Help me out here (Page 2)

*nudging sweetheart with horns* Get that Fish woman. Seriously lady, life is too short for what ifs and maybes. I've been getting a right attitude about this lately, but my goodness. Life is pain, so is love. If you don't take a chance both will slide on by you.

Nefer...Love this part....this should be a mantra...since it wasn't to change, advise, guilt, trigger, trap, coax, control, cajole, push him into any reaction at all (etc.)... it all draws him in, because it's so obviously ME, the real me... flawed and imperfect, and loving myself in spite of....This is a hard step for some women, to not try and control and attach her feelings to the outcome...very hard part of the process of being a mature woman that isn't being led by her emotions.

I sense the conflict in your situation sweets...I honestly don't see a problem with being vulnerable and expressing your feelings yet I do fear that if he doesn't reciprocate you will find that as a reason to move your defenses up a bit higher than they already are....It's not the feelings or the telling of those feelings that seems to be the problem...It's how you will allow his reactions to those feelings to effect you on a deep emotional level...Will you be sad? Will you distance yourself to protect yourself? Or will you go with the flow, ACCEPT were he is right now, what he's willing to give to the friendship/relationship and be happy despite the ultimate outcome...Maybe that's something you should think about. Go with your heart, even if it's wrong (wrong as in didn't turn out the way you wanted) you did it your way and you will learn from it and grow and mature and hopefully be better from the process and experience.

It's not that I wouldnt make the first move...but more that I dont think he is ready to put himself out there yet. The timing isnt right I guess, is what i can see.

I feel this Ian. At this stage life isnt going to end tomorrow and there is time to see this right and not rush anything til it does feel right.

Posted by sweethearts
It's not that I wouldnt make the first move...but more that I dont think he is ready to put himself out there yet. The timing isnt right I guess, is what i can see.

I feel this Ian. At this stage life isnt going to end tomorrow and there is time to see this right and not rush anything til it does feel right.

Sweets that's your internaltruth...Don't feel forced to do anything else, your keen observation from knowing him and knowing yourself has helped you through this process with him....FROM KNOWING, this has helped you thus far, anything else you do will only feel forced and unnatural....you will KNOW when it's time to move in

I've had wise instruction from these boards and others situations. I'm using this with my gut feeling also that to move now will have him swimming fast in the other direction as P has said but I do believe even just for a moment that he isnt anywhere near as defensive to me as he might have been before. Him telling me I annoy him brings a smile to my face because that could only mean...he feels something, why else would someone annoy someone else and he wasnt saying it in a nasty way. i asked whether it was in a good way or bad way to which he didnt answer and then I said so you "hate to love me??" He and I both said together or "love to hate me!" Cheesey.. as someone else had said!

He was the first to use Love in the conversation../when he said you annoy me but I still love you. That little bit given the friendship so far says alot to me! Not a word I know he uses lightly and maybe it was a slip but regardless it was said!

Tiki's actually on the side with Ian and I lol Tiki and I hold a lot of the same truths and values about relationships and dating. But also, Ian and I are the Pisces, and we're merely telling you that a Pisces is not scared of feelings. And Tiki and I are telling you that a REAL man is not scared of a woman's truth (again, not the surface BS), only an immature or unavailable one is. Tiki's also pointing out that YOU said you've known him awhile and say that he's a "ladies' man"... and reminding you to not get so wrapped up and emotionally invested that you don't pay attention to what you KNOW and FEEL about this man and his intentions, and that you start making excuses for bad behavior.

I'd like to say something about Strong Women.. most women (the Not So Old Me included) usually feel STRONG means independent, aloof, take care of themselves, needing no one for anything, counting on no one... yet so confused and emotionally a mess underneath. But that kind of strength is brittle and fragile.. it's actually more like Strong Outside and Mush Inside... which comes across as unauthentic and off-putting and somehow wrong to a man. The opposite is true strength... Soft Outside, Strong Inside... a woman who is open and loving and accepting that she has wants, needs, and DON'T wants, boundaries and deal-breakers... but always true to herself and what she's looking for, refusing to settle for crumbs or make excuses for anyone.

