honest opinion please- advise is needed to heal

My birthdate was on the 2nd and 3 of my co-workers knew about it since i talked about what hubby and myself were doing over the weekend to celebrate. Well 2 of the three said they would do something on Monday even thoug they knew about it a week ago through facebook.

These are not my chummy friends but- one 2 have cried to me about personal topics and I have gave advice to all three- recently they began doing alot of things together in the office without giving me an invite and I was like "damn thats shady" byt I could get over that because I really like t do things in my own time and would ranther not have to wait for a group to be ready to do it- but still the thought counts ya' know? - we do(try) to celebrate everyones birthday in the office with a card,spirts, ballon and cake and one of them reigns herself as "the queen of gifts" and lets me know just to wait...

Monday comes....nothing- no "hey, something came up and we'll do it another day" no mention as if it was never talked about the Friday. One of the three that was absent on Monday asked how my weekend was and I tld her and lightly joked "yall didn't get me cake, where my cake?" and her reply didn't give me the bait that I needed.

Everyone pretends that it is not a big deal but when you know they know and promised to acknowledge it and never deos, how is a fish to be. One side says forget that I will not drop my dollars in a pot for another office b-day. Another side doesn't want them to know that I am that affected yet I dont want to seem like a push over. Plus I want them to know that I am hurt and choose not to acknowledge their existance.

wasn't that foul??

advice puleese-- I don't want these feeling to fester and wish I could get over it but seeing them and then to have them ask me something makes me disgusted but of course I greet them with a mediocre smile

Thanks in advance everyone.

To me, this really shouldn't be a big deal. It's a work environment, so regardless of whether they celebrate others' bdays or said they would celebrate yours, they're your co-workers and don't owe you anything. Also, if I were you, I would think 'They probably didn't feel the need because we aren't close enough.' It doesn't sound like you're good friends with any of them. If a birthday is that important to you, then try to be a better/more active friend to them. Sure, they've talked to you before, maybe complained about their problems, but that doesn't make you guys friends. You also shouldn't feel hurt that they're hanging out and excluding you. If you don't make an effort in friendship, that's going to happen. If the others just generally get along better with each other, then they're also going to hang out more. Do you initiate conversations or out-of-work get togethers? The people who get those birthday celebrations are probably more active in socializing at work and/or have been there longer. That's my guess, anyway.
From my personal experience, in these types of situations, someone falsely assumes there's some relationship with others and that those people owe the other something. But, in fact, if you talk to the people on the other side, they'd be really confused. They haven't acknowledged a relationship of any kind and it's more like 'I was being friendly, but that's it', kind of thing.
Of course, as I've said, there's always hope for next year. You just have to integrate yourself more into their lives. Once you're really friends, they won't forget/they will go through with it.

Happy belated birthday and I hope you at least had a good time celebrating with your husband.

Posted by MizzButtaFly

"yall didn't get me cake, where my cake?" and her reply didn't give me the bait that I needed.

bait?


So, this whole thread is nothing except you whining because you lack enough attention? ... and so because of this, you apply this need to your co-workers?


Here's the reality .... according to you, EVERY person gets a celebration at work for their birthday, except you. That makes the issue YOU.

This issue you have is that you're an attention whore, for whatever reason. Maybe your daddy didn't give you enough, or maybe your maturity level is around 12 ... there's no way for anyone in here to know. The only thing we can know from what you have written is that what you describe is what a child would do throwing a temper trantrum.

You want attention, and surely the co-workers picked up on your juvenile mentality, and choose to fuck with you.

But, surely, instead of you deciding to be an adult, you will continue to insist on being honored for your Brathood.

Posted by MizzButtaFly

.... recently they began doing alot of things together in the office without giving me an invite and I was like "damn thats shady" ....

When in reality, other people are allowed to relate without your permission or without including you. Furthermore, you did mention that you weren't really chummy with them, so, you aren't really good friends with them.

So, they decide to make their own decisions about who they want to hang with, and it offends you because you obviously have this need to have attention, and if people don't give it to you, then you think something is shady with those people.

Again, the issue is YOU .... you're an attention whore, and in so being, you think you are entitled

Posted by MizzButtaFly

One of the three that was absent on Monday asked how my weekend was and I tld her and lightly joked "yall didn't get me cake, where my cake?" and her reply didn't give me the bait that I needed.

So, one of your co-workers is considerate in asking you about if you enjoyed your birthday, and instead of you having any grace ..... you get an attitude, and then try to bait her with a reply to satisfy your needs?



wow .... you're the office joke, I would warrant, judging from what you've written here.

well thank you all for your honest opinion..

Maybe your daddy didn't give you enough, or maybe your maturity level is around 12 ... there's no way for anyone in here to know. The only thing we can know from what you have written is that what you describe is what a child would do throwing a temper trantrum.

...err...yeah.. that assumption was way out there, but I see your saying I want more attention


Here's the reality .... according to you, EVERY person gets a celebration at work for their birthday, except you. That makes the issue YOU.

...to that statement my birthday was never forgotten the past 2 years and since this is the begining of the year we haven't gotten around' to everyone yet and yes someoene else's birthday was forgotten but the next day they brought them a cake, card etc..

So, this whole thread is nothing except you whining because you lack enough attention? ... and so because of this, you apply this need to your co-workers?


.. when I used the term "bait" I was meaning she didn't give an explaination why

I just want to get the opinions on if I am kicking up dust for no reason or shoudl just let it go.

everyone in the office didnt know it was my birthday just those three. I know if they others or my manager knew something would have been done. so I guess if I want other to make a bg deal out of it I need to be more vocal and make a big deal as well.

