forgiveness

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Suzy-Q!
@Suzy-Q!
20 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 833 · Topics: 45
I'm not sure if I do that. If they start being nice again, I usually forget about it, unless I dont like them, and I use that as an excuse to keep away from them. Like last boyfriend!!!

Well, let see that is not necessasarily true. I have held grudges, but usually it is not just a grudge it is either I like you or I dont. If I do, whatever you did is forgotten and if I dont, it wont matter anyway!
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Kandy*is*Dandy
@Kandy*is*Dandy
20 YearsSagittarius

Comments: 0 · Posts: 83 · Topics: 15
LOL ty my biyatch ^^

Anyway cuz there's this girl, let's call her Aubrey. Oh wait that is her name.. So yeah Aubrey did a lot of bad stuff to me and put me through all this crap but now she's nicer and tries to be my friend but I'm just like "Oh hell no friend get away!" And also one of my best friends said she hated me cuz I was annoying last year and now she wants to be my friend again also, but I don't know if I should let her.
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rare gem
@rare gem
20 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 59 · Topics: 4
I hold grudges. It's hard to accept the fact that things aren't what you were told they were. I'm getting better though, I use to hold grudges for years, that's how deeply hurt and disappointed I would be in that person. Now I'm at the point were I can forgive but not forget. I don't think a person can change their behavior if they haven't gotten to the root of their problem. The situation might change but the behavior will remain the same.

First time shame on you.
Second time shame on me.
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Cortica
@Cortica
20 YearsGemini

Comments: 0 · Posts: 288 · Topics: 25
In regards to Aubrey...

I have a few acqaintances like that and categorize them under the 'Yellow Alert' heading - where it's been a while since they stuffed you over and you're not really angry with them any more but you still don't want to go back to being friends with them as if nothing has happened.

Yellow Alert means that while you're prepared to be nice enough to the person, you're wary of letting them back in your life.

I have a feeling that my system of colour coded alerts may hint at the amount of bad science fiction I watch......
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W onderbox
@W onderbox
20 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 155 · Topics: 5
Sounds like Homeland Security USA style .

My system, there is no range of colors it is black and white! Family is one thing but people who treat me badly dont get anymore breaks. And usually the treatment is so bad that they are lucky all they are losing is me!! Acquaintances dont count because they never get close enough to do any harm. Friends do, but they are so few and I have known them for so long that they are family.
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durrie
@durrie
20 YearsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 328 · Topics: 30
Hello everyone...

If you knew that to get from point A to point B you need to do C...why would you even worry about anything else in connection with getting to C...

"but" "if" "maybe" "unless"

These are stupid meaningless words. These words and our innate will to use them are the reason we do not understand things and accept them for what they ARE.

All of you who posted above and said that you can forgive can't...you all have a condition...you all used one of the "stupid words" in the same sentance as forgiving...so...

How can you forgive...you don't even know how...!!!

Forgiveness is not about what you can do for others and or according to a condition you might have.
Forgiveness is about yourself...forgiveness is is a round about way kind of selfish...you forgive people for your own sake not for theirs...come on guys...

Forgiving someone else their faults is to assure that you are never capable of that fault toward any other...EVER AGAIN.
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rare gem
@rare gem
20 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 59 · Topics: 4
Durrie,
I'm aware of the fact that you fogive people for your benifit and not theirs, however, it still doesn't make the process of forgiving them any easier.I undrestand that forgiveness is letting go of that negative energy or transferring it, but how can you do that it you don't have a clear understanding of what's going on (i.e. why is that person jealous, or a cheater, and a liar). You can't forgive what you don't understand. Futhermore, what are you suppose to do after you forgive that person...be friends again? God, wouldn't have us to be foolish, now would he?
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durrie
@durrie
20 YearsPisces

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Hello everyone...

Yes RareGem...I see your point of how can you let go and forgive without knowing the cause of their transgression but then that has absolutley nothing to do with forgiveness...?

Why do you feel you need to understand the transgression...think about it...
If you did understand the entire transgression you would have nothing to forgive because you would have the full reason for them doing it...!!!

Star...it's the same for you...your laque of understanding is what brings that sting back so it is only yourself you are not forgiving.

I agree with both of you that to totally forgive as a human is essentially impossible, but that is why we ask God to forgive US. Once we recieve his grace and forgiveness we will make more sense of the world we live in and find it a whole lot easier to forgive.

For me it's more about doing the right thing than it is about tripping up on unfounded emotion because that's all we are doing by our inability to let go...
The fact is as you said RareGem...we don't understand or know the full picture and we will never know it without the knowledge of God...

Love to you all and always...
Durrie.

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rare gem
@rare gem
20 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 59 · Topics: 4
Durrie,
I know that forgiveness has nothing to do with the cause of a person trangression, It was more or less for me, it would make the process of forgiving the person more understandable. If the sniper in the D.C. area killed one of my loved ones, I wouldn't be able to forgive until one, the person(s) was caught. Two,I would need to know why he/she was going around killing people at random,and what did my relative do to derserve to be killed? I guess a person needs closure first before they can forgive. Now Durrie, there's no way in the world that a person could forgive this sniper until they had their questions answered or they saw justice served. At some level, you'd have to understand why the person did what they did enough to forgive them.

In your opinion, what would forgiveness be?
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durrie
@durrie
20 YearsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 328 · Topics: 30
Hey everyone...

Raregem I feel you are still missing the point of what I'm trying to say...forgiveness has nothing to do with understanding the transgression because even if you did understand it how would that change anything...

