IS He/She the 'One'?

9 Signs You've Met The One

The person you're dating is funny, kind and all around a good person. But is he or she The One?


Can you ever really know whether you??ve met —The One— Unfortunately, there isn't a foolproof litmus test, but you can be fairly confident in your relationship if you notice these nine signs that are characteristic of a really special connection between two people.

1) You??re Not Chasing the Relationship??s Potential

Many people have romantic relationships fraught with obstacles. On a basic level, the relationship is satisfactory, but there always seems to be something standing in the way of true happiness: a stressful job, an annoying ex, a distasteful habit. Both people feel that once the obstacle is removed, they??ll be truly content together. Unfortunately, relationships don't work that way. Once the problem is resolved, another one pops up. And - surprise - the couple is still unhappy.

What people may not realize is that if they are waiting for true happiness in their relationship, then they are in the wrong relationship. Landing a better job may make life easier financially, but no amount of money will help two people who just aren't a good fit for each other. The truth is, a happy well-adjusted couple doesn't have to chase what could or should be. A good relationship just is.

2) Who You Are Is Good Enough

You know you've met the one when your partner loves you for who you are. We know it sounds pretty cliche, but some cliches have all lot of truth to them. "The One's" admiration of you is so powerful that it's almost as if he or she is awestruck by your very presence. He takes great pride in the choices you've made. She finds you smart, sexy, fun to be with, and so on. You never have to try to impress "The One" because you've already done that by just being you.

3)You Manage Conflict Well

Let's say we have two couples that have been together for the same amount of time. Couple A fights regularly. Couple B has never argued. Which couple do you think a relationship counselor would say is at greater risk?

That's right: Couple B. Upon closer examination, you'll find that someone in the relationship-perhaps both parties- isn't being totally honest. Someone's needs and wants aren't being voiced and therefore aren't being addressed.

Continued:

Couple A, on the other hand, makes it a point to bring up topics that are bothersome or dissatisfying within the relationship. This couple regularly engages in respectful, healthy conflict-without insults or throwing things- and comes out the other side a stronger couple that gains a deeper understanding of one another with each conflict they resolve together. How much a couple fights isn't the issue, unless they don't fight at all. It's how a couple manages conflicts that determines how well the relationship works.

4) The Mundane Is Suddenly Interesting

If you??re spending time with someone who really is —The One,?? then you probably want to pay attention to even the smallest details of his or her life. Specifics from his work interest you, stories about his childhood hold your attention, and even old photos or home movies fascinate you.

When this happens, then this person is likely much more to you than a ship passing in the night.

5) There's Minimal Drama-or None at All

Like we said above when we talked about conflict, even the healthiest relationships deal with their share of arguments. So when we say that there's not a lot of drama in your relationship, we don't mean that the two of you never fight.

But when you do, you do your best to fight fair. You admit when you??re wrong, you listen to each other, you acknowledge one another??s good points, and you apologize when you cross lines. It's not that you have to be perfect, but if this person is —The One,?? then you are at least trying to make your conflict work for your relationship rather than against it.

So if you two are dealing with constant drama, where one of you is trying to create high emotions to manipulate the other or where there's constant turbulence without some sort of resolution, then be careful about fully committing to the relationship at this point. High drama is a definite red flag when it comes to long-term relationship success.

Whoops, sorry about that. On with the article:

8) You Have the Same Life Priorities

Opposites may attract, but they rarely make for a good long-term relationship. Compatibility really is key when it comes to creating a deep and lasting connection between two people.

For example, if you want to begin preparing for the future and building toward certain life and career goals, but your partner mainly wants to make enough money so that he or she can party this weekend, then you two are probably working with fairly different priorities.

And the opposite it is true, too: If your priorities match up well, then you two have a much better chance of long-term happiness and fulfillment together.

9) You Respect the Person Deeply

Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy relationship. Without that respect, there's simply no way to create and build a secure foundation so that you can enjoy all of the benefits of a deep and strong relationship.

But when you respect your partner and he or she respects you, the relationship has a strong chance at thriving, and all the aspects of your connection blossom. The communication improves. The commitment deepens. The trust multiplies. The satisfaction level goes through the roof.

And that all begins with a mutual respect that emerges because you like each other and because you appreciate the way you live your individual lives.