P.S. In case it wasn't clear.. being OPEN about your feelings does NOT mean dumping every little thing out on him, spewing all of your emotional messes all over him and expecting him to say, "Thank you, may I have another?" lol

I'm not ON today (tuned in, usually get this way when I have helped way too many women and not taken time for me) thank you Nefer for clarifying my feelings...Can I use you as my back up when I need some strength LOL j/k

What I am learning about independent women (yes I'm still learning, even I have to learn and grow and mature more) is that it has to have an OFF button, we can be independent to get things done, our jobs, taking care of our kids and ourselves, paying the bills, getting those big projects done on schedule but all that DOING doesn't feel right to a man when it's time to be romantic, close and intimate, women get stuck in the doingness, I need to DO this and TELL HIM that (almost like your instructing him some men call it controlling), all of it feels masculine, masculine energy with a male equates to friendship and a real man won't feel anything but friendship with another independent doing woman, men love independence but not the kind that is withdrawn, scared, angry, emotionally unstable when something new is introduced into the relationship....I think and Sweets you could correct me if I'm wrong that you are stuck in this I do for myself, I'm independent, pay my own way, take care of me mindset and there is no room for a man, as much as you thirst and crave to have the experience of being with a man on a real close intimate level there is an unwillingness to let that stuff go, you are stuck in your comfort zone, you don't trust yourself outside of that independent comfort zone....release it hun, it's so not the kind of stuff that will get you were you want to be with a man.

I wonder if he's truly a ladies man...Can you tell us how you came to that conclusion? I'm curious

There are certain behaviors *ladies men* are attracted to but sadly they are not *REAL* relationship material type of men, they just can't go the distance unless it's on his terms and/or they find there own reasons for letting that playboy life style go...many women try to tame and domesticate these kind of men... you will be waiting around for a long time.

yep

Yes both very right about me and my protective shell to a tee! Something else I have to learn to lower the guard now that it is not really needed. It was in place to get me through these last few years but I feel ready to let go and relax a little. I no longer feel the need to come off as a man hater... Something I knowingly have been projecting to keep anyone at arms length!

Tiki is a proven great advisor to me and I listen to what she has to say along with you P and Ian and you Nefer...but you were all pulling in different directions I felt..so I was going away to weigh up what each were saying. I will come back tonight and re-read everything again, obviously I've missed some points.

I say a ladies man because he has alot of woman and its more than the normal good looker throw themselves at him. He takes up on a few when I guess maybe he is feeling it but I've seen times where he really isnt that bothered by the attention, maybe it's when I am there... My gf is his flatmate and she has always spoken of him breaking hearts from the time I first met him. When he is with someone he is dedicated to that person but no relationship has gone far with him. I've seen him (not visually, I kept away) in one relationship for 3 months and she cheated on him, other than that only one night stands that I've heard of.

He is good looking and soft hearted and spoken and caring NOT the typical I love me and I'm out to use and abuse player, he doesnt throw around flattery to get with you ... and that probably is why so many woman try to get with him because they can see he has warm qualities and they all approach him.

I dunno Sweets, doesn't sound like a ladies man but maybe I'm missing some of his story but seems he's just a single guy that has a fan base lol....Does he have multiple relationships at one time going on? We know he's not a slick sweet talker so that's a good sign...There is a difference from being single until someone he fancies shows up than being a guy that is resistant to being close to anyone, closeness scares him so he's never tried to be in a real relationship and actively seeks out multiple affairs, touts never being in any sort of commitment with one woman ever again type of guy. He can't help being attractive but is he using this attraction to sleep around, not commit to anyone? I wonder

Maybe he just hasn't found the girl that gives him that forever feeling so he does his thing....

