WHY IS LOVE SO HARD— People ask....

NEWSFLASH: Love isn't hard at all.....its just that most people are generally guilty of one or more of the following:

1) Ignoring reality and trying to force relationships that should have never been with people that they are attracted to but not compatible with.

2) Dysfunctional people bringing their frustrating and sabotaging dysfunction and bad childhood into their relationships

3) Don't really want a relationship (or not ready for it) but refuse to be up front with relationship-oriented people about this because they like the attention.

4) Take who they have for granted feeling that there is something that they are missing when all of the people that they are lusting after and dreaming about are just as screwed up as the person they are already with.

Ta-da!!! The problem isn't love at all....its sick, stupid, and damaged people...

For a long time #3 was me. How do you tell people that you just don't want love right now as you had other things going on at the time? You can't. I have. People look at you like you have six heads in complete disbelief.

Now I want a relationship and we'll see what happens. Perhaps this clarity is what's making me reevaluate my love life so that the future husband and future father of my children finds me amusing enough to come into my life.

But seriously how do you tell people #3? One person asked me if I asexual because I didn't want to think about sex. It was insulting when my focus was figuring out what I wanted out of life and making career mistakes.

ladyvie, when you are in periods of not wanting a relationship the best thing to do is to just tell people that up front...then if they expect more out of you after that its they're fault.

Not true. I went through a LONG period of 5 years. I was unhappy and unfulfilled career wise, and I would have made an awful partner to anyone then. I simply didn't look and had no interest in looking. People make cruel comments when they don't understand a growing period. When your own parents start in on you, it's just easier to lie. It's life. It's expected.

And I was ready a year ago and currently have great men to choose from. But if I hadn't found my path to personal happiness during that time, it just would be different. When I compare myself to my married young and getting divorced friend (and we're both still in our 20s, I made a smart move in following my own drummer.)

But people expect conformity and water cooler talk simply expects a girl to want a man all the time. So I choose the easier path and said, "Can't find anyone I want" which at the time was a partial truth because the real truth was "I want to find inner peace not a man."