So as you try to figure out whether you??ve found —The One,?? take a look at this list. If you can check off each of the above items, then you owe it to yourself to allow the relationship to become all that it can possibly be.

For those in successful relationship, would you add anything to this list? Better yet, what made you think that the one you're with was 'The One'?

The article was very nice & intriging. I agree with everything said.

1. 1) You??re Not Chasing the Relationship??s Potential
-This is especially true if someone comes in contact with a "commitment phobe" or in other words, someone who always has an EXCUSE(s) for why they can't or will not enter into a relationship. So many people can get caught up in his/her excuses, that they themselves start justifying things that typically aren't even real barriers for relationships.

I've heard, "Oh well I need a job 1st/wanna focus on my career 1st before I get a girlfriend/boyfriend," & half the time, we can understand this. After all, not claiming to understand this might sound like you're being selfish or encouraging him not to focus on something essential. But you've got to be careful about the ones who have histories of lots of short-term/lived romances; the ones that get really far up until it's time for the "title." When the "Oh I need a job 1st" or other excuses start coming out, that's when you know it's time to run & that the chances of that person realizing their own excuses are utter bull, is probably not a realization they're going to come to any time soon.

If you're always doing the chasing or always pushing for some kind of 'title' that the other person is clearly resisting to give, he/she's not the one. And hey, sometimes it's even that a person IS good/right for you BUT just not good/right for you RIGHT NOW.

Who You Are Is Good Enough
-This part of your article was very true. Too often are people told they have to be "molded" or "changed" into this ideal woman/man in order for others to accept them. And granted, sometimes we do have to make minor sacrifices/compromises within ourselves in order to maintain/acquire the things we're seeking, BUT there is a big difference though.

We all have flaws & none of us is perfect, BUT beware of the partners/friends who, every other week are expecting for you to change something about yourself, & especially if they claim it's "the only way a relationship can start." Too often people fall in love with the person that person USED to be, the person they WISH they were or the person they will NEVER be. It's rare that people fall in love with who that person is in the PRESENT.

There are certain things about one's personality that are more stable/set in stone & then there are the things that are flexible. There's a difference b/w who you are AND what you do. If a person is never satisfied with what you do, (like a bad habbit for example) that's 1 thing. BUT, it's time to move on when you notice your friend/partner has a problem with WHO you are as a person (which who you are as a whole often doesn't change that often).

And I def. agree about the opposites-attract scenario. Sure, we are all sometimes bored with anything similar to ourselves, thus we crave variety & the challenge of finding something completely opposite. BUT, actual compatibility doesn't depend on our differences, but instead on our similarities.

It's one thing to want to date someone who has tattoos (for example) b/c you have absolutely none..this is fine. BUT if you're an indoors person who feels that ideal romance should be entertained indoors, then it might not be the best choice to pick someone who is completely social & who would prefer to live life on the outside. It's not to say that these 2 opposites won't actually establish a relationship. Hell, anyone can get into a relationship. BUT at some point, those differences will come out & the STRONGER the differences, the more likely the relationship won't last long..especially if who you are as a person is clashing with who they are as a person.

Morals & values should always be similar. It's no different than parenting. Children grow up less confused & more discplined when they have a set of parents that are on the same page as far as discipline goes. It's not to say that both parents won't ever disagree behind closed doors, BUT it's also a bad thing when 1 parent says, "You're grounded for 1 week," while the other parent (with strong opposing views to punishment of any kind) goes behind the other parent & says, "You're not grounded honey. You can go as you please." The same antics with similarities within parenting making parenting that much easier apply to tactics for long-lasting relationships ;~)

And plus society has this stigma that there is only ONE main person for each of us within a lifetime & this is not true. Here's why:

We all grow & become different people as we get throughout life. Who I was at 18 & what I was about then is completely different than what I was like at 25. My self-esteem, my morals & my standards were different & had changed. Thus, who was considered "right for me" at 18, might not be who I/others consider "right for me" at age 30.

