why do cancers check in and then...

Poof! Vanish.....? Been with mine 5 mos..rocky..blah blah don't feel like giving a back story..lets just say I thought we were doing well and slowly moving toward something really great..he back tracks as usual. I expect not to hear from him again. I know you crabs need your shell time I get it!! I'm ALWAYS accepting of this... But he checks in. And then he's OUT. Doesn't wanna hang out. That's it. I just wanna understand why? I've been caring compassionate and stable for about as long as I can stand...why bother continuing to talk to me— if hes no longer interested why not just let it go?

Hello box,

why can't you just let it flow.? Let go and let it flow. Cancer men are just like that. If you call it quits they will fight. try it. I did it 3 times with my cancer man.

then he was apologetic. then he was full of drama. again, I maybe understand because I have mood swing as well, I don't know if this related being a cancer moon. lol

Hi there... Thank you....indeed I have def tried to let it flow..its just difficult when he wont even answer my questions...i understand they need to go at their own pace...but i also have a pace and sometimes I need stuff too. It can't always be his way.....perhaps I will try to end it just to see if I even matter to him! Its just really hard to say at this point...so perhaps ill just let it go..any other tips? I really do care for him..but sheeeeesh..smh..

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Hi there... Thank you....indeed I have def tried to let it flow..its just difficult when he wont even answer my questions...i understand they need to go at their own pace...but i also have a pace and sometimes I need stuff too. It can't always be his way.....perhaps I will try to end it just to see if I even matter to him! Its just really hard to say at this point...so perhaps ill just let it go..any other tips? I really do care for him..but sheeeeesh..smh..

If my man goes mia. I cannot resist the first impulse of getting mad. So I just sting at him and break it off. I broke up with him 3 times.

The last one break up I said I cannot stand any longer so I prefer as being friend. So then he said I have my man to occupy my time. I was what the heck he is talking. He did not recognize his own flaws that irritates me. until I am used to and just I disappeared many times. Then he said I abandoned him . I always leave him in a heartbeat - this made me laugh out loud. like I said when I am mad - I sent ultimatum break up. Then we kept fighting over and over. He cannot defeat me. He always surrender because when I am mad sure ..nasty and scary ending is a must to know where I stand. I don't want to wait and daydreaming when he is coming back. so I suggest initiate contact again 1-3 send ultimatum. It's your choice.

I have decided to let go fully. Whatever happens, happens.
I still have hope and faith but I can't just wait and be miserable.

Que sera, sera at this point.

Uh....typical cancer behaviour

if youbcant stand it now, you will never be able to stand it in the long run.. it will keep happening over n over again..

do whats best for YOU not what fits his mood

Posted by bloobaz
I have decided to let go fully. Whatever happens, happens.
I still have hope and faith but I can't just wait and be miserable.

Que sera, sera at this point.

yup.

Posted by TxOgal
Uh....typical cancer behaviour

if youbcant stand it now, you will never be able to stand it in the long run.. it will keep happening over n over again..

do whats best for YOU not what fits his mood

yes. I handled mine properly..I just let it go..from the last time I broke up with him last month he change a bit. He initiate contact every 1 day. if he's tired. He dropped me a msg he is tired.
so I just respond to him to get rest..unlike before he goes mia 5 days . on the 6th day I send ultimatum and no explanation then he asked for it. I have courage to face rejection just tell me
in my face so I won't sit around waiting his coming.

In dealing a Cancer man you have to lead him. Let him know how you feel. Let him know you are a strong woman. If he is just sarcastic and rude - throw it back to him. fight back.
lol. If we are in a good mood we usually talks our past how rude we were. hahaha.

I agree with M143. It's really hard to understand their moody type but when you'll get it it will be very simple to understand their way to proceed. After 2 months of silent treatment i thought that everything is over between me and my cancer but we get up toghether and it never happened again. Just give him some space and go with the flow!

lol I had a "what the hell" moment when I texted him asking if he wants to grab something to eat tonight. He said he really can't (and actually explained why which I really like this about him) and proposed sunday to go out. So I guess I'll see him sunday. I'm pretty content 🙂

After almost 2 weeks of not talking*

How can I give him directions to give him security? He said he wanted to know what I've been up to but not directly from me so he would avoid getting me confused (I was so happy when I read this, so he was thinking about me) but he was very cautious in his messages.

I plan on giving him a really good time and don't even mention about the relationship/break up but other than that..what else? 🙂

lol okay 😄

Why are all these cancer men threads read like a Tyler Perry Madea script?

