How to be a Cougar

I was watching Maury today because he's so totally awesome (can you believe he's SEVENTY ONE?) and one of the shows was about people who date "children." In one case, there was this decrepit chick who was pushing 50 who was dating a 16 year old boy. You should've seen them kiss...*icks*

The show kinda sucked because it primarily featured "couples" that were 15 years or more apart in age and with the exception of the 16 year old, the younger partners were of legal age. In spite of the sensationalism, it got me wondering about the complexities of dating someone younger than myself. Where the elder women/men on the show had already had their families...their "first" ones anyway, I do not and what will this mean if I were to consider dating someone my junior?

The reality is, my clock is ticking. I'm 30 + 3 years old and at some point in the next 5 years or so, I need to pop one out. Although I am sooooooo not pressed about it (kids never leave!), biologically I have to acknowledge the reality of my situation.

The issue is, if I were to date and subsequently marry a man who was my age or at least close to it, there would be a mutual understanding or expectation that we'd have to consider having children within the next 2 years. But what if he's younger? It's one thing for me to date a 30 year old, but a 26 year old? Is he really ready? Hell, I'm not ready so how could he be?

My fear in dating a man who is 5+ years my junior is that I would be thrusting him into a level of responsibility that he may or may not be ready for. Where he may care for me and decided that life is better with me than without me, wouldn't I essentially be robbing him of his youth? Does the very nature of robbing the cradle make me no better than a pervy old man?

On top of that, where I'm not "old," I am different than I was in my 20s. Back in the day, I went to the club on Thursday...and Friday...and Saturday...and occasionally on Sunday (some of my friends are whores). These days you might see me at First Fridays, I might hit up a Happy Hour or two but for the most part, I'm chillin at somebody's home, sippin', maybe smokin'... My point is...

When he says, "let's go out (again this weekend) baby!" How much of an issue would it be if "out" for him means going to some loud club where I can so totally see that chick's "brown meat," versus my wanting to do....not that?

I guess I'm just wondering how this Cougar thing works? I get how two people can bond in private but what happens when you enter the real world? What are your thoughts/suggestions on how or why a Cougar style relationship works or doesn't?

source: http://doseofbItch.com/talesofab/how-to-be-a-cougar

You know, I've been thinking a hellofalot about the kind of women I like.

Is it women years older than me or women with older mind sets?

And...it is neither really.


All throughout primary school...I've only realized just now....that I am attracted to those who teach me--show me I have something to learn all the time. Teachers--male or female--without ever having to know each other on a personal basis--I will always end up feeling unusually close to them--as if they were my individual parents who've had something unique to for me to learn about.

I even remember calling my 4th grade teacher, "Mom". Because I actually thought that she was my mom for a few seconds. And it took me a while to realize what I had done. I think she noticed but let it slide.
Boy that was really, really embarrassing though.


There. I finally, really know the kind of woman I'm looking for. 🙂

And this is how I feel about alot of people here on DXP.

uhm...someone has an oedipus complex.

*coughs*

thanks jason. so you think dude likes me because i remind him of mommy? or that i'm like some sexy dominatrix that will chastise him when he's being a "bad boy?"

totally unrelated but...



HA!

Posted by tubbyscubby
uhm...someone has an oedipus complex.

*coughs*

thanks jason. so you think dude likes me because i remind him of mommy? or that i'm like some sexy dominatrix that will chastise him when he's being a "bad boy?"

Uhhh. I think the second part.

No, I don't find myself thinking of killing my daddy to get to my mommy. I'm not sexually attracted to mommy at all...

yeah well either way, complex or not, i do think that's an interesting take on things. i know there are some women who are attracted to men who have an authoritative flair so maybe the same dynamic can exist with respect to men.

i don't think this dude likes to be bossed though...or maybe he does? hmm, i suppose i need to invest in some cuffs.

