sweethearts
@sweethearts
19 Years5,000+ Posts
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Help me out here
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There's this Pisces guy friend of ours that we knew for a couple years (he eventually moved across country), and him and I got pretty close and flirted a bit. When he announced he was moving away, I teased him and told him I was coming with him, I would stow out in his suitcase .... and he said something like ....
"There's no point hon, you know I would just leave you, anyway, because that's what I do."
And of course, I told him I know .... because that is what Fish do.
"There's no point hon, you know I would just leave you, anyway, because that's what I do."
And of course, I told him I know .... because that is what Fish do.
How Ian? What do you guys want, spill all? I'm such a freakin Libran...my scales are tipping to and fro!
So, my point Sweethearts ... it doesn't matter. You are putting all this energy into trying to figure out about "moves" and/or "compatibility" ... and to him, you are just another person that one day he'll never see again once he's finished experiencing you and swims away.
Because that's what we do.
I appreciate your wisdom P...and I cant or wont put myself out there if it's going to end in heartache...
So you are saying drop it and keep the friendship?
So you are saying drop it and keep the friendship?
Complicated...cant get there...
Think P's right, cant let myself be hurt or used again. And I'd fall hard for him!!!
Think P's right, cant let myself be hurt or used again. And I'd fall hard for him!!!
Think I'd be too fragile to allow myself to be hurt when the writing is on the wall Ian...
I believe better to have loved and lost that not to have loved at all...Normally
But would you do it knowing that it's not permanent and it would be short lived—
I believe better to have loved and lost that not to have loved at all...Normally
But would you do it knowing that it's not permanent and it would be short lived—
Yeah you're right...that's me to a tee!
Posted by sweethearts
I appreciate your wisdom P...and I cant or wont put myself out there if it's going to end in heartache...
So you are saying drop it and keep the friendship?
It's just a matter of how you choose to view your relations in life.
You can enjoy the feelings for as long as they last with another .. or you can not enjoy them by being worried you might miss something.
Up to you ... either way, a Pisces is going to go with option #1
No what you said...tooo scared to put myself out there
Posted by sweethearts
I believe better to have loved and lost that not to have loved at all...Normally
But would you do it knowing that it's not permanent and it would be short lived—
Go with that in which is you normally ... and yes, a Pisces would still go with it knowing it is short-lived.
You know if I go with you two...I'm going to be here crying to both of you after and expecting you to help me get over it!!!
Why cry?
If you have an experience that is great, fun and makes you feel special inside, even if it's just for a day in your life ..... why would that make you cry?
Shouldn't that make you smile?
If you have an experience that is great, fun and makes you feel special inside, even if it's just for a day in your life ..... why would that make you cry?
Shouldn't that make you smile?
It is dying and I'm getting sexually frustrated too!!! lol
How should I approach him then?
How should I approach him then?
Life is what happens when you're making other plans ~ John Lennon
The memory would definitely but my heart would ache and yearn afterwards...and that lasts a long time.
Posted by sweethearts
The memory would definitely but my heart would ache and yearn afterwards...and that lasts a long time.
Oh, that's terrible ... the lasting a long time part. I cannot relate to that, though I understand what you're saying.
Posted by sweethearts
I've been told that I annoy him...but he still loves me, he loves to hate me! (His words) We are friends and frustrate each other...He wont make a move...should I—? Or should I just drop it altogether—
Personally I think we are quite compatible BUT we both have issues...
What to do? Should I just be happy and frustated with the friendship?
Well, first off, I think you should try to work on whatever it is you are doing that annoys him. And apparantly he works on your nerves also ..... that would have to resolved if you two are going to try to take this to another level.
I understand he sees my defensive side and that to me is why he is also defensive...I feel like we are at a stalemate and yes maybe I should make the first move because I started it by being the defensive one in the first place.
Yes Ian you are right!
