Aries & Leo- middle/upper class lady, dating a ghetto person?

happy Monday everyone!

I am writing to you guys today to see if any of you have been in my position.

Have you ever been with someone that you feel SUPER compatible with, but you're on two different planets?

This is the guy I've been dating for a few months now. He's an aries, I'm a leo. I've never dated someone I've been more compatible with. We never fight, he genuinely cares about me and values what I say and think, as I do to him.

He grew up in a trailer park and he's never had it easy. He's been working since he was 16. He wants to be a famous rapper. He has a following, I believe he's decent and he's always a great networker. He's black. Not that it matters what skin color he is, but my parents unfortunately are a bit racist. (Then again if he was a black guy with a Phd, I doubt my parents would care then...)

I on the other hand, grew up in middle/upper class, very snobby neighborhood near a university. Went to college, still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I have my yoga teacher certification.

My parents expect me to marry and be with someone who's college educated, well spoken (according to their standards). Not exactly my guy who wears skating shirts and his pants below his ass.

I've never been more attracted to a boy, and I've never had better sex with someone. I just don't know, if longterm, I'll really want to be with an aspiring rapper- yet how do I cut off someone or something I care about love about so much?

I support his dreams 100% . But down the road, 5, 10 years from now? I can't imagine he has a great backup plan if that aspiration falls through.

I'm not saying that I want him to get a 9-5 job to support me. As a leo I'm very independent and want to work on my own projects, being a stay at home mommy was idea of a relationship anyway. Most important for me is that I have someone who is loyal to me, makes me laugh and loosen up and he does all three of these things.

Can we make it work even though we have different standards? Have you been in a similar situation?

Peace and Love

Have you asked him what his backup plan is? money isnt everything but stability is. if you have this concern this early, you'll definitely have them later in your relationship. But it seems like you both dont have clarity in terms of you careers so no point in cutting it off so early.

how many compliments has he given you

When I was younger I would eliminate men from my dating pool based off of my list (every girl has one). Just like you I had an idea of who would be ideal for me.

I broke my rules with the Gem. Not only was he younger then me he was also still in school (community college) and working part time. Several months after we started dating he landed an amazing job, the kinda job kids with bachelor degrees and 2+ years of experience are looking for. His company is allowing him to continue his education and paying for classes as well as his time (hourly) spent in school.

If you pass up on this guy based on the shallow expectations that your culture, family, and self are fixated on you may be passing up on your best chance for happiness.

Also I'll point out that yoga instructor is same tier as struggling rapper. It's not like your a brain surgeon!

The only real difference I see between the two of you is that you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth while he's struggled for everything he's ever had. Out of the two of you he's more likely to succeed since his drive and motivation surpass your own (presumably).

Posted by iroxane
Have you asked him what his backup plan is? money isnt everything but stability is. if you have this concern this early, you'll definitely have them later in your relationship. But it seems like you both dont have clarity in terms of you careers so no point in cutting it off so early.

I highly doubt he has one. His mom works in a factory and im not positive what his dad does, and he works at a bar now in his new town he moved to. (A bigger city to live his dream). He says he would be interested in going to school but he isn't privileged like I am, and I doubt if I were in his shoes I'd be thinking about going to college and taking up that much debt.

SensitiveBlues, i just graduated with a degree in Hospitality and Tourism Management. People in my degree work at resorts, in sales, parks and rec, the music industry, idk its a broad major. I really have always wanted to teach yoga so I though i'd be a good side hustle. Yoga saved my life after being on meds for 4+ years in high school so I want to share it with others

Ophiuchus- we give eachother lots of compliments ha

ChoXtsy- you're very right, thank you. I don't want even to put energy into a serious relationship for another 5 years, but im thinking someone who is reaching for stability is important to me. He doesn't do much but work, write at home, smoke a lot of blunts, goes out to perform at shows. He hardly ever is just out partying tho for no reason which I like.

