Moving on

I think some people here know that my relationship ended well over 6 months ago. I haven't slept with anyone in this time because I haven't found anyone that makes me feel like I want to.

Yesterday I bumped into my ex walking hand in hand with his new gf, it startled me because it was so far from home and quite bazaar that we were in the same place at the same time. Certainly fate, I just walked on by without reaction... apart from the initial shock of realising who I was walking towards I didn't really feel anything emotionally about it. He's going through gf's fairly fast as I knew he would.

It does pose the question in my mind that even though I don't feel anything for this guy anymore, have I moved on because I haven't physically? Do we need to open ourselves up again to be completely over someone?

Interesting. I like to think you do, or at least going through that very first 'moving on' makes it much easier later on. Dare I say sometimes it can make things seem less passionate. Ah well another topic.

It was pretty much denial and rejecting the idea someone I loved so much could reject me and forming opinions out of my arse to make them seem less guilty. Happened for about a year til she came back into my life again. Opened myself up for the second time to face the same betrayal I think that's when I threw all emotions out the door to realise the type of person she is.

Not necessarily a bad opinion of her just she is the way she is and we're not compatible and well I started moving on for good.

No not unusual at all. I very rarely sleep around. But I'm starting to think that maybe I should just do the deed. I have options but for reasons I haven't gone there.

I think that sometimes in the moment, & b/c of that initial shock of seeing that person, you may feel nothing. Or you just go numb

BUT the next day, 2 days from now or that night, that's when emotions may finally come to the surface. Sometimes everything you just saw has to sink in 1st, & that doesn't always happen immediately for others. Things usually don't hit me until a few days later sometimes

Sleeping with someone else or getting a rebound doesn't mean that you're over your ex. It just means that you're trying to get over them lol

You'll know when you've moved on when you can be happy for him while he's happy with someone else. If you're still comparing yourself to their partner, crying, constantly naming your ex as 1 of the reasons you're not doing something (dating others, having sex, etc.), then you're NOT over your ex

I get that no one wants to be stuck on their ex forever, but I hate that some people try to rush it. Let the healing come natural. That takes time. If you try to force yourself by suppressing everything, they'll just resurface later (most likely in your next relationship OR stopping you from getting into another relationship at all!).

Just get it all out 1st. That way when you do decide to have sex or date or fall in love again, your ex isn't a factor in making future decisions

The non-emotion I feel is how I am with people that I have no feelings for or want them in my life again. I know this well because that is how I felt with my real father and anyone that I feel doesn't add anything to my life. It's not a hate or anything with emotions, it's just blank.

@ Jenlove, I've done all the analysing of the how, what, why, and when and put it all into perspective and my life is full on atm which is why I haven't felt the need to find someone plus neither of the 2 guys around atm are doing anything more than just being friends.

Yes, well sleeping with someone just because makes me feel used. The Cap is still there ^^^ and hasn't been too forceful but moreso constant, my thing is I don't want a FWB either and that's where I would put him.

My expectations are not high but I know what I want and I haven't felt or seen it in a while, I want those butterflies. Only one guy has ever had me all tongue tied and twisted and if I could turn back time I would do things differently!

Using sex with other people as a means to get over someone is a dangerous move b/c women naturally get more attached when there's sex involved & being in a vulnerable place in life while having sex w/ someone new is just asking for trouble lol

However trying to seriously date others right after a breakup is a dangerous move too b/c you're most likely just gonna compare them to your ex, meaning that they will either look wayyyy better or wayyyy worse than they really are

Sometimes you just gotta sit in the house, cry it out, enjoy YOURSELF for a chance & be 100% single. Most people can't do that, hence the reason they take their baggage & feelings of their ex's into future relationships

No I don't think anything is wrong with that. Sometimes you don't feel like doing that till you do. Sometimes you feel like sharing your body other times you don't!

It's your body do whatever feels right with it.

