Advice

I read this question on a web-site and reacted to the advice the girl got, so I thought I'd give you the girl's question and see what you would advice her.

I will post the advice she got from the web-site when you ask it of me or when I feel like it. 😉

So this guy and I meet about a month ago and Yes maybe the quickest thing that would ever happen in the history of my life but "I just feel it " this is the last man I really think I will ever date. He and I have already brought up marriage and moving closer to eachother.We are currently about an hr and half apart . So now we have so much in common so far. But as time goes on I bring up something new about me or a question I would like to know about him and sometime when it goes to the "past" ( I had a wild early 20's ) and now he is like taken back and like he feels that I hold it back for a reason that it was chosen "omission facts " and now it is almost coming to the point of argument which I don't handle well IT'S THE PAST.

What should a girl do? when it comes up during a conversation while some of my girlfriends conversate with him or even worse my parents? Do I just leave the wild times behind and not tell him or do I tell him and let him form his own opionions of me and possibly face him maybe throwing this away?

I've learnt from my mistakes and feel that a new man is on a need to know basis.
If I get the vibe that I won't be judged them let the info flow. If not keep it to yourself!

Some men like to throw shit at you like you did past deeds on purpose to upset them. Before you even knew they existed.

Just saying.

Posted by Scruffles
Kind of a tough one. It depends on what exactly she did in her past.

The guy who plans on marrying her has every right to know about her illicit past if it's something serious and major... like drug addiction, alcoholism, incarceration, breaking the law, previous marriages etc.

But if she spent her 20's getting drunk at clubs and hooking up but grew out of that stage unscathed... then no. I don't think it's necessary to divulge every single little detail of a person's past.

Did she ever post what exactly she did? People have different definitions for what's considered major or minor when it comes to questionable conduct..

Nope. You know exctly as much as I do when it comes to her POV. The only added info that I've got is the advice she got.

Everybody has secrets. So does he and believe you me, he's not going to tell her absolutely everything about himself.

Love is a gamble.

She doesn't need to tell him anything he doesn't need to know - or prove her worth to him.

I personally dish info about myself on a need to know basis, more needed the longer we've know each other. If there is something I don't feel like telling him, I don't, but I wouldn't lie either. In this scenario, they had known each other for a month and that is a tad soon for me to give away a lot. What I react to in the advice she got was that she, and even her friends and family, were encouraged to lie to the guy and also that the writer(male, I would assume) seemed to have a veeery low opinion on guys. Judge for yourselves:

Hi Ally,

Unfortunately, most men are not very good at understanding (emotional matters) and are highly judgmental by nature. So to answer your question - the past is best left alone, if you don't want to spoil your present. Forget the past, bury it and be done with it. Inform your family and your friends to not bring up your past in front of him. Whenever he asks about your past just give him a vague description, without going into any details, and color it up with a few —white?? lies.

If you are worried about lying to him, and want to stay truthful in the relationship, just remember that you are doing this for him. Most guys are extremely jealous, possessive and egocentric by nature. If a few things in your past rubs him the wrong way, you will never hear the end of it. It can make your present relationship miserable. For example, if you had a fling with some guy in the past and you mention this to him, he will always bring it up every time you have a squabble. Moreover, he will keep mulling about it in his mind and come to all sorts of wrong conclusions and negative judgments.

Guys insist that they want to know the truth, but very few of them can really handle the truth with any maturity. Girls are much more mature about handling the past of a guy, they are much more forgiving and understanding because they usually have more tolerance and less ego. Many girls would accept a guy even if they become aware that he had several affairs in his past, but a guy would label a girl as a —slut??, or a nympho, even if she admits to having one wild affair. You will lose his trust, and you will lose his faith, if it turns out that he disapproves of your past. Are you willing to take such a risk? To what avail really?

The past is done and over with. It's a memory. You are not the same person that you were when you were in your 20s. In fact, the person he's in love with is not the person who did the wild things. There are so many wild things we do as a child, and many people carry it along with them in their memories well into their adult life as a part of their identity. It's really silly to live in your past. The past is a good teacher but a bad friend.

Give him some minor details of your past. Tell him some glossy truths here and there just to satisfy his curiosity. Don't act as if you have things to hide. The last thing you want is for him to start doubting your sincerity. Guys can get pretty wild in their imagination when they thin

contd.
Give him some minor details of your past. Tell him some glossy truths here and there just to satisfy his curiosity. Don't act as if you have things to hide. The last thing you want is for him to start doubting your sincerity. Guys can get pretty wild in their imagination when they think that their girl is hiding something from them.

You need to relax and chill out about your past in your own mind. Just drop it and stop mulling about it. Let it be a wild story that's over. You don't have to feel guilty. You are not the same person anymore, you??ve grown up.

Always remember — —what the mind does not know, the heart does not grieve about??. If you tell him the lurid details of your past, it will go into his memory and he will keep reminding you of it through his behavior and attitude. He might even lose out on his respect or love for you. It's not worth it. The past is a dead story, leave it at that.

And also:

If you have done something you may not be very proud of, chance is that it is going to eventually come up and bite you in the behind, and when it does, you'd better not have lied about it too. I would personally probably react less to the "happening" than to the lie.