*reading like a psshhh whatever

cut the cord. if you cannot stand his behavior, its best to cut the cord. reappearing and disappearing does not seem to suit your wants in a relationship. sometimes, you cannot let a person keep getting away with the same things. if this bothers you, do not allow reentry.

Hey thanks yall that actually helped and responded kindly! Happy things are well for ya bloobaz!! Yea Im not gonna let it go on..dont think anyone would want the reappearing disappearing thing unless yr a glutton for punishment..being a caring compassionate person really bites ya in the ass sometimes unfortunately..i still wish I could understand the motives behind the check in/adios! But luckily I have a lot of other shit on my plate and dont have time to dwell on his bs behavior.

I'm guilty of doing what is described here disappearing that is lol

Posted by Stihl46
I'm guilty of doing what is described here disappearing that is lol

Why?

Yea..why? I guess I already know..many many reasons have been given, but I'm always curious to hear someone else's thoughts...

I don't know I could pin it down to our aloofness its the only thing I can explain it, I'm a freedom loving crab I'm not clingy by any means I can't really have people around me all the time I do what I want when I want I'm an independent crab. I can go months without talking to people I know not sure why but its the way it is for me.

I know man every time I hear about us moon kids being clingy I sideways glance.

Also I just don't like bothering people. That's hard to explain too. Mom is constantly pissed about it. †

The disappearance is not personal. I don't feel the pull to do it as much lately, but I still do it from time to time - just not as long. Earlier in my current relationship, I did it more often and a lot longer, but I did think about our relationship a lot even though I was not fully in contact.

And it was always good to hear from her if I hadn't been in contact after a few weeks cause it let me know she still had me on her heart and mind, ya know?

But I would check in on her too if she didn't call - just to see she was still there and to let her know I hadn't forgotten about her.

Have you tried asking your cancer why he does it? He may have difficulty explaining it, but I bet he'll try cause it'll show him you want to understand him.

The only answer I could give my gf at that time she asked me - was that I was like a horse and sometimes I just slowly drift away from the range, but I always return.

Posted by Stihl46
I don't know I could pin it down to our aloofness its the only thing I can explain it, I'm a freedom loving crab I'm not clingy by any means I can't really have people around me all the time I do what I want when I want I'm an independent crab. I can go months without talking to people I know not sure why but its the way it is for me.

ok. So my man when he disappear. I did the same double. So when he came back.. he said I abandoned him. I would leave him in a heartbeat. He know I withdraw my feelings

everytime he disappear. I don't have time to cry and make a lot of drama..not necessary. I just inject the medicine he needs , just that nothing personal,though. lol

A not clingy is different than to disappear. You might not clingy but atleast you know you have someone out there. drop a line of 1 or 2 msgs. not difficult.

But that is how you guys operate. Not personal but that is how it is.

guys, will it be the same if me and the cancer man not yet in relationship?i like this man, i'm aries btw. we've been dating every weekend and suddenly poof he vanished. i kept texting him and he only read, no reply. so i told him that i will stop texting him but i will reply it if he messege me. before he went poof, he said he's been busy with his work. right now i'm trying to not contact him

Even if I'm busy I'm replying. Ok what happened? If you want to go there. I disappeared when x one weekend was being a weird ass drunk. From the previous week wanting me to move in with him to telling everyone we were just hanging out. Other stuff happened. Saving that for a script. Of course we kept talking. We just didn't discuss the elephant in the room.

Not saying that's your situation but maybe something like that?

@kissmygrits, before he texted me even in the middle of his chaotic work, only dropped by saying "i just want to say hi, before i go to my next meeting" something like that. recently he completly ignoring me, i dunno what happened. i textes him and he only read, no reply

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Poof! Vanish.....? Been with mine 5 mos..rocky..blah blah don't feel like giving a back story..lets just say I thought we were doing well and slowly moving toward something really great..he back tracks as usual. I expect not to hear from him again. I know you crabs need your shell time I get it!! I'm ALWAYS accepting of this... But he checks in. And then he's OUT. Doesn't wanna hang out. That's it. I just wanna understand why? I've been caring compassionate and stable for about as long as I can stand...why bother continuing to talk to me— if hes no longer interested why not just let it go?

Cancer men must be different from us women, because I see this on DXP all the time and it baffles me. I am not at all like this, and I don't know any of my other female crabs like this. Sheesh. Must be influence of Gemini confusing these Crab men, because they are tasked with the challenge of fem/vs ,male energy and motivations. I dunno, any female crabs relate to this behavior?