LadyNeptune- I am a motivated person too, I work and volunteer and network on a daily basis etc.. I just have opportunity to do anything in my life I guess it's hard for me to narrow down a good career path.

I definitely do not want to eliminate him based on shallow parts of my family culture, which is why i'm having this struggle. But i"m also realizing the importance of some of the qualities we have that he doesn't, example, a college degree. Then again, that's a privilege. Sometimes I think I'm so empathetic towards others and men I don't know where to draw the line.

Agh, the fact that i cant edit my spelling errors on my posts make me irritated ha

Posted by jaystar666
Agh, the fact that i cant edit my spelling errors on my posts make me irritated ha

You can.

Hit "more" and you'll see how to correct.

Where's your moon?

Thanks!

I'm a pisces moon, just like you. : )

I want to post my entire numerology, and have someone go over it with me, because besides the moon and the sun I don't understand what any of them symbolize, ha.

I don't know anything but his sun sign. merp

Posted by jaystar666
LadyNeptune- I am a motivated person too, I work and volunteer and network on a daily basis etc.. I just have opportunity to do anything in my life I guess it's hard for me to narrow down a good career path.

I definitely do not want to eliminate him based on shallow parts of my family culture, which is why i'm having this struggle. But i"m also realizing the importance of some of the qualities we have that he doesn't, example, a college degree. Then again, that's a privilege. Sometimes I think I'm so empathetic towards others and men I don't know where to draw the line.

A college degree isn't a quality or a privilege. Nowadays you don't need a degree to make money. In fact, many people with no formal education make vastly more then grads. All you need is motivation, drive and timing.

Your not empathetic, your classist.

Posted by SensitiveBlues

Posted by LadyNeptune
When I was younger I would eliminate men from my dating pool based off of my list (every girl has one). Just like you I had an idea of who would be ideal for me.

I broke my rules with the Gem. Not only was he younger then me he was also still in school (community college) and working part time. Several months after we started dating he landed an amazing job, the kinda job kids with bachelor degrees and 2+ years of experience are looking for. His company is allowing him to continue his education and paying for classes as well as his time (hourly) spent in school.

If you pass up on this guy based on the shallow expectations that your culture, family, and self are fixated on you may be passing up on your best chance for happiness.

Is your man white? Cause unfortunately in America black men don't get those breaks!

click to expand

Naw my dude is brown. I'm in la, people are less focused on color here and more about potential.

He goes to this bar near his house to shoot pool, played a game with this guy and really connected. Exchanged numbers and went in for an interview. Thought he was interviewing for a service position, turns out the guy was the high up in the company. They hired him as a sales person (salary + commission).

It really is about who you know, and being in the right place at the right time.

Posted by jaystar666
Thanks!

I'm a pisces moon, just like you. : )

I want to post my entire numerology, and have someone go over it with me, because besides the moon and the sun I don't understand what any of them symbolize, ha.

I don't know anything but his sun sign. merp

Ohh... nice 🙂

I know nothing of numerology.

But...

All you need is his birthday to run a chart.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by jaystar666
LadyNeptune- I am a motivated person too, I work and volunteer and network on a daily basis etc.. I just have opportunity to do anything in my life I guess it's hard for me to narrow down a good career path.

I definitely do not want to eliminate him based on shallow parts of my family culture, which is why i'm having this struggle. But i"m also realizing the importance of some of the qualities we have that he doesn't, example, a college degree. Then again, that's a privilege. Sometimes I think I'm so empathetic towards others and men I don't know where to draw the line.

A college degree isn't a quality or a privilege. Nowadays you don't need a degree to make money. In fact, many people with no formal education make vastly more then grads. All you need is motivation, drive and timing.

Your not empathetic, your classist.

click to expand

I'm not classist, my family is. I have no problem with where he came from, my dad also came from nothing too. I know that a college degree isn't a privilege, but it is a quality. It means something if you went to school, at least to my parents. I don't think i'd say people with no formal education make vastly more than grads, do you have something to back that statement up? I wasn't asking to be judged, I'm just looking for help.

