Open Marriage

What is ur opinion on open marriage? Can it be successful- yay or nay?

Posted by amethyst2002
...open marriage? Why the hell get married to begin with?

what she said. Why even bother?

My opinion is NO EFFING WAY. *hopping off of soapbox*

LOL Uhhuh Hairitic, just as long as they were all faithful to you.

"What is ur opinion on open marriage?"

i don't see any point in getting married in the first place either if my spouse was sleeping around with others. i believe that marriage is what it's intended to be. a vow to one person, forsaking all others.

"Can it be successful- yay or nay?"

my ex-scorp seems to make it work for him. i guess if both parties are willing and have no jealousy issues, it could work.

I think open marriage is a bunch of bull. Marriage is about 2 people finally being content with just the both of them! Sure, there are debates about WHO those 2 people should be (gay, straight, bi, etc. for example), BUT the fact that marriage should be only b/w 2 people remains the same! Why get married if you're going to live the same life style as someone who is single and/or a player? It doesn't make sense.

If people aren't content with just that 1 person as their spouse, then they don't need to be married. Married folks should still have friends/associates BUT that's all they should be. What is the point of me making it official with someone (and especially by LAW) if I'm just going to go maintain a life style of one who isn't married? If I want to see/date multiple people then I will NOT get married. Simple. People always try to change the definition of what it means to be married. Marriage should be between 2 people & that's it; not 2 people + 5. There is nothing wrong with being married & yet still being attracted to other people (b/c attractive people don't disappear just b/c you legally get married) BUT actually inviting those others into my life & giving them the same energy/treatment I'd give my spouse completely defeats the purpose of me getting married in the 1st place.

Open marriages, in my opinion are based on greediness. It's when 1 person can't decide/figure out whether or not they are content with just settling down & channeling all of their intimate energy to just one person. To me, a person who can't seem to make that decision doesn't need to be in relationships period, let alone married. It's not even about jealousy; it's moreso about principle. Some open marriages actually work BUT then again, I don't believe in them. If a person wants to have a companion but yet continually step out on that companion (whether the other person is aware or not) that is considered cheating. If I met someone who wanted an open marriage, I'd tell them to CALL ME when they are ready to settle down with 1 person. That doesn't mean I'd be asking them to evolve their entire world around me, but oh no 1st being able to NOT want to share me with half the world is the 1st step. If we can't even get step 1 down, then not only should we NOT be together, but HELL no to marrying that person

Sure, some open marriages actually work. And especially if both people in the open marriage are fully aware of what to expect & have no problem with it. Problem is though that when it comes to the subject of having KIDS, society teaches children to grow up in 2 parent households. Society teaches us to have children with ONE person, thus by establishing a family with ONE person, we teach them the values/morals of what it means to truly love and/or how things should go (typical American dream). Welp, if half of society is operating on & viewing marriage as a union b/w TWO people only then I think it's kind of mental abuse to bring a child into this world & subject them to not only their 1 parent, BUT also a whole bunch of other counterparts to the relationship.

Hell, it's hard enough for 2 people to get along & withstand a healthy relationship, let alone 2 people + the neighbors. Open marriages are around BUT they are not common enough, thus children growing up in those kinds of environments could possibly become very confused, especially considering open marriages are not the norm. And yes, while children learn the values of life at home, they ALSO learn things from their peers & from observing/watching other people. If all a child's friends have parents that are NOT in open relationships, they will automatically be confused

Posted by Hairitic

Posted by venusianbull
LOL Uhhuh Hairitic, just as long as they were all faithful to you.

Hey how'd ja know? 🙂

click to expand

I'm just that good Hairitic *dusting off t-shirt*.

Here's my actual take on this. It is my personal belief that when you enter a union, it is a union between two people. That does not include cruising for warm bodies outside of the relationship. It's a commitment to another person when you pledge your mind, body and soul.
I give about two figs about people who accept this as normal, and I do not even pretend to try and understand why such a thing could be accepted as such. It degrades what two people have joined together for. And how can you honestly stand tall and tell someone you love them when you are giving your body to another man/woman. Something just isn't rattling around right in the old cranium.

