completely confused but very in love

I'm totally in love with this libra man I met and have known for over two years now (I'm a virgo lady) we met at work and he persued me, slowly winning me over. Due to a awful roommate situation I was kicked out of my house for no fault on my part (honestly just letting him convince me to stay at his place too often)

And he asked me to move in with him. About two months after we started dating....I never asked, he just offered right away when I told him what was going on.

I feel like we both knew it might kinda wreck the relationship but I was desperate. It was an odd situation as his father and brother both lived there as well (he is 28 and I am 25)

But we continued it for 8 months, shortly after my birthday it seemed like we called it quits (though neither of us said it exactly) and I told him I had to move out as we were no longer sharing a bed and hadn't had sex in months (despite my attempts)

Afterward he contacted me and we reconnected around the same time as our anniversary of getting together, he then drops off the face of the earth for four months and reappears asking me to go to a music festival with him, I go, we have a great time and several weeks afterward we see each other in the grocery store and start talking outside.

I eventually ask him what's up, and he tells me how busy he has become with school (something he started a few months before I moved out and it created a huge rift between us)

He tells me he's trying to maintain a healthier life style and stopped smoking and that I didn't seem to have changed like he did, but agknowledges he still "kinda" has feelings for me and "just wants to see where it goes"

I tell him I don't want to accept that we had a shitty start to our relationship and it wrecked it, and that's the only chance we get. Not to mention the universe seems to keep bringing us back together.

Is this guy just wasting my time? Seems crazy to be "that" busy with school and no job, but he's very adamant about how dedicated he needs to be to it.

That I need to find what I'm passionate about and get healthier.

But he still wants to hangout every month or so, just doesn't have time to date.

Very confused, not sure if this is a polite let's be friends, or a "I'm busy and you need to be sexier to entice me" thing.

It was also very odd that with us, I was the one always wanting to go out and do adventurous things, but he always wanted to stay in and somehow grew bored by me.. always forgetting birthdays, or acting like a quick hello was an infringement on his 'space'

Now he's always happy to see me, chats eagerly, but once I am not in Eye view he doesn't reply to texts or calls.

I'm a virgo sun, pisces moon, aries rising

And he's a libra sun, virgo moon (I believe)

Ask him directly "Are you saying in a nice way you just want to be friends?" What does he mean when he says "healthier"? Did he recently start working out? Btw, I'm am Aries sun, Pisces moon, Virgo rising . Our sun & rising is flip flopped LOL

What's up with this wishy washy bullshit behavior. Smh. No good@op.

I did ask him if he just wanted to be friends. I said "it's cool if you just want to hangout sometimes and leave it just at that" but at this point I told him I was facing an option to move to another state to be with family (since I have none where I live and all my friends have kind of faded away here"

At thus point he decided to tell me if I move we will never see where it goes and "yeah he kinda does still have feelings for me" but didn't want himself to be any part of my decision making process.

I don't think he's started working out, but he's started this smoothie and raw veggies only sort of diet and quit smoking 4 months after we stopped dating...

He told me eating healthy doesn't seem to be a big concern for me......which was kind of comical since I had been eating raw and drinking smoothies this last time we met up, but he never asked about my life style or listened when I told him anything.

Seems like he isn't going to think I care until I lose substantial weight from it....though I would say I need to lose about 30 lbs I don't see myself as grotesque, and he hasn't lost any weight himself anyways....

I said if you want to be friends and hangout every few months and that's all you want, no problem, but I don't want to make a desicion to move away from the state if there are still feelings on your side. And of course he gives me different viewpoints and no real answers

If it was me knowing what I know about a Libra male, you need to decide if you want to put the time in with him too - to see where it goes ... he said that is what he wants but needs/wants to do it slowly because of his interests. That doesn't seem to match what is going on in your life if you are planning on moving out of state. So that will be the determining factor.

I know from research and some experience that Libra's are into improvements, whether it be them personally or when in a relationship (works to improve the relationship) ...

Depends on his other placements as to some of the other stuff that I am not feeling familiar with. Mine had a lot of Scorpio placements. But I did have to be careful not to pressure or try to nail him down into a verbal "commitment" - I tried to listen more than anything to understand where he was coming from.

I don't know don't let some guy distract from yourself and studies. You have to do for your self. He's not doing anything in action? Do you have any fixed placements? What are your planet's and his too?

My pale nets are:

Sun virgo

Moon pisces

Rising aries

Mars gemini

Venus leo

Saturn Uranus Neptune: capricorn

Pluto gemini

I don't know his time of birth but to me he seems like a virgo moon because he is very anti the typical libra

He hates social interaction and doesn't have friends.

