My Friend Being Insensitive to my Feelings

Posted by WarEternal
Friend (35M) and I(31F) finally got to hang out (after 1 1/2 years) due to long distance and we had sex because we're attracted to each other. Everything was great and he took care of me when showing me around, but the second time we had sex, he didn't finish me and said, "you should've been more selfish " I started shedding tears and he thought it was odd for such a reason, but IT WAS DUE to having our last day together. Didn’t ask why or offered comfort. He was teasing and I didn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable at that moment. Point is, I told him once I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ". I left him on read and he proceeded to send me a funny cute video on IG. What should I do? And is him sending a funny video just his way of still caring, but doesn't know how to express his feelings?

Posted by IceStorm
This is why I can’t do casual sex because it gives us the warm and fuzzies and clouds the hell out of our judgment.

You gotta stay rooted in reality and remember that there’s distance between you, the two of you are just friends, and be careful with reading too far into what his messages might mean.

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by IceStorm
This is why I can’t do casual sex because it gives us the warm and fuzzies and clouds the hell out of our judgment.
You gotta stay rooted in reality and remember that there’s distance between you, the two of you are just friends, and be careful with reading too far into what his messages might mean.

So being friends mean I can’t be vulnerable? I didn’t want to resent / ghost hence I wanted to express in a non confrontational manner because I care for him deeply. I haven’t replied to his video, so how I go about it? Being nonchalant?
click to expand

You can absolutely be vulnerable but I would be careful to not attach expectations to those vulnerabilities. Being vulnerable isn’t the problem, but expecting him to respond in a particular way is the problem, and/or trying to decode or read into his response.

He sent the funny video because he is a friend and that’s what friends do. I share funny videos with my friends all the time.

click to expand

Posted by JoeBiden
What are your signs?

Posted by IceStorm
He probably didn’t apologize because he’s not seeing things from an emotional lens like you are. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.

” I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ".

I think the two of you are seeing the situation very differently. He maintains the light-hearted friend position while your emotions are more involved now because of the sex.. so you are taking things way more personally and you want emotional intimacy and an apology from him, which doesn’t sound like he is willing to offer that to you. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you’re just not on the same page.

So if I’m reading you correctly, you didn’t cum the second time the two of you had sex.. he told you that you should have been more selfish during sex, which made you cry. He assumed it was because of his comment but really, you were crying because it was your last day together and you were becoming more aware of your feelings for him. You tried to express this to him and he got defensive/weirded out, probably because he still sees you as just a friend.. and maybe the heavy emotions felt like pressure to him. So then he became dismissive, insensitive and declined to talk things through when you wanted to call him. Then later, he sent a funny, friendly video to diffuse the tension.

As a woman, I understand where you’re coming from but you also have to consider where he is coming from.. men are far more logical and he sees you as just a friend. You became physically intimate with him knowing that he is just a friend. You may not ever get the apology from him and then it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the “friendship”. But I would not waste time waiting on an apology that may never come. Basically, it just doesn’t seem like the two of you are on the same page.

Posted by JoeBiden

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by JoeBiden
What are your signs?

I’m
Aries sun
Scorpio moon
Aries Mercury
Aries Venus
Pisces Mars
Him
Pisces sun
Virgo moon
Aquarius mercury
Aries Venus
Capricorn Mars
click to expand

And just to be clear the main complaint is you had sex with a friend whom you aren't dating and he came and you didn't and he doesn't seem to care that you didn't ... those the highlights?

Do you see the solution here?

click to expand

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.

Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

Posted by Jade_Alexander
Im so confused.. like you didn't orgasm, he called you on it and then you get butt hurt? I don't get it.

Don't have sex with friends and if you do, then make sure youre getting yours.

Subpar sex with a medicore friend is a waste.

