peachey
@peachey
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 62 · Topics: 2
Returning gift to gifter
But what is his sign?
He's an Aries.
If you're worried about doing the right thing you can't worry about hurting feelings. Well, I mean, don't be a bitch about it or nothing, but sometimes the truth hurts. Shit happens.
If you're not comfortable accepting the gift, don't. You can tell him that it's a wonderful headset but it's too nice, he shouldn't have, etc... something.
If you're not comfortable accepting the gift, don't. You can tell him that it's a wonderful headset but it's too nice, he shouldn't have, etc... something.
Of course...it is just a headset. He said he liked you, you said just friends, he said okay. You are friends still now right? You said you needed a headset recently. He hears you get promoted at work and says,hey, I can get her a headset.
I would do that for a friend. And if I bought a friend a headset as a gift it definitely would NOT be a cheap set. 120 sounds retarded for a headset but I paid 50 for the one I gave my son. We're just friends. Haha.
I would do that for a friend. And if I bought a friend a headset as a gift it definitely would NOT be a cheap set. 120 sounds retarded for a headset but I paid 50 for the one I gave my son. We're just friends. Haha.
Posted by peachey
Sent a card and flowers to my workplace, called to congratulate me, and bought me an additional gift, which I just now realized (he lives a little far, so he mailed the package).
So I received the package today and it turns out he sent me a pair of headphones (I talked to him about buying a new pair). I looked up the price online and it's about $ 120 USD. I was okay with the flowers and everything else, but the headphones is just too much.
So, you're ok with flowers? Really?
flowers !!! That seems kind of romantic. But, that's ok.
It's probably highly likely that you are leading this guy on because you don't seem to have a problem with him sending you flowers.
Furthermore, he lives far away .. so this means that you have to be in pretty constant contact with him for him to know you well enough to know what you will like ... yet, you say you barely know him.
And why would you say USD? So, he's in the states and you're not? So, why are you sharing your life happenings with someone in another country, and then coming in here to pretend the situation is different? .... because it's obvious to me he knows you.
He knows where you work, he knows what flowers to send, he knows about your work status ... for someone you claim to barely know ... he knows a lot about you, which indicates to me that you're lying, in that you are actually leading him on.
Because a person who is just a friend, doesn't share intimate details with a friend in another country to the point that the friend knows your work address.
Something is wrong with this picture, and I'd wager that the culprit is your honesty
Posted by peachey
... how to handle this delicate situation ....
If he's just a friend that you don't really know, who lives far way and who you made sure he knows that you aren't interested in starting anything with him .....
... then why is the situation delicate?
I know the answer to this question .... it's because you are leading him on, you have him on a string fucking with him.
Well at least you're not a user. You're aware that in some cases what you willingly receive might give a person a false impression on what you may give them in return. Kudos to you for that. Everybody isn't like that. Everybody doesn't consider the possible outcome or the other person's feelings in these kinds of situations.
Some people will absolutely take & take & take, knowing good & well that they had no intentions on giving the same in return. And they won't feel guilty about this at all. They won't tell you this until after the giver has finally caught on & started giving them hell for it lol
However, if you've already told him that you're not that into him, then you've already done your part. Some people are just natural givers. They get something out of blessing others even if they know going in that they most likely won't get anything (gift, or a relationship) in return. Of course these kinds of people eventually come back to their human roots & eventually begin to expect something in return at some point at least. And from there they form this complex where they swear everybody uses them, takes them for granted & doesn't appreciate them, which is something I'm sure you know, hence the reason your conscious is bothering you.
I'm assuming it's bothering you b/c you know that the giver is most likely to eventually get that feeling, which is something you absolutely want to avoid. Kudos again for that. Trust me, many people wish the folks in their past would've been just as honest or less willing to use them/take them for granted.
Given that, what should you do? Here's the catch 22 though. You're trying to avoid him feeling bad, but yet you may give him that feeling whether you send the gift back or not. If you keep it, he might mistake that for you having an interest in him, which will only hurt him in the long run once he realizes that you didn't. OR if you send it back, it'll be the ultimate rejection on top of the rejection he already felt when you originally told him that you weren't interested in him on that level.