What we are looking for and/or what we stand for changes as time goes on, therefore, I believe there is a "right person" OR persons for us within each of those phases in life. In my teen years (even though my elders swore up & down I was too young for love) we all had that 1st love. And during that time, we all swore up & down that it was real love. And hey, at age 16, my 1st love DID seem "right" for me at the time. BUT, when I turned 25, I had changed as a person, thus the people I started attracting began to change as well. At age 25, the person or persons that were right for me were so b/c they conformed to WHO I WAS at the time. And the same will go for when someone enters into another phase in their lives (30s, mid 50s, etc.)

There is always someone who is going to be "RIGHT" for you & that qualifies for the current phase you are in. And when you change or go onto the NEXT phase, you can always find someone ELSE (which proves there is no such thing as just 1 person per lifetime being able to tickle your fancy) who perfectly fits into your life just the same as the last. In other words, there might be 5 or 6 "The ones" we'll each encounter within a lifetime. There's always going to be "the 1 for right NOW!"

This was a really nice article, but I definitely think number one is the most important. The other eight are all very good points, but I almost feel like they could be about any relationship; number one is sort of the deciding factor, imo. There are so many relationships where one is working to get more or less, while never finding a happy medium. I liked the last line; "a good relationship just is." A good relationship should never be one where you wake up afraid that your significant other is going to be gone the next day. It should never be a relationship where you are never satisfied with what you have. Not saying you can't work to reach this point or that this point is automatic from the beginning; but it should be something present.

Krysrenee7 thank you for such a thoughtful illustration of the finer points in this article. You really go above and beyond in your responses and it is appreciated!

Your last point is very true; we do grow and change and with that we learn more about ourselves thus helping us to know who we need in our lives. But you could also say that if you shared the same values and viewpoints of a healthy relationship regardless of your age at the time, a relationship could theoretically grow along with the couple. The key being that the individuals stay on the same path. Isn't that the reason people who break-up say, " We grew apart."

Candeh15, you know I think certain points will have more/less meaning to people according to their experiences in relationships. That last line, 'a good relationship just is' is great and kinda ties into the next point of Who you are is good enough (big one for me). I've attracted a lot of critical/insecure jealous types and that really makes me evaluate what I am doing to attract them. This could be more than just looking at who you're with but more about what you're projecting as well.

'One' .... !

can't be only one... too many out there 😛

@Mystery: I agree. Some couples can "Grow" to the next phases together. This type of "Teamwork" of growing together throughout different phases in one's life is def. what makes for a successful marriage; after all, life doesn't stop happening and/or people don't stop growing just b/c they enter into a relationship.

HOWEVER, the truth is that some people are only "right for you right now." Not everybody "Great" is meant to be in your life forever or atleast for a long time. Yes, it's true that the goal for each relationship is for 2 people to "grow together" but in all honesty & depending on the phase each person attempts to/resists transforming into, the truth is that some couples are only meant to get to a certain point. That's why people are always encouraged to remember what they "LEARNED" about themselves after each relationship instead of spending all their time harping on what they no longer have. Sometimes relationships, (like other things in life) are there to teach you important lessons; for wisdom. And the same goes for people in bad relationships; sometimes you learn about what you DON'T want/what you DO deserve by ending/moving on from a bad relationship. But just b/c the relationship is bad & needs to end doesn't mean that there isn't anything positive that can be learned from it.

And that's why fully moving on is so important. By the time a person finally meets the person that is right for them RIGHT NOW (in whatever phase of their life), their next relationship with a new person should strive off of the lessons/wisdom learned from the last relationship. Perhaps a past relationship ended b/c both people had problems "Growing" together. Well, the good thing about that is that they'll hopefully learn how to better cope with/handle/manage things the next time around (and sometimes even with the NEXT person).

There is always someone who is going to be "RIGHT" for you & that qualifies for the current phase you are in. And when you change or go onto the NEXT phase, you can always find someone ELSE (which proves there is no such thing as just 1 person per lifetime being able to tickle your fancy) who perfectly fits into your life just the same as the last. In other words, there might be 5 or 6 "The ones" we'll each encounter within a lifetime. There's always going to be "the 1 for right NOW!"

Agree wholely with this thats kinda why I find marriage to be an unreasonable entity... or maybe marriage is due for a make-over?
However, some people get lucky enough to find someone that evolves in a similar phase together... that would be something, huh? 🙂

There isn't One .. and the fact that people are looking for this One is the reason why they cannot find it and needs lists, like this.

P-Angel, you fantasy killer 😛