Posted by cersei

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by IceStorm
He probably didn’t apologize because he’s not seeing things from an emotional lens like you are. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.
” I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ".
I think the two of you are seeing the situation very differently. He maintains the light-hearted friend position while your emotions are more involved now because of the sex.. so you are taking things way more personally and you want emotional intimacy and an apology from him, which doesn’t sound like he is willing to offer that to you. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you’re just not on the same page.
So if I’m reading you correctly, you didn’t cum the second time the two of you had sex.. he told you that you should have been more selfish during sex, which made you cry. He assumed it was because of his comment but really, you were crying because it was your last day together and you were becoming more aware of your feelings for him. You tried to express this to him and he got defensive/weirded out, probably because he still sees you as just a friend.. and maybe the heavy emotions felt like pressure to him. So then he became dismissive, insensitive and declined to talk things through when you wanted to call him. Then later, he sent a funny, friendly video to diffuse the tension.
As a woman, I understand where you’re coming from but you also have to consider where he is coming from.. men are far more logical and he sees you as just a friend. You became physically intimate with him knowing that he is just a friend. You may not ever get the apology from him and then it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the “friendship”. But I would not waste time waiting on an apology that may never come. Basically, it just doesn’t seem like the two of you are on the same page.

You got him 100% . He always believes in logic and sensibility. Yes, we’re friends, but he can be sometimes contradictory. As in, he can get romantic through texting and in person which confused me. He knows I like him very much and still goes through with it 😅 but I can definitely see what you’re saying about his side and it makes sense. He’s still willing to have fun while I kinda wanted more
click to expand

Yeah sometimes people can be opportunists and will take advantage of every inch that you give them, even if they know that their intentions do not match yours. The romantic texts feel good in the moment but really don’t mean anything. You want to start paying attention to a man’s intentions for you rather than how he woos you.
I read a quote one time that said something like “women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex”, and I think there is some truth to that. Women can be the kinkiest, freakiest, most submissive sex kittens, even potentially betraying her own personal values, especially when they think it will result in being loved back. And men can be the most attentive and romantic if they think that it will result in getting some ass.
Pay attention to intention and if the two of you are on the same page. You want and deserve someone who is on the same page as you.. not just going through the motions to keep the charade going.

click to expand

Are those generalizations really true though? Men are only affectionate and caring to get you to bed? That’s terrible if it’s true

click to expand

Posted by cersei

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by IceStorm
He probably didn’t apologize because he’s not seeing things from an emotional lens like you are. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.
” I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ".
I think the two of you are seeing the situation very differently. He maintains the light-hearted friend position while your emotions are more involved now because of the sex.. so you are taking things way more personally and you want emotional intimacy and an apology from him, which doesn’t sound like he is willing to offer that to you. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you’re just not on the same page.
So if I’m reading you correctly, you didn’t cum the second time the two of you had sex.. he told you that you should have been more selfish during sex, which made you cry. He assumed it was because of his comment but really, you were crying because it was your last day together and you were becoming more aware of your feelings for him. You tried to express this to him and he got defensive/weirded out, probably because he still sees you as just a friend.. and maybe the heavy emotions felt like pressure to him. So then he became dismissive, insensitive and declined to talk things through when you wanted to call him. Then later, he sent a funny, friendly video to diffuse the tension.
As a woman, I understand where you’re coming from but you also have to consider where he is coming from.. men are far more logical and he sees you as just a friend. You became physically intimate with him knowing that he is just a friend. You may not ever get the apology from him and then it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the “friendship”. But I would not waste time waiting on an apology that may never come. Basically, it just doesn’t seem like the two of you are on the same page.

You got him 100% . He always believes in logic and sensibility. Yes, we’re friends, but he can be sometimes contradictory. As in, he can get romantic through texting and in person which confused me. He knows I like him very much and still goes through with it 😅 but I can definitely see what you’re saying about his side and it makes sense. He’s still willing to have fun while I kinda wanted more
click to expand

Yeah sometimes people can be opportunists and will take advantage of every inch that you give them, even if they know that their intentions do not match yours. The romantic texts feel good in the moment but really don’t mean anything. You want to start paying attention to a man’s intentions for you rather than how he woos you.
I read a quote one time that said something like “women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex”, and I think there is some truth to that. Women can be the kinkiest, freakiest, most submissive sex kittens, even potentially betraying her own personal values, especially when they think it will result in being loved back. And men can be the most attentive and romantic if they think that it will result in getting some ass.
Pay attention to intention and if the two of you are on the same page. You want and deserve someone who is on the same page as you.. not just going through the motions to keep the charade going.

