Hehehehe '30+3', I won't be able to pull that trick come spring.
How to be a Cougar (Page 2)
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And ladies under your age Q, arguing is for the birds. A good healthy debate however..
And ladies under your age Q, arguing is for the birds. A good healthy debate however..
Virgo mind.. do I have to say anything more lovely..?
Virgo mind.. do I have to say anything more lovely..?
*huge smile* Virgo is definitely good at debate.
*huge smile* Virgo is definitely good at debate.
Yeah debates not the pointless arguments..
Yeah debates not the pointless arguments..
Exactly. The merry go round just causes hurt feelings and resentment in my opinion. And if you couple that with two with a brain ( and the years that should mean they should know better.. ) it's just tiresome.
@tubbyscubby,
You raise an intriguing topic. It's brave to put yourself out there as far as letting your own hopes and expectations be known.
That being said, I think it's crucial to put aside the sensationalist aspects of OlderF/YoungerM unions, if indeed it's a serious relationship you seek. There's so much out there to marshall from pop culture and conventional wisdom, it won't lend you greater insight.
Going by your previous responses, I'd say you want justification for your interest in younger men. You seem self-conscious about the clock ticking, and maybe quiet desperation and hormones is making you think - hey, why can't I snag that sexy 22-yr old stud I saw at the mall?
From my experience, the motivations and idle obsessions over younger guys is *usually self-serving*, often about the potential for wild, olympic sex and/or rebellion against norms and craving attention and public relevance.
It's not that I think "cougars and cubs" can't have a successful, harmonious marriage. It's possible. But with our divorce rate being 1 in every 2 marriages for over a decade, it suggests that people aren't very dedicated to mature relationships that help one progress and grow to begin with.
In that context, why throw a monkey wrench into the equation? Novelty? Boredom? The ability to control and manipulate a younger, more impressionable man? A fear of getting old? Wanting to marry a fantasy man you couldn't have when younger? Again - when you really question your intentions in an honest fashion, I bet you can admit to yourself that it often IS self-serving.
Remember, it's not like you're over the hill 🙂 33 is still young even by traditional standards. And there are 30-something men who want genuine maturity and are tired of the games.
You raise an intriguing topic. It's brave to put yourself out there as far as letting your own hopes and expectations be known.
That being said, I think it's crucial to put aside the sensationalist aspects of OlderF/YoungerM unions, if indeed it's a serious relationship you seek. There's so much out there to marshall from pop culture and conventional wisdom, it won't lend you greater insight.
Going by your previous responses, I'd say you want justification for your interest in younger men. You seem self-conscious about the clock ticking, and maybe quiet desperation and hormones is making you think - hey, why can't I snag that sexy 22-yr old stud I saw at the mall?
From my experience, the motivations and idle obsessions over younger guys is *usually self-serving*, often about the potential for wild, olympic sex and/or rebellion against norms and craving attention and public relevance.
It's not that I think "cougars and cubs" can't have a successful, harmonious marriage. It's possible. But with our divorce rate being 1 in every 2 marriages for over a decade, it suggests that people aren't very dedicated to mature relationships that help one progress and grow to begin with.
In that context, why throw a monkey wrench into the equation? Novelty? Boredom? The ability to control and manipulate a younger, more impressionable man? A fear of getting old? Wanting to marry a fantasy man you couldn't have when younger? Again - when you really question your intentions in an honest fashion, I bet you can admit to yourself that it often IS self-serving.
Remember, it's not like you're over the hill 🙂 33 is still young even by traditional standards. And there are 30-something men who want genuine maturity and are tired of the games.
this is strange the responce is mostly men Q and Mr. Nice I exspected a full line up of COUGERS
But no only V.B.
and lovelyscrop posting with Tubby and none of them are Cougers except Tubby who is a (couger want to be)
But no only V.B.
and lovelyscrop posting with Tubby and none of them are Cougers except Tubby who is a (couger want to be)
Posted by venusianbull
Hehehehe '30+3', I won't be able to pull that trick come spring.