The reality is, my clock is ticking. I'm 30 + 3 years old and at some point in the next 5 years or so, I need to pop one out.



drooling??_



You??ll never get a man around you age, this is the hard- to- understand- reality the best you may get is +/- 10 years of your age and in your smart ass case +20 years aka my age range??_

Tubby??_ your age is the most difficult age??_ my ex was 13 years younger than me and I was 30 at that time.

mornin lover,

why is my age range "most difficult?"

Still awake..??

Haha


30 something is difficult age your mind still hanging with your 20??s while your present reality says something else..!

No matter the shape of your body or sexuality.. Your mind is in different dimensions! To run a happy and secure life your mind is needed not your physical appearance !



Where is your mind..?

of course i'm up. i hardly sleep these days.

i'm not understanding. are you saying that i'm focused on my physical appearance or his?

my mind is where it's always been and in terms of dating, i've always been in search of a man who had two brains...an upper and a lower and knows when to use which.

so hmm...maybe i am in part focusing on the physical? i still am missing your point though.

i still am missing your point though.

Instead of trying to answer me, try to THINK and FELL for I said..! if you are smart enough and in right track it will take several weeks to answer me.. not a minutes or so..!

You sure that you don't have aries in your blood somewhere..?

fell=feel

weeks? HA!

i said my f'ing clock is ticking. no time for this "riddle me this..." crap.

spill it!

are you calling me shallow and stating that i don't go for men of substance?

weeks? HA!

i said my f'ing clock is ticking. no time for this "riddle me this..." crap.

spill it!


Then you don't have mind and I am wasting my time .. again..!.. what clock..? One of my close friends at her (56) and Taurus is 50x more attractive and desirable than a 20 yerish??_


What the fuck are you talking about..?

Mr Nice is right..


You are looking for fuck buddy??_..

Turn the page??_ away from this topic??_!

What I would find most difficult would be I'd flip into "Mommy Mode". Can't be having that crap now can we?

clock = biological clock. in other words, i asked if you thought my focus was more on my needs regarding a family than finding mr. right. now i just dont know what the hell you're talking about.

and nice, yeah, i worried about what a young guy's motives might be. to a certain degree, his wanting financial security doesn't bother me much as long as he tries to provide for our family.

i am not looking for a fuck buddy 😛

i am currently celibate and will remain this way contently until i find a wee that's worth it to me. i'm only a slut in theory.

and yeah venus, i feared that too. he would have to be secure within himself...socioeconomically. he would have to know how to stand his ground and not allow me to mother him but at the same time not try to overcompensate for his age by being domineering.

Exactly, and I'm afraid that would be a very real possibility. I am coming at this of course from the fact that I have a child who is coming up on 20 years of age. So that to me still equates 'kiddo'. I would be uneasy embracing someone as lover when I'd like to tell them to pick up their marbles and jacks or go to the corner.
Not to say that someone isn't emotionally mature, some younger people are. But when it all shakes down the experience level on life itself is still missing.

agreed. so what would be your limit venus as far as dating a younger guy? i guess that's what i'm trying to figure out. yes, you have to take it on a case by case basis but how young is too young?

am currently celibate



You are not alone on this, despite of my many GF??s I choose to be that way.. prolly the rest of my remaning lifetime..!

Then again.. you don't have to address me with bio clock (I am well aware of that).. what was I asking for was your mind and it seems you haven't got any..!

Americans..!

is that code?

q, you want me to give you head? is that it?

That's a very hard question to answer. I am to the age where new drivers look all of 12, most in their 20's still have a babyish cast to their face. And I veer towards fully matured men physically. I've never been with a much younger man so I can only speculate as to my actual reaction. Meeting of the minds is what I'm trying to come to grips with.
The ex was 3 years younger than myself, and at times that seemed too much of a gap. So it comes down the same old tired chestnut methinks. Go on what grooves your brain, makes your hardware misfire. There is no sense nor reason in attraction, never was, never will be. Frustrating as all hells, no?

LOL Have I had enough coffee for this? *peeking through splayed fingers*

yes! it's so confusing. my point about watching the show yesterday was that i was passing judgment on these couples...granted, there was a 20 year gap. but it made me feel like, "who am i to say it's wrong?" wouldn't that make me a hypocrite?

i just dont understand how people do it and don't feel awkward from time to time?