click to expand

Are those generalizations really true though? Men are only affectionate and caring to get you to bed? That’s terrible if it’s true

click to expand

Posted by DMV

Posted by cersei

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by IceStorm
He probably didn’t apologize because he’s not seeing things from an emotional lens like you are. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.
” I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ".
I think the two of you are seeing the situation very differently. He maintains the light-hearted friend position while your emotions are more involved now because of the sex.. so you are taking things way more personally and you want emotional intimacy and an apology from him, which doesn’t sound like he is willing to offer that to you. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you’re just not on the same page.
So if I’m reading you correctly, you didn’t cum the second time the two of you had sex.. he told you that you should have been more selfish during sex, which made you cry. He assumed it was because of his comment but really, you were crying because it was your last day together and you were becoming more aware of your feelings for him. You tried to express this to him and he got defensive/weirded out, probably because he still sees you as just a friend.. and maybe the heavy emotions felt like pressure to him. So then he became dismissive, insensitive and declined to talk things through when you wanted to call him. Then later, he sent a funny, friendly video to diffuse the tension.
As a woman, I understand where you’re coming from but you also have to consider where he is coming from.. men are far more logical and he sees you as just a friend. You became physically intimate with him knowing that he is just a friend. You may not ever get the apology from him and then it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the “friendship”. But I would not waste time waiting on an apology that may never come. Basically, it just doesn’t seem like the two of you are on the same page.

You got him 100% . He always believes in logic and sensibility. Yes, we’re friends, but he can be sometimes contradictory. As in, he can get romantic through texting and in person which confused me. He knows I like him very much and still goes through with it 😅 but I can definitely see what you’re saying about his side and it makes sense. He’s still willing to have fun while I kinda wanted more
click to expand

Yeah sometimes people can be opportunists and will take advantage of every inch that you give them, even if they know that their intentions do not match yours. The romantic texts feel good in the moment but really don’t mean anything. You want to start paying attention to a man’s intentions for you rather than how he woos you.
I read a quote one time that said something like “women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex”, and I think there is some truth to that. Women can be the kinkiest, freakiest, most submissive sex kittens, even potentially betraying her own personal values, especially when they think it will result in being loved back. And men can be the most attentive and romantic if they think that it will result in getting some ass.
Pay attention to intention and if the two of you are on the same page. You want and deserve someone who is on the same page as you.. not just going through the motions to keep the charade going.
click to expand

Are those generalizations really true though? Men are only affectionate and caring to get you to bed? That’s terrible if it’s true
click to expand

Yes it’s true and terrible.

Men have a weird relationship with sex. They quest for it all the time. Even when some get it they can become rude immediately after it. Total different person. Until it’s time to put on another award winning performance to get it again and the cycle repeats.

click to expand

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV

Posted by cersei

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by IceStorm
He probably didn’t apologize because he’s not seeing things from an emotional lens like you are. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.
” I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ".
I think the two of you are seeing the situation very differently. He maintains the light-hearted friend position while your emotions are more involved now because of the sex.. so you are taking things way more personally and you want emotional intimacy and an apology from him, which doesn’t sound like he is willing to offer that to you. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you’re just not on the same page.
So if I’m reading you correctly, you didn’t cum the second time the two of you had sex.. he told you that you should have been more selfish during sex, which made you cry. He assumed it was because of his comment but really, you were crying because it was your last day together and you were becoming more aware of your feelings for him. You tried to express this to him and he got defensive/weirded out, probably because he still sees you as just a friend.. and maybe the heavy emotions felt like pressure to him. So then he became dismissive, insensitive and declined to talk things through when you wanted to call him. Then later, he sent a funny, friendly video to diffuse the tension.
As a woman, I understand where you’re coming from but you also have to consider where he is coming from.. men are far more logical and he sees you as just a friend. You became physically intimate with him knowing that he is just a friend. You may not ever get the apology from him and then it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the “friendship”. But I would not waste time waiting on an apology that may never come. Basically, it just doesn’t seem like the two of you are on the same page.