And what annoys him about me P is that we both butt heads because we are both right!!! And he says one thing and I say another and neither will give in to the other...so what he does is he purposely ignores me because he's worked out that I HATE that. So he wants to get under my skin as I do him!!!!
And what annoys him about me P is that we both butt heads because we are both right!!! And he says one thing and I say another and neither will give in to the other...so what he does is he purposely ignores me because he's worked out that I HATE that. So he wants to get under my skin as I do him!!!!
Next time he says he's right, strip naked in front of him and tell him ... no, that you're are right, and if he doesn't concede then you are putting your clothes back on and going home.
He'll shut up and let you be right .. he will also stop with all his irritatingness and let you control the situation at hand.
He'll shut up and let you be right .. he will also stop with all his irritatingness and let you control the situation at hand.
Of course, if you do that then you have to be prepared for what comes next.
The shock value, though .... he'll like that.
The shock value, though .... he'll like that.
LMAO P!!!!!
I just need to get some balls in more ways than one!
And yes live even it ends in heartache!!!
I just need to get some balls in more ways than one!
And yes live even it ends in heartache!!!
I can be a slut in the sheets but not in public Ian!!
I'm thinking to ask him straight out to meet with me then...leave the ball in his court because the only time I get to see him is around other friends and we cant really spend any time together...
Swallowing my pride big time there!!! But at least if he rejects me then it's private and I can take that on the chin!
Swallowing my pride big time there!!! But at least if he rejects me then it's private and I can take that on the chin!
Ok I'm going to go all out and put myself out there....I'm scared!!!
But either way it will put an end to this after a year of frustration. At least I will know one way or the other.
Thanks you two, helping me nut this out.
But either way it will put an end to this after a year of frustration. At least I will know one way or the other.
Thanks you two, helping me nut this out.
Posted by sweethearts
I'm thinking to ask him straight out to meet with me then...leave the ball in his court because the only time I get to see him is around other friends and we cant really spend any time together...
Swallowing my pride big time there!!! But at least if he rejects me then it's private and I can take that on the chin!
Good Luck ... keep in mind though that if/when you do this, you still haven't disarmed him.
He's a Pisces, not likely to forgo his teasing you simply because you have decided to be serious without showing him this.
If he's poking at you, trying to get under your skin then how is putting the ball in his court any different?
I thought this was all about you are waiting for him to make a move and wonder what the fuck is going on and so your solution is to tell him you want to meet with him, eventhough you annoy him and leaving it all up to him to make the next move?
:::: scratches head ::::
Anyone want to compose what i should say—
UUmmmmmm ... okaaay ...... good luck with that.
Give me your words of wisdom P...how should I handle it—
P!!! You've tipped my scales again!
Fuck I'm frustrating myself!!
Fuck I'm frustrating myself!!
I'm old skool and its hard to try and be something I'm not asleep. I believe he should make the move towards me but I'm frustrated that he isnt and it's been a long year of frustration!
I'll sleep on it some more and take on board what everyone has to say!
I'll sleep on it some more and take on board what everyone has to say!
Well, we don't know how you two talk, we only know that you like to irritate each other.
How deep does this go? This teasing each other?
How deep does this go? This teasing each other?
You have to understand, Sweethearts, that a Pisces is going to go with what is established with you because our life mission is to please the other. So, for this year, the tone has been set = teasing/picking/irritating = this is how he knows to get on with you.
And this is how he will continue. To change the tone means you have to change the setting .. he won't, he will swim along according to the environment that is established.
You have to use the shock value .. like I already told you. Not the naked part, well, unless you want to .. but, the shock, never-the-less.
Thus far ... you are just a toy for him to use his pithy remarks on, and trust, Pisces are fully of them .... an exercise, if you will.
And this is how he will continue. To change the tone means you have to change the setting .. he won't, he will swim along according to the environment that is established.
You have to use the shock value .. like I already told you. Not the naked part, well, unless you want to .. but, the shock, never-the-less.