HA! that's my new thing. f' saying what i is...i'm 30 +3. it sounds better and yes, i am in denial.
*sigh* I do what I can Tate, go where I'm needed.
LOL tubby, be in denial then. 😉
LOL tubby, be in denial then. 😉
@sdragon,
it's not so much about age or clocks. that's the way this convo has unfolded and i've joked throughout. if he were white and given that i'm black, i'd muse about those concerns/differences as well.
i think as a taurus, i want to be able to predict the future more readily. surprises make me nervous and where i know there is no such thing as a good thing, i am keenly aware of my aries influences...they drive me to act on impulse rather than rational (shut up Q).
so this post isn't about my having babies, it's more about how do you know if you're caught up in the moment? going into a "cougar"/interracial/cultural situation requires that you both ignore the world's reality in favor of your partner. well, i'm fixed earth. i'm grounded. i can't ignore the practical aspects but these types of relationships requires that i do just that...to a degree. i question to what degree?
the almost 50 woman dating the 16 year old boy was sheer delusion. anyone on the outside can see that. why didn't/couldn't they?
well, if i'm 30 +3 and he's "not," how do i know if i'm being unrealistic? what is the bench mark for rational/success? am i hypocrite for justifying my union and looking down upon theirs?
it's not so much about age or clocks. that's the way this convo has unfolded and i've joked throughout. if he were white and given that i'm black, i'd muse about those concerns/differences as well.
i think as a taurus, i want to be able to predict the future more readily. surprises make me nervous and where i know there is no such thing as a good thing, i am keenly aware of my aries influences...they drive me to act on impulse rather than rational (shut up Q).
so this post isn't about my having babies, it's more about how do you know if you're caught up in the moment? going into a "cougar"/interracial/cultural situation requires that you both ignore the world's reality in favor of your partner. well, i'm fixed earth. i'm grounded. i can't ignore the practical aspects but these types of relationships requires that i do just that...to a degree. i question to what degree?
the almost 50 woman dating the 16 year old boy was sheer delusion. anyone on the outside can see that. why didn't/couldn't they?
well, if i'm 30 +3 and he's "not," how do i know if i'm being unrealistic? what is the bench mark for rational/success? am i hypocrite for justifying my union and looking down upon theirs?
ack, no such thing as a "sure" thing
crap...rationale. yes, too early.
I don't 'do' rational until I've had a buttload of coffee. Random I can do quite well. English muffin and fruit anyone?
i am eating an AWESOME salad.
this if dinner time for me.
this if dinner time for me.
Salad sounds good too actually. I picked up a lovely Crenshaw melon, so chunks of that and my muffin. Hmmm, and you just solved my dinner idea. 🙂
Idea? Question. OCD at work for YOU.
huh?
no acronyms before noon.
no acronyms before noon.
My anal retentive stranglehold on typos or re-reading something and thinking "Hmm, that wasn't my point."
LOL And I just caught up! *curtsy* May take me a bit longer, but I get there in the end.
no worries.
i'm off to consume the farmer's lawn
i'm off to consume the farmer's lawn
LOL Enjoy.
Well first of all I don't weigh too much into talk shows. Such attention seekers and for me a waste of time to watch.
To address the post about cougars:
I have dated a lot of younger men. For me it is because in my age group, the availability of men my age is slim pickings. They are either married, or weighed down from past jaded relationships, or carrying lots of baggage. I am 39 but I am quiet active myself and consider myself young at heart. I am relatively very physically fit, and enjoy lots of athletic and outdoor activity. I also dress relatively hip, go to hip places and I don't look 39. Many people mistake me for being in my 20's. The youngest I have dated was when I was 37 and he was 24. I would never be so sick and demented and date someone who is not of age. There are definately limits.