Ladies man because he can have most women when he wants and does but yeah he's single and I dont hold that against him or it doesnt really bother me unless I have to witness it...so maybe I shouldn't put it that way. He doesnt have a heap going all at once as I said if he is with someone he remains dedicated until they call it quits. He does get to a point where he cant commit and then the realtionship ends...(told to me by his flatmate)

I'm glad you clarified that Ian because I got the feeling you were like jump right in there when I'm more like I can and will when I pick up that its the right time. And I personal think that there can be a wrong time with him, we are just warming up together again because I havent really been around him since late last year.

Ian has trouble getting what I'm trying to say again. *sigh*

Good thing we aren't married, bucko. You'd be on the couch tonight 😉

(JUST KIDDING 😛)

Posted by sweethearts
Ladies man because he can have most women when he wants and does but yeah he's single and I dont hold that against him or it doesnt really bother me unless I have to witness it...so maybe I shouldn't put it that way. He doesnt have a heap going all at once as I said if he is with someone he remains dedicated until they call it quits. He does get to a point where he cant commit and then the realtionship ends...(told to me by his flatmate)

I'm glad you clarified that Ian because I got the feeling you were like jump right in there when I'm more like I can and will when I pick up that its the right time. And I personal think that there can be a wrong time with him, we are just warming up together again because I havent really been around him since late last year.

So he's more commitment shy another term for commitmentphobic...So be honest, don't sugar it up...do you feel he's a ladies man with commitment issues?

It's okay to feel what you feel Ian...

Next attempt:

Yes, I'm talking about men in general. (And I DID say Pisces are NOT scared of feelings!!) And while Pisces men specifically will ACCEPT someone... like ANY man, he needs to emotionally connect with her in order to stay. Fail to make that connection enough times, even a Pisces man will swim away. And when you say "he's not going to care that you're just a bunch of unprotected nerves inside, hes going to want to protect them... no one is going to be perfect, and we'd never expect you to be... we do want you to be real with us, if no one else.." THAT'S the Vulnerability I'm talking about.. that's NOT the "spewing mess" I was talking about. Spewing mess is NOT being genuine and real about your feelings, a lot women "stuff down" feelings (esp negative ones) to be the "Cool Girl" to be "Strong" etc.. then, because she's not being true.. eventually she blows.. spews. A TRUE emotional issue, as long as she's REAL and not manipulating him in any way or going absolutely friggin' psycho, would be fine to a (relatively healthy, normal) man. Like... a girl might ACT like she's FINE with a FWB situation with a man, and maybe for a time she was.. but then her feelings change.. but now she's ruled by her fears of his reaction were she to tell him any of this.. so she continues putting on her "Cool Girl" face.. stuffing down what she really feels and wants, eventually blowing in a very bad way (or breaking down and just disappearing herself - self-destructing out of FEAR of opening up and being vulnerable!).. and the guy goes, "WTF? Everything was fine, I thought! Man, she's crazy!" Or a woman so ruled by her insecurities that she constantly questions or accuses her man of things, or needs constant reassurances... that's not only the opposite of what's really going on inside her, that gets old FAST. THAT is the "Mush Inside" I'm talking about. Not MUSHY.. MUSH. (Pisces actually dig MUSHY.. mushy is real, mushy is emotional and feeling!) MUSH is actual weakness of character, neurosis, and really bad habits and destructive patterns - hidden under something they think will "look better".

As for Ladies' man.. my tone didn't change - I reserve judgment on such terms for when more proof comes in. YOU a ladies' man, Ian? No, I wouldn't call you that. Popular, attractive, engaging, yes.. and the reason I don't trigger on ladies' man... my Libra was often accused of this. A good friend of mine said he thought my Libra was a player and a user, had lots of girlfriends. Hell, by THAT standard, *I* am a ladies man 😛 But (esp with sweets clarification) he doesn't seem like a ladies man... (few Pisces are anyway).. more like YOU and like my Libra... seekers.. want love, try love, over and over.. get burned, try again.. maybe break a few hearts when you realize it's not working and leaving is for the best. But yeah, have a few too many admirers, you can get wrongly labeled a ladies' man.. or worse. There are definitely ladies' men out there.. but I'm an eternal optimist.. I believe that MOST are just seekers... most men want love and emotional connection to a woman, to one single special woman he can love forever and be happy with. He just doesn't want to be stuck with the WRONG woman. When it comes to men, WOMEN are their own worst enemies.