You got him 100% . He always believes in logic and sensibility. Yes, we’re friends, but he can be sometimes contradictory. As in, he can get romantic through texting and in person which confused me. He knows I like him very much and still goes through with it 😅 but I can definitely see what you’re saying about his side and it makes sense. He’s still willing to have fun while I kinda wanted more
click to expand

Yeah sometimes people can be opportunists and will take advantage of every inch that you give them, even if they know that their intentions do not match yours. The romantic texts feel good in the moment but really don’t mean anything. You want to start paying attention to a man’s intentions for you rather than how he woos you.
I read a quote one time that said something like “women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex”, and I think there is some truth to that. Women can be the kinkiest, freakiest, most submissive sex kittens, even potentially betraying her own personal values, especially when they think it will result in being loved back. And men can be the most attentive and romantic if they think that it will result in getting some ass.
Pay attention to intention and if the two of you are on the same page. You want and deserve someone who is on the same page as you.. not just going through the motions to keep the charade going.
click to expand

Are those generalizations really true though? Men are only affectionate and caring to get you to bed? That’s terrible if it’s true
click to expand

Yes it’s true and terrible.
Men have a weird relationship with sex. They quest for it all the time. Even when some get it they can become rude immediately after it. Total different person. Until it’s time to put on another award winning performance to get it again and the cycle repeats.

click to expand

So true

A friend of mine who has slept with a lot of men says “men will say anything or do anything to get sex” 🥴

Brains in the pants

click to expand

Posted by DMV

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV

Posted by cersei

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by IceStorm
He probably didn’t apologize because he’s not seeing things from an emotional lens like you are. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.
” I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ".
I think the two of you are seeing the situation very differently. He maintains the light-hearted friend position while your emotions are more involved now because of the sex.. so you are taking things way more personally and you want emotional intimacy and an apology from him, which doesn’t sound like he is willing to offer that to you. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you’re just not on the same page.
So if I’m reading you correctly, you didn’t cum the second time the two of you had sex.. he told you that you should have been more selfish during sex, which made you cry. He assumed it was because of his comment but really, you were crying because it was your last day together and you were becoming more aware of your feelings for him. You tried to express this to him and he got defensive/weirded out, probably because he still sees you as just a friend.. and maybe the heavy emotions felt like pressure to him. So then he became dismissive, insensitive and declined to talk things through when you wanted to call him. Then later, he sent a funny, friendly video to diffuse the tension.
As a woman, I understand where you’re coming from but you also have to consider where he is coming from.. men are far more logical and he sees you as just a friend. You became physically intimate with him knowing that he is just a friend. You may not ever get the apology from him and then it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the “friendship”. But I would not waste time waiting on an apology that may never come. Basically, it just doesn’t seem like the two of you are on the same page.

You got him 100% . He always believes in logic and sensibility. Yes, we’re friends, but he can be sometimes contradictory. As in, he can get romantic through texting and in person which confused me. He knows I like him very much and still goes through with it 😅 but I can definitely see what you’re saying about his side and it makes sense. He’s still willing to have fun while I kinda wanted more
click to expand

Yeah sometimes people can be opportunists and will take advantage of every inch that you give them, even if they know that their intentions do not match yours. The romantic texts feel good in the moment but really don’t mean anything. You want to start paying attention to a man’s intentions for you rather than how he woos you.
I read a quote one time that said something like “women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex”, and I think there is some truth to that. Women can be the kinkiest, freakiest, most submissive sex kittens, even potentially betraying her own personal values, especially when they think it will result in being loved back. And men can be the most attentive and romantic if they think that it will result in getting some ass.
Pay attention to intention and if the two of you are on the same page. You want and deserve someone who is on the same page as you.. not just going through the motions to keep the charade going.
click to expand

Are those generalizations really true though? Men are only affectionate and caring to get you to bed? That’s terrible if it’s true
click to expand

Yes it’s true and terrible.
Men have a weird relationship with sex. They quest for it all the time. Even when some get it they can become rude immediately after it. Total different person. Until it’s time to put on another award winning performance to get it again and the cycle repeats.

click to expand

So true

A friend of mine who has slept with a lot of men says “men will say anything or do anything to get sex” 🥴

Brains in the pants

Sounds like an addiction to me

Constantly chasing a high and never getting full satisfaction

click to expand

Posted by DMV
Aries are terrible in bed especially the men.

You do have to be very selfish during sex to get your needs satisfied because they won’t care.

The first time you have sex with an Aries should be the last time because it will never be like that again.