Posted by kinner_bear
@kissmygrits, before he texted me even in the middle of his chaotic work, only dropped by saying "i just want to say hi, before i go to my next meeting" something like that. recently he completly ignoring me, i dunno what happened. i textes him and he only read, no reply

This is so confusing. Damn crab guys! Stop being dicks.

^haha. I agree. Thanks for all the input guys..i guess I never really asked him why..just told him I didn't like to be ignored...he says hes a lone wolf, but that doesn't stop him from hanging out with his friends! I know when hes having a hard time he retreats..he does always check in tho! Hopefully it'll turn consistent one day...with the patience of a saint. I like the checking out for awhile advice,kinda did that this wkend..seeing what the outcome will be..

I've also heard the more aloof they are and the more they disappear the stronger their feelings are and want to be sure of you, is that a total farce cancers??

Posted by boxcarmirnta
I've also heard the more aloof they are and the more they disappear the stronger their feelings are and want to be sure of you, is that a total farce cancers??

well, my cancer guy on early May went poof also, that time he didn't even read my messeges nor my phone call for a week more. when he showed up he said he was sick. he said he didn't want to make me worry. geez...and now he poof again, read my messeges but no reply. it's been 3 days in a row

Wait til it's a week.....:/ also stop texting him til he responds!! Make him sweat a little..

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Wait til it's a week.....:/ also stop texting him til he responds!! Make him sweat a little..

yes i will do that. what doesn't make sense is, i know men are not multi talent as women, but don't they miss us?

Posted by boxcarmirnta
I've also heard the more aloof they are and the more they disappear the stronger their feelings are and want to be sure of you, is that a total farce cancers??

Hurt the one you love the most...wow that's fucked up, and yet I suppose true. I don't get why these crab men have to "check out" all the time. Sheesh good luck ladies!

Posted by kinner_bear

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Wait til it's a week.....:/ also stop texting him til he responds!! Make him sweat a little..

yes i will do that. what doesn't make sense is, i know men are not multi talent as women, but don't they miss us?

click to expand

wait. when he get back with you - He will say he missed you. Depends on how much feeling he invested. Be patient sometimes.

Yes moonbutter it is fucked up, it's all about fear i supposed. Yea mine always says he misses me.

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Yes moonbutter it is fucked up, it's all about fear i supposed. Yea mine always says he misses me.

Yes, fear is the only conclusion I can come to aswell. Where are the MALE Crabs?? I wanna explanation ASAP! haha :p

Posted by M143

Posted by kinner_bear

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Wait til it's a week.....:/ also stop texting him til he responds!! Make him sweat a little..

yes i will do that. what doesn't make sense is, i know men are not multi talent as women, but don't they miss us?

click to expand

wait. when he get back with you - He will say he missed you. Depends on how much feeling he invested. Be patient sometimes.

geez i'll be waiting for that moment, hope he will show up faster because i miss him alot.
actually before he went poof, he said he feels sorry for not having time to have a date with me because of his work and that he misses me. but suddenly...POOF....

still no sign from him, and he's been ignoring me for 4 days. how long the max for cancer to hide in his shell?

You should hit him up with a hi. He's not a bear in a cave. We get lost in our own world sometimes.

Posted by kissmygrits
You should hit him up with a hi. He's not a bear in a cave. We get lost in our own world sometimes.

i did, this morning i even said hi to him, and no reply. but he read it

Just wait. And if nothing hey at least you tried.

cross my fingers......

Posted by Pisces15

Posted by kinner_bear
still no sign from him, and he's been ignoring me for 4 days. how long the max for cancer to hide in his shell?

I'm 8 days of no contact! Tbh I am taking the no contact as a hint, no longer interested! Just leave him be.

Selfish men!

click to expand

i also thinking to move on, but when i'm looking back how much he cares for me when he was next to me, i don't want to let him go. probably i will look another thing to make myself busy and think that my cancer guy is going to the war zone hehehe

That's crazy! But adorable...

just wait and see. i hope he will be back to me....

finally he initiated to contacte me, he said his apologizing for not replying my messeges because he was away out of town and bla bla bla...

Yay!

Posted by kinner_bear
finally he initiated to contacte me, he said his apologizing for not replying my messeges because he was away out of town and bla bla bla...

lol. hahaha. I know how to interact that blah blah blah.