Help me understand

I literally just found this site, and was reading a few of the posts, and there are a few things i would like some clarity on just in general. about a year ago i met a virgo girl, she was a little bit younger than me, but she was my first love. I went into the relationship being cautious because i was busy trying to graduate high school, and didn't need any distractions. However, after two months we were dating, she was easily one of the best things that ever happened to me, i was so happy. She was perfect in reassuring me, understanding me, loving me. she would bake me cookies and bring them to me at work, she even made me a blanket with "i love you baby" stitched into it. Granted we had our arguments. She thought that i used her for sex, and thats the only reason i was with her. but in actuality, sex was my escape, im always so caught up in other peoples problems, so i need some escape. regardless, i ended up dumping her because it was turning sour, and i was pretty sure she had a thing for my best friend. After we broke up i didnt see my friend for a while, and soon learned that they were starting to become more than friends, a WEEK after we broke up... i talked to my friend, and we ended up settling it, promising to never let it happen again. a few months later i found out they had sex a few times. i was so angry i was shaking. i immediately called him and told him i wanted to hang-out. he came over and i promptly beat his ass, and told him if i ever saw him again it would be worse, but i didnt hit him before scathing him with my words, (one of my better, or worse, talents) anyways, i find myself suddenly caught in this inner struggle. I want nothing more than to be the best person i can, and its like... be happy and selfish (go against my nature), or be less happy and selfless (which just gets me hurt). i would consider myself a good person, i rarely do anything to try and hurt anyone or anything for that matter. but its like all the perfect opportunities are coming up and its so hard to resist them. this is my first forum post ever, and im really hoping some1 will be able to help. thanks.

Ummm... I'm not entirely sure what you are asking, but here's my take.

This situation is about maturity. You will have to accept that the world is full of crap to deal with. Things won't always go your way (possibly very rarely), and you have to find a way to deal with this maturely, and move forward.

Clearly fighting isn't mature. Mind you I understand it's a male characteristic that is innate. Your friend and ex, didn't consider your feelings. Being a selfless person yourself, you tend to consider others feelings. That is not typical of the human race (so I've found). It's difficult to continue being selfless, when everyone around you 'take, take, takes'.

You need to live your life, and carry yourself in a way that makes you proud. That's the short of it. Trying to be someone you are not will only lead you to have zero self respect for yourself, and trust me that will bring on a whole host of new problems....

i agree, it's pretty much a maturity issue. Someday you will look at it, and say thank you fate, because it leaves the door open to that special (mature minded) person who is worthy and appreciative for all that you are. Basically, chalk this one up to a valuable learning experience. Life is full of them, and we're to live them for a reason. Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs, before you find your special princess. The best is yet to come, no mistake. And you can be happy and selfless, it's all a matter of who you surround yourself with, who you can trust, and who are selfless and happy themselves.

btw, welcome to dxp, Lmm2..

maturity huh? ya, that makes sense. like, i knew hurting him wouldn't make my pain go away, but the younger me wanted it anyway, wanted him to feel the pain i was. Whatever, but yes, i have taken it as a learning experience, jotted it down in my book of memories.

Mystic_fish, I have been trying to surround myself with people i can love and trust but it seems like everytime i put my trust into somebody they completely betray that. It could be that i just expect too much out of people, i consider myself a great friend, loyal, caring, generous. but its like i cant find a single person who shares those values, like fishie posted awhile ago, "i feel like i'm surrounded by devils" there are a lot of virgos and gemini in my life, i'm wondering if that has something to do with it? is there something im missing about the compatability of the signs as far as friendship is concerned? thanks for the help, it means more than u can know

ya, but the thing is, i really do believe they did it to spite me, after me and her broke up, a good majority of my friends stop talking to me, and starting chilling with her exclusively. my old best friend (the one she slept with) and another of my really good friends who i thought was totally above that. i do believe she did it to hurt me, cause she is that kind of person. at least from what i have seen, she used to do things like that when we were dating as well. not cheat on me. but if i did something that made her slightly unhappy, she would find something to crush me. for instance, cutting herself. I bought her a knife because the neighborhood i lived in wasn't the best, and one day after we got into a fight, she showed me the cuts and said, i used the knife u bought me to protect myself... looking back, ya, its probably good i broke up with her. she made me happy, but i have also never been so sad. " Pisces are quick to jump to oonclusions" i ALWAYS have that problem! and the fact that i didn't know they had slept together until she decided to tell me a month or 2 later, after she randomly called me, (we don't talk) makes me think it was even more so just to hurt me. She was gauging my reaction and it sucks that i couldn't do anything but what she expected. I guess my biggest problem is no matter who i trust its almost always been a bad idea, almost everyone has betrayed me, form my brother, to my mother, to my best friends. I guess im just trying to figure out who i can and cant trust? when do i know if i can trust someone or not? Because as a pisces i am naive, and usually get around all the wrong people.

wow. that was alot of insight in such a short amount of time. Bijou, Gemgal, and any1 else who posted, thanks alot. i've realized quite a few things over the past few days and i can honestly say i owe it to u. You guys are great!