Oh I know, there's all sorts of kinks, swerves, etc. out there. But if a man likes feet, paint your womans toenails. If someone likes being spanked, powdered, whipped, chained, swinging from the chandelier, GREAT. But it can exist within what two people groove on within a relationship. There's no need to be hunting for extraneous bits, when said bits are at home and you claim to love someone.
Psychology is fascinating. 🙂 And I'm old fashioned.

Marriage itself is about 2 people. And just strictly sticking to that code has nothing to do with selfishness or jealousy. People shouldn't be made to feel bad for being content with 1 person! How dare we consider marriage b/w 2 people & the privacy it requires to be something only selfish/jealous/insecure people do. Seriously, life is fun sometimes but eventually all of the screwing of other people & jumping from 1 person to the next DOES get OLD eventually. Marriage is not for the young minded. It's for the mature & wise, no different than love in general, in order for it to work.

Sure, we'd all go through trials & tough times with our partners & sure, even though we're committed we still notice other attractive folks out there b/c the world doesn't stop just b/c a couple gets married. BUT, how going from "Oh he/she is cute" all the way to "They are cute AND I want to sleep with them & take them home" is a whole 'nother story & is just ridiculous. And from what I've noticed, alot of the people who are really into open marriages often have many psychological issues in general anyways. I'm not saying everyone should stick to the typical marriage tradition, where it's seen as being only b/w a man & a woman. And even though society sometimes disagrees with WHICH kind of 2 people should be married (sexual orientation, for example), I think we're ALL still hardcore on the fact that it should BE BETWEEN TWO People!

If people are in relationships & want to screw other people, that's fine as long as both people in the relationship are okay with that. But to take that relationship to marriage status is just plain ridiculous. There would be NO point in me marrying someone if I'm not yet ready to strictly settle down in life with them NO DIFFERENT than there is no point in me putting a down payment on a house I don't plan on living in

I know a handful of people in an open-relationship.

Per how one of my bud's explained it. When him or his g/f find "another person of interest", they immediately contact each other to get permission. So in his case, he texts his g/f with what's going on, she either gives the nod or no. Then purses if she's okay with it or respects her "no". Same basic scenario when the g/f is the one on the hunt.

I guess it works for them as they've been together for 5+ years.

I am old fashion everyone shold keep sneaking around fucking in dark places so they don't get caught. Best to cheat in the dark not in the open.

This topic gives me the shivers. You can't play revolve-a-partner within a marriage. Not even when you're dating FFS. It's just EL WRONGO. Now tighten my corset while I put my hair up in a Gibson Girl so I can flounce off for tea at Lady Worthington's.

Posted by venusianbull
This topic gives me the shivers. You can't play revolve-a-partner within a marriage. Not even when you're dating FFS. It's just EL WRONGO. Now tighten my corset while I put my hair up in a Gibson Girl so I can flounce off for tea at Lady Worthington's.

"El-Wrongo" - Is that the official and technical term for it? heh 🙂

Hilarious description!

LOL Yes, that is the official and technical term. Thanks! 😄

O.K. what is ffs?

For Fucks Sake, push them all together. Ferfuckssake.

I mean I get that 2 people in an open marriage often DO keep that line of communication open..always telling their partner about the other person & getting "permission." Whether that line of communication/permission is open or not doesn't really matter to me. Whether both people are actually honest with eachother about their extra love interest or not is besides the point. The open marriage itself, whether it contains 2 people who lie to eachother OR are completely honest, period is wrong, in my opinion.

Why is cheating a bad thing? It's a BAD thing whether or not a person admits/acknowledges the cheating or not. The part of cheating that is bad is when 1 person goes OUTSIDE Of their relationship to seek/get something that only the person IN their relationship should be giving them. Whether a man/woman is honest about going outside is besides the point & doesn't change the fact that going outside of the relationship in general is just wrong & not acceptable.

For the couples in open marriages, I'm sure there is a high success rate b/c after all, they're on the same page. Plus, 2 people in an open marriages don't have to worry about (Since they are okay with it) HALF of the things people in monogamous relationships/marriages fear (cheating, for example). But just b/c it works for some people doesn't mean that as a whole, I consider that okay. To those in open marriages, they have justified & and/or convinced themselves that what they are doing isn't wrong strictly BECAUSE they can actually be honest about their outside desires. My husband wouldn't be doing me a favor by telling me about the woman he's seeing on the side. He'd be doing me a favor by freakin' NOT having anybody on the side AT ALL!

