degenerate_ingenue
@degenerate_ingenue
10 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 3 · Posts: 2104 · Topics: 89
My Cancer professor's words of wisdom today
that was a waste of your time to type a response then, wasn't it? five seconds you'll never get back. five seconds closer to death that you could've spent doing other things. @VivaciousScorpio
Posted by tizianiValid! That is what I'm getting at though. Recently the past two relationships I entered were VERY unhealthy, toxic even. However, I feel like I was completely oblivious to this fact. I just DEALT with it! Granted they ended, but I entered them completely thinking it was normal, not even truly thinking about what was happening. As they progressed I saw that it was really draining me and I left. Now I see what I have been doing. I kind of see what I was missing before. The fact that I just allowed it repeatedly only in different forms. I am hoping to become more discerning and have higher standards.
Yup. Lord knows how many things I've buried in my subconscious by now. It's getting kind of crowded down there, really.
But on an honest note:
' I have never found a positive relationship. I enter toxic relationships and accept what I think is normal.'
I don't think you're doing yourself any favours by telling yourself this as an absolute.
At least remember that you had the heart to move on once it was done. Relationships are inherently flawed, it's fine. The fact you're aspiring for better is almost half the battle done already.
I guess I should have written that in past tense. LOL. Maybe thats where I went wrong. I was typing at light speed.
Posted by VivaciousScorpio😄Posted by degenerate_ingenueNearly one whole vine 😢
that was a waste of your time to type a response then, wasn't it? five seconds you'll never get back. five seconds closer to death that you could've spent doing other things. @VivaciousScorpioclick to expand
Posted by Kodak375lmfao I'm telling you some teachers know how to say what needs to be said! she was super clever in her response to you. I love witty comments like that. well we all live and learn 🙂
I remember in high school I was having a discussion with my teacher about the women in my life, and she was like why do you deal with all of them all the time? And in my magnificent intelligence (I was an ass) "Oh, well I throw things to the wall, one of them has to stick right?" Her response pretty much owned me. "First off, that which sticks like shit to a wall, is still shit. Second, if you're only dealing with mass low end "product" aka relationships like a dollar store, you'll just have a collection of shitty things, that will in turn. Treat you like shit." God bless that woman.
people have said mean things to me, but i always wondered if my insecurities were visible, giving them that opening. of all the mean things said, i cant recall one. i believe moreso than other people, my mind has been haunted with my feelings/thoughts about myself.
your ex was a very mean spirited person smh,
your ex was a very mean spirited person smh,
Posted by Kodak375I myself am still getting there. It's kind of sad lol. But yeah it's insane. I am trying to develop more and gain a better mindset with higher aspirations. all getting there one inch at a time. I'm glad you learned sooner too! Better late than never, but sooner is always even better.Posted by degenerate_ingenueWord. Im glad I learned sooner and learned to have standards and values for myself. I feel bad for those who treat themselves poorly for the sake/hope of an average relationship. Lord knows Ive been there.Posted by Kodak375lmfao I'm telling you some teachers know how to say what needs to be said! she was super clever in her response to you. I love witty comments like that. well we all live and learn 🙂
I remember in high school I was having a discussion with my teacher about the women in my life, and she was like why do you deal with all of them all the time? And in my magnificent intelligence (I was an ass) "Oh, well I throw things to the wall, one of them has to stick right?" Her response pretty much owned me. "First off, that which sticks like shit to a wall, is still shit. Second, if you're only dealing with mass low end "product" aka relationships like a dollar store, you'll just have a collection of shitty things, that will in turn. Treat you like shit." God bless that woman.click to expand
Posted by lnana04I was and have always been a little self-conscious. I'm very self-aware. I think that many people in fact CAN sense this and act on it. It is almost like their weapon and they use it to wield power over you. I certainly feel like that could have been at play in my situation.
people have said mean things to me, but i always wondered if my insecurities were visible, giving them that opening. of all the mean things said, i cant recall one. i believe moreso than other people, my mind has been haunted with my feelings/thoughts about myself.
your ex was a very mean spirited person smh,
Lmfao
Posted by MagicPowasThis is super true. I definitely have learned some people are just sarcastic (I am pretty sarcastic myself), and don't mean it. There are others who spit venom all the time. It's really sad to see people wallowing in so much hatred and trying to bring other people down with them.
I used to in many ways too, but once your mind is set free of all of the lies and false belief systems, you're no longer shackled to illusory limitations. Life is great, depending on how you view it. I learned to stop listening to hateful people a long time ago (you will live a much more fuller and happier life this way). So many people are overly judgmental, overly hateful and very condescending. They come in many different approaches, forms, shapes and sizes. These types want nothing more than to bring you down (most times, to feel better about themselves, to prove a point or to just be an ass). And other times, the person really didn't mean any harm by it and didn't mean for you to take it so seriously. Once you know who you are, are emotionally aware (of yourself and others) and confident in yourself, life will effortlessly fall into place. Shame, fear and doubt and success, love and happiness do not mix.
It's also about being real and actually considering the criticism of others too (without emotionally reacting). It all boils down to discernment.