LOL Mr. Nice. 😉

is that code?

q, you want me to give you head? is that it?


What code..??


It is very simple to understand the scenario (age range
Should be at-/+ 8 to have a happy life) more or less than that is suffering!

What the hell are you arguing about .??

I know, it's crazy. And I think there would definitely be a whole undercurrent of "Oh shit, I'm running on borrowed time here." I would think the younger party might step at some point. Of course that statement is a slippery slope dependent on mind set, financial aspects and all of that lovely factual crapola that factors in, but! I do think the whole Mrs. Robinson schtick would get tiresome over the course of things.

Q is impervious to me winding him up, though goodness knows I still try from time to time. LOL

nice, i understand that perspective and if that's what he meant, i can dig it. my mind isn't in two different dimensions though and if they are, the degree between them is negligible.

being mrs. robinson would be awesome! wearing daisy dukes while all the neighborhood boys and men have wet dreams about ya...WOO!

Mr nice

You are absolutely right and that's what I meant??_

Your thoughts
Your soul
Your body
Your desire

Things that everyone should be aware of before doing anything or taking responsibilities of some kinds.


Bio clock is there and tickin??_let it tick??_! You live between tick and tock??_ that is the suffering..!

LOL Hang on boys while I slowly pick up the newspaper, don't forget to come over for iced tea and cookies later.

Woops! That was for the "being Mrs. Robinson would be awesome!" 😄

yeah, that's sorta what i said i'm not worried about but leave it to a scorpio prick to do the obvious. does your sign have a soul or do you just enjoy being evil?

I know all about the baby bug. It's just in a woman to desire that. My time for that is past however, so I feed the demon by snuggling others little ones. 🙂

Tubby is stupid if she think that way..

What children..? She loves to control and administrate the shapes of her out comes.. that's Taurus??_!

And childrens??_.!

q, you're delusional.

mr. nice, remember your username.

venus, thank you. men are stupid. biologically a woman is restricted in more ways than a man and to trivialize that just demonstrates how fuq'd up male thought processes are.

Q, you are a man. That was not derogatory, simply fact. Yes I know you have children. They are the sun, moon and stars are they not? Mine are to me. To have life within you, the desire too; can be all a woman thinks about from time to time. The monthly flow a time for tears and great sadness for couples trying to conceive. It's all they want in the world.
*hand over heart* I know the feeling well. After I had my surgery I felt so bereft, so empty. Knowing I could never again have that magic to harness. And despite knowing I was barren I still wished and prayed that there might be one more. Just one. You know well it's genetically hardwired into us to push our genes forward. That's just science. But it involves heart and soul with a woman. They lie under our hearts, we nourish them with our bodies, we bear the brunt of raising them. It's a very real want.

They're certainly more analytical tubby. I understand, a man can still father a child well into advanced years, we have a certain span and the eggs just say "Well, my work in this bod is done, I'm outta here."

awwh vb 😢

where it's not pressing, i dont know if i am capable of having kids. that's a concern but it's not.

right now, i just want to find a man who isn't a jackass.

Mr. Nice is a sweetheart. 🙂

LOL Not being a jackass would be GREAT.

are you people illiterate?

hanging on to my 20's how? wtf?

LOL 20s is back there, nothing to be done for it but press forward. Wake up, well gee whiz, looky der, I'm still 39.

yea, i'm so totally 30 +3

LovelyScorp


Ladies in late 20??s . 30??s 40,s they are all the same, their beauties and attractiveness are most important issue..!

That is physical shapes??_





State of mind is something else??_

WHAT?

are your saying that women past a certain age are physically slobs?

a woman, like a man, should take pride in her physical appearance and your presumption that women of a certain age are dictated by it demonstrates your saltiness with regards to your past relationships and not reality. sound like you married for physical rather than the mind. you're pretty shallow huh?

To me??_

I love ladies that I can talk with.. not arguing with.. I am 50 and I am sure that ladies around my age would think the same way??_!

That was out of context, but it??ll gives the idea.

🙂