The Diff in Perceptions of Sex: Men vs. Women

I thought this was interesting so I decided to post this in here. Below, is a thread that I posted on the Libra board. After reading it, two male Libras assumed that I did not become initmate with a man bc I did not want to appear as a hoe. bc I told the guy I felt it was too soon and did not want to move so fast. So, I guess one could conclude that a person is trying to APPEAR a certain way. However, arent there several reasons why a person would not want to move too fast? Why would would a male assumption be that the women is trying not to APPEAR as a hoe. What if she had bad experiences before engaging in sex early on in a relationship? Or, she was raped? Or, she values sex and wanted to know him a little better before he rammed himself all up in her love box— Idk. Lol. I just thought it was interesting that two men thought this.

Thoughts?

What I posted:
"Well, to make along story bearable, me a Scorp (Sag in Venus and a whole lot of Libra in my chart) has gone on two dates with a Libra (Scorp in Venus). Our last date over the weekend and it was great. We had dinner, drinks and great conversation. He recently got out of a relationship and indicated that while he is not in complete opposition to cultivating a new relationship, he is not in a rush to get into one either. I completely understand this. He needs time to breathe and be single. I get it, no problem. Towards the end of the night, things got really hot and heavy as far as kissing, touching, etc. I stopped before we made it a homerun hitter. Lol. I explained to him that I did not want us to move too fast. He said that he understood and explained that he was highly attracted to me. But I could tell he was disappointed and his ego was a little deflated. So, my question is this, how do Libra??s handle rejection??_disappointment? Do you all think he will be back after he licks his wounds or tip toe to another woman who will spread her legs with a little more ease? Lol. Thoughts?

P.S. I was very nice about this and let him that I am attracted to him as well but just did not think it was the right time. "

((waves - hey gf - you are looking fantastic 😉 ))
Well, unfortunately, in our society, when a woman says "No," it's (typically) seen that she is a. trying to play hard to get, b. is following the "rules" or c. doesn't want to appear to be a "hoe", and of course, multiple variables of these three scenarios. The long and the short of the situation, and I say this to ALL of my friends (male & female); do what YOU want to do, when YOU want to do it. Obviously, for whatever reasons, you weren't feeling it at that time. His feelings probably WERE hurt, but that's HIS problem, not yours. I'm one of those people that does what I want to do. I have no "time stamp" on anything, it's my personal feeling/vibe that I have, but to that point. I don't care two hoots if I appear to be a "hoe" or if I appear to be "Mary Poppins." I do whatever the hell, I want to do. I am grown, and as long as I am not hurting anybody, I feel I can do what I chose to do (well, as long as that other person is interested too - lol). I'm sure you will still see this young man, and all will be well in the world. Just continue to "do you" and the rest will follow.
Holla'...

USC!!! OMG! How are you—

I completely agree with you. My decision was not based at all on a time stamp. It was based me knowing myself and how I can get. To put it bluntly, my heart has been pierced one too many times by a man's penis. Lol. I am not the type who can easily detach emotions from sex. With that being said, I am not ready nor have I made the decision that this man should have that part of me. Emotionally and/or physically. I really do not know him a from a can of paint. Lol. So yea... Smh. this dating game is no joke. Lmao! An expensive sushi dinner does not equate to giving it up. Lol.

Posted by natural25
USC!!! OMG! How are you—

I completely agree with you. My decision was not based at all on a time stamp. It was based me knowing myself and how I can get. To put it bluntly, my heart has been pierced one too many times by a man's penis. Lol. I am not the type who can easily detach emotions from sex. With that being said, I am not ready nor have I made the decision that this man should have that part of me. Emotionally and/or physically. I really do not know him a from a can of paint. Lol. So yea... Smh. this dating game is no joke. Lmao! An expensive sushi dinner does not equate to giving it up. Lol.

I'm all good baby girl...btw, I will be PM'ing you in a month or so to invite you to an L.A. get together 🙂 I'm all good; definitely can't complain!
Anywhoo...you are not alone, at least 95% of women can NOT be in a non-emotional only physical relationship; I am one of a few women who can 😉 LOL!
Take it easy on yourself and just do what YOU want to do. It's not a race, or a popularity contest.