When I meet someone, I am not really interested in his age but what he is all about. I do not go seek younger men, they usually just gravitate toward me. Now from my experience dating younger men it really varies by each individual. Some are definately in their 20's and act it. Than there are those that have really lived and experienced life and have a different maturity level. The sex can be either really great or bad just like with any individual regardless of age. I don't think there is anything wrong with dating someone who is younger. I often do find there is a gap with younger men in life experience and there is nothing wrong with that, however it can be unequally balanced if that makes sense. I have dated men my own age who are also not my equal because thier idea of fun is to be a couch potatoe and watch TV. The only thing I will say being a so called "Cougar" is that as we get older, dating starts to get harder and harder if you are seeking a LTR. I don't know about you, but I find as I get older I am not willing to settle for the sake of being in a relationship. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than matched with the wrong person. I have learned with myself I am not so anxious to get into a LTR until I really fill them out as a person .....lol no pun intended.
PD
To address the post about cougars:
I have dated a lot of younger men. For me it is because in my age group, the availability of men my age is slim pickings. They are either married, or weighed down from past jaded relationships, or carrying lots of baggage. I am 39 but I am quiet active myself and consider myself young at heart. I am relatively very physically fit, and enjoy lots of athletic and outdoor activity. I also dress relatively hip, go to hip places and I don't look 39. Many people mistake me for being in my 20's. The youngest I have dated was when I was 37 and he was 24. I would never be so sick and demented and date someone who is not of age. There are definately limits.
When I meet someone, I am not really interested in his age but what he is all about. I do not go seek younger men, they usually just gravitate toward me. Now from my experience dating younger men it really varies by each individual. Some are definately in their 20's and act it. Than there are those that have really lived and experienced life and have a different maturity level. The sex can be either really great or bad just like with any individual regardless of age. I don't think there is anything wrong with dating someone who is younger. I often do find there is a gap with younger men in life experience and there is nothing wrong with that, however it can be unequally balanced if that makes sense. I have dated men my own age who are also not my equal because thier idea of fun is to be a couch potatoe and watch TV. The only thing I will say being a so called "Cougar" is that as we get older, dating starts to get harder and harder if you are seeking a LTR. I don't know about you, but I find as I get older I am not willing to settle for the sake of being in a relationship. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than matched with the wrong person. I have learned with myself I am not so anxious to get into a LTR until I really fill them out as a person .....lol no pun intended.
PD
@PiscesDream - well said.
Personally, I think if the 'cougar' is truly mature, cultivated and genuinely wants a stable union with a mature younger man wiser than his years - this combo is hard to beat.
You can't deny the sexual compatibility too
Personally, I think if the 'cougar' is truly mature, cultivated and genuinely wants a stable union with a mature younger man wiser than his years - this combo is hard to beat.
You can't deny the sexual compatibility too
My last "quasi" relationship was with someone who was 10 years younger than me, and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was more mature than any guys I've known regardless of their age. Don't get me wrong, he had his moments, but he was a serious person and very mature. Interestingly enough, he would ALWAYS comment on how he thought I would leave/dump him for someone younger to which I would quip, "Sweetheart, if I did that I'd go to jail." It was all in jokes, as I don't date ANYBODY who is not old enough to drink! Our downfall in the future would have been the children thing (if we had lasted) because he wanted them, and I said I would adopt, but I am/was not having any children. That's a different discussion for another day, but needless to say, the whole concept of him leaving you for another (younger) woman can be the case regardless if he's 10 years younger than you; your same age, or 10 years older! If they are leaving, they are leaving regardless...just my opinion.
i dunno if i could do more than 10 years...hell, that's even a stretch. i don't care how hot i think i am, the truth is, he's seeking security in one form or another as our age gap increases. and i dunno, i wouldn't be able to respect a man if i go into it knowing that he looks to me to be the rock in our relationship.
