Candeh15
@Candeh15
15 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 5 · Posts: 4244 · Topics: 258
Relationship advice
Posted by Candeh15
No, I don't need any for once, lol. But I just went into one of my random thought tangents while browsing around here, and I'm suddenly feeling discouraged.
So often, I see advice that ends with "move on from your significant other," "you're being too available," or "if he/she hasn't texted you back... ect." And you know, a majority of the time, that is probably the right thing to do. But in my endeavors, I have learned that sometimes people are just inept at things, like texting lol, and need a little push. I guess I'm just beginning to realize that the answer isn't always, "break up with your boyfriend."
I am trying to find the balance between advice and instinct. Sometimes I am scared to take the leap I know is right, so at times I seek advice even though I know what to do. At times, the advice goes against my own decision.
I am not undermining any of the advice I have received ever; I wouldn't have grown without it. Maybe it's just this retrograde and everything is starting to seem backwards to me now lol.
It's not just you that are going thru this. Maybe it's who we are dealing with. :-)
Posted by shortiiPosted by Candeh15
No, I don't need any for once, lol. But I just went into one of my random thought tangents while browsing around here, and I'm suddenly feeling discouraged.
So often, I see advice that ends with "move on from your significant other," "you're being too available," or "if he/she hasn't texted you back... ect." And you know, a majority of the time, that is probably the right thing to do. But in my endeavors, I have learned that sometimes people are just inept at things, like texting lol, and need a little push. I guess I'm just beginning to realize that the answer isn't always, "break up with your boyfriend."
I am trying to find the balance between advice and instinct. Sometimes I am scared to take the leap I know is right, so at times I seek advice even though I know what to do. At times, the advice goes against my own decision.
I am not undermining any of the advice I have received ever; I wouldn't have grown without it. Maybe it's just this retrograde and everything is starting to seem backwards to me now lol.
It's not just you that are going thru this. Maybe it's who we are dealing with. :-)click to expand
Lol that is possible. Everything just seems so negative all of a sudden; which is ironic because a retrograde makes things seem negative haha.
I totally agree. I seek and get plenty advice, but alot of which contradict each other. I usually am tossed in a mental tempest because I see truth in both sides. I am relying more on instinct but it's not easy, since I second guess myself especially on big decisions. I tend to flip-flop here and there but have found it easier to stick to one decision and go all the way.
I unno, but I feel this impending retrograde in Leo has given me a sort of clarity that I appreciate.
I unno, but I feel this impending retrograde in Leo has given me a sort of clarity that I appreciate.
Posted by spica
I totally agree. I seek and get plenty advice, but alot of which contradict each other. I usually am tossed in a mental tempest because I see truth in both sides. I am relying more on instinct but it's not easy, since I second guess myself especially on big decisions. I tend to flip-flop here and there but have found it easier to stick to one decision and go all the way.
I unno, but I feel this impending retrograde in Leo has given me a sort of clarity that I appreciate.
I'm notorious for second guessing myself. I agree it's not easy relying on instinct because there is the fear of just being wrong about your decisions. But a lot of the time, I'd rather make the decision because I deal better with making my own mistakes.
And yeah, there has been a little clarity on my side too. Emotionally and mentally lol.
Posted by Candeh15
But a lot of the time, I'd rather make the decision because I deal better with making my own mistakes.
Agreed. People in my life used to like to jump in to make decisions for me as I seem to be in such a cesspool of dilemmas. But those I made myself I own them, and doesn't matter if its the wrong decision, at least no-one took that power away. Sometimes I follow another's advice against my better judgment perhaps as a crutch unconsciously, I don't know, or just to have someone to point fingers at when things go wrong. Lol, hey I admit it, but I always try to filter them all and come to personal clarity. I can't seem to really do that for relationships though, ha!
I hope with this retro I don't go backwards on my decisions, that would suck, lol! 😛
I don't think I ever really used anyone as a crutch, but I think I was just afraid of being wrong and ruining things. I guess I don't want to be so afraid of making a move. I guess I just don't want to "wait it out" sometimes lol.
Hahaha, I don't want my reasoning to be off either. Either I have reached an epiphany or the stars just aligned in the right way.
Hahaha, I don't want my reasoning to be off either. Either I have reached an epiphany or the stars just aligned in the right way.