But that's just me.

I'm not as brave as to get it all out on the first date, but I wouldn't tell any lies and also, if I give info about myself, then maybe he will be more inclined to dish about himself too - which I want, or we won't get to know each other, which after all is the point if you are striving towards testing your compatibility with another person.

Posted by beautifuldiaster
Life is too short to have to process yourself to someone who prefers on judging you anyways.

You are not a commodity so don't try to sell yourself. You are a human and we are all flawed so let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Yup.

I argee with Beautiful with dish it out right away. Absolutely...and for each day pass you'll open my Taurus eyes more and I will be intriguing the both of us with questions fun and seriously..just the process..

I will just be upfront and communicate with you to see if we are compatible enough to enlighten each other whole heartedly.

.I don't judge too much. But definitely want to hear stories.. good and bad..I want it all...and usually I let have few flags go....because no one is perfect, but when I am dating. I am looking forward to getting to know you in a short time span.. why because people know if the vibe is there or isn't right away..

One thing that I being a Taurus female, do is wanting to know all about you right off the bat.. yeah each day little by little should be getting familiar with his background.

Shit if there's a connection time is slow motion, but keeping the steady pace wins the race..and I feel you want to know everything.. we are picky people

. I know a Taurus male completely like me...all.the way to standards, your past, present and future. We want to know everything.. I don't have a problem listening and adapting if it's a great connection going..

..That's a typo. I have let shit go..

I must admit that I would rather listen to the other person than to give info about myself, but I understand that you have to give a little too. Depends on the info, tho. Most of it I have no problem sharing, but there are limits that early on. I mean, we're talking a month here.

I think in a month tops you know if.that's the right one or not. I would ask if you are single or married, do you want kids, if I couldn't have kids how do you feel about adopting or fostering, do you want a monogamous relationship, do you want marriage, do you like dogs or cats? If you have kids already is there drama? Can you make time.for me? That's the stuff I cam figure out in 60 seconds or less. Then can move on to fun times and dates perhaps. Why drag on if we are not on the same levels. And yeah I'll listen too. But it's all about communication and compromise..

Can

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
I think in a month tops you know if.that's the right one or not. I would ask if you are single or married, do you want kids, if I couldn't have kids how do you feel about adopting or fostering, do you want a monogamous relationship, do you want marriage, do you like dogs or cats? If you have kids already is there drama? Can you make time.for me? That's the stuff I cam figure out in 60 seconds or less. Then can move on to fun times and dates perhaps. Why drag on if we are not on the same levels. And yeah I'll listen too. But it's all about communication and compromise..

You would ask all that within a month? Omg. If someone did that to me I would RUN. Cool it, cool it. (sag venus speaking) 🙂

...omg, you actually said 60 seconds...? *screaming and running off for a hugging session with my sag venus*

Give or take. Haha don't be scared it's spaced out but definitely would know relatively short time span..

Maybe that's my Aquarius moon on top of my earth signs. Lol short attention span..analytical thinker, and intuitive..

Hehehe

Can't help but visualising their faces to the "if I couldn't have kids how do you feel about adopting or fostering" question. How do they reply to this?

Posted by HappyCapper
So this guy and I meet about a month ago and Yes maybe the quickest thing that would ever happen in the history of my life but "I just feel it " this is the last man I really think I will ever date. He and I have already brought up marriage and moving closer to eachother.We are currently about an hr and half apart . So now we have so much in common so far. But as time goes on I bring up something new about me or a question I would like to know about him and sometime when it goes to the "past" ( I had a wild early 20's ) and now he is like taken back and like he feels that I hold it back for a reason that it was chosen "omission facts " and now it is almost coming to the point of argument which I don't handle well IT'S THE PAST.

What should a girl do? when it comes up during a conversation while some of my girlfriends conversate with him or even worse my parents? Do I just leave the wild times behind and not tell him or do I tell him and let him form his own opionions of me and possibly face him maybe throwing this away?

Any couple who meets and within ONE MONTHS TIME talks about marriage & moving in together is effin ridiculous. How many times in that month were they physically in each other's presence during that ONE MONTH? smh Sounds very immature.

This is an iffy one.

On 1 hand, people have the right to know what they're getting into. And yes, it's true that past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.

However, no one can bully me into telling & showing them who I am. People have to respect that some people prefer that you earn their secrets. Everybody that isn't necessarily an open book isn't necessarily a sneaky person with something to hide.

I'm more on the side of people earning the right to know your story moreso than I believe people are automatically entitled to know my business.

If she ever plans on getting serious with him, yes, she will need to tell him about her past, but she better not dare let him dwell on it, hold her prisoner to it or keep it in the back of his mind to use against her 1 day.

I'm curious to know the real reason she won't reveal all of her past. Is it b/c she's afraid of what he'll think? Is it b/c this guy is being a little too intrusive, wanting details? Maybe he shut down or reflected a judgmental tone with the little she already has shared with him, which understandably made her go back into her shell, despite the fact that she still likes him through it all. Maybe she's coming off too defensive over the simplest of questions, which would activate anybody's suspicion to an extent. Hell idk.