He likes to look good, but will get rid of brand new clothes or never wear them again if more than two people compliment him.

He's October 15th basalt, co

What confuses me so much about our relationship is that I was the bread winner for many of our months living together, paying both of our rents (at his request) and then shortly after I started doing that his interest faded, no sex, no cuddles, less and less conversation.

I tried many different things to keep our adventures fresh, but it never seemed to work, he went into school and threw himself into that and ignored me. And never got another job after no calling no showing at the job we both work at about three months into us being together.

I get the feeling over and over that he doesn't think I'm good enough for him in mainly physical ways, he has since fixed his teeth problems and changed his diet/quit smoking.

I don't really want to move, but my friend group here has desinigrated leaving me with none too many friends, nor any family where I am living. I'm very concerned about being able to afford living here if I'm only working part time, not to mention my lease is up in three weeks and I have yet to find a place.

Also odd for a libra man, the space between his last relationship and ours was five years, and he didn't even go on a date in that time.

I feel like I missed my chance and a really great thing got messed up between us 😢

Honestly it doesn't sound that great. Do you.

Posted by sunempress90
My pale nets are:

Sun virgo

Moon pisces

Rising aries

Mars gemini

Venus leo

Saturn Uranus Neptune: capricorn

Pluto gemini

I don't know his time of birth but to me he seems like a virgo moon because he is very anti the typical libra

He hates social interaction and doesn't have friends.

He likes to look good, but will get rid of brand new clothes or never wear them again if more than two people compliment him.

He's October 15th basalt, co

What confuses me so much about our relationship is that I was the bread winner for many of our months living together, paying both of our rents (at his request) and then shortly after I started doing that his interest faded, no sex, no cuddles, less and less conversation.

I tried many different things to keep our adventures fresh, but it never seemed to work, he went into school and threw himself into that and ignored me. And never got another job after no calling no showing at the job we both work at about three months into us being together.

I get the feeling over and over that he doesn't think I'm good enough for him in mainly physical ways, he has since fixed his teeth problems and changed his diet/quit smoking.

I don't really want to move, but my friend group here has desinigrated leaving me with none too many friends, nor any family where I am living. I'm very concerned about being able to afford living here if I'm only working part time, not to mention my lease is up in three weeks and I have yet to find a place.

Also odd for a libra man, the space between his last relationship and ours was five years, and he didn't even go on a date in that time.

I feel like I missed my chance and a really great thing got messed up between us 😢

Yeah no this not good for you. Too bad you don't have his placements.

He's changing and moving on with his life doing school, fixing his teeth, quit smoking

You paid his rent and your rent, you were the bread winner which can make some men feel very inadequate about their masculinity because the woman begins to behave like a mother instead of a lover which is why you got no sex, no cuddles, no interest. Men simply do not want to f**k their mothers so if you behave like a mother then you lose your lover which is what happened in your situation. The more you gave the less attractive you became.

So here he is with his new teeth, most likely new social life because of his new looks, healthy life style and school and you're still in the same fucked up situation, struggle. Does that sound attractive to you? Would you date you?

I suggest you take a bigger interest in your own life. A man can be a significant distraction when times are hard and it seems no resolutions for the hardship but he won't make your life better nor your situation better and you know it.

If you need to move to another state or go home or whatever you feel you need to do then do it because sitting around wondering about a guy that was basically mooching off of you and who was neglectful towards you mentally, emotionally and sexually is not someone you can count on. All you did was make his life better and you have not reaped the fruits of your labor.

He wasn't a good boyfriend nor a good friend so why not cut your losses and if he truly wants a do over with you he'll put in the time and effort but you can't wait around for that, you have your own life to sort out

Posted by sunempress90

I tell him I don't want to accept that we had a shitty start to our relationship and it wrecked it, and that's the only chance we get.

Is this guy just wasting my time?

What do mean by you won't accept a shitty relationship start?

What is the "it" in the first sentence .. see underlined

If he is the director of your time, only then is he capable of wasting it. If you are the director of your time, and you are the one who makes choices for you .. then only you can waste your time.

Oct 15th, 1987

Sun Libra

Moon leo

Mercury Scorpio

Venus Scorpio

Mars Libra

I have the same sun, Mercury and venus as your guy.

Leeb mars... don't expect action when you want it, you'll get it when they decide to give it.

Yeah, I get the whole thing about mothers and stuff, just funny that they feel fine asking for help but when they get it it's a turn off...I don't ask for help from anyone, not unless I really want or need help with something, therefore I never have to feel endeared to anyone...

