Funny PickUp Lines and Cheesy One Liners...

Just for shits and giggles.... post them here... I love cheesy shit... makes me giggle...

Here's my contribution for a pickup line:

Girl, if I was a squirrel, I'd bust a nut in your hole!!!

That would at least make me laugh out loud!

Your mom was good so I figured you would be too...

Posted by Nemesis
"you have nice "eyes" 😛

LOL... my exhusband used to say that to me all the time... then he would say... oh... for the first five years I didnt even know you had a head!!!

Hi Mr. Nice!!!! Im doing GREAT!!! How about you?

Posted by Lena282

Posted by amethyst2002
Lolz, the bio references.

ikr they're my fav I'm gonna have to slip the into a convo sometime

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they are good!!!

Sex is a sensation driven by temptation. A guy sticks his location in a girls destination to increase the population for the next generation. Do you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?

I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

You must be the reason for global warming because you're hot.

You know what would look great on you? Me.

Can I read your T shirt in brail?

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes

Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get!

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by M
One more for fun
"You're so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract"

Ok I had to google that but that's a sweet one.🙂

click to expand

Haha... I had to google it too!

Excuse me, do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.

You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everyone we did anyway!

My cock just died... can I bury it in your ass?

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?

My favorite ones are the really crude ones, because they crack me up! If a guy actually tried one of those on me, I would at least laugh my ass off for his effort!

me, referring keychain on supervisor's key ring: "only supervisors get one of those. only the special people."
him: "then why don't you have one?"
me: "why would i have one?"
him: "because you're special." [huge smile]

response:
"that was SO cheesy. you know it was."

"do you have a sister? you're the perfect girl."

response:
*eye roll*

I post this one for you listening pleasure....
AWWW YEEAAAA

(This took about twenty takes because I kept laughing midway through lol)

Hey girl if you were a fart I'd hold you in forever for fear of losing you cuz you're the shit!

Posted by OP3CRIMSIN
Hey girl if you were a fart I'd hold you in forever for fear of losing you cuz you're the shit!

LMAO You do know a fart is the lonely cry of a trapped turd, right?

Ohhhh touche. And bidet.

Posted by OP3CRIMSIN
Hey girl if you were a fart I'd hold you in forever for fear of losing you cuz you're the shit!

hahahahahahaha

Posted by OP3CRIMSIN
Hey girl if you were a fart I'd hold you in forever for fear of losing you cuz you're the shit!

AHAHAHAHA!!!! Now thats funny!

VH!!! How the hell are you!?

Okay... here's one that really happened....

I was in the gym working out and a guy says to me...
Him: "Wow, you have really pretty hands"
Me: "Thanks.... my mother always told me that I have the hands of a piano player because my fingers are long and slender"
Him: "Well honey, you know what they say about a girl with big hands don't you?" *wink wink*
Me: "Yeah, don't ever date one because they make your dick look smaller?" *turns around and walks away*
Him: "Well, that didnt go exactly as I planned..."

Posted by VirgoHero
I post this one for you listening pleasure....
AWWW YEEAAAA

(This took about twenty takes because I kept laughing midway through lol)

Where did the drawl come from? LOL!

Posted by Cadillac

Posted by VirgoHero
I post this one for you listening pleasure....
AWWW YEEAAAA

(This took about twenty takes because I kept laughing midway through lol)

LMAO! You sound like an airline pilot.

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Hahaha

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
VH!!! How the hell are you!?

Hey you 😛 Busy but amazingly good.

You're in crunch time right now with us getting close to the 15th, aren't you? 🙂

Posted by tamara

Posted by VirgoHero
I post this one for you listening pleasure....
AWWW YEEAAAA

(This took about twenty takes because I kept laughing midway through lol)

Where did the drawl come from? LOL!

click to expand

Hi T 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Haha it was probably me trying to counter laughing my ass off doing the damn thing 😛

FOR LLLTBL

I did not read them.
The best part of wakeing up would be you on my face
you me 69 ways to have sex
for two pence I would lick you all over
for you lov never a quicky always a longeeeeee
I could go on and on but I was in your home state and for got to call you sorry

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

LMAO I'll never forget you..... but I forgot to call.

Posted by VirgoHero

Posted by tamara

Posted by VirgoHero
I post this one for you listening pleasure....
AWWW YEEAAAA

(This took about twenty takes because I kept laughing midway through lol)

Where did the drawl come from? LOL!

Hi T 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Haha it was probably me trying to counter laughing my ass off doing the damn thing 😛

click to expand

Your laugh is infectious though! Don't hide it.

😕 You forgot the —dot com?? 😉

Posted by Mr Nice
If you were a prehistoric cat, you would be a babe a tooth tigher.

LOL.... I had to read that one twice before it actually hit me!

Posted by james tate
FOR LLLTBL

I did not read them.
The best part of wakeing up would be you on my face
you me 69 ways to have sex
for two pence I would lick you all over
for you lov never a quicky always a longeeeeee
I could go on and on but I was in your home state and for got to call you sorry

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

LOL! Tater... dont act like you didnt call me..... I know that was you on the other end of the line panting heavily into the phone....

Posted by VirgoHero

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
VH!!! How the hell are you!?

Hey you 😛 Busy but amazingly good.

You're in crunch time right now with us getting close to the 15th, aren't you? 🙂

click to expand

Nope... not in the public accounting world at the moment! First time in years and it feels good!