.."is there something im missing about the compatability of the signs as far as friendship is concerned?"

Perhaps, it would be beneficial to learn as much about your own natal chart and all it's subtle nuances, if you haven't already. Why you feel the way you do, and what kinds of energies would be most harmonious with your own, etc, etc. ..

btw, you're very welcome Lmm2 ..BEST of luck! 🙂

mystic fish, thats some sound advice, do u know of any sites or means of getting that info? and thx for the advice 😉
bijou, yes, i hate to admit it, but i would do that alot with my ex. Its because of my insecurities of betrayal, because i KNOW that i would never cheat on her, and she may KNOW that she wouldn't either, but i cant KNOW that, never. not for sure. and i know its kinda ridiculous but its just the way i work i guess. a character flaw. But listening to your words has definately opened my eyes to the fact that i dont have to KNOW, so long as i can trust. that post also helped me understand a little more that i cant always just assume. I really cant thank you enough. your a doll 😉

to anyone who helped in this matter, I have also posted a topic on a friend of mine that im having strange feelings for, another virgo. no1 has given any advice yet, and i was hoping you could give me your two cents on the matter, its under astrology and realationships, the post is, advice on a possible relationship. I would appreciate any help i can get, thanks

"and i was pretty sure she had a thing for my best friend."

Why didn't you just ask her if she had a thing for your best friend? If she thought you were using her for sex, she may have been paying attention to the best friend to evoke a response. Childish...and usually doesn't work with Pisces..but she probably didn't know that.

"After we broke up i didnt see my friend for a while, and soon learned that they were starting to become more than friends, a WEEK after we broke up"

Again, this could have been to make you jealous to get back at you for dumping her. However, if your friend promised he would stay away from her, I can see why you got so angry. He lied. Physical violence never solves anything, though.

"I want nothing more than to be the best person i can, and its like... be happy and selfish (go against my nature), or be less happy and selfless (which just gets me hurt)."

There's a balance between the two. It's hard to find, granted. However, as a Pisces (as you mentioned), your natural inclination is to give people the benefit of the doubt and be giving and generous. If you don't get into the habit of putting yourself first at times, you will be taken advantage of until, finally, there's nothing left. It's not selfish, it's self-preservation in a world where most people have no problem stomping all over others to get what they want, or sometimes, just for the satisfaction of the stomping.

sea siren, my friend actually had promised that, months before me and her ever broke up, cause i always get these hunches when something is going to happen, like, psychic or something. and yes, i know violence doesn't solve anything, but i didn't know what else to do, i talked to him for awhile about it before i swung tho. eventually i just couldn't help myself with him lying to my face and saying he felt remorse when i could tell there was none... i can't hate him for that tho, he was being a guy, not a friend. and that happens to everyone at some point i guess. plus i have the feeling it was all her. because she was definately the type to say or do things just to get a rise out of me. i just wish she could have found a less painful way, but at the same time, im glad she hurt me so much, because i needed to be hurt. as much as it sucks, i learned more about myself from her sleeping with my best friend than in the 18 years i have lived previously. Plus i was getting too attached, i would call her all the time and tell her i loved her even after we broke up, her doing what she did helped me let go almost immediately, a blessing in disguise indeed.

Sure LMM2, no problem ..

Here's a few good astrology sites to get you started..

http://www.astrotheme.com/webmasters.php

ok guys. the girl who this post is about contacted me the other night. we started talking, and she makes the "i havent had a good massage in awhile" comment. i get the feeling she is wanting me back in her life just because we had a good sexual relationship. she even went so far as to say "i havent gotten any ass in awhile" so that kinda confirms my suspicions. i dont want to be with her, but i want to be able to talk to her, cause she was very understanding with personal problems. how do i go about doing that?

"She thought that i used her for sex, and thats the only reason i was with her."

"we had a good sexual relationship. she even went so far as to say "i havent gotten any ass in awhile"





lol

ya bijou, we kinda are i think. are u my twin from the moon? lol. but everytime i try to talk to her my instincts are clouded by my feelings i used to have for her. its like i cant make a smart decision based on what i really need when shes around. ohhhhh..... women.....