Setting Up My Mother

Okay so... my mother would NEVER let me set her up or even make a dating account for her. She's never going to join anything with the amount she works and.. SHE NEEDS A LIFE!

I love her. Part of me wants to die because of her. But I want to do this for my mom.
I can't let her know I plan anything or she'll be pissed.
She's beautiful. She still has a young face. She's depressed and gains wait but she'll always be tiny and petit. I think having someone to make her happy would take the wait off in many ways. But how do I do this?
I don't know any man her age enough to trust. Do I do online searching for her? Put her picture up? But I can't pretend to be her. And I can't have my mom find out from the man that I set it up either. Grrr this isn't a movie!
But I want to try. She deserves a good man. She raised my jerk brothers and lazy me. My younger brother is the only miner left and that will change in a year. We're all annoying in our own ways and have problems. And she's busting her ass off. I'm trying my best here with raising my GPA at school so I can be elegible for financial aid and finding a job though there's one in sight. My brothers, don't ask. I want to at least give her some hope but she's always negetive and makes me feel like I'm doing this all on purpose, that somehow I'm happy that I'm not recieving money for school, that I haven't found a job yet. Sometimes I think about secretly being a private prostitute, what's easier then sex? I can do that. But that's going to damage my emotions more and it's dangerouse.

Besides the situation, I feel like time would fly faster for my mom if she was happy. Sure, you don't really need a man to make you happy, but for my mom, I think a good man will change her negetive view on the world. I mean come on she's never even had a relationship! Believe it!!! Married at 17 to a man she doesn't even know, raising three kids in America without even learning the language before hand. All she's done is take care of people. I want someone to take care of her. Don't get me wrong, but I don't want to be the one to take care of her. Because then... who's going to take care of me? I need to learn to take care of myself and build by life on the right path while it's still early. I don't mean to be selfish but there are ways I can't take care of her. You know what I mean right?

So help me out people. I need big time advise. Plans. Tips. Ideas.

OMG are you doing this for you (because you dont want to take care of her) or for her? If she wants to find love she will find it at some point.....the only thing I would encourage her to do is to find new interests/hobbies and meet new people...no you cant set up an online account and pretend to be her - although parents forgive almost anything, Id be horrified if my child did that to me.

Being a prostitute? hmmmmm really? thats also a terrible thought. Why dont you just let nature take its course? Take your mom out from time to time and that does NOT have to be expensive, take her out for a picnic and let her see the world if she works so much, spend time with her and let her see other people enjoying herself.

You cant find love for her - only she can put herself out there and unless you really think this could be true, NO MAN can make her complete, she has to find her own self esteem and her own life. No man will fix what is wrong with her life, she has to WANT to do it.

Its great that you love your mom enough to worry about her but finding a man wont help her with all her needs 😉

Well while it's honorable that you want your mom to be happy, you have to understand that if her finding a man were THAT SIMPLE & the quick-fix solution to her problems, she would've BEEN in a relationship by now. At this rate, it won't matter if she finds a man. If she's still holding on to whatever has always held her BACK, then she'll just run allt he men she meets away. And since you cannot date these men FOR HER, the BEST thing you can do for her is to let her figure this out on her own.

It's a very BAD idea to set her up on a dating site. Your mother is PERFECTLY aware of what's wrong with her. She may secretely crave companionship every now & then, but hey I don't blaim her for not jumping into 1 especially considering she's cleary got some baggage that she needs to attend to before she dates ANYONE! It wouldn't be fair to a new guy whose got it together to know up front that he's walking into something with someone whose NOT ready for love. YOU may be ready for HER to find love, BUT SHE has to be ready for HERSELF to find love. And until she is, all of your efforts will be pointless.

In life you learn that you can't fix everybody. THAT person has to want to identify what's wrong with them AND be dedicated to fixing those problems. YOU can't be a mom, a girlfriend or a wife FOR her. And if the shoe were on the other foot, I'm sure you'd agree.