Posted by Kodak375a good trait to have. not everyone is so fortunate.Posted by degenerate_ingenueIm a big believer of getting it right as soon as possible, I don't like living in a world of hurt. Not my style lmaoPosted by Kodak375I myself am still getting there. It's kind of sad lol. But yeah it's insane. I am trying to develop more and gain a better mindset with higher aspirations. all getting there one inch at a time. I'm glad you learned sooner too! Better late than never, but sooner is always even better.Posted by degenerate_ingenueWord. Im glad I learned sooner and learned to have standards and values for myself. I feel bad for those who treat themselves poorly for the sake/hope of an average relationship. Lord knows Ive been there.Posted by Kodak375lmfao I'm telling you some teachers know how to say what needs to be said! she was super clever in her response to you. I love witty comments like that. well we all live and learn 🙂
I remember in high school I was having a discussion with my teacher about the women in my life, and she was like why do you deal with all of them all the time? And in my magnificent intelligence (I was an ass) "Oh, well I throw things to the wall, one of them has to stick right?" Her response pretty much owned me. "First off, that which sticks like shit to a wall, is still shit. Second, if you're only dealing with mass low end "product" aka relationships like a dollar store, you'll just have a collection of shitty things, that will in turn. Treat you like shit." God bless that woman.click to expand
if its said disrespectfully and the intent is to offend, then it will. sometimes it can be as simple as that.
Posted by KsamCancersee! it's stuff like that. it's so influential and profound. anything like that has impact. when we can learn from what others say. when they say something that really hits home and we can truly open our eyes. I truly never thought about my ex. he's a bum and marrying some poor girl who will probably have to support him for the rest of her life. i pity her. so glad it's not me, but I never realized the IMPACT it had. My professor sparked that thought. literally once she talked about it, this event flashed in my mind. it's like we have these events burned in our memories. they can be following us and we might not even notice until someone sparks that thought.
Ive always enjoyed teachers who gave you a little personal info with their teachings, the information that is actually useful since we forget everything we learn in school. Anyways I was around 12 or 13 at the time and there was this one club I was in called "boys to men". It was a club filled with african americans, spanish, and other minority guys that attempted to give guidance in non-white males lives. The guy leading it was a white male married to a black woman and still is to this day. I am still friends with his nephew who was in the class aswell and went to highschool with me (hes black as well, dont ask how thats possible).
One lesson was about letting words offended you, he stared at us (mind you not a single white kid is in this club) and asked us why does the word "nigga" offend you when I say it? I was taken by surprise by it and didnt know how to feel, but the expression on his face and tone showed nothing but a white male truly trying to understand why it offended us. Some of the guys didnt understand it, or they had been programmed for so long to be offended by it. Some pee wees even jumped up like they were going to fight you, 5 ft 100 pound kids lol. I understood what he was trying to say and so did a few other guys who were trying to quiet the louds ones down. If you label yourself by a term, idea, history, an event, then youll always be that in your mind. If someone calls you a prostitute and it offends you, why does it offend you? I still remember that lesson to this day. I cant tell you a single thing I learned school wise in middle school, but that I can.
That's an interesting thing that you experienced though. I grew up (as we discussed) near the ex murder capital. Most of my friends are not white. In fact, I get along better with every other race other than white, and it's interesting how different others' perspectives are on that word. Some are offended. Some are completely not. It's like there are self-created barriers that bar us, or others, and our own mentality blocks us from progressing into greener pastures.
Posted by Kodak375that is so awesome! I wish I was athletic. no coaches for me, just music and other recreational activitiesPosted by degenerate_ingenuePftt my teachers and coaches beat me over the head with it till I was dizzy (again, thankkk yoouu) . Its a skill to be reinforced daily.Posted by Kodak375a good trait to have. not everyone is so fortunate.Posted by degenerate_ingenueIm a big believer of getting it right as soon as possible, I don't like living in a world of hurt. Not my style lmaoPosted by Kodak375I myself am still getting there. It's kind of sad lol. But yeah it's insane. I am trying to develop more and gain a better mindset with higher aspirations. all getting there one inch at a time. I'm glad you learned sooner too! Better late than never, but sooner is always even better.Posted by degenerate_ingenueWord. Im glad I learned sooner and learned to have standards and values for myself. I feel bad for those who treat themselves poorly for the sake/hope of an average relationship. Lord knows Ive been there.Posted by Kodak375lmfao I'm telling you some teachers know how to say what needs to be said! she was super clever in her response to you. I love witty comments like that. well we all live and learn 🙂
I remember in high school I was having a discussion with my teacher about the women in my life, and she was like why do you deal with all of them all the time? And in my magnificent intelligence (I was an ass) "Oh, well I throw things to the wall, one of them has to stick right?" Her response pretty much owned me. "First off, that which sticks like shit to a wall, is still shit. Second, if you're only dealing with mass low end "product" aka relationships like a dollar store, you'll just have a collection of shitty things, that will in turn. Treat you like shit." God bless that woman.click to expand
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This made me click in to one event in my own life that I never realized followed me to the present. A relationship I had where the guy who I was with constantly tried putting me in a little box. I tried to break up with him multiple times. Well one time, he used reverse manipulation instead of his usual "pity me" manipulation. He told me that he didn't care if I broke up with him, because I would never find anyone to love me anyways. He told me he hoped I would get hit by a truck and die, because I would probably look better dead anyways then said he would show up to my funeral drunk and laugh at how pathetic of a human being I am. And tell everyone that no one could ever love me. I don't even remember how I replied. But I have lived my entire life with THAT mindset. I rarely, if ever, think of that event in my life. But it is amazing at how it truly did influence my psyche and the way that I think. I have never found a positive relationship. I enter toxic relationships and accept what I think is normal. Men are typically quite cruel to me (which is also shown in my natal chart - hard aspect with Mars and Saturn), and though I do have backbone, I typically deal with poor treatment and don't even really realize it. My current progressed chart has Venus sq. Saturn. Lots of issues w that aspect are apparent.
With all of this being said. I wonder how many of us live like this obliviously? I hope to learn how to develop and grow upon learning this about myself. I am so grateful to have her as my professor.