Couples therapy while dating? When to give up?

At what point in any relationship do you decide it’s best to let it go or try to make it work by getting outside help? I just think if it’s so bad that you need help because it’s your last resort isn’t that a sign that you should just walk away? Also, and I’m not judging others who have done this, but even considering therapy makes me feel like I’m weak. Shouldn’t I just move on and find someone better? I don’t want to turn into one of those people that when asked why do you stay, “because I love him”. Then I think to myself if you do go to couples therapy isn’t the main reason why you’re still fighting for the relationship because you love them?

I don’t know I’m just confused. To walk away or to try and make it work? Ugh.

How do you know when to leave or stay?

This whole thing is just making incredibly miserable and sad 😞 think I’m just going to lose no matter which way I go...

Posted by missmissy
but even considering therapy makes me feel like I’m weak.

To me that makes you strong. People who just give up and look to better horizons are a dime a dozen.

I would exhaust all paths before I go, if the other person is on board with trying too. To me a line is drawn at adultery, abuse of any sort or crippling addiction. Those three scenarios..I wouldn't try. However I have seen people pull through all three and come out stronger as a couple so who knows really.

Thanks, this is reassuring. Just read a lot of comments saying if it’s not for marriage it’s just doomed because the foundation is already so weak.

i agree with damnie. don't cop out. always try counseling, lots of marriage couseling. you can save your marriage.

can i ask why and what's wrong with your marriage?

if it's too personal, dont bother. it's cool.

Posted by lisabethur8
i agree with damnie. don't cop out. always try counseling, lots of marriage couseling. you can save your marriage.

can i ask why and what's wrong with your marriage?

if it's too personal, dont bother. it's cool.

That’s the thing we’re only dating 😅. That’s why I figured getting counseling as only bf/gf seemed like such a silly thing and meant it was time to give up since it’s resorted to this.

Just A LOT of arguing. I do believe he could use some individual therapy too. His mom was diagnosed with cancer almost 6 months ago and it’s kooking like she won’t make it. He’s also insecure so couple that together and it’s a recipe for a hot mess lol.

Posted by nightowl
At some point, you will ask yourself why are you still trying. Past hurt and resentment will always be there. You need real motivation and love the person enough to change

That’s where I’m at now. I’m still trying because I love him, but I think that’s a weak and stupid answer. I’m also trying because I do think that we could be amazing together IF we could just get some help.

Posted by nightowl

Posted by missmissy

Posted by nightowl
At some point, you will ask yourself why are you still trying. Past hurt and resentment will always be there. You need real motivation and love the person enough to change

That’s where I’m at now. I’m still trying because I love him, but I think that’s a weak and stupid answer. I’m also trying because I do think that we could be amazing together IF we could just get some help.

the question is- does he feel the same way

click to expand

He does.

Posted by missmissy
Thanks, this is reassuring. Just read a lot of comments saying if it’s not for marriage it’s just doomed because the foundation is already so weak.

Feel like adding a disclaimer cuz this is my perspective and my experience and I don't want to sway you in any way.

So, ime...it's possible to meet the right person at the wrong time under the wrong circumstances. There's also a difference between a bad relationship and a relationship that is going through a bad phase and sometimes we don't know which is which so it is a gamble. Only thing you need is two people willing to work past it. If it's just you...you will get worn out emotionally but at the same time you will know you tried your best and that's all we can all do really. You won't wonder what if you stayed longer, what if you tried harder and that's peace of mind to me.