Posted by 69virgo
That bull boy driving you crazy..=\ lol..
when isn't a boy driving me crazy lol? you guys have a way of doing that haha. but seriously not really. I have just been having all these thoughts lately. This thread being the product of one of them.
Seems like the thoughts are regarding relationship cleansing (or ridding of exes) these past few days. I have been reading alot of that.
Here's one I found in someone's journal too:
"By saving energy on trying to hold on to the past, you are empowered to create happier memories for the future."
Whatever it is, all the best 🙂
Here's one I found in someone's journal too:
"By saving energy on trying to hold on to the past, you are empowered to create happier memories for the future."
Whatever it is, all the best 🙂
Posted by spica
Seems like the thoughts are regarding relationship cleansing (or ridding of exes) these past few days. I have been reading alot of that.
Here's one I found in someone's journal too:
"By saving energy on trying to hold on to the past, you are empowered to create happier memories for the future."
Whatever it is, all the best 🙂
That word push stood out for me...I'm a bit older than you so I've probably pushed a few relationships along LOL many moons ago, inevitably I've learned if I have to nudge and push it's doomed to fail.
A person should always be willing to do something for the other person because they wanna do it not because I need or want em to and thus feel I need to be patient and if push comes to shove he's not doing anything like text messaging me back or he uses the I been busy excuse I can gently nudge him back into a relationship with me, inevitably the person pushing and nudging will most likely in the end feel neglected and unappreciated and end up leaving, but sometimes a woman needs to go through that process to learn how to love and appreciate herself more and IMO a complete asshole jerk is the best teacher because a woman will be forced to stop making excuses and put herself first and love herself instead of trying to love him enough that he'll love her back so she can love herself too.
A person should always be willing to do something for the other person because they wanna do it not because I need or want em to and thus feel I need to be patient and if push comes to shove he's not doing anything like text messaging me back or he uses the I been busy excuse I can gently nudge him back into a relationship with me, inevitably the person pushing and nudging will most likely in the end feel neglected and unappreciated and end up leaving, but sometimes a woman needs to go through that process to learn how to love and appreciate herself more and IMO a complete asshole jerk is the best teacher because a woman will be forced to stop making excuses and put herself first and love herself instead of trying to love him enough that he'll love her back so she can love herself too.
^I understand
I mean, it wasn't that I was saying to keep pushing when issues arise. What I was getting at is that the advice you gave, is what I immediately see the moment a problem starts. I mean, it can be the first problem and that seems to be the solution. Now, if the woman or man keeps finding him/herself in these sort of problems, then yes, maybe it's time to let it go.
I guess I was thinking back when I had a problem and I was looking through the site and looking for advice, and that seemed to be the first answer to the solution. But before I went that route (because I was thinking of giving up), I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. I went with my instincts and the result was what I wanted.
This thread wasn't about saying that the advice was wrong. That's far from what I'm saying. I was just saying that I'm trying to find the balance between knowing when to follow my own advice and the advice of others, regardless of who is right or wrong.
I mean, it wasn't that I was saying to keep pushing when issues arise. What I was getting at is that the advice you gave, is what I immediately see the moment a problem starts. I mean, it can be the first problem and that seems to be the solution. Now, if the woman or man keeps finding him/herself in these sort of problems, then yes, maybe it's time to let it go.
I guess I was thinking back when I had a problem and I was looking through the site and looking for advice, and that seemed to be the first answer to the solution. But before I went that route (because I was thinking of giving up), I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. I went with my instincts and the result was what I wanted.
This thread wasn't about saying that the advice was wrong. That's far from what I'm saying. I was just saying that I'm trying to find the balance between knowing when to follow my own advice and the advice of others, regardless of who is right or wrong.
"This thread wasn't about saying that the advice was wrong. That's far from what I'm saying. I was just saying that I'm trying to find the balance between knowing when to follow my own advice and the advice of others, regardless of who is right or wrong."
At 20 I can see how that can be an issue, trusting oneself is the way to go no matter what because many of us have been in your shoes and we know when a man is treating a woman like an option instead of a priority that's it's not going to thrive for very long with that being said when in doubt always take your own advice. One of the best communicators and teachers in life comes from your willingness to make mistakes, through trial and error will you learn how to trust you more than anyone else.
At 20 I can see how that can be an issue, trusting oneself is the way to go no matter what because many of us have been in your shoes and we know when a man is treating a woman like an option instead of a priority that's it's not going to thrive for very long with that being said when in doubt always take your own advice. One of the best communicators and teachers in life comes from your willingness to make mistakes, through trial and error will you learn how to trust you more than anyone else.