You for some reason are thinking that a relationship/man will zap her problems away. THAT is the kind of mindset that alot of people wrongfully take with them in the dating world. After all, would YOU want your mom dating a man whose son went behind his back & FORCED/PUSHED his dad to approach your mom EVEN THOUGH the father clearly wasn't ready?! I'm sure you wouldn't want your mom settling or having to take on the task of solving someone else's problems.

You're HER daughter & if YOU can't even help her/fix her problems, what makes you think some STRANGER online will 1. Be up for the challenge in the 1st place AND 2. Be able to fix her problems. There's a REASON you haven't been able to fix your mother's problems; it's b/c only SHE can. And although it sucks, you still have to "know your place" & let her figure out what's best for HER. Only SHE knows what's best for her.

I know I know. BUT we're her problem! She doesn't even know HOW to date or talk to a man. She can't even talk to be about sex! She hates it when I bring the topic up :/ I mean, I got to learn about it the wrong way but... eh! I just think she needs to do more with herself. She wont let me take her out. If I say let's go here she'll make up the biggest BS to sit her ass infront of the tv and shut down. Even when it's important and I need her to take me somwhere!
Sometimes I feel like she's the teenager! Well, then again she never really got to be a teenager.
She wont admit her problems. And her problems create problems for me! Hence I'm affected.
I'll admit, I DON"T want to be a part of taking care of her!!! That's my selfish choice. But she does this guilt thing. The basic things every mother does is slapped in our faces. Yea, she raised us alone, only help from her mother who's just as big a pain in the ass and treats her like a child still. But I wish she could see her own problems. I guess I'm just wishing for the perfect man to sweep her away and make her his problems lmaooo so she can stop trying to control every single little thing in my life.

I swere I feel tears rolling down my eyes right now!!! She's a pure B*TCH! She would rather have me sit home isolated from the outside world. That's right, she doesn't even approve of the type of friends I like making. Esspessially if it's a boy! But I can't have female friends because my older brother is a sick mental case who pressures me to bring home any female friend I already do have. And he knows they're taken. He Hit Me! In the f*cking face with his shoe! I'm sure you've read that one. I just feel like my mother has this guilt hold on me. And dear lord I'd LOVE to move out and leave this all behind me. But... it's easier said then done right? I'm traditionally suposed to be a virgin still. I'm traditionally suposed to live under my parents roof (owner #1) till I'm married (owner #2). I HATE tradition!!!
I feel like if my mom was taken by a man she wont even hold onto ME as much, being her own daughter. And I would easily slip away without her knowing. That's the real deal behind all these. I don't want to leave her in dust, but I want to leave her still.

If I could, I'd put her in an old peoples home but she's not that old lmfao! Ha!

Oh yea, and she wont date anyone unless they're Armenian. And will marry her in like what... less then a year?..
I hate how she disaproves of my life,

the way I want my life. She doesn't want me to act like a child. Even when I was one. She always points it out! She tells me to look at my age! Yea mother I'm 19! What do you expect from me? Babies already— If you don't aprove of me then abandon me for crying out loud! She would get angry if she finds me goofing off with friends. I don't make bad friends. Sure weird, but I'm weird too and I can relate to them! So we still like to play tag! So I sat on my guy friend's shoulders once! Big fucking woop! All she cares about is: what will the other Armenian people think?? They'll gossip! They'll assume wrong!

I mean, I've been changing my look. I don't even look Armenian. I've put so much efert into the way I dress, act, sound, even facial features, just to not look like an Armenian to get that crowd off my back. 'what if someone who knows you see?' Like who? a bitter hag relative? what would they be doing on campus? in college? I'm always mistaken for European, no one untill I tell them can ever guess what I really am. She even tells me that I'm not Armenian. When will she let go of me?? Even if it's day time, she rather I stay home. And she wonders why I sleep so much, and never do anything around the house. She knows I sleep to avoid the family. Yet she's still being the same damn b*tch!