And yeah, maybe Tiki's a bit quicker to look for red flags (Aqua? lol).. but Pisces tend to hang in there TOO LONG and with the rosy glasses firmly in place, have a distorted vision of what's in front of them. There's gotta be something in the middle there LOL


And I want to have Tiki's e-babies, but if we did that, those children would break DXP like a Lego tower 😉

Posted by Nefer


And I want to have Tiki's e-babies, but if we did that, those children would break DXP like a Lego tower 😉

LOL!! That was mentally stimulating, my brain is still giggling d:

Posted by ianthefish
tiki you have a trail of mens bodies that have gone to the wayside..

i bet you're a real heart breaker!!

Heartbreaker...No No No, so not me...I love men too much to break hearts, it would break my heart to hurt someone, I'm a softie type Aqua girl, I can be mean if pushed, I can be a bitch if I'm cranky but I always regret it later. I haven't hardly had any bad experiences with men but it doesn't mean I wasn't one of the confused ones that was attracted to the wrong types of men...Many moons ago I was sweets and I was the girl that says why he doing that or what does he mean by that...I'm just not her anymore that's the difference.

I'm an Aquarius for God's sakes, love is my mantra

I've been a victim of my rosy glasses before, oh yeah... and if not them, then my inherent need to "help" and to "save" and to "fix"... and if not that, then my legendary stubbornness.. and if not that, then my need to be RIGHT... my FEAR of failing... and my desire to always be in CONTROL.

So.. I had to learn to leave off the rosy glasses - not EVERYONE in the world is good, or even savable or fixable... so I had to reserve my helping for those who not only need it, but deserve it, AND would benefit from it... (The stubbornness however - seems to be part of me, like my brown eyes or tiny feet lol) so I had to give up on my need to be RIGHT all the time, and accept my imperfections and my ability to fail spectacularly at times... and definitely my habit of always wanting to be in control.. of myself, my feelings, my reactions (show nothing).. HIS feelings, HIS reactions.. the future.. the outcome of a situation... I had to let go and just BE, and not self-destruct when reality did not match fantasy!



OMG no wonder I drove myself nuts. And the craziest thing is that I thought I was fine, because crazy people do not know they're crazy.

I was always harder on myself than I was on others, too. Self-perfectionism to the Nth degree! o.o

"OMG no wonder I drove myself nuts. And the craziest thing is that I thought I was fine, because crazy people do not know they're crazy"

lol...Ain't that the truth

Posted by ianthefish
i still have my suspicions tiki..

ill be watching you..

LOL

LOL

go ahead watch me baby...

Ok I take back the comment of ladies man..more Commitment phobic. His past with his mother I think makes him scared to trust but he has been in relationships even though they are short lived. From what I've heard if the woman starts making plans or wants the love word he starts to get cold feet. (all heresay)

We have a connection but I feel me pulling away the first time has him reserved with me now.

Today I popped in twice to help my gf out and he responses to me with light hearted banter...also still taking slight digs, which just makes me smile because I know what he is doing...He's looking for me to bite back.

For instance, once I was driving them to the airport and he thought the way I was going was the long way, we bantered back and forth about which was the quicker route and when he wouldnt give up I laughingly told him I'm the driver and so we are going my way the best way and if he didnt like it I would let him out and he could go his way...so he joked all the way about being there already had I listened to him!! So now we play that game where he goes against anything I say and vice versa. That's what annoys him about me...I'm right too!