Old skool - You are a fool! Lmao!!! SMH.

Lena - I do think the stigma around sex is indeed cultural. When I was in Europe, I observed the openess in sexuality as compared to the US. Obvuiously, my view on sex is largely learned. My mother always placed a very strong emphasis on being careful who you allow to write on your walls....if you know what I mean. Lol. It is something that just stuck. Also, I know how attached I can get.

USC - Please send the info over! Is this an event concerning business/networking, pleasure or both? Lol.

Dreamer 23 - Thanks for the support!

SweetLibra - Yea, he thought I was attractive and wanted to hit it. And you are right, by me doing all that heavy petting, (lol) he probably thought it was definitely going down. Otherwise, why do all that?! Lol. My bad. What can I say the flesh is WEAK! Lmao. I am just glad I was able to pump the brakes when I did. Especially, since homeboy just got out of a relationship.

DoubleGem - Yes he is most definitely on the rebound.

Yuck @ stickyfingaz!!! Lol.

BUT my whole point is it is interesting how two men ASSUMED I abstained from sex ONLY because I was trying to portray myself in a certain light. That was actually my whole point. Lol. As I think about it, I suppose there is some truth in that theory. While I think everyone should live their lives as they see fit, I do pride myself in the fact that I am selective when it comes to who I have sex with. IMO, either have sex to get that itch scratched and that be that OR be selective and do not just allow any old man to leave his footprints on your beach! Lol. There are some women who have sex with men not because they are simply sexual beings, or because they trust the man. Some women will sleep with a man out of desperation, neediness or because she thinks the intimacy will make the man fall in love with her; a means to manipulate the situation. So, I suppose I do feel a little proud that I do not fall into that category. Look at me popping MY OWN collar! LMAO! Gesh, sometimes, I can be SUCH a Scorpio!!! Lmao!!

@ Natural - LOL! You are too much; keep popping your collar gf!
I'll PM you.

Natural, I think you played your cards right he already told you he is coming out of a relationship and not ready for anything serious at the moment as a women you know how you feel once sex is brought into the picture so why get ur feeling hurt if things don't work out..... I know things got hot and heavy which is what happens when two people who are sexually attracted to each other start to make out but that's one good thing about being a scorp I have been in that position many of times and I have the will power to say no a lot of women don't have that will power.........

Ty - That is great that did not make a judgemnt on your wife and there are many men who arel ike you. There are other men who are not. However, that really was not my issue with Libra. I did not think that he would think I was a prude or a hoe either way. I was concerned about allowing myself to get caught up too soon.

Thanks Scoprdiva. Yea. I had to pump those brakes b/c I am not trying to get caught up emotionally as the rebound chick. I would have no one to blame but myself.

Norcalman - Thanks! I agree with you and I made the decision that I felt was best for me in the long run.

Posted by Lena282
It must be a cultural thing, Americans obsesses over virginity and purity. Doesn't really fly here in Europe we're kinda all slags, not to say we don't judge.

hahaha loved that!

I personaly these days just tell the guy straight. "you can fuck me now if you like but that means we will probably never be in a relationship" then I let them make the choice. If they genuinely want more then sex then they will wait if they just want sex then cool lets do it if it feels right. Either way both people know where they stand. To me its not about appearances I just think that if your having great sex with someone its very easy to miss stuff that the other person does that could be detrimental to a relationship. It's amazing how much stuff some people will put up with (myself included) if the sex is good lol.

But if someones holding back because they care what others think then they are stupid. If its because you care what the man thinks then that kind of makes sense, but it's prob a good idea to let the man know the reasons why so he dont go thinking your a tease/frigid/playing him/not interested and go find someone else.

Men can be so narcissistic sometimes.

Some men don't realize or understand that some women literally ARE dead serious when they claim that sex early on is just not "their thing." It may have NOTHING to do with the actual guy himself. She could careless what he thinks of her. She's deciding not to be a hoe or give up the goods too early b/c she has self-respect, morals & would be that way with anyone vs. she only pretending to be a certain way just to please some guy

That's the same as saying that men only work out & want muscles b/c they want to "appear" to be strong/masculine all so they can impress some chick. That's bull. Some men literally work out & take care of their bodies b/c THEY value their OWN opinions of themselves & b/c they literally just like to be healthy. It just so happens that women wanting them more for it is a perk of being healthy.