Posted by MiZLeo
The title of this thread says a lot. What makes him ghetto? What makes you so much better? You can't judge a person because they didn't have parents who spoiled them. Who cares what his parents do for a living. What does that have to do with the kind of man they raised? I hope he reads this and sees what a bigot you are. Do him a favor and leave.

And b4 you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about... I'm a leo with Pisces moon. My father is a doctor (yeah, I come from money), my husband is black(I'm p. Rican but look white), my husband did not come from money. My husband only recently (In our 30s) started on his college education. He makes more money than I do now. We are seperated now but that has nothing to do with social standards.

On another note...my father came from the ghetto in the Bronx....no money....his father was a baker and a carpenter from p. Rico... he put himself through college and then medical school by being a ny city cab driver and various other jobs. Now he is one of the top doctors in our city. When he met my mom she had 3 kids from her first marriage... she was college educated....she's very smart... he was the telephone man..... Guess what she did....she was a teacher who became a yoga instructor(now retired) he supported her, her 3 kids later having 2 more kids and put himself through medical school. You'd never know where he came from unless he told you.

Don't be a snobby leo. No one likes a snobby leo. It's bad enough we have that reputation. In my opinion, it is us who were born with a silver spoon in our mouths that do worse in life because we never really had to work hard for things.

I don't think I'm better than him. He lives in a improverished, neglected urban area in Detroit and wants to be a rapper and that is his only goal really. He wears his pants below his ass, and says nigga often etc. Wants to make a lot of money through rapping, I'm not positive this is going to happen. I believe in him, but his choices made me call him ghetto, is it a bad word or something? He's not hella irresponsible, but enjoys the life style . My ancestors (jews) lived in ghettos too, luckily my grandma got out and moved to the US.

I'm not judging him, my parents would. I dont think they would ever accept him if I introduced him, and my parents and I are very close. My dad also came from 7 mile, super poor. So you think he'd understand, but he doesn't. And he's also racist.

Again I don't think I'm better than him at all, but don't think I"m "worse"... I think we're equals, but its not how the world or my parents see it. I wish I could articulate the problem better, without me sound like a bigot, snob, or idiot.—

Posted by SensitiveBlues
I hate to be racist but do you want to be one of those stupid women that has three kids by a guy who can't afford them?

You sound impractical and stupid as hell

I am practical, which is why I'm wondering if i should continue the relationship even though I love him! I'm also moving abroad for 10 months, and not sure if I should cut off communication (which would be really hard for me to do) or chat with him every once in a while and still end up attached to him. Thanks for calling me stupid tho, damn some of guys are mean, yet i appreciate the honestly I guess

Posted by jaystar666

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by jaystar666
LadyNeptune- I am a motivated person too, I work and volunteer and network on a daily basis etc.. I just have opportunity to do anything in my life I guess it's hard for me to narrow down a good career path.

I definitely do not want to eliminate him based on shallow parts of my family culture, which is why i'm having this struggle. But i"m also realizing the importance of some of the qualities we have that he doesn't, example, a college degree. Then again, that's a privilege. Sometimes I think I'm so empathetic towards others and men I don't know where to draw the line.

A college degree isn't a quality or a privilege. Nowadays you don't need a degree to make money. In fact, many people with no formal education make vastly more then grads. All you need is motivation, drive and timing.

Your not empathetic, your classist.

I'm not classist, my family is. I have no problem with where he came from, my dad also came from nothing too. I know that a college degree isn't a privilege, but it is a quality. It means something if you went to school, at least to my parents. I don't think i'd say people with no formal education make vastly more than grads, do you have something to back that statement up? I wasn't asking to be judged, I'm just looking for help.

click to expand

If you really did 'have no problem with where he comes from' you wouldn't have made this thread.

