i dont know what i do?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by MelanieM123 on Monday, November 29, 2010 and has 24 replies.

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@MelanieM123
15 Years

If your not mature enough plz just leave this topic not trying to offend no 1 i just don't like drama!

Well my problem is i've been with my significant other for 2 years and well barely he said that he is bi
i was like r u serious? He was asking me if i can be with him and this other person. I'm so distraught and frustrated over this B.S. telling me if I don't let the guy he supposedly has feelings for live in our apartment that will he just to do whatever and leave and live somewhere else. If he leaves my heart will definitely won't be able to cope at all i just hate that i got attached FUCK feelings.

My heart is so broken 2 years of so much effort put in ;( How to cope—

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@cappysweetie
20 Years10,000+ Posts

Well my problem is i've been with my significant other for 2 years and well barely he said that he is bi
i was like r u serious?

My mouth would have hit the ground too ... this happened with a friend of mine, he told his girlfriend that he was bi-sexual.

He was asking me if i can be with him and this other person. I'm so distraught and frustrated over this B.S. telling me if I don't let the guy he supposedly has feelings for live in our apartment that will he just to do whatever and leave and live somewhere else. If he leaves my heart will definitely won't be able to cope at all i just hate that i got attached FUCK feelings.

My heart is so broken 2 years of so much effort put in ;( How to cope—

See, this is what you have to ask yourself:

You don't want him to leave you, yet he is bi-sexual -- that's not going to change and if he wants another person (male I'm assuming) your boyfriend will have him even if you don't know about it. Not to deliberately hurt you but because he desires both men and women.

It's your choice whether or not you except a 3rd person into your relationship but keep in mind that you aren't familiar with this 3rd person and you don't what he's all about. And the ultimate question is this: Do you want to continue having relationships with a man that is having relations (having sex) with other man (or men)?

I know you are in love with this man but ask yourself, "how much is love really worth"?

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@cappysweetie
20 Years10,000+ Posts

It's your choice what you allow and if you don't mind him cheating on you with others (it's still considered cheating even if you know about it).

Love is why you want him to stay but if you take love out of the equation (at least try to) and look at your situation for what it really is, would you still want him to stay?

I think you need to look at things for the way they are, especially since he is desiring another and not you -- that's another person and not you, that alone should make you think twice about wanting him with you, yet you are not enough for him.

Do you know what I mean?

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@cappysweetie
20 Years10,000+ Posts

And with all that said, I really feel for you, it's almost like I can feel your distress. Its my opinion but it's up to you.

If he wants to bring a 3rd person into the relationship ... I'm sure you wouldn't be fine with it if he wanted another woman, so the same goes with another man. No difference, just gender.

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@candyapples88
15 Years

The crazy thing is not that he came out that he was bi, but the fact that he wanted his other lover to live with you guys and expect you to be ok with that. You have the courage and respect for yourself to leave...it's in you, trust me.

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@krysrenee7
18 Years5,000+ Posts

1. Honey, I know moving on from love is "easier said than done," BUT the biggest problem/mistake in this situation starts with YOU. It starts with YOU not believing in your own strength; THAT is the biggest problem aside from him being bisexual and/or him giving you unrealistic/unfair ultimatums. If you convince yourself that you'll never be able to handle this or move on then you're right. Give yourself some credit. Things may be hard BUT it won't be impossible! Stop doubting your own backbone!

2. Him being bi-sexual in itself is not so much of the problem compared to him springing/forcing his beliefs on you. Him being bisexual is his choice & something he cannot control; it's also something he's probably always been. BUT, him giving you ultimatums & telling you that you either have to accept his double life & share him OR go to hell is just wrong. Even though he sounds crazy, he's probably dead serious!

Here's what you need to do:
1. STOP giving him so much power. Know your worth. If it's not in your agenda/morals to "share" someone, then not even the almighty "love" for someone should make you have to settle.

2. Let him have his lover. If he wants to have his cake & eat it too, that's fine, BUT that doesn't mean YOU have to entertain that. If you're not ok with sharing him and/or moving that bullshxt into your home, tell him AND his shxtty antics to kiss your ass & never look back.

3. Stop talking to this guy. RUN LIKE HELL & never move back! A guy who actually rationalizes the shxt he's trying to rationalize isn't even worth entertaining for 1 second longer. Remember, you can't make sense out of nonsense.

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@krysrenee7
18 Years5,000+ Posts

It sounds like he's more committed to his gay lover than he is to you. Sounds like his real respect/attachment is towards this other guy moreso than it is to you. Idk what his intentions are with you, but it's sounding like he's using you for something. Maybe he's using you for money, for sex, or as his cover up to the rest of society that he isn't yet ready to admit he's bisexual to yet.

He's insensitive, inconsiderate & selfish. He's making this all about him. He wants you to forget about your needs & cater only to his. He wants you to surrender what you consider "happiness" all so that him & his REAL lover can feel comfortable & at peace. He's acting like you're the parent who should be willing to do anything to please/comfort their child. Well, you're NOT his parent & you're not obligated to fulfill any of his selfish desires especially if those desires clash morally with the things you consider ideal for the type of relationship/love that you want.

Some couples can actually survive an open relationship. BUT open relationships only work if ALL people in the equation are 1. Fully comfortable/willing & 2. Can establish AND follow whatever boundaries are set within the open relationship. And your situation is lacking BOTH.