Thus far ... you are just a toy for him to use his pithy remarks on, and trust, Pisces are fully of them .... an exercise, if you will.
We had a fling once and I didnt allow it to go further...because he is a ladies man and I was being cautious. So he looked at it like I rejected him. I then put myself out there later and he rejected me back...tit for tat?
Posted by P-Angel
You have to understand, Sweethearts, that a Pisces is going to go with what is established with you because our life mission is to please the other. So, for this year, the tone has been set = teasing/picking/irritating = this is how he knows to get on with you.
And this is how he will continue. To change the tone means you have to change the setting .. he won't, he will swim along according to the environment that is established.
You have to use the shock value .. like I already told you. Not the naked part, well, unless you want to .. but, the shock, never-the-less.
Thus far ... you are just a toy for him to use his pithy remarks on, and trust, Pisces are fully of them .... an exercise, if you will.
Definitely Food for thought!
You've said .... you are old fashioned in the aspect that you want the man to lead ... he is a ladies man.
Those two don't mesh. A ladies man is used to female attention without much effort ... it's doubtful that he will conform to your vision of what you want out of him.
In this case, in your position ... I would just consider him a friend and look to the horizon for a man who is more what you are looking for.
"Thoughts" are your reality ... if you think about him (your life-partner), then he will present himself to you.
Those two don't mesh. A ladies man is used to female attention without much effort ... it's doubtful that he will conform to your vision of what you want out of him.
In this case, in your position ... I would just consider him a friend and look to the horizon for a man who is more what you are looking for.
"Thoughts" are your reality ... if you think about him (your life-partner), then he will present himself to you.
Mmmm, how's about "Pisces, I want you. Pisces, I need you. With you Pisces, I have all I'll ever, ever need." Then you grab that Fish, and pull him in for some loving.
le thing, very touching and sweet. And everyone knows I'm a full supporter of the Pisces-Libra relationship. But THESE words from Ian... THESE are what you need to focus on, sweets!
Posted by ianthefish
personally sweetheart, i think hardly any relationship is going to work out for you....
you seem to just be another one of those women who have had their heart broken a few time, and now you are not willing to ever let it be exposed again, "not until he does this or that, or i feel this or that".... instead you keep your heart locked in a box to never let it be seen again... when it dies of suffocation, what shall you do then? will it be too late?
Posted by ianthefish
first off, turn off those vibes that you put out.. those need to go....
i told you how to approach it already...
unlock your heart, thats where you start...
without it, he wont want anything to do with you..click to expand
Very cute. Thing is, Pisces don't go for games, even if cute. And drunk? If you can't say it sober, we won't believe it when you're drunk.
If she is GENUINELY sad and needing comfort, that would work. Making things up, pretending, saying something that isn't the absolute truth to try CREATING a situation... pretending (or really!) getting so inebriated that you can't control your mouth ... not a good idea with a Pisces anyway. Honesty is the only way to go, even the smallest "untruth" will have him doubting her integrity. And if you tarnish your own integrity so early on, Pisces will never fully trust you, will never open up fully and let you in, and then you'll be here on the boards going "What do I do about my Pisces who just swam away?!"
Sweets;
Open your heart SO wide, SO vulnerable, sink or swim, fly or fall, FEARLESS - or at least courage in the face of fear. You have to jump off the cliff, even if you can see the rocks at the bottom - THAT'S what a Pisces does, THAT'S what will strike a chord in him.
If she is GENUINELY sad and needing comfort, that would work. Making things up, pretending, saying something that isn't the absolute truth to try CREATING a situation... pretending (or really!) getting so inebriated that you can't control your mouth ... not a good idea with a Pisces anyway. Honesty is the only way to go, even the smallest "untruth" will have him doubting her integrity. And if you tarnish your own integrity so early on, Pisces will never fully trust you, will never open up fully and let you in, and then you'll be here on the boards going "What do I do about my Pisces who just swam away?!"
