Is Monogamy Natural—

It just seems like everyone is having the same problems lately. For women, I think monogamy comes easily for most. Men on the other hand, make monogamy seem like a chore. They act like its so hard to be faithful to just one person. I also believe that if men had more than one wife, they would grow tired of them and seek outside relationships. I may be a little jaded and cynical but thats all I see...sorry

Yes and no.

From a clinical standpoint, somewhere in the neighborhood of 40-50% of men lack the vasopressin receptors responsible for assisting in pair bonding. Because of this they are several times more likely to "cheat" on a partner regardless of their reported happiness in the relationship and satisfaction with their partner. While some men may stray because of feelings of inadequacy or unsatisfactory emotional fulfillment, for others it really is just about sex. There is also the argument that males evolved to be promiscuous because that's what is the most advantageous approach for them biologically, to spread their DNA to as many females as possible so that their genetic lineage can be continued.

However, because of things that may or may not have been true tens of thousands of years ago people have been conditioned that they are still true and in place today so many a man is given to the belief that he's entitled to sleep around and women accept it as just an unfortunate fact of life. The truth though, is that in the modern era excessive breeding only causes enormous legal and fiscal responsibility for a man. Society has formed to make individuals responsible for their actions so a man doing as his ancestors had once done could easily have his paycheck and means of living compromised. It is also more economical and generally advantageous to create a stable family unit. Men are smart enough to know this. They were born in recent times, not that of cavemen. The biological drive is still there but they are capable of controlling themselves.

That is, unless "hookup" culture intervenes and doesn't hold them accountable as they should be. There is no long an incentive to be monogamous if a guy can find sex from any number of willing, and quite frankly, desperate females at any time.

Basically, men are just a product of their environment. If it's easy to find sex they will. If more of a challenge is presented monogamy will become the convenient option.

*shrug*

Sancho is right. There are cultures where the concept of monogamy doesn't even exist.

Mimi men a large majority of them in America are not monogamous but that does not mean a man does not know how to control himself, men have the capacity and willpower to discern and choose.

I read somewhere on the internet a new test is being developed for women in relationships, basically the woman can send in her man's blood sample to see if he has the bonding gene. I read this some years ago so I can't link you up to that information but it's out there.

I agree that women cheat but a lot of women cheat because she can't connect with her man, maybe she's desperate to feel an emotional connection with someone, lacks mental stimulation, so many reasons outside of it being just sex for a lot of women.

If a man can stimulate her mentally, easily fulfill the need to have an orgasm, openly communicate consistently, willingness to bond with her she'll cheat, reluctantly cheat but yes some will cheat if she's dissatisfied with her mate.

Men cheat purely out of sexual desire and to satiate their sexual appetite, they really don't need the emotional, mental part to have good satisfying sex..

I wish Sigmund Freud was still alive, I wonder what his theories on male sexuality would be today.

and jaded and cynical you shall be.

Write a book about it, you might make money off it.

I am of the opinion that men do not cheat just to satiate sexual desire. Something must be wrong with the partner they are with.....either they do not connect sexually, emotionally or spiritually. A man who respects his significant other and is emotionally in tune with her will find it very difficult to cheat. I think it is a matter of men not respecting the one they are with for the most part.

Also, if sex was more difficult to get for men, like in the good old days where you would have sex after marriage, monogamy would have been much more natural. Globalization has brought us way too many choices today. People in the past used to work at their relationship; now, even with the slightest argument, it is easy for a man or woman to go on line and find someone with whom to hook up.

It's a messed up world, and sadly people (men and women) realize the value of monogamy only in their golden years. But by then they've wasted too much of their life in meaningless hookups.

Very few people adopt the "mate for life" attitude these days. And even the old couples who managed to stay together til death dont talk about when one or both stepped outside of the relationship. Its almost as if monogamy is forced. People stay in unhappy marriages because there are consequences (alimony/child support etc) of separating.

Or do they stay until it gets good again? Idk people nowadays are not investing in relationships as much. Hook up culture is an accepted concept now so you're right TMV, there are no real incentives to being married.

But see, what has always made me sceptical, is that I know a few people from the older generations who were in arranged marriages; most of them had not even seen their spouse before the wedding day. Yet some of these people ended up in love and were not cheaters (a few others did cheat). Could love be a choice given the right circumstances and a decent match?

Posted by lotus
I am of the opinion that men do not cheat just to satiate sexual desire. Something must be wrong with the partner they are with.....either they do not connect sexually, emotionally or spiritually. A man who respects his significant other and is emotionally in tune with her will find it very difficult to cheat. I think it is a matter of men not respecting the one they are with for the most part.

Also, if sex was more difficult to get for men, like in the good old days where you would have sex after marriage, monogamy would have been much more natural. Globalization has brought us way too many choices today. People in the past used to work at their relationship; now, even with the slightest argument, it is easy for a man or woman to go on line and find someone with whom to hook up.

It's a messed up world, and sadly people (men and women) realize the value of monogamy only in their golden years. But by then they've wasted too much of their life in meaningless hookups.

I dont think an issue of the connection with the partner. There is a conscience decision that goes into cheating. If the connection is off, men could make the choice to end their current relationship before entering into a sexual or any other relationship with another person.

Sex is a physical pleasure to both genders. No big philosophy there.

Posted by tiki33
Mimi men a large majority of them in America are not monogamous but that does not mean a man does not know how to control himself, men have the capacity and willpower to discern and choose.

I read somewhere on the internet a new test is being developed for women in relationships, basically the woman can send in her man's blood sample to see if he has the bonding gene. I read this some years ago so I can't link you up to that information but it's out there.