Posted by EleniPosted by tubbyscubby
agreed. so what would be your limit venus as far as dating a younger guy? i guess that's what i'm trying to figure out. yes, you have to take it on a case by case basis but how young is too young?
the general rule of thumb/equation is as follows;
appropriate cub age = half of sexy older woman's age + 7
😉click to expand
why?
Posted by venusianbull
To have life within you, the desire too; can be all a woman thinks about from time to time.
I've not ever felt that way. But, I do know many of women who have and have made poor choices because of it. But, I get what you are saying VB.
nope, not see cougar town. something about that just sounds wrong. i hate the notion of it. dusty kitty on the prowl 😛
HA!
and that's the second time i've seen you mention the kid thing and reserve the discussion for another day. none of my business but now i'm curious. it's one thing to say you don't want kids but you're saying you would adopt but not have your own? peculiar. mi thinks you might need a session on someone's couch.
Posted by USCTaurusGal
My last "quasi" relationship was with someone who was 10 years younger than me, and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was more mature than any guys I've known regardless of their age. Don't get me wrong, he had his moments, but he was a serious person and very mature. Interestingly enough, he would ALWAYS comment on how he thought I would leave/dump him for someone younger to which I would quip, "Sweetheart, if I did that I'd go to jail." It was all in jokes, as I don't date ANYBODY who is not old enough to drink! Our downfall in the future would have been the children thing (if we had lasted) because he wanted them, and I said I would adopt, but I am/was not having any children. That's a different discussion for another day, but needless to say, the whole concept of him leaving you for another (younger) woman can be the case regardless if he's 10 years younger than you; your same age, or 10 years older! If they are leaving, they are leaving regardless...just my opinion.
HA!
and that's the second time i've seen you mention the kid thing and reserve the discussion for another day. none of my business but now i'm curious. it's one thing to say you don't want kids but you're saying you would adopt but not have your own? peculiar. mi thinks you might need a session on someone's couch.
Posted by Pisces_Dream
Many people mistake me for being in my 20's.
PD
Ditto 🙂 I usually get that they think I'm in the 25-28 range.
Posted by Pisces_Dream
I do not go seek younger men, they usually just gravitate toward me.click to expand
That's also been the case for me, and yes, it DEFINITLY depends on the individuals. I'm too silly, and don't take myself too seriously, so I ALWAYS get mistaken for being younger; unless it's a business environment then I am uber serious.
Whenever I rock any of my college gear out and go to a bar, I ALWAYS get carded, and I'm like, seriously, I do NOT look like I am under 21 by ANY stretch of the imagination!
Posted by Eleni
no friggin idea...it's just one of those rules that's been passed on from generation to generation i guess? however, somebody somewhere decided to perform an analysis and draw a graph..so http://www.theawl.com/2010/05/graphed-at-last-fx-% C2% BDx-7">knock urself out
deepomega [#1720]
I got a tattoo of that equation on the back of my hand. There are Facts you just should never be in danger of forgetting.
Tuna Surprise [#573]
I have a tattoo of the more useful matrix: How Ugly vs. How Rich. Let's see here??_fat, bald, short, liverspots puts him at a "1" on the (y) axis and $ 10 million in liquid assets put him at a "9" on the (x) axis. Good news! Looks like he is datable!
HA!
@ Tubby, while I won't dispute that I'd like to be on someones couch 😉 I have never felt this burning desire to have little images of me running around. Without going into great detail. I've known far too many kids who've been put into foster care and left that I believe if there was some undying need for me to have kids, there are PLENTY out there that NEED a stable, secure, safe, and loving environment. That's just my .02 on the matter.
that's contradictory and you're smart enough to know when you're sliggin' horse shit...or would that be cow pies?
if you're maternal enough to care for a child from a broken home, then you're maternal enough to have your own.
in fact, i think being willing to care for a child that you didn't birth screams "motherly instinct" so to have them for someone else but not for yourself requires a session. something about how you rationalize is clearly broken.