Some women absolutely DO pretend to be something they're really not all just to impress some guy that probably won't fall for her bull to begin with. BUT in those situations, why complain? If he feels that she's somehow faking her morals then he has the opportunity & free-will to walk away.

But questioning & knocking someone simply b/c they stick to their guns & care more about their OWN opinion of themselves moreso than everybody else's opinion is wrong & indicates that the man really needs to get over himself

And to be honest...what's so wrong with a woman wanting to make sure that every man she dates has a good impression of her?

What's so wrong with that? What's so wrong with a woman purposely waiting it out? Men complain when a woman won't have sex early on BUT yet those very same men would be quick to knock her & not take her seriously had she given it up too early.

There absolutely ARE certain consequences/rejections that come with the territory of putting out too soon. If they're weren't consequences (men losing respect for her or not taking her seriously, etc.) I think alot of women who actually do pretend, would be alot more honest with themselves & with others.

There's nothing wrong with making someone earn your goodies, whether they're sexual, emotional, physical, etc. goodies. And anybody who is so eager to always have what they never earned is obviously someone who has no patience, probably has bad intentions & isn't right for you anyways.

Women know that some men WILL absolutely change their perspective of her if she puts out too soon. And women like this are keeping the goodies to themselves, NOT b/c they want to play some kind of mind game or control him with sex, but moreso b/c women would much rather prefer a man see ALL of her & THEN make the decision to either stay with her or leave vs. basing their opinion on her on how much sex she's willing to give or not (early on)

krysrenee7 - You are so right! Men always want to make things about THEM. Also, most men, want to feel as though the have EARNED something. When a woman gives of herself to easily (in anyway) she is treated accordingly.

Oldskool - Stop hating! Lol. 😉

We sI really can't quantify my opinion into words at the moment...but the idea that a man 'changes his perception of her'..if she 'gives up to easily'. and refering to sex as 'goodies' or a 'prize' needs to be elaborated on to get a better understanding.

Also you shouldn't discredit a male's perspective on this, because well, he's the one who would have the most insight on this topic..because that's who's perspective we want to 'understand'.

Also..define 'easily'...where 'chemistry' and 'wantoness' get confused with each other.

Giving off impressions never work .... because one day you are going to want to be yourself, so you will be left with nothing else except to lie, so the other person won't catch on that the first you, wasn't really you.

I don't think having 'self-control' when you usually 'don't have self control' is lying to a person. But maybe that's just me.

Posted by natural25

.... how do Libra??s handle rejection ??_ disappointment? Do you all think he will be back after he licks his wounds or tip toe to another woman who will spread her legs with a little more ease? Lol. Thoughts?

Because there is no problem in making the guy feel rejected/disppointed ... hell hath no fury if a guy turns this around on a woman and she gets rejected. He damn sure would know that he crossed dangerous lines if he rejects a woman.

Her though .... she has no worries, or cares whatsoever that she does this to him.


And it's done to make an impression upon him about how she expects him to regard her ... there is nothing in this whatsoever as it pertains to her true feelings at that moment. It doesn't even foster respect .. it actually creates the opposite, in that if she's a wild cat sexually, then 'acting' morally respectful, while trying to play it as her character is actually false.


this whole thing reeks of insecurity about ones self .... if a woman has to "play" being a respected woman with intentions of slanting his perception of her .... then she's lying.


Respect doesnt' come from sex ... why people let themselves believe this, I have no idea.

Respect comes from being real, and not afraid of being real.

If you want to fuck the guy on first date, and you respect yourself ... then fuck him. Seriously, if he forms a disrespectful opinion of you, then he was going to form this of you anyway ... and seriously, is your value system of your based on other people's approval of you?


It's all a game ... you get aroused, you want to fuck him ... instead you push him away to feel rejected in hopes that he forms an expected opinion of you. When alls you have to do is be confident of who you are.