Both scenarios can lead to the same result: Him feeling like crap. Given that, I'm not sure what you should do. Maybe give him some credit in assuming that he may be 1 of those kind-hearted givers that gives "just because." The kind of guy who may give gifts even to the women he's not at all interested in himself.
Some people will absolutely take & take & take, knowing good & well that they had no intentions on giving the same in return. And they won't feel guilty about this at all. They won't tell you this until after the giver has finally caught on & started giving them hell for it lol
However, if you've already told him that you're not that into him, then you've already done your part. Some people are just natural givers. They get something out of blessing others even if they know going in that they most likely won't get anything (gift, or a relationship) in return. Of course these kinds of people eventually come back to their human roots & eventually begin to expect something in return at some point at least. And from there they form this complex where they swear everybody uses them, takes them for granted & doesn't appreciate them, which is something I'm sure you know, hence the reason your conscious is bothering you.
I'm assuming it's bothering you b/c you know that the giver is most likely to eventually get that feeling, which is something you absolutely want to avoid. Kudos again for that. Trust me, many people wish the folks in their past would've been just as honest or less willing to use them/take them for granted.
Given that, what should you do? Here's the catch 22 though. You're trying to avoid him feeling bad, but yet you may give him that feeling whether you send the gift back or not. If you keep it, he might mistake that for you having an interest in him, which will only hurt him in the long run once he realizes that you didn't. OR if you send it back, it'll be the ultimate rejection on top of the rejection he already felt when you originally told him that you weren't interested in him on that level.
Both scenarios can lead to the same result: Him feeling like crap. Given that, I'm not sure what you should do. Maybe give him some credit in assuming that he may be 1 of those kind-hearted givers that gives "just because." The kind of guy who may give gifts even to the women he's not at all interested in himself.
What P said...USER WHO IS FULL OF SHIT
The flower point sent that home...
The flower point sent that home...
Posted by LibraSid
If you're worried about doing the right thing you can't worry about hurting feelings. Well, I mean, don't be a bitch about it or nothing, but sometimes the truth hurts. Shit happens.
If you're not comfortable accepting the gift, don't. You can tell him that it's a wonderful headset but it's too nice, he shouldn't have, etc... something.
You're right, he's going to get hurt regardless (or maybe he won't?), so I'm going to send it back, while letting him know that I appreciate the thought.
Posted by Nemesis
you don't have to run around parading your level of interest.click to expand
Exactly how I see it. It's a lot of pressure.
Posted by P-Angel
So, you're ok with flowers? Really?
flowers !!! That seems kind of romantic. But, that's ok.
I've received flowers from guys and girls in the past and they weren't always romantic. He didn't send me roses or anything fancy either (where did I say he knew exactly the kind of flowers I like??), and there was nothing romantic or flirty about the card at all, which was why I was so shocked when the headphones arrived a few days later. I assumed he was just being friendly, especially since we recently had the talk about keeping things platonic and he agreed.
When I tell someone I'm not interested and they agree to stay friends, then I expect them to know what they're getting themselves into. I'm a very honest person, and I try my best not to mislead anyone. If he wants more than I want to offer then he should have the sense to not spend money on me.
Posted by P-Angel
Furthermore, he lives far away .. so this means that you have to be in pretty constant contact with him for him to know you well enough to know what you will like ... yet, you say you barely know him.
And why would you say USD? So, he's in the states and you're not? So, why are you sharing your life happenings with someone in another country, and then coming in here to pretend the situation is different? .... because it's obvious to me he knows you.
He knows where you work, he knows what flowers to send, he knows about your work status ... for someone you claim to barely know ... he knows a lot about you, which indicates to me that you're lying, in that you are actually leading him on.
Because a person who is just a friend, doesn't share intimate details with a friend in another country to the point that the friend knows your work address.
Something is wrong with this picture, and I'd wager that the culprit is your honestyclick to expand
We met through/at work, which is how he knows where I work. He drops by my company 1-2 times a month, which is the only time I ever see him. We don't spend any time alone outside of work. He found out about my promotion through Facebook, which is where most of our interactions take place.
Posted by krysrenee7
Maybe give him some credit in assuming that he may be 1 of those kind-hearted givers that gives "just because." The kind of guy who may give gifts even to the women he's not at all interested in himself.
Even then, I'd feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness by accepting the gift. Makes me feel indebted to him somehow. I agree with the rest of your post, though.