i mean, didn't you say that you decided when you were 12 that you would never marry? that's insane. none of my business, you'll stubbornly do what you want...you are a taurus after all, but your being your own woman doesn't change the fact that your outlook on relationships is warped.
sounds like you have a lot of wounds that have yet to heal and i feel sorry for you...and i know, you don't need my pity but you got it.
if you're maternal enough to care for a child from a broken home, then you're maternal enough to have your own.
in fact, i think being willing to care for a child that you didn't birth screams "motherly instinct" so to have them for someone else but not for yourself requires a session. something about how you rationalize is clearly broken.
i mean, didn't you say that you decided when you were 12 that you would never marry? that's insane. none of my business, you'll stubbornly do what you want...you are a taurus after all, but your being your own woman doesn't change the fact that your outlook on relationships is warped.
sounds like you have a lot of wounds that have yet to heal and i feel sorry for you...and i know, you don't need my pity but you got it.
Posted by venusianbull
Q, you are a man. That was not derogatory, simply fact. Yes I know you have children. They are the sun, moon and stars are they not? Mine are to me. To have life within you, the desire too; can be all a woman thinks about from time to time. The monthly flow a time for tears and great sadness for couples trying to conceive. It's all they want in the world.
*hand over heart* I know the feeling well. After I had my surgery I felt so bereft, so empty. Knowing I could never again have that magic to harness. And despite knowing I was barren I still wished and prayed that there might be one more. Just one. You know well it's genetically hardwired into us to push our genes forward. That's just science. But it involves heart and soul with a woman. They lie under our hearts, we nourish them with our bodies, we bear the brunt of raising them. It's a very real want.
Aaawww...VB that brought a tear to my eye. So very true! I know a lot of friends in this place right now. They are in their thirties and have not yet had children and want them so bad. I had my two very young and now they are grown and I made the choice not to have anymore but I still get baby urges here and there especially when I hold someone's child. It is a feeling that a man cannot truly grasp and the way you put it is just so beautiful!
@ Tubby - Feeling compassion and sympathetic for a child born to a crack addict/prostitute/ or otherwise unwanted home does not necessarily predicate nor correlate to the need to HAVE your own child. Again, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this matter, as I don't feel I need to, nor have to justify any of my actions to anyone. In respect to the pity *shrugs* you can feel what you must, but I am doing just fine.
Thank you StPat. 🙂 Oh yes, the little mites. They sneak under your skin and into your heart.
Agreed USC, not all women of course. And I've always been of the mindset to just want someone happy. Whether that's with no kids, or ten.
Agreed USC, not all women of course. And I've always been of the mindset to just want someone happy. Whether that's with no kids, or ten.
as i said, your reasoning is irrational and i don't care that you don't care what i think. i mean hell, why should you care about what some chick on the internet says but that won't stop me from saying it..it is friday after all 😛
children aren't puppies. it's not like adopting an abused dog from a shelter so how/why you've attempted to convince yourself that raising a child, a damaged child, is some simple thing is beyond me. adoption isn't a charitable act so why speak of it as such?
to care for a human being, to step in and assume the role of mother for a child who has been torn from, denied of or abused by their biological parents means that you have to have motherly instincts. who the fuq you kiddin? either your willingness to adopt is lip service or you're in denial.
i think you're a broken/damaged woman and it obviously stems from when you were very young. if you want to carry those wounds forward, more power to ya but fuck, fool yourself but stupid does not reside in me.
children aren't puppies. it's not like adopting an abused dog from a shelter so how/why you've attempted to convince yourself that raising a child, a damaged child, is some simple thing is beyond me. adoption isn't a charitable act so why speak of it as such?
to care for a human being, to step in and assume the role of mother for a child who has been torn from, denied of or abused by their biological parents means that you have to have motherly instincts. who the fuq you kiddin? either your willingness to adopt is lip service or you're in denial.
i think you're a broken/damaged woman and it obviously stems from when you were very young. if you want to carry those wounds forward, more power to ya but fuck, fool yourself but stupid does not reside in me.
