Forbes1984
@Forbes1984
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 2 · Topics: 1
Emotional Affair
emotional affairs are nothing to worry about
Are you saying they won't harm our marriages?
Posted by Forbes1984
He went on to say its best we keep our calls during the week and email each other at weekends. As our partners will not understand our friendship and that will save us upsetting them. This feels and sounds like a emotional affair! Am I right guys?
I agree with Damnata this should be in the validation forum.
You know the answer to the question you are asking.
If you're seeking validation, I'm sorry, you won't find it from me.
Posted by Forbes1984
Are you saying they won't harm our marriages?
If you don't want it to harm your marriage JUST tell your husband. I don't see the big deal.
People unrealistically think that a s/o is suppose to be your everything; lover, therapist, best friend... and all of that other bullshit.They're NOT.
If you're open and honest about it to your husband I don't see there being any problem.
If you don't want to be open and truthful then you're being dishonest and that's worst than being in the emotional affair I believe.
I'm not understanding why someone would hide a friendship.
I also don't understand why you'd be OK with being "hidden" as a friend.
hmmmmmmm.....
I also don't understand why you'd be OK with being "hidden" as a friend.
hmmmmmmm.....
Posted by Herself
I'm not understanding why someone would hide a friendship.
I also don't understand why you'd be OK with being "hidden" as a friend.
hmmmmmmm.....
+1
I think keeping something hidden like that is... I'm sure you've guessed by now.... that there is some ill intent behind it because you know your relationship will hurt your partner in some way though you continue it anyway without their knowledge. Doesn't seem like a great guy to begin with if you ask me.
Any kind of interaction b/w the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) that has to be hidden from a partner is automatically considered cheating or an affair.
So YES this is an emotional affair. You 2 have already crossed the line & stepped over marital boundaries.
Don't think an emotional affair is any less wrong just b/c it hasn't gotten to the physical level yet.
Emotional affairs, in my opinion are often worse than strictly sexual affairs. Why? Well b/c emotional affairs often lead to physical sex, BUT strictly sexual affairs don't usually turn into emotional affairs.
An emotional affair is most likely to turn into a DOUBLE betrayal b/c not only have you disrespected your spouse by lending yourself emotionally to someone, but you're also most likely to double cross them by eventually having sex with that person too.
Just simply sexing someone isn't any better either, but it's no secret that most people, especially men can admit to being able to constantly have sex with a woman w/o having an ounce of emotion for her. And if he may actually like her a little, he's not likely to fall in love with her to the point where he's actually willing to leave his spouse.
One thing's for sure though...if you even have to ASK, it's wrong. It's an affair. You know this. You asked a question you already knew the answer to. Secondly, don't lie to yourselves & call this a "friendship." When you're married, you don't emotionally OR physically F your friends. Don't minimize what's going on here all b/c your guilt may not be able to handle the word "affair." Don't sugar coat or minimize what you're doing. It's an affair. Point blank period.
So YES this is an emotional affair. You 2 have already crossed the line & stepped over marital boundaries.
Don't think an emotional affair is any less wrong just b/c it hasn't gotten to the physical level yet.
Emotional affairs, in my opinion are often worse than strictly sexual affairs. Why? Well b/c emotional affairs often lead to physical sex, BUT strictly sexual affairs don't usually turn into emotional affairs.
An emotional affair is most likely to turn into a DOUBLE betrayal b/c not only have you disrespected your spouse by lending yourself emotionally to someone, but you're also most likely to double cross them by eventually having sex with that person too.
Just simply sexing someone isn't any better either, but it's no secret that most people, especially men can admit to being able to constantly have sex with a woman w/o having an ounce of emotion for her. And if he may actually like her a little, he's not likely to fall in love with her to the point where he's actually willing to leave his spouse.