Sweets;
Open your heart SO wide, SO vulnerable, sink or swim, fly or fall, FEARLESS - or at least courage in the face of fear. You have to jump off the cliff, even if you can see the rocks at the bottom - THAT'S what a Pisces does, THAT'S what will strike a chord in him.
If she's this anxious over one man, I would say do nothing...only because your energy is off, it's expectant, either expectant to get hurt or expectant to get rejected or received in a way that won't satisfy you...Why not allow him to swim your way, if he doesn't well he doesn't...on to someone that is into you, into you enough to do his part....This is doomed to end in disaster if she makes the first move...If this guy really really wanted you in his life he would do something about it, if he's not doing anything then he's not that into you, least not enough to take it there.
I hope that didn't hurt your feelings sweets but I feel on some level your being encouraged to do something your not comfortable with and emotional comfort and internal confidence which includes a positive vibe and positive attitude is needed when approaching a man and initiating a relationship. You have to detach from the ultimate outcome and see if there is space for you in his life in which he will determine so inevitably it will be his way or nothing at all if you initiate and he will in the end have predominantly more power to accept or reject because your the one that would be pursuing him....make sure you understand how initiating will effect you longterm, if you feel you will be heartbroken over it then of course you have the right idea...do nothing
I hope that didn't hurt your feelings sweets but I feel on some level your being encouraged to do something your not comfortable with and emotional comfort and internal confidence which includes a positive vibe and positive attitude is needed when approaching a man and initiating a relationship. You have to detach from the ultimate outcome and see if there is space for you in his life in which he will determine so inevitably it will be his way or nothing at all if you initiate and he will in the end have predominantly more power to accept or reject because your the one that would be pursuing him....make sure you understand how initiating will effect you longterm, if you feel you will be heartbroken over it then of course you have the right idea...do nothing
Posted by P-Angel
You've said .... you are old fashioned in the aspect that you want the man to lead ... he is a ladies man.
Those two don't mesh. A ladies man is used to female attention without much effort ... it's doubtful that he will conform to your vision of what you want out of him.
In this case, in your position ... I would just consider him a friend and look to the horizon for a man who is more what you are looking for.
"Thoughts" are your reality ... if you think about him (your life-partner), then he will present himself to you.
I totally agree with P...A ladies man won't be making a move..HE DOESN'T HAVE TO, most likely he know the whole initiate reject game, he is no fool, he's not going to do it b/c he doesn't have to, he doesn't have to because he isn't lacking in female attention/sex/companionship but she most likely is so she thirst for a man...When a ladies man has his pick of the litter he is not thirsty for any one particular kitty b/c he has so many to choose from...He's going to lean back, I would leave this guy alone and let him figure it out without me around...Ladies men are a whole notha universe, the rules are slightly different, they have to MISS you to give more of himself to you....If your around him enough, he's familiar with you, you have a semi-routine with him he's not going to budge...These kind of men have to LOSE, lose a woman to see her worth, once your gone and none of the other women compare he will be back with a proposal of some sort (girlfriend/boyfriend/dating) but as it is right now she will get rejected again b/c she will be behaving like all the other women that want to tie him down which will only serve to turn him off, her approaching him with her feelings will have the opposite effect, a ladies man is a womanizer, he isn't into settling down. He has to have a reason to give more of himself to her.
He enjoys the tension with sweets but he only feels friendship with her...not a good combo
Posted by ianthefish
im never serious, i just practice the art of drama...
leo rising..
;]
You have a leo rising hahaha, explains alot 🙂
Posted by ianthefish
man, y'all have really dealt with some losers your whole life havent you....
you poor girls...
y'alls is true, that it is ...
Sure I've been hurt. Many, many times. I still have no real fear of getting hurt; it hurts more to close off and not take a chance, to always think what if. I see the rocks at the bottom - I jump anyway.