Posted by Sag89
No I don't think anything is wrong with that. Sometimes you don't feel like doing that till you do. Sometimes you feel like sharing your body other times you don't!

It's your body do whatever feels right with it.

I agree with it as long as your ex isn't the main factor driving that decision. That's giving your ex wayyyyy more power & control over you than they deserve or should have.

You'll never get over your ex if they influence every thing you do or don't do with others in the future.

Posted by sweethearts

I think some people here know that my relationship ended well over 6 months ago.

Yesterday I bumped into my ex walking hand in hand with his new gf ...

... I just walked on by without reaction ...

Yes, I remember ....


See, how can a person not love a Libra? I know, I do.

You all just seem so normal to me. You break up, you go through analyzing what happened .. but, there's no irrational need for drama.

Just walk past, let the man live, let yourself live .... you had no compulsion to make a scene, nor go running to someone flapping your jaws trying to discredit him.

Damn ... you're a good woman, sweets

Anyway, to answer the question ..... sleeping with another person is probably a healthy thing to do after a break up .... after a couple months when the emotional injury has cleared enough to make sure you don't lose your head.

And for you, you don't lose your head ... so, that would be no risk for you.

But, I don't think it's a necessary thing to do in order to believe that you are completely severed from him.

Thanks P, I know I'm not hung up on him. I was doubting why I haven't taken the plunge into anything more but as I said it's not abnormal for me to take a while before stepping back in. It'll happen again when I least expect it 🙂

Always self assessing my every movement!

Posted by sweethearts
I think some people here know that my relationship ended well over 6 months ago. I haven't slept with anyone in this time because I haven't found anyone that makes me feel like I want to.

Yesterday I bumped into my ex walking hand in hand with his new gf, it startled me because it was so far from home and quite bazaar that we were in the same place at the same time. Certainly fate, I just walked on by without reaction... apart from the initial shock of realising who I was walking towards I didn't really feel anything emotionally about it. He's going through gf's fairly fast as I knew he would.

It does pose the question in my mind that even though I don't feel anything for this guy anymore, have I moved on because I haven't physically? Do we need to open ourselves up again to be completely over someone?

No.

I took 3-4 months off to re-assess the whole relationship and I haven't been sitting around watching grass grow, the total opposite really. I've been busy partying and enjoying my new found freedom as well as full on work wise, and in the industry I'm in, there are more men than I've met in my life!! Truth be known, I like myself a whole lot better single. I'm carefree and time is all my own and I do appreciate alone time, always have.

One day someone new may come on the scene but I'm back to being happy with myself and have set goals for my future. It is a huge emotional drain to end a relationship and work through your part in it without kicking yourself too much and tbh, the feelings are not something I want to re-visit so soon.

Enjoy being yourself silentkiller, it's all a learning curb to help you become a better person and more content with yourself.

I personally don't believe for me that finding someone is the be all end all. Then again I've had children and don't need someone to look after me so that part of my life has been fulfilled.

But, I don't think it's a necessary thing to do in order to believe that you are completely severed from him.

I am over my first love completely(when I was 10 years old) but it seems he is not over me and continues to stalk me via other people. I am sorry for him to have to be this way and can not and will not put up with this from him or anyone else because if he keeps going it will be to his detriment sadly.

I would like for him to be completely over me and be happy with that. Find happiness with his own self. It is only until that happens he can then find his own true love with someone else who is suitable and compatible for him. I feel this is best for him even though he will not see it. I wish he would see it that way and realise that there are far better people out there than me. Sometimes to find true love we have to go through shit in our lives and then its only until we learn those lessons of respect of self and of others and of realising that even though you may "love" someone it is not doing the right thing by yourself and by them by putting up with their abuse(physical, mental, emotional, sexual, spiritual and all the types and then some more other types of abuse)(I can not name these but its different to the previous five abuses)(you feel it on a different level and its unlike anything I have ever been through before so not sure whats it has been named or if its been named at all). It is not right to stay with a person who is like that to you so you completely free yourself of them to get on with your own life and not only that it is also for both us to get on with our lives and find our true loves separately.