Posted by USCTaurusGal
@ Tubby, while I won't dispute that I'd like to be on someones couch 😉 I have never felt this burning desire to have little images of me running around. Without going into great detail. I've known far too many kids who've been put into foster care and left that I believe if there was some undying need for me to have kids, there are PLENTY out there that NEED a stable, secure, safe, and loving environment. That's just my .02 on the matter.
I actually really respect that. Not everyone wants their own children. There are a lot of people in this world as it is so why not take in a child with no one to really love and nurture them? I thinks it's admirable. There are too many out there having too many children as it is just because they can and want to pass on their genes. There is nothing necessarily wrong with that either unless they can't responsibly and financially care for them that is.
I see too many women who feel they have to have children to be a 'real' woman and that is so not the case in my opinion. My daughter doesn't want children of her own but has mentioned that she may consider adopting one. My son doesn't want children either.
My grandbabies may be of the furry kind since my children are animal lovers! LOL 🙂
Well to answer the original post, I would say there is nothing wrong with dating younger but you do need to find out and consider where you both are and what you both are really seeking. I always end up with younger men somehow but I won't date under 30. There is a really weird phenomenon going on with the whole cougar thing. I keep getting approached by younguns that are just too close to my daughter's age (21 on 8/1) and I just can't go there...lol. I am talking to a Libra that is almost 2 yrs older than me and I am okay with that too. I try not to let age alone determine if I want to date a gentleman (unless it's under 30..lol). I was insecure with my ex though and he was 7 1/2 yrs younger b/c I thought he would end up wanting a younger woman but that is b/c I would catch him looking at younger women. I try not to judge and go by the saying "to each his own" because what may not work for one may work beautifully for another.
TC, you are still young and vibrant so I will go to my current saying for you, "you are a grown woman so you can do what you want!" Do what makes you happy and be with who truly makes you happy no matter the age. Just be sure you are both on the same page when it comes to what you want and need from each other!
😄
TC, you are still young and vibrant so I will go to my current saying for you, "you are a grown woman so you can do what you want!" Do what makes you happy and be with who truly makes you happy no matter the age. Just be sure you are both on the same page when it comes to what you want and need from each other!
😄
A question how old does one have to be before they can be classed as a couger? Female of course lieve prince out.
Posted by StpatrickspiscesPosted by USCTaurusGal
@ Tubby, while I won't dispute that I'd like to be on someones couch 😉 I have never felt this burning desire to have little images of me running around. Without going into great detail. I've known far too many kids who've been put into foster care and left that I believe if there was some undying need for me to have kids, there are PLENTY out there that NEED a stable, secure, safe, and loving environment. That's just my .02 on the matter.
I actually really respect that. Not everyone wants their own children. There are a lot of people in this world as it is so why not take in a child with no one to really love and nurture them? I thinks it's admirable. There are too many out there having too many children as it is just because they can and want to pass on their genes. There is nothing necessarily wrong with that either unless they can't responsibly and financially care for them that is.
I see too many women who feel they have to have children to be a 'real' woman and that is so not the case in my opinion.click to expand
I agree with both of these. There are also people who don't want to pass on their genes due to some form of rItardation or something. Or they might want to create a designer baby, to pick and choose.
Posted by james tate
A question how old does one have to be before they can be classed as a couger? Female of course lieve prince out.
I thought the official cougar age was 40. I will be there in March but it doesn't bother me one bit b/c I love the woman I have become.
😄
It's weird b/c we met a very hot man in Houston who was 23 and he said he didn't date women under 30. Our group of ladies were all in our thirties and forties. He was mature for his age and he said he would just rather be with women who had their shit together and were more mature with less drama in their lives and personalities.