I have two very extreme sides to me, one that is very emotional and one that is rational. More often than I'd like, my emotional side is the one that takes over (ironic for a virgo, lol); it's this emotional side that often makes me second guess my very actions. Usually, the advice I receive is the advice I'd give myself, but sometimes, I just have to hear it from someone else to know that I'm not crazy or alone in my thoughts. When I'm able to calm my emotional side (which is a hard thing on its own), I can usually see what I need to do.
So often, when I'm freaking out about a guy, it's usually over nothing big, but it becomes such because I can jump to many emotional conclusions.
So often, when I'm freaking out about a guy, it's usually over nothing big, but it becomes such because I can jump to many emotional conclusions.
I understand...I think most people behave this way, I know when I shift out of my detached Aqua self and allow myself to feel it can get pretty intense, I can't say I fully understand it but I've learned to manage it much better, give it time, you will too be able to manage certain parts of yourself as you grow into the woman/person you want to be.
Most times, Candeh, it's due to people (mainly females) expecting the guy to gush with everything she wants to feel secure. If she wants him to text her 20 times a day, then if he only texts 5 .. she's feeling neglected, and told, mostly by people like tiki, to move on, she's worth more.
In reality, men really do have a life that doesn't revolve around waiting with bated-breath in anticipation ... like women do.
I think it's absurd that women get this advice all the time .... just because a man likes you, doesn't mean he's supposed to stop living his life, on his timeframe .. and cater to you.
People, mostly women, are the ones fucked up .... they have a Princess Complex, where they think they are entitled to more than anyone else.
In reality, men really do have a life that doesn't revolve around waiting with bated-breath in anticipation ... like women do.
I think it's absurd that women get this advice all the time .... just because a man likes you, doesn't mean he's supposed to stop living his life, on his timeframe .. and cater to you.
People, mostly women, are the ones fucked up .... they have a Princess Complex, where they think they are entitled to more than anyone else.
Posted by P-Angel
In reality, men really do have a life that doesn't revolve around waiting with bated-breath in anticipation ... like women do.
I think it's absurd that women get this advice all the time .... just because a man likes you, doesn't mean he's supposed to stop living his life, on his timeframe .. and cater to you.
That, I do understand. The key, or so I've been getting better at, is to go out and have a life yourself.
Being new to dating after a long marriage, I have been told (usually by people who have messed up relationships) that make sure the guy "pays" for everything. He has to have a job, be handsome, treat you like a "queen", etc or dump him. Well, first of all, men my age aren't going to look like Brad Pitt. And if they do, they will have a 20 something model on their arm, not me. Most men out there dating have been married, have been hurt, are wary of women too. So I have learned to just follow my heart. I am not stupid so eventually if a guy is "playing" me, I will find out. I can't spend all my time worrying about what he is doing. I live my life, have fun, enjoy my family, friends and pets. I am a one woman man so I am faithful. But I believe if he f***ks up, then its his loss!
Posted by TheLadySagittarius
Being new to dating after a long marriage, I have been told (usually by people who have messed up relationships) that make sure the guy "pays" for everything. He has to have a job, be handsome, treat you like a "queen", etc or dump him. Well, first of all, men my age aren't going to look like Brad Pitt. And if they do, they will have a 20 something model on their arm, not me. Most men out there dating have been married, have been hurt, are wary of women too. So I have learned to just follow my heart. I am not stupid so eventually if a guy is "playing" me, I will find out. I can't spend all my time worrying about what he is doing. I live my life, have fun, enjoy my family, friends and pets. I am a one woman man so I am faithful. But I believe if he f***ks up, then its his loss!
+1
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So often, I see advice that ends with "move on from your significant other," "you're being too available," or "if he/she hasn't texted you back... ect." And you know, a majority of the time, that is probably the right thing to do. But in my endeavors, I have learned that sometimes people are just inept at things, like texting lol, and need a little push. I guess I'm just beginning to realize that the answer isn't always, "break up with your boyfriend."
I am trying to find the balance between advice and instinct. Sometimes I am scared to take the leap I know is right, so at times I seek advice even though I know what to do. At times, the advice goes against my own decision.
I am not undermining any of the advice I have received ever; I wouldn't have grown without it. Maybe it's just this retrograde and everything is starting to seem backwards to me now lol.