Aries also don’t do well with constructive criticism lol. You trying to tell an Aries man that his sex game is weak is very embarrassing. He probably thought he hit a home run.

2 aries trying to get it on is odd to me. Neither one of you is going to look out for the other sexually.

Posted by Findingbalance
All I can add is, he's not responsible for your emotions, you are.

He's made it obvious he's in it for sex and friends. You need to either big girl up and handle your emotions and continue, or big girl up and face your emotions and realize you can't put your emotions aside and end this situationship.

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by DMV
Aries are terrible in bed especially the men.
You do have to be very selfish during sex to get your needs satisfied because they won’t care.
The first time you have sex with an Aries should be the last time because it will never be like that again.
Aries also don’t do well with constructive criticism lol. You trying to tell an Aries man that his sex game is weak is very embarrassing. He probably thought he hit a home run.
2 aries trying to get it on is odd to me. Neither one of you is going to look out for the other sexually.

I’m an Aries female and he’s a Pisces 😅 idk, the assumptions you’re making is too broad varying from person to person as I’m always wanting to please him

click to expand

Posted by nanochip
He doesn’t care and only wants to get off with you, while you have emotional attachment and expectations of him

This is a disaster slowly unraveling in real time which is typical of FWB

Posted by DMV
Aries are terrible in bed especially the men.

You do have to be very selfish during sex to get your needs satisfied because they won’t care.

The first time you have sex with an Aries should be the last time because it will never be like that again.

Aries also don’t do well with constructive criticism lol. You trying to tell an Aries man that his sex game is weak is very embarrassing. He probably thought he hit a home run.

2 aries trying to get it on is odd to me. Neither one of you is going to look out for the other sexually.

Posted by Truemara

Posted by DMV
Aries are terrible in bed especially the men.
You do have to be very selfish during sex to get your needs satisfied because they won’t care.
The first time you have sex with an Aries should be the last time because it will never be like that again.
Aries also don’t do well with constructive criticism lol. You trying to tell an Aries man that his sex game is weak is very embarrassing. He probably thought he hit a home run.
2 aries trying to get it on is odd to me. Neither one of you is going to look out for the other sexually.

Aries Venus?

click to expand

Posted by WarEternal
Friend (35M) and I(31F) finally got to hang out (after 1 1/2 years) due to long distance and we had sex because we're attracted to each other. Everything was great and he took care of me when showing me around, but the second time we had sex, he didn't finish me and said, "you should've been more selfish " I started shedding tears and he thought it was odd for such a reason, but IT WAS DUE to having our last day together. Point is, I told him when I got home about it and he got super defensive. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry and I'II be mindful for our next hangout" he kept arguing. After I told him "my intent was not to argue but to express and can I call?" All he said was, "okay, I get it and nooo 🤣 ". I left him on read and he proceeded to send me a funny cute video on IG. What should I do? And is him sending a funny video just his way of still caring, but doesn't know how to express his feelings?

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.

If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.

click to expand

Posted by StubbornSag

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging
click to expand

Sometimes people don't say it but make it pretty obvious. Only desperation of the other side prevents them from understanding it's over. Don't be that person...he's not leaving you hanging, he's letting you fade away.

click to expand

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging
click to expand

Slowly make plans to get over your r/s with him. Make a timeline on how long you'll mourn the loss of your r/s with him and just allow yourself to feel. Then slowly plan activities for yourself, things you enjoy or wanted to try.

Pick yourself up and walk on.

click to expand

Posted by WarEternal
Friend (35M) and I(31F) finally got to hang out (after 1 1/2 years) due to long distance and we had sex because we're attracted to each other. Everything was great and he took care of me when showing me around, but the second time we had sex, he didn't finish me and said, "you should've been more selfish "

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging
click to expand

Slowly make plans to get over your r/s with him. Make a timeline on how long you'll mourn the loss of your r/s with him and just allow yourself to feel. Then slowly plan activities for yourself, things you enjoy or wanted to try.
Pick yourself up and walk on.