If this snipper were to be caught put in a jail and cofessed all the reasons why they did it and to you...do you think that would automatically make you able to forgive him/her...do you think it would automatically wash away those fellings of contemp, of hate and negativity...—

The will to forgive is exactly that...a will to forgive...how can you even think of putting a condition on that forgiveness Raregem, that's crazy!!!

To require something from the transgressor in order to forgive them is kidding yourself...especially asnwers to questions that only he will know the answers to. He might lie through his teeth in answering those questions or he might not but either way, how can you say that will aid in a process that ultimatley has nothing to do with the trangressor...it is YOU who is forgiving HIM...his part is done he has transgressed...the rest of the process is up to YOU!!!

You can't rewind time and fix it...it's not about fixing or understanding so why bother...it's about accepting what happened as part of your life...and FORGIVING!!!

You say..."there is no way in the world that a person could forgive this sniper until they had their questions answered or they saw justice served"...

Who are you to judge what is justice...who even is a man who has been to law school for 10yrs to call himself a judge. Man is by his very nature a sinner and is not perfect...for another man to believe he has the right to judge another sickens me beyond belief.

To send a man jail for his sins to society changes NOTHING. Our job through being born into this earth is to live our lives as we see fit...if I choose to become a snipper that is my right, but to think I can study MAN's law and become a "judge" and then all of a sudden have the right to send the snipper to jail is the height of ignorance...even a child of 10yrs old know he should not kill...why does going to law school all of a sudden give me the right to enforce restriction on another for killing.

Judgement day will come...karma looks after that for us so why don't people just live their damn lives and enjoy them.

Wonderbox...I forgive you...and I am God...as are you and all other being's that exist.

Love and light to all and always...
Durrie.

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durrie
@durrie
20 YearsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 328 · Topics: 30
Hey all...

Kandy...sorry I missed your post that was deleted...I'm not in total agreement with the moderation of this website but then it's not for me to say really...!!!

All I wish to add to your post below my last is this...

Listen to your own words Kandy...you say...

"You can't just change the way you feel. If they really hurt you that bad, bad enough for you to still actually feel the hatred, then you should just ignore them."

Hmmm...o.k so that's called ignoring Kandy...an extrpolation of a base word called..."ignorance"...how does that have anything to do with forgiving!!!

How can you say you can't change the way you feel when you are the only one responsible for the way you conduct yourself and your life...you CAN Kandy...ONLY YOU CAN...!!!

Ask for forgiveness and you will be granted it...from then and then only will you be able to comprehend and return it.

Take care all...love and light always...
Durrie.
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Luz
@Luz
20 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 2091 · Topics: 183
durrie, some ppl just have a lotta pride in themselves. Maybe in your case you can forgive easily but in her situation it might be different. Hurt feelings sometimes CANT be mended, "yes, you were a total treetrunkin a $ $ hole to me but i will forgive you becus..i dont know.. even though you scarred me for some previous time of my life i think, omg!! i think i'll forgive you.." Kandy, or "Kandy" that biyatch was a total well, biyatch to you. So who cares, move on!! you dont have to be friends with everyone when some ppl are just gonna treat you like shiet! just live your life and just know that YOU are a good person inside...*i know this* and you have your close friends, and this is coming from YOUR b) $ *TCH! ^^ *ME FOOL ME*
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durrie
@durrie
20 YearsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 328 · Topics: 30
Hey all...

O.k so I think a misunderstanding has occured here...as in I missed Kandy's post by not getting to read it full stop.

Luz take a look at your own words...you say.

"So who cares, move on"...

Ummm...NO!!!

That's just it Luz...without forgiving you will NEVER move on past that point in your life...and your life will never be free of the transgression...never free of the negative energy and what's more is that it snowballs the longer you hold onto it.

Let me put it in words you seem to like...

Forgiveness is like "dog shiet" on your shoe. You step in it and nothing can change that...just as you can't rewind time and stop a transgression from happening to you in your life.

Now...equate forgivness with washing your shoe clean. You see Luz without washing your shoe clean that shoe is still gonna smell like "dog shiet" for as long as you leave it on your shoe and it's gonna follow you everywhere you go no matter how far you walk or how hard you try to forget about it...

Forgiveness is so vitally important people...geezlike...without it how do you think God could put up with our constant sinning...—

Love and light to you all...
Durrie.

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Luz
@Luz
20 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 2091 · Topics: 183
wow durrie, you are so dogmatic in some areas that it makes me wonder if you actually follow through with EVERY ideal you say. First things first

1.) she doesnt want to become friends with her
2.) forgiving and moving on is the same basic "SHIET" when it comes down to it
3.) becus she doesnt want to become fromes with her.

and how do i know this? because i know kandy, shes one of my best friends.

A lot of ppl have different ways to deal with things, in her situation, she doesnt want to become friends with her and basically i think she LIKES being mean to her also after what she did. It doesnt cause pain, it gives her pleasure. That is how kandy works ok.

And durrie, if you have so much positive energy then why do i sense so much hostility towards ppl who dont have the same views as you? Maybe im wrong but seriously, thats what i sense. Or maybe you're just really dramatic in what you say and needs to fully make ppl understand your views?

I agree with raregem, how can you forgive over something that has been already done and over with? kandy obviously doesnt know why she was being sucha ass to her so what do you want her to do? "Understand" and forgive? HAHA She did not make the mistake, so what is there to grow from?? To forgive? She knows how to forgive...just depends on WHO she wants forgive, like YOU said, HER WILL. In this situation she doesnt want to, like i STATED the reason above.


And dont bring GOD into this, because first of all, im not religious and so since you're so "what is right and what is wrong" about everything, you should understand that view point

You remind me of my friend andy, hes like a brother to me..just different than you in some areas. obviously.
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