And unless ALL people involved are 100% absolutely ok with the aspect of "sharing" their partners, the only way 1 could perceive this type of situation is through means of it being cheating. Him having another lover is cheating. Just b/c he came clean to you about it doesn't mean it's not cheating or any less hurtful. Hell, simply being bisexual should NOT be associated with cheating.

Plenty of people are bisexual; that doesn't mean being bisexual= cheating, manipulation & open relationships.

This guy has not only cheated on you, BUT he also 1. Expects for you to be ok with that simply b/c he says so 2. Expects for you to cater to a life style he knows you're not comfortable with (if his gay lover means THAT much to him, he oughta go get his OWN shxt with him & leave you out of it!) 3. Is selfish & cares only about his happiness (Major sign that the relationship was over a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng time ago)

Honey run like hell & never turn back! This guy is using you & is counting on you to make his life more peaceful/comfortable even if that means you sitting & suffering in silence as a means to cater to his selfish needs. If you repeat what I just said over & over in your own head, you'll realize that someone whose crule

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@krysrenee7
18 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Prince_Pisces
Well you could always pretend to be okay with it, and then when that guy moves in, you could sabotage their relationship 🙂 I mean atleast its something fun to do LOL!!!!

FAIL! Don't stoop so low that your version of "fun" consist of staying around in an unhealthy situation a second longer. The BEST revenge you can get on this guy is to walk away. The BEST "fun" you can ever have is in proving to yourself that you do have a backbone after all. Whatever it is you say you can do, you can. And whatever it is you convince yourself that you can't do, you can't. So make up your mind. If you set your mind to moving on & if you start dedicating yourself to the people who are actually WORTH your time/energy, you WILL move on & will feel stronger/better in the long run.

If you want to have some "fun" leave his azs alone! If you want to have some fun, go ice skating or go to a comedy club. But no matter WHAT you do, don't entertain/cater to this man or his "dude-dress" (man mistresS) for a second longer. You doing so this far hasn't been "fun" to you so maybe this is your cue to try something a little different this time, especially if you want different results. MOVE ON!

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@templeofjaguar
18 Years

Cheating is Cheating. Doesn't matter if your bi, gay or straight. He's asking you to approve of his cheating AND you be ok with however that may work out for HIM.

RUN AWAY as fast as you can from this situation. I'm sorry for your pain but would you be OK if he told you he had another female lover and wanted her to move in with the two of you—

The other posts are right. He's not going to change his sexuality so....he's asking you to compromise how you think and what you feel , as well as, what you want in the relationship for him to be happy.

Pick up the pieces of your heart and move on sweetie.

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@Dianasart
16 Years500+ PostsSagittarius

Leave. Just open the door and exit. It's not a waste, it's experience. A lesson in a way. To be more aware of who you are with. It's painful. But he doesn't have you tied down and forced to stay. Whatever the reasons, all the "why"s, it's not the best place to stay. Cry to yourself. Then suck it up and arrange what happens next. Should he move out? Should you move out? Who goes where? Who takes what? And don't let him see you hurt. Hold it together. Cry it all out privately until you run out of tears and know there wont be more when you face him. And then when you're out of that mess you can cry to yourself as much as you want. I really don't like holding in tears. Sometimes when I have alone time I force myself to think about these sad things and how much pain my heart is in. And then you slowly get the sadness out and even come across good memories, so it ends up feeling like it wasn't all a waste of time and effort, I still got some good times out of it.
End of that chapter.
Next chapter: single life! It's fun trust me. You think ONLY about yourself! You do your nails, hair, makeup. No one to SHARE ANYthing with! Not your closet, not your kitchen! Everything that's yours is ONLY YOURS! And you can go out and flirt and flirt till your tongue falls out haha.

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@MelanieM123
15 Years

Dang it why am i so naive and blinded by my emotions i just would think by now i would stop listening to the lies and see the truth.

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@MelanieM123
15 Years

Well i was in a horrible state i cried my tears for a week straight i haven't felt so angry and rejected . It has been difficult that is pretty sure why are virgo men liars?

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@BellatheBull
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Well just try and harness the anger now,it will give you the strength to get through this.
we learn through our mistakes,and you will learn through this not to trust quite so easily.we all have to learn this at some point in our lives.some learn very early,some later.
you were deceived,and that's not your fault.we all want to trust and believe our partners.
he's going to have a rough,unhappy life until he learns to quit living lies and be honest with himself and everyone else.
you deserve much better,and honestly I'm glad you are now free to find it.
you will find someone who values you and loves and respects you.

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@brianafay
19 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

Posted by DetailsPlease
MM123, I feel like from what you wrote something else is going on.

He was just too bold to sit in your face and tell you (not ask) if his male lover can't live in yall apartment that he will move out. He wouldn't have to say that shit twice. He would have 60 seconds to get his ass up and out the door because I would have slapped the taste out of mouth.

It's not even the fact that he is bi. He had no fucking compassion for your feelings. You better then me because I would have been writing how the hell to keep from murdering my boyfriend of two years. Thank God you are a mature woman.

Lol 😄

Love this

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@dogsbody
18 Years1,000+ Posts

Also, bear in mind, the health risk he could be subjecting you too. He may have a gay lover but he may also be having sex with other guys as well. Protect Yourself.....