What P says is what I think I need to do and somehow turn around our relationship so that we are more than just digging at each other all the time and being more real so that maybe he can see that I'm not so independent that I do need someone. Then I can take that extra step Ian is talking about and see what happens from there. And yes I have been stewing with this one for a while!

Both Tiki and Nefer are looking more at my own insecurities which I'm overcoming. All of you including some of the others have opened my eyes in differing directions. thnx

I guess now I'll hang in there, work on a few things and see where it gets us, he is worth the effort!

Posted by sweethearts

I've chosen him as someone I could do that with BUT that doesnt mean he has chosen me or wants it to be that way. He's just one of the very few men that I feel comfortable with and connected to.

you've chosen him?


So, you pick out a person according to a set of certain criteria and then have hopes that they will fit?


you've chosen him !


no wonder you are so confused

Loose term of expression P...you dissect everything!

Summed up to a tee Ian, except the last part as to what to do next—

Wasnt thinking!!!

Actually just as well because i wasnt in a good state of mind at the time but I've come good and done alot of soul searching!

Thanks...I've got you!

So easy to say soooo hard to do and get it right and swallow alot!!!

I'll keep you updated 😉

Has anyone ever said to you sweets that your whole situation just feels hard...I dunno if it's because of you or because of him but it just doesn't feel natural, it feels hard and I'm sure it feels hard to him as well and most likely one of the reasons why this situation hasn't went anywhere...I'm going out on a limb and I'm going to say b/c this has been a hard process, it feels hard and this guy FEELS IT thus he can't move forward and as much as he like certain qualities about you and the dynamics of the interaction he is just not that into you on an emotional level...I hope I'm wrong....I really do but this guy is stalling not because he's scared, he seems to be able to do a relationship, be with women on an intimate fun level, there is just something about you, about your energy that gives him the feeling it will be hard being with you beyond the surface stuff...

I suggest shifting the focus off of this guy for a little while and work on YOU so you can be the best YOU you can be which will help you be more vulnerable and soft inside around men, once you get to a space were you love your flaws, love and accept your weaknesses, he will love them too...SELF LOVE is a must before venturing into anything healthy with a man.

Getting to know him a little more is what I intend to do. No it doesnt mean sleeping with him esp not at first if I dont feel that it will only be that but sitting and talking without interruption. We haven't and cant do that and I think he would like to, I know I would. My gf went to the bottlestore the other night and that was when we were able to actually talk to each other. She was gone what felt like 5 mins and said the store was closed...he suggested she go to another place that was open. It felt like he wanted more time to talk and he had cancelled plans to hang around for a couple of hours with us. ( you see my gf I think may have been crushing on him for a while, nothing there for him except sisterly love, he told me earlier )

He once said to me that I had met my match in him...all our conversations are very short almost one line responses which is so frustrating.

And yes Tiki it is hard but moreso because neither has the opotunity to actually relax and talk openly with people around all the time. idk

I think it is worth going with Ian and asking him out, geting alone together and see where it takes us...I'm thinking of just hanging out, definitely no alcohol included. I'm ready to find out and move forward whether it be just as a friend or something more.

And in saying that, I've decided I have to ask him to his face and not go with texts or calls, this could take time in order to be able to get him alone long enough.

Posted by ianthefish
so sweethearts is this the story?

id like to be up to date..

he put the moves on you, you turned him down, thinking he could be a ladies man, or you were scared...

later you initiated, he turned you away, you think its a tit for tat, but where you guys drinking or anything? because if you were, of course he would turn you down...

you backed away, for whatever reason, he assumed you must have only tried that because you were drinking?

but then you guys just went back to innocent back and forth banter... like nothing had ever happened....

but he is supposed to be chasing you or making the first move?

Ian's summary was spot on...yes we have already had a first encounter over a year ago when we first met and I had heard that he was a player/heartbreaker so I didnt allow it to go any further. He tried once after that which where I felt he might have seen that as rejection...and I guess it was me guarded.