I would probably say yeah I'm not that attractive to him if he was doing anything with his new "status" in life, he's still sitting around the house 99% of the time being lazy as shit, even with his new "diet" he has yet to lose any weight because he never moves his ass.

I would say yeah I'm bitter, because I always tried to do active things with him, hiking outdoor adventures and he always complained about it. He laughed at the active things I tried to do (like yoga, going to the gym, and hula hooping) and now that I'm not around he seems to think he's better than me because he drinks smoothies and guzzles energy drinks all day.

Either way, obviously it isn't a healthy thing, and despite him inviting me to things, trying to get me stay and talk longer whenever I run into him somewhere etc...he remains ever silent when we are not in the same room.

The "it" I was referring to earlier was him inviting me to live in his house and me being in a desperate situation and really being eneramored with him and agreeing, even when I knew it might fuck it all up. Honestly I loved loving with him and his family, but even before I started paying rent I felt him pulling away, just like his leo dad said he does to everyone.

I guess I just see a relationship as a team, and if one person wants to grow and change they atleast try to include their partner. If the partner isn't into it, so be it. But how can you grow with a person if they just shut you out.....

I mean this cat completely forgot my birthday even when I wrote it in on his calender (basically his holy grail, as he grows weed)

Not even a happy birthday...I mean how do you work with that?

Posted by sunempress90

I mean this cat completely forgot my birthday even when I wrote it in on his calender

Not even a happy birthday...I mean how do you work with that?

You must have attention whore issues if you go and write your birthdate on someone's calendar. The only reason to do something like that is because you want praise to come to you.

If a person wants to celebrate you, then they will remember you. If you go and force yourself in his face, then you probably deserved to get ignored, because you put superficial energy out to the universe and ignorance is what came back to you.

You don't seem able to apply logic. You can complain about all the ways that he doesn't respect you, or treat you right ... but, there's a mental block in you, where you can't actually apply this to yourself ... so you're rendered a fool, to come in here, and probably to people in the rw .. to just complain and complain and complain without any real action on your end to help yourself.

Clearly whatever was there has ended ... so do yourself a favor and get a grip, step away and let your miserable fucking energy that you're projecting to fade away, so that you're able to grow.

In seeing how you are incapable of rational thought, I'd be willing to wager that this issue you had with your ex roommate was blown way out of proportion by you, so you could be a damsel in distress and have him come rescue you ... because you are showing us here, that you prefer the helpless act.

"Yeah, I get the whole thing about mothers and stuff, just funny that they feel fine asking for help but when they get it it's a turn off...I don't ask for help from anyone, not unless I really want or need help with something, therefore I never have to feel endeared to anyone.."

A lot of women don't know that the over giving will turn a man off because it's instinctual for a man to feel smothered with a woman's giving.

Whereas a lot of women expect and/or want and/or need a mans help and perceive a mans giving as a good thing but a man may perceive the woman giving is being desperate, needy or why else would she pay my way thus a man will begin to feel guilt and shame and that gut level ewww feeling that his girlfriend reminds of his mother and no man wants to be sexual with their mother, not if he's a healthy male.

"I would probably say yeah I'm not that attractive to him if he was doing anything with his new "status" in life, he's still sitting around the house 99% of the time being lazy as butter, even with his new "diet" he has yet to lose any weight because he never moves his ass."

Oh stop! You're attractive. Stop associating your level of attraction with his actions, they are mutually independent of one another. You just got involved with a man you don't know and this is one of the many things that can happen when women take a blind leap into a situation with a man they don't know. All kinds of messed up one sided s**t happens and this has nothing to do with your level of attraction.

Yes you displayed unattractive behavior but that doesn't mean you are an unattractive woman. You are an attractive woman who picked the WRONG man. You picked an inactive, lazy, no social life, bad diet having man and tried to change him to make him a better but what you fail to realize is when you take a man with horrible habits and try to change them it makes a man feel as if he's not good enough so then what happens is he'll make YOU FEEL as if you're not enough as well which is one reason why you believe you are not attractive enough.

Changing a man, attempting to change a man, paying his rent, changing his habits is the equivalent of saying (non-verbally) to him you're not enough for me, you're not good enough and once a man feels that way he would rather be alone than be with a woman that makes him feel that way. If you love someone don't change them, love them as they are and if you can't do that then leave that person alone.

"I guess I just see a relationship as a team, and if one person wants to grow and change they atleast try to include their partner. If the partner isn't into it, so be it. But how can you grow with a person if they just shut you out....."