Thanks you all' its refreshing to hear the not so sugar coated responses- it does give me something to think about and I can honestly say that writing it out and releasing helped me it letting it go, because the people who really make my world go round didn't forget 🙂

dont feel like proof reading, apologies for any typos

Posted by MizzButtaFly

..... people who really make my world go round didn't forget .....

And you had to throw a trantrum revolving around not getting the entitlement you think you deserved ..... before your mind was able to rationalize the ONLY thing that mattered.

You should check yourself.

If indeed, you are the office joke, as you've described yourself to be ... then perhaps you should check it so you can adjust how you relate to them, rather than just continue being clueless about how you are regarded. Perhaps then, you would understand what your value is.

hold up P- Angel.. I see that that asked for opinions but you are out of line. I never written anythings that indicated that I am a joke and I will say you are a FOOL for assuming so. These thoughts that I shared in this post was personal and thought my Pisces bredren could offer some insight since I feel I could be overly sensative sometimes.

But your ass is being nasty for no reason, no bueno!!.. I can play the devil's advocate on my own but your analyzations are off and again you are writing like a jerk.

the only place a temper tantrum was showed was in my head and writing this post I never outwardly confronted anyone and stayed professional and welcoming all week except when I made the cake joke.

anyhoo, I tried to appreciate everyone's comments but yours I can't take- even with a shot of vodka so I pass.

peace and blessing.

P- Angel I just read another comment you wrote and your interpretation of what I wrote was soo off.. maybe because of a typo when she asked how was my weekend and I told her how I spent it then palyfully asked where's my cake..

Your are not from planet Neptune, maybe planet ASS!! you are really hard up on giving me hard time on this ehh?


If you call writing out my thoughts in this post a "temper tantrum" then so be it, but this post was the first time this was mentioned vocally.

Posted by MizzButtaFly

Everyone pretends that it is not a big deal but when you know they know and promised to acknowledge it and never deos, how is a fish to be.

One side says forget that I will not drop my dollars in a pot for another office b-day.

Plus I want them to know that I am hurt and choose not to acknowledge their existance.

First - Obviously, you put them to having to promise you to acknowledge you.

Second - You are so self-centered that you would punish other people, other people that you said didn't even know it was your birthday.

Third - Instead of trying to reason this out like an adult, you'd rather try to manipulate how they feel .. by wanting them to feel that they are worth your ignorance.


Indeed ... according to your actions, it is conclusive that you are the office joke. You should be damn glad that one girl was nice enough to ask you about your weekend, however, as self-centered as you are, there's no doubt in my mind that you left her feeling guilty for even asking.

Posted by MizzButtaFly

Everyone pretends that it is not a big deal .....

They aren't pretending, it's not a big deal to them ... it's not their fucking birthday, nor is it the birthday of one of their friends.

You said yourself, these aren't people you are close to ... yet, you expect them to make big deal in your honor? If they don't, then you'll stop being giving on other peoples birthdays.

I can't believe you actually said that .. said that people pretend that your birthday isn't a big deal, as if you are a celebrity, and they should feel honored to acknowledge you.

Perhaps, the only reason you even made this thread is so you can't get more people to acknowledge that you, The Princess, has a birthday.

Maybe P-Angel I mean DEVIL, (I see the irony in your name now) you ARE projecting alot of your short comings on me.

Your interpretations are so out there... when I posted "everyone pretends that it is not a big deal" it wasn't about my situation specifically it was actually based on an artice I read but Im not explaining anything else to you, I see that you are going to view things the way you want....

anyhoo you are a waste of breath, why don't you find another post to troll onto with your sadistic ways.

In no way have you tried to uplift just put down, if I wasnt who I am then you would do some harm to someone with your demeaning comments, please get a life because I see that you are a bitter, miserable bully...

your actually get off on this stuff huh? that is the only thing that makes sense you are really dark, and I do regret posting since I ran into to you, you have stolen some of my joy with your empty ideas/assertions that I have to fix or explain.

Just please shut the hell up!!

Posted by MizzButtaFly

In no way have you tried to uplift ....

... you have stolen some of my joy with your empty ideas/assertions that I have to fix or explain.

What is this "uplift" you refer to? Are you insinuating that your happiness is dependent upon approval and support of others? Is this why you have to have a big deal made in your honor? Why do you think other people are suppose to uplift you? Is this why you take offense when people in your office don't include you in their private relations?


Stolen what joy? You mean your joy at being happy as lark that you believe you were victimized?

Posted by MizzButtaFly

.... you have stolen some of my joy with your empty ideas/assertions that I have to fix or explain.

Oh wait, I get what this means now .....


So, your joy is pity attention, and by me being real = you have to change shit stories to keep the pity thing going, and for you to have to do that, takes away your joy at being pitied.

your actually get off on this stuff huh?

I think that is shady because they didn't even acknowledge your birthday when 2 of them said that they would do something about it. It is one thing to not follow through but to just ignore it completely.....that's messed up. Looking on the bright side of things, you know now how it goes. They aren't really your friends but rather just some acquaintances you work with. I would keep it professional and let it go and treat them as colleagues and nothing more. Don't acknowledge them or what is going on in their personal lives. I wouldn't confront them about it unless they bring up the subject. Telling them that it hurt your feelings and what not might make you look petulant & immature. You don't want to come across like that to co-workers.

Happy belated birthday!

All I had to do is skim this thread for a good laugh thnx 🙂