ESFJ

ESFJ

wow finally dxpnet is allowing me to post a new topic without error lol

anyway, my bff is ESFJ and she is suffering depression due to years of dating failure. i'd like to get to the root of the issues to be a better friend

Portrait of an ESFJ - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Sensing)

The Caregiver

As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.

The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.

ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure. ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.

ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.

An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.

ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.

my bff is definitely a people pleaser. sometimes too much. yet she told me she genuinely wants everyone happy she just loves unconditionally tbh sometimes i don't feel that's the case. but i also know she wouldn't be fake with me so it confuses me at times who she really is. something is off. she often goes overboard to compliment others which can seem disingenuous.

she reads people carefully and often does a very good job. the interesting thing is i realized and told her that she may lack intuition so she can tick off some people easily. it's like people think she can read them well but then some of her reactions seem rude or clueless to a point that they may think she is insensitive

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/03/heres-why-youre-still-single-based-on-your-myers-briggs-personality-type/



ESFJ


You’re single because: You have a savior complex and keep going for wounded people who can’t properly love you back.

You’ll get into a relationship when: You’re finally attracted to someone who has his or her shit together and doesn’t need to be bullied into a relationship.



^^^ this is definitely my bff. she used to always date guys that were not in her league. she then took her dad's advice to start dating guys who seemed put together but these guys told her point blank that they were damaged goods and she still processed and got hurt one after another. she told me these guys often came on so strong initially so after couple dates she thought it'd be fair for her to reciprocate their passion and as soon as she did that, these guys got scared and told her they were not ready for a relationship. and then she would try to convince them that everything can be discussed and worked out because compromises are necessary in a relationship! yeah her explanation made it seemed like she was trying to bullied these guys into a relationship! the history repeated itself again and again. it's not like she is not trying to learn from the mistakes though. she told me she tried to apply her experience from the previous failure to new date but realized that everyone is different (well of course!)

idk. i think lacking intuition is really making her romantic life difficult. i'm thinking she should definitely try to date S personalty guys and avoid N ones. it'd irritate the hell outta me if a romantic interest is lack of intuition and everything needs to be explained and discussed. i don't think i'd feel romantic at all

it's definitely a personality thing. my bff is very cute, takes care of her appearance and financially secure. guys flocked to her all the time. they became crazy about her quickly but then the passion died quickly also. i used to feel that she was controlling not so much now. she stills manipulate at times to be well liked. it does not bother me but it may bother guys she was trying date.

Just took the test and found out. Am ESFJ. It matches me.