It is not healthy to be wrapped up and obsessed with a person who abuses you every chance they can get. It is not doing the right thing by them. I feel it is a disrespectful thing to do by another. To put up with someone like this no matter how much you love them. If you love them you would do the right thing by them and see that it will not work and that you are not soulmates or trueloves etcetc and then you can tell them this will not work because of reasons stated and go and move on. Completely and separately away from each other. You know like move on with life away and out of each others lives forever.

DEAR SWEETHEART
YOU POOR HORNEY BITCH LET ME SEND YOU MY ADDRESS IN A PM
I'LL HELP YOU OUT

I disagree with P-Angel. Sex should not be used as therapy for problems. Sex is not a real way out or an escape.

We're all adults here. If you feel like having sex b/c you like sex, that's one thing. But giving your body to someone else that you probably wouldn't have even slept with had you not been having these problems is not the way to go b/c it doesn't fix or change the turmoil going on inside of you. If anything it can leave you feeling dirty & more vulnerable than you were going in!

There are other more non-destructive ways to get over someone or move on w/o using your body as a sacrifice.

WTF DO YOU KNOW KRY
I DON'T THINK YOU EVER HAD SEX
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SACRIFICEING YOUR BODY FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS JUST ASK ME I HAVE DONE THIS MANY TIMES.

Posted by james tate
WTF DO YOU KNOW KRY
I DON'T THINK YOU EVER HAD SEX
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SACRIFICEING YOUR BODY FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS JUST ASK ME I HAVE DONE THIS MANY TIMES.

That's usually something a walking-std would say, so I'm not surprised to hear you say that =P

And clearly, I've had plenty of sex & GOOD sex. The twins I conceived can attest to that. POW

I used to find someone to jump into bed with so I could fool myself that I had emotionally moved on. But if you are really over it then I dont see the point in sleeping with anyone new unless you just want to of course 😉

Tbh, I haven't the energy atm (purely because of work commitments) or the desire because I'm not really getting any good vibes from anyone that interests me. My focus is all work.

However, if I did met someone that took my fancy I wouldn't hesitate.

JT that bod would do it for me... Come to my gym, we have a TRX area which could make for interesting play 😉

A TEMPTING OFFER

AS FOR KRY EVEN BAD SEX CAN MAKE BABYS
IT JUST TAKES A ONE NIGHT STAND

Posted by james tate
AS FOR KRY EVEN BAD SEX CAN MAKE BABYS
IT JUST TAKES A ONE NIGHT STAND

Only you would know that

Only you would know that

NO LOVE EVERY MAN KNOWS THIS

Posted by soultalk
I think I just keep holding on to hope until I see nothing happening and then suddenly just like that I move on. All feelings just vanish, atleast the feelings of holding on. I don't need or want that anymore and that is when I feel relaxed, no studying their every move, no stalking them online, not caring about the other girls. This just happens naturally with time.

I get it. You're the type of person that you have to slowly but surely ween yourself off of someone, while others prefer to cut you off cold-turkey as to avoid all of the stress & strain of what the person who needs to slowly ween goes through lol

Whatever technique works for you & ensures that you will in fact eventually heal after it's all said & done, is all that matters.

It takes awhile to get someone out of your system if you had all of your hopes, expectations & future wrapped up in them. Perhaps maybe the healing shouldn't start at the end but instead the beginning. What do I mean? Well, how about trying something different like not even building up expectations for someone until a considerable amount of time has passed/they've proven themselves? That way, if things don't work out & they end up disappointing you, you won't have to constantly try picking your jaw, heart & feelings off the floor since you technically hadn't invested in them so much to begin with?!

How about changing how you do things in the BEGINNING so that if there is an ending, it won't be so painfully dreadful, slow pace & torturous =)