Posted by Sugarfoot
+1
I think it would be rude to send it back. You don't know for sure that he paid 120 for them. He coulda got them off eBay or Craigslist for $ 20 for all you know. I just hate when I go out of my way to make someone's day then they throw it back in my face. So I'd just graciously accept the gift. He knows where you stand. If he's trying to force something, that's on him when he gets rejected.click to expand
haha, could very well be the case. But I think I'd rather risk coming off rude than giving him false hope.
Well hey, if you feel like you'd feel better if you sent it back, then do so.
Again, there's a chance that his feelings may be hurt either way.
I can see both sides. And I wouldn't dare criticize you (like others are) for being the kind of person that isn't keen on receiving gifts from a person you're not interested in who's constantly showboated their interested in you. It's impossible to make you the bad guy here.
Do what you feel is best. Follow your heart. There's really no right/wrong when it comes to doing what's best for your own conscious.
Again, there's a chance that his feelings may be hurt either way.
I can see both sides. And I wouldn't dare criticize you (like others are) for being the kind of person that isn't keen on receiving gifts from a person you're not interested in who's constantly showboated their interested in you. It's impossible to make you the bad guy here.
Do what you feel is best. Follow your heart. There's really no right/wrong when it comes to doing what's best for your own conscious.
Posted by krysrenee7
I can see both sides.
I see someone being led on from a distance. This post is guilt of doing so.
Very simple if you really opened your eyes and read between the lines. No course of study for that unfortunately. You either have that ability or you don't.
Posted by peachey
He knows I'm not interested in starting anything, but I guess it doesn't matter so much to him.
This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is what you said in the OP, so all of your bullshit excuses in trying to pretend ignorance to it only proves you're a liar and gaming him (and us) for attention ... because you already testified to us in the OP that he it doesn't matter to him that you don't want to start anything .... which means you have full recognition that what you do with him, to him, because of him - that he takes it to mean you are agreeing with his terms of wanting his interest.
Posted by peachey
I've received flowers from guys and girls in the past and they weren't always romantic.
click to expand
We're not talking about friends. So, your answer is to blurt out bullshit?
Are you really that dense that you think other people don't know the difference between a romantic interest and friends?
That little excuse you had there was utter smoke and mirrors. This guy likes you, you know he does, you stated he does .... so you know goddam well that those flowers weren't intended as a gift from a guy friend. And for you to attempt to have us believe such bullshit only proves my point I've stated about you.
You are misleading.
You are leading him on.
Posted by peachey
I assumed he was just being friendly, especially since we recently had the talk about keeping things platonic and he agreed.
Another lie.
He didn't agree. You already stated in the OP that it didn't matter so much to him.
You have already testified that you realize that he doesn't agree with just being friends. By virtue of you realizing this, and you still playing on his attention = you are gaming him. You are leading him on.
Posted by peachey
When I tell someone I'm not interested and they agree to stay friends, then I expect them to know what they're getting themselves into.
click to expand
You know what you're getting yourself into ... yet, have no expectations on yourself to adhere to the fact that you have full knowledge that his desire is different than yours.
If you expect a person to adhere to their own standards, then you have to adhere to your own. For the fact that you won't stand by your own .... is pure double standards on your part.
You realized in the first sentence of the OP that it didn't matter to him so much that you didn't want to start something with him - which means you fully realize that he does want something started.
So, why don't YOU know what you are getting yourself into? You have an expectation on him that you aren't honoring for yourself.
So, not only are you leading him on .... you are also attempting to lead us on.
You're not fooling me .... I had you pegged as a liar at Opening Post, and I'm right. Everything you've said to try and disprove me, only served to make validate that I'm right.
My hope is that he realizes that you're full of shit .... and so moves on to a woman who is honest and has integrity.
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So I received the package today and it turns out he sent me a pair of headphones (I talked to him about buying a new pair). I looked up the price online and it's about $ 120 USD. I was okay with the flowers and everything else, but the headphones is just too much. I feel uneasy accepting it. Can I send it back without seeming completely heartless? I don't want to give him the wrong message by accepting it, so I guess I want to ease my conscience without hurting his feelings. Any suggestions on how to handle this delicate situation more tactfully?