Bachelor degrees are as common today as credit card debt. Everyone has them. Having a formal education doesn't make you unique or above him in any way. Especially as you aren't even using yours for anything...

The people who make the most $ $ are successful business owners. If you work for yourself you don't need to prove your worth to a potential employer via degree.

What exactly do you need help with?

Ladyneptune- The people who make the most money are not always successful business owners, maybe often, but not always.. Degrees help open some doors that aren't necessarily open for people who don't have a degree, this is fact and also where privilege comes in.

I didn't make this thread because I have a problem from where he came from. Maybe you can re read my first post if you really want to help, instead of endlessly criticizing me.

The only thing I see stupid about you is that you mention in the title about "class", then proceed to describe to your viewing audience how you believe you are above him, and then act offended when people notice what you said, and comment on it.

How ridiculous can you be?

Nobody in here would know any of this to comment on, unless you told them ... which you did tell them, and try to call foul on them when it's your fucking words.

And I don't have to re-read the OP, I just read it a moment ago ... and you DO describe yourself as being better than him, higher than him .. you describe him as being beneath you.

In fact, that point is the whole premise of the thread.



And then act offended because people took you at your word. And you seriously cannot see how stupid that makes you look?



At any rate, to topic ...... obviously, your intent was to try and get people in here to defend you and your position. You obviously feel like you are in the wrong for being attracted to a person who you believe is beneath you, and you came here to try and get people to stroke your ego by giving you false praise. You most likely were expecting people to honor you and think highly of you for bestowing upon the ghetto boy a woman of class.

How pretentious. He is better off without you, tbh. My counsel to you is to do a self check .... you may be lying to yourself, and not realizing it.

Or maybe you do realize that you are playing the ghetto boy to get your ego stroke and was hoping we wouldn't notice.

Posted by jaystar666
Ladyneptune- The people who make the most money are not always successful business owners, maybe often, but not always.. Degrees help open some doors that aren't necessarily open for people who don't have a degree, this is fact and also where privilege comes in.

I didn't make this thread because I have a problem from where he came from. Maybe you can re read my first post if you really want to help, instead of endlessly criticizing me.

Lol I've been nothing but gracious to you. Just pointing out the obvious and you term is as 'endlessly criticizing'.

It's clear that you put your families expectations over what you want for your own life, probably worried you'll be disowned and have to work for your bread like the rest of us. Which is fine. Stop wasting his time and let your parents set you up with a nice Jewish banker or something. Problem solved.

Posted by Arielle83
Heyyyy

Another chick on here that uses the term "ghetto" to describe "low class"!'

Watch out, @capricornmoon will call you a racist for using that word!!



Mmmhhmmm

Centrelink office is filled with "ghetto" people of all different MUTHAFECKINNN races.

Mmmhmmm

He's is black though, she says it in her op. So maybe the term racist fits here. Certainly the label class-ist if nothing else.

Posted by SensitiveBlues
No you can't make it work! Different values. I would never put myself in a situation where a person lives in a pipe dream! He needs to go to school or something in the meantime

Also what are you doing about your career? You went to college to teach yoga?

Seriously? What kind of fantasy world r u living in?

Did you really have to degrade her? She's done nothing wrong. Damn CC

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Arielle83
Heyyyy

Another chick on here that uses the term "ghetto" to describe "low class"!'

Watch out, @capricornmoon will call you a racist for using that word!!



Mmmhhmmm

Centrelink office is filled with "ghetto" people of all different MUTHAFECKINNN races.

Mmmhmmm

He's is black though, she says it in her op. So maybe the term racist fits here. Certainly the label class-ist if nothing else.

Yeah it saw that. Perhaps she is, but capmoon told me white ppl in America use it to be racist against Black ppl they don't like.

I'm not an American.

I'm classist when it comes to a sense of entitlement with getting shit for free off of other ppl or government.

Canadians use ghetto in terms of class, so do some Aussies.