Hhhhmmm...
@tate, i think it's either age as stpatty says and/or 10 year age difference.
^now that's a valid point. if you have a physiological/psychological reason in your gene pool that would prevent you from wanting to have your own children, i can so totally sees it.
what i can't however see is stating that you want to mother, love and raise a child that is foreign to you while simultaneously stating you don't want to be a mother. now if you choose not to have children of your own but you do want to adopt, i would expect that person to do just that. i mean, the crack babies don't stop needing moms.
if that person however does NOT have children of their own and does NOT adopt at some point in life, then their proclamation that they would adopt is complete bull's shit and they didn't deserve to be a parent anyway. they obviously treat/regard raising a child as something separate from themselves and a damaged child, let alone a brand new one fresh out of the womb doesn't deserve that.
Posted by calthrope
I agree with both of these. There are also people who don't want to pass on their genes due to some form of rItardation or something. Or they might want to create a designer baby, to pick and choose.
^now that's a valid point. if you have a physiological/psychological reason in your gene pool that would prevent you from wanting to have your own children, i can so totally sees it.
what i can't however see is stating that you want to mother, love and raise a child that is foreign to you while simultaneously stating you don't want to be a mother. now if you choose not to have children of your own but you do want to adopt, i would expect that person to do just that. i mean, the crack babies don't stop needing moms.
if that person however does NOT have children of their own and does NOT adopt at some point in life, then their proclamation that they would adopt is complete bull's shit and they didn't deserve to be a parent anyway. they obviously treat/regard raising a child as something separate from themselves and a damaged child, let alone a brand new one fresh out of the womb doesn't deserve that.
ack! got cut off...
i think adoption is great but there are people, not saying anyone here is one of these people, who treat adopted/foster children as things that can be returned to sender if it doesn't suit ya.
children in the system typically have "shit wrong" and to be willing to weather that in theory but not examine what that means practically is warped.
did anyone see the case of the mother who had adopted a child from russia, he had some really bad issues so she bought him a one way plane ticket and sent him back to russia...ALONE!
i think adoption is great but there are people, not saying anyone here is one of these people, who treat adopted/foster children as things that can be returned to sender if it doesn't suit ya.
children in the system typically have "shit wrong" and to be willing to weather that in theory but not examine what that means practically is warped.
did anyone see the case of the mother who had adopted a child from russia, he had some really bad issues so she bought him a one way plane ticket and sent him back to russia...ALONE!
Posted by Stpatrickspisces
TC, you are still young and vibrant so I will go to my current saying for you, "you are a grown woman so you can do what you want!" Do what makes you happy and be with who truly makes you happy no matter the age. Just be sure you are both on the same page when it comes to what you want and need from each other!
😄
thanks and yea, i think we are on the same page.
personally, i wouldn't so much worry about him looking at younger chicks as i would want to know "why now?"
when i was in my 20s it wasn't like guys were killing themselves to get into committed, long-term relationships...let alone marriage. so what the hell is up with a young dude who is attracted to older women? why is he tripping over himself to be with an old biddy when his peers are still learning how to wipe properly?
i think there is a level of maturity there that can not be denied. however, i think once you step outside of the one-on-one dialogue, it's clear that there is an age gap. i think 20 year old talk differently than 30 year olds talk differently than 40 year olds talk differently than 50 year olds and so on... "relating" to one another is relative but there will invariably be a disconnect and in some ways, the exposure to an age-mature world can be a good thing. in others, it's can rob a person of their youth and the experiences that come with.
my point is, if this were about sex then none of this matters. but given it's not about sex, it makes one wonder.
and stpatty, i know a lot of guys around my age like older women for dating purposes solely because these women don't want kids. it takes the pressure off. the two of you can enjoy one another's company without this pressing question of procreation. so that means the woman is more relaxed and the guy can take his track shoes off because it's doubtful that he'll ever hear, "when are we gonna have a baby?"