I muted, restricted his account, but it only worked for a bit because I still miss him. I flirted with him today with a joke and left me on read

Debating if I should just unfollow since he couldn’t do it for some reason
click to expand

If he gets the hint that you like him and all he wants is something platonic but can't properly communicate, you have to take the hint. You have to take accountability for the unsettling feelings if you keep pressing on.

click to expand

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging
click to expand

Slowly make plans to get over your r/s with him. Make a timeline on how long you'll mourn the loss of your r/s with him and just allow yourself to feel. Then slowly plan activities for yourself, things you enjoy or wanted to try.
Pick yourself up and walk on.

I muted, restricted his account, but it only worked for a bit because I still miss him. I flirted with him today with a joke and left me on read

Debating if I should just unfollow since he couldn’t do it for some reason
click to expand

If he gets the hint that you like him and all he wants is something platonic but can't properly communicate, you have to take the hint. You have to take accountability for the unsettling feelings if you keep pressing on.

Platonic? That’s confusing given we had sex twice and gave me a kiss right we left each other. Just am not understanding why he’s being this way. So I suppose after the awkwardness, he wants to be platonic?

Yeah girl. He's ignoring you after sex, no?

click to expand

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging

click to expand

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging

Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. The difference between a situationship and relationship is clear communication.

In a way he is too weak to give you a straight answer you are wanting, you not being direct gives him the leeway to do so.
In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you and not asking about what he wants and his thoughts of the relationship. This gives you you leeway to impose you desires on the nature of the relationship. You are torturing yourself by being disingenuous here.
His evasiveness and the way he does it tells me he doesn't want to hurt you and trying to play it off.

Basically
It's like you are both dancing and stepping on each other's feet.
Find a partner who dances with you and wants to OR talk and coordinate your dance with each other. You can change you minds later but for right now... communication communication communicate...in a way you both know and understand.

click to expand

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging

Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. The difference between a situationship and relationship is clear communication.



In a way he is too weak to give you a straight answer you are wanting, you not being direct gives him the leeway to do so.

In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you and not asking about what he wants and his thoughts of the relationship. This gives you you leeway to impose you desires on the nature of the relationship. You are torturing yourself by being disingenuous here.

His evasiveness and the way he does it tells me he doesn't want to hurt you and trying to play it off.



Basically

It's like you are both dancing and stepping on each other's feet.

Find a partner who dances with you and wants to OR talk and coordinate your dance with each other. You can change you minds later but for right now... communication communication communicate...in a way you both know and understand.

You are 100% correct except
“In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you”

This is exactly why he distanced himself. I called him out to express how I felt when he teased me during the last bit of our hangout that hurt my feelings. He gaslit and got defensive, but I gave credit that he was great before the incident. I want to communicate, but at the same time afraid for him to do it again. There’s been times he wanted me and only picks me up when he wants

Which disheartened me because he was my friend and wished I never agree to do FWB if it were to lead to this…

click to expand

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging

Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. The difference between a situationship and relationship is clear communication.


In a way he is too weak to give you a straight answer you are wanting, you not being direct gives him the leeway to do so.


In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you and not asking about what he wants and his thoughts of the relationship. This gives you you leeway to impose you desires on the nature of the relationship. You are torturing yourself by being disingenuous here.


His evasiveness and the way he does it tells me he doesn't want to hurt you and trying to play it off.





Basically


It's like you are both dancing and stepping on each other's feet.


Find a partner who dances with you and wants to OR talk and coordinate your dance with each other. You can change you minds later but for right now... communication communication communicate...in a way you both know and understand.

You are 100% correct except

“In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you”

This is exactly why he distanced himself. I called him out to express how I felt when he teased me during the last bit of our hangout that hurt my feelings. He gaslit and got defensive, but I gave credit that he was great before the incident. I want to communicate, but at the same time afraid for him to do it again. There’s been times he wanted me and only picks me up when he wants

Which disheartened me because he was my friend and wished I never agree to do FWB if it were to lead to this…
click to expand

Here is a trick I use.

What kind of relationship do you guys work best as?

This way you lose nothing nor fear the possible outcome.

If you feel yourself or him push for more question it.

If there is a real pressure for more or something different, decide under what conditions would you accept that.

Finally, don't squeeze a likely tangerine for orange juice🙃

click to expand

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging

Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. The difference between a situationship and relationship is clear communication.


In a way he is too weak to give you a straight answer you are wanting, you not being direct gives him the leeway to do so.