Which is why I use it to describe low class bludgers no matter the race or sex.

click to expand

I'm American and I view that word similar to you. Ghetto means slum land, poverty, sketch streets and neighborhood. I don't see it as race related.

But I suppose everything is subjective.

I just can't....

think of anything nice to say.

*muches popcorn*

OP has crap grammar for being so middle/upper class and well educated. *muffled due to mouth full of popcorn*

Out of interest, what exactly makes OP middle to upper class?

This relationship doesn't sound like it's going to work out at all in the long run. I think you already know that OP.

I agree with LadyNeptune ..... in that the whole problem here is that if her parents don't approve of him, then she will be financially cut off. She will HAVE to work to support herself.



If she truly cared about the guy, her actions would represent that.



I still have the feeling that the only purpose of this thread was to get praise for being so kind in giving the black ghetto boy a crumb. What other reason is there for saying he's ghetto, or saying he's lower class?



If she really wanted to discuss an interracial relationship, and the familial obstacles .... then there would be no need to classify them to here viewing audience. Instead, she would have just outlined these obstacles and asked how to resolve them.

Posted by jaystar666

He's been working since he was 16. He wants to be a famous rapper. He has a following, I believe he's decent and he's always a great networker.

I on the other hand ......Went to college, still have no idea what I want to do with my life ......

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I can't imagine he has a great backup plan if that aspiration falls through.

I'm very independent and want to work on my own projects, being a stay at home mommy was idea of a relationship anyway.

I'm not entirely sure I get your backwards logic.

1. you have no idea what you want to do with your life .. which he's been working hard since 16

2. you down his ability to be a good boyfriend to you because you can't see another goal in him besides rapping ..... while your goal is to be able to stay at home, rather than work.



tbh, he sounds better than you .. at least he has a goal. It doesnt' look like you have any worth while.

@The OP,

I agree with SensitiveBlues to a certain extent about Black men, race & class.

Let me give you an example.

Although you have been privileged, you still have no sense of direction, you lack diligence, discipline and foresight.

You have no real ambition.

Just a pipe dream yoga certificate.

But trust me, Mommy and Daddy will make sure that the red carpet is laid out for you.

You want to make sure that happens, that is the real issue you have with your current man.

A Black man transitioning his way into corporate America with no education, degree or formal training would have NEVER happened.

Sorry, different strokes for different folks.

An undergraduate degree and years of experience would have been a requirement for him.

Unless you're a rapper like Jay-Z or 50 Cents with no real educational background or qualifications, or formal training

Don't put yourself on such an exaggerated pedestal. You haven't earned anything. You accomplished nothing. You don't own a home. You don't have a steady income, just living off your parents.

He has a steady income and a pipe dream.

You're just living off a pipe dream.

But thanks. Now we know the Aries did a great job at stroking your ego in making you feel that you actually accomplished something by being born...entitled.

Your parents are well off. You're not. There is a difference. You NEED their financial security.

Posted by Sssupes

Posted by SensitiveBlues
No you can't make it work! Different values. I would never put myself in a situation where a person lives in a pipe dream! He needs to go to school or something in the meantime

Also what are you doing about your career? You went to college to teach yoga?

Seriously? What kind of fantasy world r u living in?

Did you really have to degrade her? She's done nothing wrong. Damn CC

click to expand

What are you new here😉

Of course someone had to!

You actually referred to this man as ghetto in the title of this thread.... that pretty much sums up how you feel about him - why are you even asking the question, did you need ppl to make you feel better about the decision you've already made?

I don't have a lot of input here. Just wanted to say that just because a person was born in the "ghetto", that doesn't make them ghetto. A ghetto is a place, you can't be a place.

Posted by AriesIntrovert16
I don't have a lot of input here. Just wanted to say that just because a person was born in the "ghetto", that doesn't make them ghetto. A ghetto is a place, you can't be a place.

My dad was born in the ghetto so i know this

ghetto is not just a place. you can act ghetto