I agree that women cheat but a lot of women cheat because she can't connect with her man, maybe she's desperate to feel an emotional connection with someone, lacks mental stimulation, so many reasons outside of it being just sex for a lot of women.

If a man can stimulate her mentally, easily fulfill the need to have an orgasm, openly communicate consistently, willingness to bond with her she'll cheat, reluctantly cheat but yes some will cheat if she's dissatisfied with her mate.

Men cheat purely out of sexual desire and to satiate their sexual appetite, they really don't need the emotional, mental part to have good satisfying sex..

I wish Sigmund Freud was still alive, I wonder what his theories on male sexuality would be today.

I think that's a bit flawed. I'm pretty sure there's men out there who've cheated purely because they couldn't find any sort of connection with their woman. But they had such a hard time expressing it. Some men would do it to find better fish in the sea. And the idea of a bonding gene? Jesus. The world's already a Biopunk dystopia now. Soon Gattaca will become real. Eventually, we'll reach Brave New World scenario. Damn. I'm loyal to science and will do everything for its advancement. But I will not support Geneism.

Or anyone else who supports it.

Posted by miimii
It just seems like everyone is having the same problems lately. For women, I think monogamy comes easily for most. Men on the other hand, make monogamy seem like a chore. They act like its so hard to be faithful to just one person. I also believe that if men had more than one wife, they would grow tired of them and seek outside relationships. I may be a little jaded and cynical but thats all I see...sorry

Human societies are constantly changing. Many traditional concepts and values are becoming obsolete, to be replaced by new ideas that are more in tune with reality.

I don't agree it's just men, women have the same "problems". It's all about adapting and surviving. You know it's sad but truuuuuuu~e.

Posted by Arielle83
^ Sounds hot

It kinda does. 😄

+1

Posted by tiki33

I wish Sigmund Freud was still alive, I wonder what his theories on male sexuality would be today.

Women are giving out free sex without a thought, therefore men are getting laid without effort?

....while saving lots of money?

Posted by tsarina
For humans not originally. As humans evolved, monogamy became more useful.

Right like for the tax benefits.

Posted by virg_goki
In mongolia, a mountain tribe practice a matriarchal culture where a women collects as many younger men as she likes.

Me likey!!! But I probably couldnt take more than 2. I would end up in love with just 1.

you should read "Sex at Dawn" if this stuff interests you. in sum, it's basically saying monogamy isn't biological... that monogamy was a by-product of the preceding agricultural society and its need for a clear distinction of property, that if one were to try to apply monogamy in the evolutionary theory, it would be nowhere in the timeline as our closest genetic relative (by something ridiculous as 1/4 or something DNA) is the bonobo, who are known to be "promiscuous", or rather as the authors argue, sexually free in a sort of mutually beneficial community. even as some other users have stated, there are some tribes/communities out there in the world that don't even have a word for monogamy or marriage. the feeling of jealousy is actually shameful.

Posted by virg_goki

Posted by miimii

Posted by virg_goki
In mongolia, a mountain tribe practice a matriarchal culture where a women collects as many younger men as she likes.

Me likey!!! But I probably couldnt take more than 2. I would end up in love with just 1.

The documentary I watched mentioned that the men were for gathering and taking care of the children. I can't remember the purpose of the woman though. I know the family they featured had 1 woman and 8 men. All men much younger than the woman.

click to expand

sounds like a matriarchal community, which means the woman's purpose would be a leadership role.

I guess in essence, it depends on your personal value systems coupled with a strong moral compass...

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by VivaciousScorpio

Posted by miimii
It just seems like everyone is having the same problems lately. For women, I think monogamy comes easily for most. Men on the other hand, make monogamy seem like a chore. They act like its so hard to be faithful to just one person. I also believe that if men had more than one wife, they would grow tired of them and seek outside relationships. I may be a little jaded and cynical but thats all I see...sorry

No.

Women cheat just as much.

Agreed. Women just don't get caught as much.
.

click to expand

Surely. They are more clever 🙂!

Posted by Undine

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by VivaciousScorpio

Posted by miimii
It just seems like everyone is having the same problems lately. For women, I think monogamy comes easily for most. Men on the other hand, make monogamy seem like a chore. They act like its so hard to be faithful to just one person. I also believe that if men had more than one wife, they would grow tired of them and seek outside relationships. I may be a little jaded and cynical but thats all I see...sorry

No.

Women cheat just as much.

Agreed. Women just don't get caught as much.
.

Surely. They are more clever 🙂!

click to expand

^^^^ That's a really nice way of saying "Better developed lying pieces of shit".

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by Undine

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by VivaciousScorpio

Posted by miimii
It just seems like everyone is having the same problems lately. For women, I think monogamy comes easily for most. Men on the other hand, make monogamy seem like a chore. They act like its so hard to be faithful to just one person. I also believe that if men had more than one wife, they would grow tired of them and seek outside relationships. I may be a little jaded and cynical but thats all I see...sorry

No.

Women cheat just as much.

Agreed. Women just don't get caught as much.
.

Surely. They are more clever 🙂!

^^^^ That's a really nice way of saying "Better developed lying pieces of shit".

click to expand

I'm going to stop you at "better developed" 😉

Posted by starlover

Posted by virg_goki
In mongolia, a mountain tribe practice a matriarchal culture where a women collects as many younger men as she likes.

Extremely evolved people 😄

click to expand

Unless they eat little girls, so the ratio of adult M:F is 8:1 😄