it fun (not for 'emergency shoes' either)

Not really being gender specific on the shoes thing though, it works both ways imo.
🙂

This is the best advice ever....but, um...the shoe thing...I always need an "emergency pair". 🙂

Well, OK, when it came to friends/family the other really didn't like we sort of had a system. At first, the places we had were far to small to anyone to visit, so we just threw everybody out after a short visit.

Later, when we had bigger places, there was always a bolt hole to hit. A spare bedroom, or the master bedroom, whatever, became a refuge in a time of need. The garage worked pretty well for at me at times, also.

I had been known to "take the dogs for a walk" more than once, to.

Of course, I was tactless enough, or just plain rude enough, to flat throw some of her visitors out. Course, they were there to mooch off her, and were general leeches, so I felt I wasn't to far over the line. Though I suppose I should mention that views varied on that particular point.

- What are some of the common mistakes one should guard against? Letting resentment build, not addressing issues important to self straight away. Letting the little things eat away at you..no nagging, bitching, belittling or other at stupid level. Your man, emphasis on "man".

- How do you deal with discord? Promptly, before it turns into a many headed Hydra.

- What about "alone" time? Curl up with a good book, go shopping independently of the other. Let him buzz off with the dudes, take a long hot soak. There are many ways to create your own space within a relationship. All of them involve trust. ( Gawd..cringing at the thought of one or the other hanging off the other like a leech or a tick, can't come up for air.. )

- Housekeeping style s, what to do when there are differences? Acclimate. Trade off. If he prefers something done to his specs, hand him the gloves. If he doesn't mind dishes, go for it. If you don't mind scouring the tub, have at it. Make the bed together..wreck the bed together, make it again, or not. All comfort level.

- What if you're simply "not in the mood?" Then you're not, however there are many ways to play. Spoon, closeness, touch. All the good stuff. And if you're not in the mood at 10 p.m. you sure as hell might be at 2 a.m. BONUS! Already wrapped round the other.

- What if you don't like their friends/family who visit often? Smile and be a good hostess, it's temporary. Keep internal bitching at that level, internal. Unless it's something so heinously unfair it needs addressed.

- Money management. Joint or separate accounts? Both. Joint for paying bills ( either one of you can.. ) separate for cushion, your own mad money or just for personal security. Makes for a happier Bull.

Toodles! *blowing kiss*

all good advice. thank you.

overall, i can't see having much trouble with friends/fam but i've never been "forced" to deal with people that i dont like. i mean, if i don't like someone, i don't have to, nor would i endure their company but by virtue of being in a relationship, i have no choice but to grin and bear it. i just happen to suck at grinning.



"What are some of the common mistakes one should guard against? Letting resentment build, not addressing issues important to self straight away. Letting the little things eat away at you..no nagging, bitching, belittling or other at stupid level. Your man, emphasis on "man". "


thanks vb. you know, i think i've gotten A LOT better at not sweating the small shit. not to say that we don't argue. we do. but i think the heartache of my past has allowed me to choose my battles a lot more readily...unless he pisses me the fuck off and my inner arien bitch can stands no mo!

- What are some of the common mistakes one should guard against?
Getting too worked up over "the little things". Engaging in power struggles; remember the accept each other as is. Allow for time apart and the chance to miss each other. Not keeping up with the sex life. Not communicating effectively.
- How do you deal with discord?
Depends on why the discord is brought on. I usually nip it in the bud and confront it so it doesn't turn into something bigger. Sometimes we have a go, sometimes we walk away to discuss later, sometimes we drop it because it's not worth it.
- What about "alone" time?
Yes. However that is defined by the couple.
- Housekeeping style s, what to do when there are differences?
Take on tasks that you "like". I vocalize the things that I really dislike doing and offer to do pretty much everything else if they can pick up the slack and perform the tasks I really loathe. Also, I expect help when I ask for it because that means it's legitimately a task I can not take on my own. It seems to work because I only have a few things that I absolutely despise and they're not even difficult.
- What if you're simply "not in the mood?"
Rarely happens, so when I'm not it is not a big deal. It means something really must be up.
- What if you don't like their friends/family who visit often?
Communication. Now, we have to be diligent and sensitive in these matters. Even if you're an outspoken, brazen, blunt type and your SO is aware of this, even then it can be harsh to hear when your beloved disapproves or dislikes anyone you're close to. I have a slight conundrum myself in this area with my bf, His mom, though a good person and easy to get along with, is NOT the type of woman I would befriend on my own. It's weird because she's pretty cool but we have nothing in common either. Honestly, I will never tell my bf any of this. It would only serve to hurt his feelings and become defensive over something that is really not a big deal. I'm forgiving with family, but not so much with friends. I come out with it regarding friends. My bf also has an old childhood friend that he grew up with and I can't stand her. She and his mom get along great! I am understanding of his attachments though and am empathetic to his situation. As long as they are not detrimental to our health, and have no real negative impact on our lives, then I suck it up and am at least civil. Seriously, pick your battles!
- Money management. Joint or separate accounts?
Separate.

chauvinist pig! 😛

my job requires that i work at weird times and with people who play D&D

jinx!

actually, he enjoys cooking far more than i do and his cock is rock hard while he does it. he's knocked over quite a few pots as a result.

now how's that for a visual?

no he's not a bull he's a fish

"thanks vb. you know, i think i've gotten A LOT better at not sweating the small shit. not to say that we don't argue. we do. but i think the heartache of my past has allowed me to choose my battles a lot more readily...unless he pisses me the fuck off and my inner arien bitch can stands no mo!"

😄