I understand were your coming from Sweet's but my biggest concern is YOU not him...This is way too hard, he has a mouth, he can offer up a date, coffee, a ride to the store to chat with you...I don't want to discourage but I think if you keep up how your behaving your self esteem will slowly be chipped away when you get around men that aren't actively pursuing you, showing you interest and doing the good stuff that moves things forward between men and women, I'm not blaming him, your vibe could be off, you seem to have some emotional work to do before getting with a man...Even if this guy makes the right move you will not be secure with any of it....Your insecurities is what men feel around you so they stop themselves from moving forward b/c it most likely doesn't feel right....Also I just think your spending way too much time on ONE man, especially a man that isn't showing the kind of level of interest that one shows towards a woman he's attracted to, you are attached to NOTHING and will most likely feel the unease of disappointment when you look up 2 years later and your still on the same path...I know you are being patient but a suggestion would be to date other men (dating is not sex, dating is keeping your options open until that one guy wants to shut those options down) and as this one takes his sweet time you won't over invest yourself emotionally...

I just feel your making a ton of excuses...even if there was a level of hesitation on your part in the past that's never really stopped a man that's driven with desire for a woman that he craves, wants, gotta have, need....I think on some level you gotta get honest, real and be realistic...It doesn't matter if he's into you or not, what matters is you don't stick around hoping that he is and trying to convince him that your interested in him still.

I have to ask here then Tik...

Firstly i understand what you are saying about guys that really want you so they do make the moves...but is that the only way, I'm sure alot miss on hesitation and their own insecurities. My husband and I were together 20 years but nothing would have happened unless I asked him out...

I meet a lot of people through friends and the gym, alot of guys flirt with me but not very many throw it all in these days...perhaps it is because I have that defensive sheild up...maybe it's just the world and the way it is these days.

I'm thinking give him the green light enough to show him I'm interested...if he doesnt respond I'm not going to throw myself at him... but we have bought ourselves to this point by the past things that has happened between us...yes it started off wrong. I cant even tell you that I'm sure he is even interested.

I just think it's worth a shot to find out dont you?

I dont think it will break me if he rejects my advance of spending alone time together on a date but I wont carry around this nagging "What if" and I can move along. You have to remember even though I have had past hurts I'm a mature woman and I've learnt alot from past mistakes.

The thing is though...You gave him the green light...How much of the damn green light does he need before he says let's get some coffee, let's take a walk, let's make out, let's grab some lunch...Men do what they want to do period...If he's not doing anything it's because he doesn't want to and that's your que to understand this and stop yourself from investing more time, thought, energy in this one man that for whatever reason doesn't feel strongly enough to give more of himself, he's not the only man on the planet and you will meet more men that will stall and drag his feet FOR WHATEVER REASONS, it's not your issue, you don't HELP a man pursue, that is not attractive...

Every man has a hunting gene, some are just lazy, some are disinterested and some have too many women, too much going on personally to pursue something new and these are what we call man-boys/subpar men, the men that won't ever make you feel cherished, wanted, beautiful but they will be the ones that take your time, take up your thoughts, take up your energy, take your love, your attention, your money, whatever it is you want to give and they give little or nothing at all...If your self esteem was a bit higher you would never allow yourself to be in such a weak position with a man. Why subject yourself to being rejected when realistically if he did his part of the relationship you would never have to go through that.

I know you want it to be different but mock my words...You will reason this all out and find truth in my knowledge about your situation...Let this go for a little while, stop over thinking this, stop worrying about it, no you don't have to dump the guy and be cold towards him but just let go of the idea that there is something that should be happening between the 2 of you...

I am not saying women can't initiate, can't hunt a man, can't be the aggressor but there is a certain level of emotional maturity and responsibility that comes with that roll, rejection is a huge part in that role, if you already have issues with your self esteem this role will not be the strongest position for you...If you take the Alpha role of the relationship, chase, initiate then you will always be doing that, always be the one doing the work with a man/particularly this man within the relationship, if he is too lazy, too scared, too soft to initiate which I HIGHLY doubt then he will always be that way...His level of attraction has to be slightly higher for him to feel compelled/moved to initiate...