As long as both parties are truly okay with it, I find the whole thing rather fascinating.

A whole lot of people are in open relationships and don't even realize it...

Posted by FeistyAquarian

Posted by MsPisces.
A whole lot of people are in open relationships and don't even realize it...

lol How would you not realize it?

click to expand

Because your partner isn't telling you he's sleeping with other women, so you're essentially in an open relationship...just not aware of it.

"People who cannot commit to one person generally cannot be trusted in almost every aspect of life. Because they have no sense of loyalty or responsibility. They have no self-control. They have no sense of commitment or duty.
I would not even trust a polygamy person to hold my passport. Why? because they'll probably be too busy checking out every hoochie that walks by to keep an eye on my passport. I just don't trust these polygamy people. I think they're naturally selfish (heck, that's why they wanna have their cake and eat it too, right?)."


Wow! That is incredibly judgmental and naive.

Posted by FeistyAquarian
True, I didn't think about it that way. That would suck cause who knows what kinda girls they are messing with. Bleh.

And that happens all the time, which is why I don't knock open relationships. They atleast are brave enough to acknowledge the fact that there is a huge possibility that either of them could desire to sleep outside of the marriage at some point, and are simply saying that they will be honest about it, communicate, and not allow it to ruin their marriage (as it does so many other marriages).

People wrongly assume that people in open marriages are dirty sluts who will fuck anyone outside their marriage every chance they get.

Yea. I mean I don't think I can do it, but I'm actually quite envious of those who *genuinely* can.

haha

I don't believe that people in open relationships are necessarily a lot more happier. Alot more free to do as they please? Yes, but that doesn't correllate with happiness necessarily. Not everyone in an open relationship/marriage is fully okay with that or is doing so b/c it's what they truly want. Some people enter them b/c their partner demands that kind of relationship & some merely do it just to "try it." But just b/c some people are bold enough to do it doesn't mean that they are happy. To have more than 1 emotional attachment takes alot of work mentally & physically & since people in open relationships are just as HUMAN as the rest of us, I'm sure juggling all of those things/people is no easier.

People assume that those in open relationships are alot more happier & that's not always true. Me having an open marriage is like me having a main boyfriend but yet still hooking up with 3 of my exes. Sure, my main boyfriend may not care/give a crap BUT my goodness, that'd be too much mental energy I'd be devoting to everyone. People in open marriages obviously get the importance of having 1 MAIN companion, thus that's why they always come back to their MAIN partner at the end of the night. So what that says to me is that people in open marriages completely understand the idea/tradition behind sticking it out with just ONE person. I guess always coming back to their partners (main) is what makes it a "marriage" BUT all the other bull in the middle that goes on is still bull, even though it may not be something that is hidden or kept from the other person.

Alot of regular every day people have problems with jealousy & hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing in certain situations. A person is supposed to be somewhat territorial over what THEY earned & worked hard for. And that doesn't just relate to relationships but it's also the same with money, careers & other things. I personally don't want to "share" my partner especially if before the marriage, I earned them by MYSELF. People in Open marriages are no different than 2 players who just happend to go down to the courthouse to make it official. That piece of paper makes them "official" but the actual tradition/meaning of the marriage is that of someone who is single & playing the field. A complete joke & mockery of what marriage is about

i can see this leading to all kinds of ugliness.

obviously, i can't fully understand an open relationship, because i've never been in one. but to me, the tendency to want to explore sexually beyond the person you're with is generally a sign of unhappiness in some other area. i'm not saying this is always the case, but it frequently is when people cheat. there is some other unresolved issue that causes them to feel unfulfilled, either within themselves or within the relationship.

so, to me, the odds of either one of the people becoming attached to someone they originally only wanted sex with are too high. but then there's still that prior commitment. i feel like this situation would just become TOO ugly and complicated a lot of times.

i am sure that there are a rare few that it can work for, but on the whole, i wouldn't condone it.