But ian, I'm NEVER about games or schemes or any of that. I speak only my truth (which isn't always easy to figure out, much less reveal!), what is true inside me. Whether he likes it or not, that's an entirely different story - but my only goal was to open up, to reveal, without worrying about what he might say/do/think/feel. But mine likes me like this now.. my Libra says he's finally connected to me in a real and deep way, because I'm real and deep, and totally vulnerable.
All I want these women to do is love themselves first... be OPEN to possibilities.. pay attention to their true feelings (not the BS floating on top)... honest even when it's hard to be... be VULNERABLE and take a chance... NOT get obsessed with anyone... and remain true to their heart and boundaries to get what they want. NO GAMES, NO LIES. So few listen to me, though :/
But ian, I'm NEVER about games or schemes or any of that. I speak only my truth (which isn't always easy to figure out, much less reveal!), what is true inside me. Whether he likes it or not, that's an entirely different story - but my only goal was to open up, to reveal, without worrying about what he might say/do/think/feel. But mine likes me like this now.. my Libra says he's finally connected to me in a real and deep way, because I'm real and deep, and totally vulnerable.
All I want these women to do is love themselves first... be OPEN to possibilities.. pay attention to their true feelings (not the BS floating on top)... honest even when it's hard to be... be VULNERABLE and take a chance... NOT get obsessed with anyone... and remain true to their heart and boundaries to get what they want. NO GAMES, NO LIES. So few listen to me, though :/
Love your thoughts Nefer, you give me clarity when I'm a bit foggy on the brain lol
I think saying how we feel is not only being vulnerable but it's beautiful, a beautiful exchange of feelings from one person to another...It's the stuff that makes it hard, our stuff, our anxieties, our fears, our need to manage and control the ultimate outcome that makes it difficult, it's the not knowing that creates so much anxiety, not knowing if our feelings will scare a person into distancing themselves or bringing them closer.....Learning how to be vulnerable and not attached to any of it takes patience and maturity...I can sense her attachment to the outcome, his feelings, his actions and all of it creates deep fear....I hope she can get past her fear and really experience being open and vulnerable and okay with the outcome no matter how it turns out.
I think saying how we feel is not only being vulnerable but it's beautiful, a beautiful exchange of feelings from one person to another...It's the stuff that makes it hard, our stuff, our anxieties, our fears, our need to manage and control the ultimate outcome that makes it difficult, it's the not knowing that creates so much anxiety, not knowing if our feelings will scare a person into distancing themselves or bringing them closer.....Learning how to be vulnerable and not attached to any of it takes patience and maturity...I can sense her attachment to the outcome, his feelings, his actions and all of it creates deep fear....I hope she can get past her fear and really experience being open and vulnerable and okay with the outcome no matter how it turns out.
Tiki Mind never foggy. Tiki Mind sharp as thumbtack hiding in shag carpet! (OW)
"I hope she can get past her fear and really experience being open and vulnerable and okay with the outcome no matter how it turns out."
That's it, the fear of fear, the fear of not being in control... I believe this was the turning point, Tiki - when everything flipped like a switch and became locked on (for me, for him, for US). Not JUST opening up (though that was the start)... opening up without any hope or expectation for the outcome. Opening up was the ONLY goal. It's not that I don't CARE how he feels, it's just that his feelings or possible reactions will not cause me to curl up in fear and hold back from my truth. Does he simply ADORE everything that falls out of my mouth? Uh, no. Seriously, no. I'm WAY too complicated to be universally adored every second. But since it wasn't to change, advise, guilt, trigger, trap, coax, control, cajole, push him into any reaction at all (etc.)... it all draws him in, because it's so obviously ME, the real me... flawed and imperfect, and loving myself in spite of (and because of) that.
THAT'S true vulnerability.
"I hope she can get past her fear and really experience being open and vulnerable and okay with the outcome no matter how it turns out."
