I cared so much for this Aries, but the Brow beating and flipping things is .......

Not to sure how to start. I've made a couple of posts regarding my now Aries Ex. We hit if off, and everything went great, until in her words I had an "outburst" - which was me using the "fuck" word and getting annoyed at the fact she gave me the sat nav turning right at the last minute. Causing us to swerve across a motorway. Anyway I guess for her that was a sign .... Nothing like that happened again. Rather than go over it, you can have a look in my history if need be.

So moving on from that, we go 5 steps back 2 forward. But things are still going good, we make plans and arrangements for future holidays, all sorts. December comes and my brother tragically died (I'm still in shock), totally unexpected. My life has now be turned upside down, coupled with the loss of my Grandad 4 weeks prior and I'm in a state of mind I have never been. She supported me through of all of this, as well as she could, and at times I said to her it might be best for us to take a break as this is will be emotionally hard for me and my family and with her coming down to see me and be involved in that too I thought would be a lot, trying to think of her. She doesn't want to and we carry on as normal as we can. I guess the grieving started kicking in, and I'd be snappy and obviously had changed, but I tried as well as I could to remain me. I probably wasn't the easiest of people to deal with then, I was full of anger and I didn't know how to, or even who to direct it at; I guess with that I took some out on her, being snappy, not listening to her or maybe not allowing her to finish a sentence before I thought I knew what she would say and interrupt, and get it wrong, being a guy.

Eventually it became a lot for her, and we spoke or rather she said I should seek counselling, which I then made actions to do so, which takes time, you have be referred, then referred again, which can take 2-3 months. In this time I was trying to see the way I was acting and at times wasn't nice. Which I attributed to grief, she now says that I actively treated her that way. I knew what I was doing, I abused her, manipulated her.

Basically is it normal for someone like an Aries to be so hard headed, to understand what someone is going through but to not even allow them any leeway? Until I actually turn round and agree with her on something then I am in the wrong, no matter what it is. I accidentily booked some tickets, only because my card details were in the app, rather than be nice, she accused me of manipulating her into coming. Same thing when asked what my problem was, why I was upset, I said because of "how we've ended up, the situation we're in", I then get accused of trying to emotionally manipulate her trying to make her feel bad, and if I can't see why she would think that then I'm wrong?!?! But even attempting to explain otherwise is me "always having an excuse" even trying to show her that I was grieving and still am is considered a "SOB STORY" Is this even normal behaviour?

Did I respond last time too.

So did I and I don't remember what it was

@Firstdecan; Hi, you did - "Sorry no one likes one sided friendship or relationship. So why continue clearly that's a deal breaker." I think in my first post about this lady.

@RamOfPeace; Yes you did "This.

And having your close family member, no less - a brother, suddenly pass is a hard card to be dealt to, for anybody. All Rams have a big ego, but a smart person will understand. You've just got a selfish cookiemonster who absolutely will not compromise or back down if HER personal needs are not met. I suggest you find a better Aries."



I know I could've walked away earlier, but when things we're/are good they are brilliant. But when things never went her way it would be chaos. She works for her local council, that dealt with housing issues, which in turn led to having to go on courses about domestic abuse, she is actually categorizing me as that. And this is where her thinking is so skewed. I just want to see if I'm in the wrong for grieving and not knowing how to deal with that, and at the same time trying to appease someone and still treat them how I did before going through what was happening, the girl likes to theorize too much.

Haha damn and what did you learn from it? Was I helpful? , Did you try to compromise and communicate before and after you got insight from here? And now it's time to let it go?

An idea of her mindset, I offer to pay for us to go on a small break before she starts her course for a job in August. A nice break away, I put to her some countries that I'd like to visit as well. Her response is that if we don't decide to go somewhere she hasn't been then I go with someone else. Who the fuck say's that to someone, it's a joint choice, both of us choose, I should not be held to an ultimatum when I'm paying. What do I do, being the nice guy I am, rather than compromising something we both want, we then look to areas she hasn't been and wants to go.

I do;'t get how someone can be that rude.

@FirstDecan - You was helpful, did I follow, no? My own fault, yes. I've always tried to communicate with her, but it always seems to have been her way, given how "I treated" her ...

First the whole paying this is cute and appreciated but it sounds like you demand something back..when it's supposed to be fun.

2 well if you were working things out and planned a trip to have fun, see if hardship can be worked out, enjoy and comeback home and keep working on it. No relationship is perfect.

But just like most when it is time, it is otherwise one is going to be happy and then the other won't.

Both yall have issues and yeah some are more stubborn than others too.

What's was her chart and yours?

Watch how you talk to others who may be more sensitive, or have a more harder time communicating and learn how to work together mutually beneficial for both.

If something is bothering you speak, then hear the person out, calmly and patiently, if you want to argee ok. If you want to disagree say but how about this way, and I thought it might be better if we tried. You see. People don't change immediately after having been in hardships it takes time, patience and effort to understand and most people see it thoroughly actions and words meaningfully.

Takes awhile for problems to work out too.

But let's say a few months you don't see a change there is nothing you can do after that because you already talked about it.

Let's just get something clear, I do what I do for someone because I want to, not because I expect anything back. I've done countless of things for her whilst we've been friends and never demanded anything back. I will swear to the ashes of my brother I expect nothing in return for anything I choose to do for someone. I do expect someone to be grateful at the least. Of course it's meant to be fun, hence a short break for her, she can't have anytime of for a solid 3 months. So I thought off my own back to go away and have a good time!

I don't know her chart nor go about finding out. She's very stubborn and unless anyone can see it from her side then it's not going to work. I know I'm not perfect.

Learn the experience, learn to change yourself, learn to speak a way where it doesn't seem you too bossy or controlling, and learn not everyone is a match make in heaven but can work If two compromise.