One thing's for sure though...if you even have to ASK, it's wrong. It's an affair. You know this. You asked a question you already knew the answer to. Secondly, don't lie to yourselves & call this a "friendship." When you're married, you don't emotionally OR physically F your friends. Don't minimize what's going on here all b/c your guilt may not be able to handle the word "affair." Don't sugar coat or minimize what you're doing. It's an affair. Point blank period.
interestingggg
Posted by Arielle83
If I was this guys wife, I would divorce him as soon as I found out about you and your secret liaison phone calls? Can't you have intimacy and "friendship" with some other penpal, that isn't married?
I would question what he needs to talk to you about that he doesn't talk to me about. The trust would be out of the window because he is hiding things, and I would feel without no trust = dead relationship.
Unless you want to contribute to their couples therapy, I suggest you find a new friend.
^^^^^ +1000!!!
It amazes me how often people believe what the "married man" says. He'll say anything to make you believe that what you're doing with him isn't as guilt-worthy as it really is.
Their rationalization is so typical:
1. My wife & I have an open relationship (bullsh***t)
2. Our marriage sucks (Yeah it probably does...all marriages suck when 1 or both of them are cheaters)
3. I never sleep with my wife anymore (Bullsh*****t)
4. My wife knows about us (but yet he can't talk to you whenever he wants and/or has to keep the calls a secret)
And the list goes on & on.
Cheating is a higher form of dishonesty. If a man lacks the moral ground to do right by his own WIFE, any other woman lower than her doesn't have a chance. If a man wanted to suddenly become this outstanding, honest & standup guy, the FIRST person who'd see those results are his spouse & family, not some penpal overseas
Call his house on the weekend. Introduce yourself to his wife. You're just friends right?
Some spouses really DON'T understand friendship. My husband would never understand (hell, he's even jealous that I get on DXP and chat with you folks). Some spouses would cause such a scene that he would never be able to have her as a friend again.
That being said, it does sound like this particular man is up to much more than being mere friends.
That being said, it does sound like this particular man is up to much more than being mere friends.
That's why I said call the house. I never minded if a gf had guy friends. When the friend is secret, or she walks off to answer calls, that's where the problem comes. Be up front, open, and honest. Like krys said earlier if you wouldn't do something with your s/o around, you shouldn't be doing it at all.
Don't trust someone who lies to you and don't lie to someone who trusts you.
Don't trust someone who lies to you and don't lie to someone who trusts you.
Posted by Arielle83
The thing is if it's friendship...if she's friends with my husband, why can't she be friends with me? If a hypothetical female friend wants no interest in getting to know me, then that is a red flag. If the friendship is hidden, I would investigate why. If the friendship is real between a married man and woman, the woman would want to know his other half.
+1000
The hiding part is the BIGGEST red flag... would have been VERY different if he had been "Oh hey I want you to meet my wife"
The fact that he wants to hide it screams ulterior motives.
Posted by Whimsy
Some spouses really DON'T understand friendship. My husband would never understand (hell, he's even jealous that I get on DXP and chat with you folks). Some spouses would cause such a scene that he would never be able to have her as a friend again.
That being said, it does sound like this particular man is up to much more than being mere friends.
How they feel about opposite sex friendship should've been discussed long BEFORE the marriage. You didn't have to, but IF you DID agree to honor their wishes regarding opposite sex friendships, then you should honor that.
Their views on it may not be fair & might even come from a place of deep insecurity. Nonetheless, that convo should've been hashed out long before the wedding. People tend to have very strong viewpoints on stuff like this so when you agreed to marry them & to honor their wishes, you should actually honor those wishes, both in their presence & when they're not looking/around.
And if their tune changed AFTER you got married, then that's still a convo that needs to be hashed out BEFORE any risky opposite sex friendships develop.
Friends are important & necessary in life, but it's silly to put a damper in your marriage all for a "friend" that might not even be a true friend in the long run
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He went on to say its best we keep our calls during the week and email each other at weekends. As our partners will not understand our friendship and that will save us upsetting them. This feels and sounds like a emotional affair! Am I right guys? Aren't emotional affairs more dangerous than sexual ones? Please advise?