Relationships are a team effort but being a team does not mean he has to take on your healthy habits. Being a team does not require he change his habits to mimic yours. Being a team does not mean you pay his bills. Being a team isn't about the other person changing into what you deem as desirable.

You put in labor and didn't reap the rewards and you're angry but that's not his fault, it's your fault. So be mad at yourself for giving to the wrong man. Learn and absorb these hard lessons so you won't repeat these mistakes with another man.

He has shut not you out completely just yet but he isn't doing what you believe he should be doing and this has caused you inner conflict but letting go of what you believe or think he should be doing would help you tremendously. Would help you to relax about the pace of things with him and help you focus on your own life instead of focusing on him because the more you focus on him the angrier you'll become and you'll grow more and more impatient with him which is UNATTRACTIVE behavior on your part.

You must drop the unattractive behavior as well.

Yes he had unattractive behavior while you were with him but you too display unattractive behavior as well. Paying a man's rent may be generous but it's also being controlling, changing a man's bad habits may appear as if you're caring about him but it also makes you appear bossy, controlling and pushy which is unattractive behavior. Needing him to care about your birthday may be reasonable but being angry and resentful and needy about it is unattractive behavior.

Take the plank out of your own....

+1 PV

If you are in struggle situation with your own life then why not focus on that, focus on fixing your struggle situation instead of worrying about a grown man that can take care of himself.

You need help so you should be seeking out support from your family and your real friends because worrying about a man that isn't worrying about you is just another distraction that is distracting you from your own life struggles and issues.

Get your life sorted out and I can almost guarantee you the feelings you have about him will dissolve. He is not that important, you're the most important person in your life and you're the only one that can fix what's currently going wrong in your life.

You must have attention whore issues if you go and write your birthdate on someone's calendar. The only reason to do something like that is because you want praise to come to you.

If a person wants to celebrate you, then they will remember you. If you go and force yourself in his face, then you probably deserved to get ignored, because you put superficial energy out to the universe and ignorance is what came back to you.

You don't seem able to apply logic. You can complain about all the ways that he doesn't respect you, or treat you right ... but, there's a mental block in you, where you can't actually apply this to yourself ... so you're rendered a fool, to come in here, and probably to people in the rw .. to just complain and complain and complain without any real action on your end to help yourself.

Clearly whatever was there has ended ... so do yourself a favor and get a grip, step away and let your miserable fucking energy that you're projecting to fade away, so that you're able to grow.

In seeing how you are incapable of rational thought, I'd be willing to wager that this issue you had with your ex roommate was blown way out of proportion by you, so you could be a damsel in distress and have him come rescue you ... because you are showing us here, that you prefer the helpless act.



.....wow. a Lotta love in your heart.

Thanks for the kind words and constructive advice. I'm in your debt.

Not that it really matters, but I wrote everyone's birthdays and major events on his calender.

I made dinner for his dad on father's day and I kid you not this was the first time anyone had done so for him.

I dont feel like its a bad thing to say "oh I'm excited to go out and something fun for my 25th birthday"

Maybe I do blow everything out of proportion, or act needy and undesirable. Point being I'll accept 50% of the blame in this situation and draw this whole thing to a close.

Thanks for the input everyone, I'm out.

Sun you did too much!!

You were not in a team relationship if you were the one DOING ALL THE WORK, doing all the relationship work and your over investment did not pay off, it actually hurt you. So don't do that anymore. Learn how to be a good receiver in your next relationship. If you do one thing for him and he does nothing for you then don't keep giving and giving and giving to a man that isn't reaching back to give to you.

Allow a man to demonstrate that he give back to you and appreciate you or you're just going to end up resenting a man when he doesn't demonstrate how much he cares for you.

You'll be fine. Just know that you have to allow a man to give back to you. Don't just keep giving even when he's being selfish or you're going to end feeling neglected and used.

sounds horrible all around,OP. Id listen to the ladies here.

Posted by PV&Jellay
I'm sure someone will disagree with me. But from my experience, if you're seeing a Libra man and he's not completlely up your ass, he's just not that into you. You've been friend zoned. Libras can be very uncomfortable with being single, he may be keeping you on the back burner until he finds out for sure there is nothing bettrr out there. I'm not fond of Libra mars in men, though I feel its a great placement in women.

I think uou should move ans be closer to your family. Don't waste your time sitting on someone's "maybe" list.

I was just watching a virgo sun/leo moon, with libra mars *tarzan* preview, and Alex scarsbourgoh? he was on the Chelsea show, and I was startled how feminine he acted. folding his legs and his mannerisms, but they (directors) put him in masculine roles. lol He even giggled. that surprised me.