Help

SO...about a month ago. I met this guy. We have mutual friends and they invited us both out for dinner. After dinner we all went out for drinks ... needless to say it was a fun night, and ended with he and i staying over at their place. Nothing much happened in bed ... we are both slow when it comes to physical intimacy ... but we kissed. He told me then that he had been interested since the first time he saw me months ago, but had been afraid to talk to me. He said, to show me this he wasn't going to kiss me any more but wanted to take me to dinner the next night. We ended up having a late brunch with our friends, and not going to dinner. But, he emailed me the same day, saying that he would like to see me. This led to weeks of sheer bliss ... we saw each other everyday ... he told his family about me, we talked about our future ... it moved super fast, but felt perfect. Then one day, he got really distant ... I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he had gotten a letter saying that he wouldn't graduate (grad school) if he didn't shape up, and that with only 3 weeks of school he couldn't afford to not give all his attention to his work. He said this was the time of year, where he shuts everything out....everything, and that he couldn't balance the intensity of our relating and school. I told him I understood ... and asked if it was just a timing thing. He said that we would be fine.

After this - nearly all calls from him stopped. He always immediately responded to any texts I sent. And sometimes we would text back and forth for hours. We had one other conversation where he clarified the situation for me ... and just said that he was really worried about disappointing me. I said that I would wait for his contact so that he didn't feel any pressure. But, I invited him to my art show ... which was a big deal. He said that he would try and make it. He didn't. He forgot. Our mutual friend came, and when he saw our friend all dressed up and asked where he'd been. When he realized he missed the show. He texted me and apologized. I waited a day to respond- but when I did, I said that the show was great and that I was a little sad he missed it, but that I understood. He explained again how sorry he was. I said that I could put myself in his shoes, but that it was getting hard to not think he is blowing me off. After this comment, he didn't respond. He has never not responded. After 30 min - I called him. No answer. Is no answer, an answer?

Oooo I'm 50/50 on this.

On 1 hand, you can't knock the man for wanting to put 100% of his focus on school. After all, he's got alot to lose

However, I seriously doubt that this guy is just SO busy that he can't even pick up the phone to say hi or atleast acknowledge that he still likes, misses or knows you.

As you said, it's understandable that he can't any longer devote lots of time/dates with you b/c of school, but simply ignoring you altogether? Nope. Sounds a little selfish & fishy to me.

Look at it this way...what if 2 years down the road he gets into another situation where he has alot to lose OR needs to focus more on something else other than you? Would he just leave you high & dry, even though you 2 were seriously dating or in a relationship? If so, that's NOT a good thing b/c it shows that he's not as emotionally or physically available as he'd made it seem.

It sucks though that things were perfect & then all of the sudden boom! Everything stopped. That sucks. The risk is up to you. You can either continue dating him & take the risk that he's inconsiderate & selfish OR you depending on how strongly you feel for him, you can put all your eggs in his basket & "wait" for him. The choice is yours.

Just know that you have alot to lose (time that you'll never get back) if you waiting on him backfires on you.

why was that selfish ... can you explain? i didn't mean to be hurtful. but it's not like it would have taken much time to show up ... for what was the biggest evening of my whole year. it was a really big deal.

he is a virgo. i am a pisces.

I don't have any problem giving him space .... I'm just worried that he is just not interested anymore ... but using the business of school as a cover. It's really hard to tell. And ... if I messed things up with what I said about blowing me off.