Posted by tubbyscubby
if that person however does NOT have children of their own and does NOT adopt at some point in life, then their proclamation that they would adopt is complete bull's shit and they didn't deserve to be a parent anyway. they obviously treat/regard raising a child as something separate from themselves and a damaged child, let alone a brand new one fresh out of the womb doesn't deserve that.
There's a shift happening in the expectation of women these days Tubbyscubby. I'm sure you don't need me telling you this. Where upon, women are casting off the notion that they are nothing if not a mother and dutiful wife. For some this new freedom is easy to embrace. For others, they need time to come to terms with this new liberty and umming and erring is part of this process.
Of course it's a gift to bring new life into this world (and a burden i think) but it doesn't require a must and be thankful Mam or else you need to go see some shrink. Better still she fits the bill of a witch! Let's see if she floats.
(I get your view that it isn't about going out and just adopting a needy baby. I agree. It even brings a tear in my eye. Them babies in those orphanages. Awful and beyond imaginable that it even happens. They deserve to be wanted completely not half assed picked.)
I hope this advent of womens liberties will hopefully reduce the amount of unwanted babies.
That Russian adoption story was a shocker
My mom is 10 years younger than my dad.
jason, that's not abnormal in the reverse...older man-younger woman but i do recognize "normal" is a cultural thing.
as far as women not needing to be mothers and wives, we already did that thread and i stated then as i will state now, them be CRAZY LYING BITCHES!
no one wants to live or die alone. i'm content within myself. i don't NEED to have a man around and like PD expressed earlier, i'd rather be alone than be with someone for the sake of it. regardless, if "The One" came along, who would rationally say in that instance....
"naaaaaaaaah, i'm totally digging you and our future together is certain and undeniable but hey, i'm going to deny it anyway?"
i assert that if you were to deny a healthy relationship because of some arbitrary proclamation you made about what type of woman/man you are, you're not right in the head. you're mentally fucked, you're damaged and you're the reason why old people throw poo in nursing homes. sucks to be alone and when it hits ya, hopefully dementia will have set in and you'll be too spacey to recognize it.
as far as women not needing to be mothers and wives, we already did that thread and i stated then as i will state now, them be CRAZY LYING BITCHES!
no one wants to live or die alone. i'm content within myself. i don't NEED to have a man around and like PD expressed earlier, i'd rather be alone than be with someone for the sake of it. regardless, if "The One" came along, who would rationally say in that instance....
"naaaaaaaaah, i'm totally digging you and our future together is certain and undeniable but hey, i'm going to deny it anyway?"
i assert that if you were to deny a healthy relationship because of some arbitrary proclamation you made about what type of woman/man you are, you're not right in the head. you're mentally fucked, you're damaged and you're the reason why old people throw poo in nursing homes. sucks to be alone and when it hits ya, hopefully dementia will have set in and you'll be too spacey to recognize it.
WOMAN!! I'm not saying deny a happy relationship! I'm saying we don't need to be stuck at home anymore with responsibilities that have been pinned onto us from birth-due to our gender. We can run wild and drink shots and pull our skirts up over our heads-all the while attracting 'THE ONE'. Which by the way isn't really the one-what are you thinking eh? The one? What nonsense. If he's got sacks he'll do. I'm talking big bucks
Posted by LovelyScorp
"i assert that if you were to deny a healthy relationship because of some arbitrary proclamation you made about what type of woman/man you are, you're not right in the head. you're mentally fucked, you're damaged and you're the reason why old people throw poo in nursing homes. sucks to be alone and when it hits ya, hopefully dementia will have set in and you'll be too spacey to recognize it."
even though this statement sounds a bit deranged, I have to agree with it.
Yeah but Tubbyscubby always states the obvious. Plus I think from now on i will stick to making 'arbitrary proclamations' as much as Tubbyscubby loves to state the term 'arbitrary proclamations'.
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