If he did his part you would never have to be on DXP asking for help but because he's not you are confused and anxious and unsure...THAT'S A WEAK ROLE to be in around a man and will only bring more insecurities and negative issues within you.

I'm not discouraging you to not ask him out, but if you do you can't be attached to any of it, you have to be able to accept his NO no matter how it comes out of his mouth, you know there is a 50% chance he will act like he doesn't know what he want and your self esteem will take a hit...You can hint until the cows turn blue but he will not take your que, he hasn't done that...on some level you have to accept this guy is not showing strong signs of interest or your going to be very disappointed in this process...

Even if you ask him out and he says yes, I highly doubt he will do his part throughout the interactions between the both of you nor feel that deep gut level attraction he needs to keep a steady pace...He just isn't going to be into it enough to keep momentum b/c he's not the one thinking about you, chasing you, building up a high level of tension that men need to remain INTO a woman and do all the things we love for men to do for us when they like us as a love interest.

hid post...tired...writing is off

It's exactly what it is, Sweethearts .. you have chosen him to want you the way you want him and now you are waiting for him to do it.


All this talk from the others to convince you to just open your heart without being afraid .... and you should be afraid. They aren't telling you that .. I am.


He's a Pisces = he could swim away at any time.


To be with a Pisces, you first must change your perspective .... because if you don't, then WHEN he leaves you standing there, you will be devasted.

Yes I dated a Pisces...it was lovely and he was the aggressor and I didn't need to give too many signals either but I'm not Sweets but I have been in her shoes before.

A year is a long time ... if he were interested in you more than just a close buddy then something would have happened by now.

A guy isn't going to wait around for this long for you to work out your issues .. especially a Pisces. You had said that you don't get to see him other than when friends are around .. so this means he isn't caring to be alone with you to even discuss a relationship.


If he isn't making any kinds of efforts for you and him to have alone time to even see if there is a possibility of a relationship ... then he isn't into you the way you have decided you want him to be.



My first assessment stands .... he isn't the kind of person you are envisioning him to be. You have something in your mind, because you have chosen him .. and he isn't that person that you have in your head ... because if he was, then he would have made it clear to you that he's interested in you.


He's not.


Of course, you can listen to the others if you choose (who are leading you astray, btw) .... they would tell you to just be bold and put yourself out there without caution.


::: shrugs :::

I would hardly think after a year a kiss or first move is really throwing caution to the wind. Inaction is just that. Inert, no forward motion.

I'm rooting for sweethearts actually, she seems like good people to me. 🙂

Me too. And I get irritated with stalemates. MOVE. *cattle prod to butt*

Betcha never thought you'd hear a Bull say that one. 😛

*sigh* Apparently my memo isn't making much sense either. Man gives signals, woman picks up on them. He makes move, she steps back with a sigh. Time elapses at lock. Flirting ensues, wires get crossed. Uncross them. Cut through the red tape, stop the dance. It's bananas. We women make ourselves psychotic with all the "What will I do...what will he think" crapola. And yes, I'm making perfect sense to myself. Sometimes you just have to go into free fall.

Exactly Ian, exactly. Far too much over analyzing and stressing. Everyone gets far too wrapped up in being afraid of what could be, instead of finding out what can be.
Men aren't bogeys to be feared. Emotions, butterflies at thought of rejection, heartache, it all runs in either camp. Someone has to step up to the plate. Myself? I'd have jumped long ago. "I'd like to tell you something, and I'm really scared shitless so bear with me here. I think there's something here, I'd like to see if there is." And I'd hold my hand out and see if it was taken. Despite a healthy dose of what if? 'What if' can stuff it. If it wasn't reciprocated then oh well on me. I'd listen to sad FM, nurse my ego for a time and get on with life. Because it doesn't stop. And nor should the ability to get out on a limb from time to time. Yes it's scary, but isn't the view fantastic?