In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you and not asking about what he wants and his thoughts of the relationship. This gives you you leeway to impose you desires on the nature of the relationship. You are torturing yourself by being disingenuous here.


His evasiveness and the way he does it tells me he doesn't want to hurt you and trying to play it off.





Basically


It's like you are both dancing and stepping on each other's feet.


Find a partner who dances with you and wants to OR talk and coordinate your dance with each other. You can change you minds later but for right now... communication communication communicate...in a way you both know and understand.

You are 100% correct except

“In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you”

This is exactly why he distanced himself. I called him out to express how I felt when he teased me during the last bit of our hangout that hurt my feelings. He gaslit and got defensive, but I gave credit that he was great before the incident. I want to communicate, but at the same time afraid for him to do it again. There’s been times he wanted me and only picks me up when he wants

Which disheartened me because he was my friend and wished I never agree to do FWB if it were to lead to this…
click to expand

Here is a trick I use.

What kind of relationship do you guys work best as?

This way you lose nothing nor fear the possible outcome.

If you feel yourself or him push for more question it.

If there is a real pressure for more or something different, decide under what conditions would you accept that.

Finally, don't squeeze a likely tangerine for orange juice🙃

click to expand

Posted by PoshChickenLove1111
He's not your friend. He just used you for physical reasons.

Posted by dontgiveup
Pull back from him.

Treat him like a friend

If this mf don’t care to get you off then fuck him.

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi

Posted by WarEternal

Posted by Kachi
He probably said that to neutralize the situation, hoping that it won't be awkward or send any mix messages. He's drawing the line clumsily.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your own intentions. Otherwise, people get hurt with yourself included.

I know what I got myself into when I agreed to doing this with him. Overtime, I developed feelings. He knows this. The comments above yours made me realize in his own perspective which I now decided to be a big girl and responded normally. He’s trying to ease the tension by sending me a video and is trying to be my friend
click to expand

Yeah, bc what he'll do is either try to become distant or overall end any sort of relationship with you.
If you want something more with him, benefits may not establish a strong and lasting relationship. Also, good friends can take time to come by. So choose wisely before you risk anything. Sometimes it's better to have good company, platonic relationships, than finding a life partner. But that's just my opinion.
click to expand

As you predicted, he became distant. Haven’t spoken for a week now and is slowly not really interacting with my socials (looking at my stories)🥲 wish he can say it’s over than leave me hanging

Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. The difference between a situationship and relationship is clear communication.


In a way he is too weak to give you a straight answer you are wanting, you not being direct gives him the leeway to do so.


In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you and not asking about what he wants and his thoughts of the relationship. This gives you you leeway to impose you desires on the nature of the relationship. You are torturing yourself by being disingenuous here.


His evasiveness and the way he does it tells me he doesn't want to hurt you and trying to play it off.





Basically


It's like you are both dancing and stepping on each other's feet.


Find a partner who dances with you and wants to OR talk and coordinate your dance with each other. You can change you minds later but for right now... communication communication communicate...in a way you both know and understand.

You are 100% correct except

“In a way you are too weak for not being more clear as to what's going on with you”

This is exactly why he distanced himself. I called him out to express how I felt when he teased me during the last bit of our hangout that hurt my feelings. He gaslit and got defensive, but I gave credit that he was great before the incident. I want to communicate, but at the same time afraid for him to do it again. There’s been times he wanted me and only picks me up when he wants

Which disheartened me because he was my friend and wished I never agree to do FWB if it were to lead to this…
click to expand

Here is a trick I use.

What kind of relationship do you guys work best as?

This way you lose nothing nor fear the possible outcome.

If you feel yourself or him push for more question it.

If there is a real pressure for more or something different, decide under what conditions would you accept that.

Finally, don't squeeze a likely tangerine for orange juice🙃

I think we work best as friends honestly. There’s no pressure and I love how he can be open with me. Today I checked in and he sent me a massive paragraph of what he’s going through. I loved helping and being there for him. Though not sure if it’s wrong of me, but I gauged by trying to send a sexy selfie after to make him happy and he only ❤️ reacted and continued to vent. I’m wondering now I should hit the nail in the coffin to say maybe we should end our FWB? Not sure if he lost interest, but I don’t want to continue embarrassing myself if he’s afraid to hurt my feelings

click to expand