That's it, the fear of fear, the fear of not being in control... I believe this was the turning point, Tiki - when everything flipped like a switch and became locked on (for me, for him, for US). Not JUST opening up (though that was the start)... opening up without any hope or expectation for the outcome. Opening up was the ONLY goal. It's not that I don't CARE how he feels, it's just that his feelings or possible reactions will not cause me to curl up in fear and hold back from my truth. Does he simply ADORE everything that falls out of my mouth? Uh, no. Seriously, no. I'm WAY too complicated to be universally adored every second. But since it wasn't to change, advise, guilt, trigger, trap, coax, control, cajole, push him into any reaction at all (etc.)... it all draws him in, because it's so obviously ME, the real me... flawed and imperfect, and loving myself in spite of (and because of) that.
THAT'S true vulnerability.
Posted by ianthefish
to think feelings would scare a pisces off would be childish none the less...
ill tell you what will scare one off....
hiding your feelings from him...
silly girls...
he already knows what your feeling...
hes the one making you feel it...
;]
Oh, that should be on a plaque on every Pisces's wall lol
Girls, I know Ian's lippy and sarcastic and hard to read (joking VS serious) but THIS is real truth, this is core Pisces. Don't try to hide your feelings - we want to be privy to them all, the good the bad the beautiful and the ugly. All of them. Let us see your soul, let us love your soul, and we might stay with you indefinitely... hide from us, we'll swim away once we're tired of not being able to reach your soul. Not that most of you can resist a Pisces long enough to reach that point... we already slipped past your sleeping guards 😉
On my scales now sits Ian and Nefer on one side and P and Tiki on the other. Everything you guys are saying rings true to me and your opinions I have always respected and listened to before. But they are conflicting...
It's been over a year and when we do get any alone time we talk and it's nice, it's just we dont get very much alone time at all. But thats not to say it doesnt happen so I figure I get more from him when these times occur and I will wait for a chance to further talk with him.
My being scared is based on knowing he can hurt me becuse I know that I will fall deeply for him but I also see that he yearns for something too. His mother killed herself when he was young and I believe this is his demons with woman and trust...or whether he will even open up enough to have someone permanently around.
In the meantime i will concentrate on opening up my heart again and dropping my defensiveness enabling him to be able to see inside a little...
I'm a strong woman that hasnt had the need for a man to look after me and I know it's evident to him and others. I made myself this way with this attitude when my marriage failed feeling that I was the only one that I could count on to look after me and my children. Reality is though I do need someone...I need someone to share with because that's what it is all about in the end.
I've chosen him as someone I could do that with BUT that doesnt mean he has chosen me or wants it to be that way. He's just one of the very few men that I feel comfortable with and connected to.
I also have a desire to keep the friendship...Libran of me maybe, but he adds to my life and I wouldnt want to scare him off so that he swims away permanently!
It's been over a year and when we do get any alone time we talk and it's nice, it's just we dont get very much alone time at all. But thats not to say it doesnt happen so I figure I get more from him when these times occur and I will wait for a chance to further talk with him.
My being scared is based on knowing he can hurt me becuse I know that I will fall deeply for him but I also see that he yearns for something too. His mother killed herself when he was young and I believe this is his demons with woman and trust...or whether he will even open up enough to have someone permanently around.
In the meantime i will concentrate on opening up my heart again and dropping my defensiveness enabling him to be able to see inside a little...
I'm a strong woman that hasnt had the need for a man to look after me and I know it's evident to him and others. I made myself this way with this attitude when my marriage failed feeling that I was the only one that I could count on to look after me and my children. Reality is though I do need someone...I need someone to share with because that's what it is all about in the end.
I've chosen him as someone I could do that with BUT that doesnt mean he has chosen me or wants it to be that way. He's just one of the very few men that I feel comfortable with and connected to.
I also have a desire to keep the friendship...Libran of me maybe, but he adds to my life and I wouldnt want to scare him off so that he swims away permanently!
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