HOW TO GET AN EX BAK!!! HELP ASAP

So i'm dating a virgo man, and i love him sooooooooo much, but we hav constantly have had trust issues. He has neveer ever trusted me. We have been dating for a year now, and we just broke up for good now. after three months of dating i lied to him cause i never told him about the night i was raped. 6 months later i finally told him, and he completely lost it and left me, and said he couldn't trust me. So i accepted it and moved on. About a month later he contacted me and we got back together but i had to promise to never lie again so i did. He is very very jealous by nature always has been. And i graduated from highschool early and now attending a private college not far from him, we dnt get to see each other often as is, but i lied to him again cause i was flirting with another guy who goes to my school. all i did was call him cute, and tell him i saved his number. Wen my bf asked about it i lied constantly for fear of the way he would act. Finally i told him the truth the other night when he asked me about it, so i told him. And that was that, he said he can never trust me again, and we can't even be friends. he deleted me off as a friend off fb, and he said he's gonna do what ever to forget all bout me. I just made a mistake, but i love him soooooo much. And i know he still loves me too, i just need to know what to do to get him bak before its' too late. So plz plz tell me what to do, i would be sooo appreciative.

Posted by aPiscesPrincess

Posted by SweetLibra

Posted by humblebunny37
after three months of dating i lied to him cause i never told him about the night i was raped. 6 months later i finally told him, and he completely lost it and left me, and said he couldn't trust me.

Why did he break up with you for this reason? Shouldn't he have been supportive and consoling?

I agree... Why would you even want him back if he left you because you were raped? And he said he couldn't trust you because of that?? I can understand he was probably upset about you lying to him though. But a lot of women who were raped want to hide the fact and forget about it and not tell anyone. He should've been a lot more supportive and understanding.

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I agree with the above. That would be a time to show you why you could have trusted him. Not break up with you because you were scared and confused after a life altering tragic event. Unless something is missing from the story, he sounds selfish.

Wow, it's understandable that he'd be hurt that you kept the rape from him, BUT on the other hand I expected for you to say that he was way more compassionate & understanding than he actually ended up being. He shouldn't understood the dynamic of rape & that alot of rape victims actually hold their silence not only from their partners, but from their families/friends too.

This guy has trust issues period. Sure, you might've provoked some of his insecurities by lying to him a few times, BUT don't fool yourself into believing that you're somehow the entire blaim for his trust issues. Yes, he can get back on the road to trusting you again if you stop lying to him BUT even better, would be the day he sorts out all the issues he has with trust within HIMSELF.

You 2 probably need to take a short break. He's being mean & really harsh right now b/c that's his defense mechanism. He's trying so hard to make it seem like he's done with you & that he's over you b/c he's really not. He knows he needs to move on (even though it's probably too hard right now) so his only way to do so is to 1. Distance himself from you & 2. Make you feel like crap while he's doing so.

Just leave him alone for awhile. I know it's hard but if you want to save the relationship, love him ENOUGH to give him some space & breathing room so you can allow him to think about whether or not a relationship with you is really worth it or something he wants.

To you, those lies may have been petty or something done to protect his feelings, BUT to someone who has serious trust issues, those lies were the equivalent as/of you cheating on him or stabbing him with a knife. So understand that right now is NOT the time to try rushing back into things with him just b/c you can't take being alone or w/o him. You 2 need to talk things out & work out the crinkles before you jump back into a commitment with eachother. And if saving the relationship is what really matters most, you'll do whatever you have to do to preserve it. And trust me, giving him his space & working on YOU in the process is the way to go

Posted by SweetLibra
@Everevolvingpoet - I get why he broke up with her the second time because of trust issues, but the first time seemed a little harsh to me. Give me some insight into the male psyche and explain why a guy would break up with a girl for not immediately revealing such a tragic event. I mean can you blame her for being a little slow to revealing this info to him? It's a pretty personal thing.

Exactly!

Posted by humblebunny37

after three months of dating i lied to him cause i never told him about the night i was raped. 6 months later i finally told him, and he completely lost it and left me, and said he couldn't trust me.

I'm not sure I'm getting this .. are you saying that you got raped while in this relationship with Virgo, at your 3 month point?

YOu know what? ... I've been married for almost 3 decades and there are still things I haven't told my husband yet. That's not lying. You have a right to protect yourself, and you've said all the way through this, that he doesn't trust you ... if a guy didnt' trust me, I wouldn't share this kind of information.

Trust goes both ways, you know ... and if he doesnt' trust you, then he doesnt' deserve to have this kind of sensitive information because he wouldn't take care of it.

Such as we see ... he didn't take the care that is necessary for sensitive information.

There's a difference between withholding personal information and lying.

Posted by humblebunny37

... now attending a private college not far from him, we dnt get to see each other often as is, but i lied to him again cause i was flirting with another guy who goes to my school. all i did was call him cute, and tell him i saved his number. Wen my bf asked about it i lied constantly for fear of the way he would act.

This is odd ... if this happened in another school, then how would he even know that you told another boy he was cute?


Sounds to me like a lot of game playing is going on .. and likely the real reason for him being finished with you.

If you kept a boys phone number, then that implicates yourself ... it was either a boy he knew, or you told him so you could play him.

It's probably best that he broke up with you, because you're likely not ready for an adult relationship yet.