Well fire and earth fixed people will have this outlook sometimes.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Learn the experience, learn to change yourself, learn to speak a way where it doesn't seem you too bossy or controlling, and learn not everyone is a match make in heaven but can work If two compromise.

I've definitely learnt from it, I don't think it came across that way, but I can't help how people interpret things. I'm more than willing to compromise hence us not going where I would've liked to go and us deciding on Northern Europe as she had never been. I think she is he one that isn't willing to compromise and I think she is the one that won't because she has set such high bars for herself, but those bars don't always mean shes right and she'd show more humility if she understood that not everyone thinks or acts the way she does.

Anyway, it isn't going anywhere now, and i don't think I can ever remain friends with her.

Posted by doublesidedGem

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Learn the experience, learn to change yourself, learn to speak a way where it doesn't seem you too bossy or controlling, and learn not everyone is a match make in heaven but can work If two compromise.

I've definitely learnt from it, I don't think it came across that way, but I can't help how people interpret things. I'm more than willing to compromise hence us not going where I would've liked to go and us deciding on Northern Europe as she had never been. I think she is he one that isn't willing to compromise and I think she is the one that won't because she has set such high bars for herself, but those bars don't always mean shes right and she'd show more humility if she understood that not everyone thinks or acts the way she does.

Anyway, it isn't going anywhere now, and i don't think I can ever remain friends with her.

click to expand

Damn man sorry to hear.

I can only help to help you sorta. If you think you can't even be friends somehow, then you just let her know and continue on with life. So much more now. One door closes another opens.

I know, I really appreciate it. I know I have my faults but I think it's how shes making me feel, and the things she saying, I know aren't true. I've done a lot of reading, and I know grieving doesn't excuse people from acting in certain ways, but at the same time, if they know that s the main issue for said person acting that way then surely that has to be taken into account. I don't feel she has given me a fair chance in trying to explain that to her. Or when she does she takes the stand of me saying she should've accepted it, that isn't what I'm saying. I know I wasn't the easiest person, but I was grieving. I never acted that way before and subsequantly haven't since, and have sought help to cope with it.

I'm definitely sorry for your loss too.. take some time away..

It's fine, you don't. There is no process to how long someone grieves, I'm over the anger part and it took me some time to get there, I think it started in January and by beginning of March I'd sought help, but wasn't seen until May. And in that time she would assume I hadn't sought any help, she won't listen to the fact I have documented proof showing appointments made. I am in therapy now, also anger management as reaction to the grieving, I'm not an angry person by nature so I guess facing up to the fact I was treating someone like that hurt even more. To know I've pushed her away eats me up. A friend of mine who's mum passed away split from his Girlfriend of 10 years 3 months later, I know it's a huge thing for any couple to be involved in, new or old.

I totally get her reaction, and I guess I see it different because I feel I would be more tolerable and understanding that doesn't mean I don't understand where she's coming from. At no point am I saying she should be because I would be.. I at times was very awkward, and I know that what has happened has had an impact, all of this I know and am working towards to trying to show her I understand it, it was misplaced and misdirected anger, but she won't get away from the fact I "Abused" her, I am now even doubting myself and frantically looking up the definition of an abuser, all definitions.

Thank you both.

not sure I would know how to help but I understand and I am sorry about your loss - it is not uncommon for both parties to go to counseling to sort some things out - most likely after sessions alone ask if she could come in too - I guess death and grief change people - I've never really had that happen in my lifetime but I've heard of it

not sure why she doesn't believe that you are getting help - that sounds like she's shutting it all down and not trying to work with you and holding up her flag and not bending - I read somewhere that having expectations of how someone should be is the most common denominator in the loss of a relationship - we should all be more curious and open to why that person is doing or saying whatever it is to explore his opinions versus our views and/or values - acceptance of differences and working together is better in my book!

I don't either, maybe because she has seen immediate effect?! The fact you have to be referred to the right counseller and most suited one takes time. Then you have to even wait for an appointment. In the way she is thinking, and of course she is entitiled to think her way. She feels I've had enough time to do I don't know what ...

The fact I use whats happened as a catalyst for me grieving that way is a sob story to her. I'm not asking her to forgive or forget what happened, I'm asking her to understand it's a part of the process I was going through, and I know that me not admitting or acknowledging I was acting that way is what has led us to here. I understand this, I take responsibility for it. She isn't bending at all. As soon as I say I understand what you're saying then boom "OK leave it there if you know why are you still carrying on" even if she lets me explain, she dismisses it.

I don't even know what the point of me getting this off my chest is, nothing is going to change. She is very very set in her ways, and she even feels as friends nothing is going her way. She is very hard work, I am no tjust saying that but she is.

Look forward...k. I lost people and animals not good for me. I detached myself. I wouldn't appreciate someone who I thought had my back in any case. Since I would be the one to have the back of others before mine.

There is 4 types abuse. Physically, mentally, verbally, and psychologically abuse. Guess which one I went through and I think you did too. Verbal. It damage me so bad I have to get help or I'll never forgive my mom. I was choked by her when she was tripping. I was belittled and bullied. And I couldn't do anything. I didn't cry or nothing. But I will never accept in my own lover. At all.

So get help as much as you need, maybe detach from her, and find someone more compatible when shit hits the fan still be there.

Thank you, I completely take your point. Impatience isn't a virtue of an Aries but that doesn't mean they do't care. This helps me to understand her thought process and expectations. At least I could maybe approach her in that way.

Thank you, but that and everything else is out of the question now. She told me today that she has met someone else. I cared for her so much and never intentionally set out hurt or in some cases express my grief when she was around. I never took responsibility before it was too late.

Thanks for you help and words :-/ 😢