The Player's Handbook Revealed

My bff is on another international tour. Every few months or so he departs for a week, sometimes several. He's been doing this for years and where I recall him telling me his tactics before, I was reminded of it this morning when he called from the airport.

He has four women he's going to see that meet him at central destination. Girl 1 picks him up from airport, she pays for hotel, they stay for a few days and she drops him off at the airport. He hides in the airport until the coast is clear and waits for Girl 2 to pick him up. Girl 2 thinks he's just arrived. She then pays for hotel, stays for a few days and then she drops him off at the airport. This cycle repeats itself until all the women are serviced.

I never understood why the women bothered but then I thought, maybe they think they're in an LDR and where there's obviously something fishy going on...

Two flights...that at least one of them pays for/contributes money to
Hotel room...that they pay for
Car...that they pay for
Food...that they pay for
and Entertainment...that they pay for

these women have accepted this for years.

But that begs the question of what does he REALLY get out of it? Sure, women, sex and vacation, but there's more...money. He's always got something wrong and he plays the odds. Some are big spenders, others are nickles and dimes. All this to say, yes, he's a prostitute without the title.

I love my bff but sometimes, he scares the crap out of me because either all of these women have some sort of affliction that makes them seek out love in all the wrong places or his pimp hand is THAT strong.

Has anyone else noticed any signs/signals/behaviors/characteristics that can help identify a player?

Watching my male friends, here's my list...

1. Sob story. He'd come see you but he has a flat-tire. He'd take you out but he just paid his mortgage. There will inevitably be some gut-wrenching story that pulls on your heart-strings and makes you want to help.

2. You aren't invited. You've been to his home. He always has a convenient excuse, he may indeed be single, but you have NEVER been to his home.

3. Last name. You don't know it within a reasonable time frame.

4. Too available. Early on, he's too available, too ready, to eager to cater to your needs. In other words, he's a dream.

5. Invisible kids. He speaks fondly of them and yet, they never seem to be around for more than a few hours at a given time.

That's what I can think of for now. My bff really depresses me. I love him but sometimes after talking to him I feel like I need a long hot shower.

Commitment phobic. Charming. Flirts with/has sex with a lot of different woman but claims none of them. Strings them along emotionally with no intention of claiming, just reaps the benefits of emotional strokes of relationship with none of the 'work' involved.

venus, that's just it...i don't even think they need to be overly concerned with sex anymore.

i've known my bff for a while now and he probably confides in more than most...that includes his male friends. A LOT of these women he doesn't sleep with. he said today..."you're just not getting it. i don't even have to sleep with them anymore."

in other words, by holding out, by telling her that they should wait, get to know each other, develop a stronger bond because "sex ruins things," the woman is thinking...WOW! he's looking for a serious commitment. he can keep this charade going for MONTHS! if necessary.

i mean imagine some guy telling you that and he's totally available to you. it's disarming. but little do you know, he's got God knows how many on the side 😢

It's because they're getting all their emotional needs fed. Ego strokes, emotional pats, love, laughter at their faults, acceptance of who they are without the commitment. The familiarity of a long standing relationship. Which would reveal them to not be Casanova, but human, like any other.

which number are you tubb butt?

tate, shut it!

and you're right venus. but do you think there's a certain type of woman that succumbs to players? i mean, do the players know who they can run game on and if so, what are the signs that you're a player target?

i was vulnerable when i met my leo-ex and where i wasn't a complete dumbass, i never gave him money 😛 for example, i do think my lack of self-esteem when we met resulted in me staying in that situation much longer than i should have.

In all honesty I think any woman can succumb to a player. We all have a deep seated need to be wanted. However, I think women with lower self esteem, issues with self are more susceptible. The initial flush of what seems to be exclusive attention is very attractive. Silver tongued shameless flattery. Over the course of things, i.e. as a woman opens up, there will be certain leverage points to exploit. Bad break up? "Oh baby, I'll treat you right." Anything and everything a woman wants to hear, this guy has it in a mental vault. Your ready made knight in shining armor. Soon as the knickers drop they turn into The Flash.
I am not saying all men are this way, but certainly some are. It's like a fox in the chicken coop.

tu as raison!

i think it's because some of these women are very successful that the assumption is that they're smarter in the love arena and the reality is no...being book smart doesn't make you smart in love.

and i guess you're right. players are like fake "mind readers." they listen, pay attention to your body language, etc... and they tell you exactly what you want to hear.

ok it's official....enter the hermaphroditic version of mr.nice

jason, how would answering a question that you know the answer to help you formulate a response to the OP?

and that's because...?

aaaaaaaaaahh, i know what that's like. been having tons of those lately. why not pass out?

i usually fight it if i know i have to do something within the next 3 hours. if so, it's almost not worth it to sleep. makes me irritable. go to bed!

stop huffing

Ok, after a buddy night and listening to grown men ramble on like bitches...

- He has more than one cell phone and one of them is a prepaid shitter 😛

- He has a new male friend all of a sudden. Barring DL activity, the new friend is a gateway...a means to access breezies (women) and get back in the game without all the work.

- He uses "work" as an excuse to almost all absences.

- He's dressing differently.

I can understand how these women could be fooled into thinking they were in a genuine LDR but how on earth does he manage to get them to continually pay for everything? That just baffles me.

Does he go for fairly affluent women?

i'd say most of the women are middle to upper middle-class and there's a few wealthy ones. the main one is a long time financier and she doesn't mind giving him THOUSANDS of dollars every now and again.

my bff is a unique case though and looking at his chart, it all makes sense. i've told him that his most marketable skill is friendship as he is the most endearing person you'd ever want to meet. he's not smooth. he's a virgo after all 😛 but it's a combo of virgo, aqua, leo that makes him a magnet with superglue all over it. it's definitely hard to explain but trust me, as slimy as he may seem, he's still able to pull off the "good guy" role.

Actually, looking at his chart closer, it's all the Aquarius placements that's the problem but anyhoo, back to the playa list...

Of course Jase. First because you have a brain, second because you value a relationship.

@scorp - yeah, but after listening to my bff talk to these women (sometimes he puts them on speaker phone), i'm convinced that it's just a matter of stupidity/ignoring the obvious. women can also be...self-centered/selfish/needy/desperate.

i recall one convo in particular where this chick talked non-stop. they were on the phone for a good hour. all he had to do was interject every now and again to affirm he was still there or add some random statement of support.

she just wanted attention/companionship...something because that was, without a doubt, the most pointless conversation i've ever heard in my life. i was so pissed by the end of if that i told him that was the LAST time he put one of his bitches on speaker around me...he of course ignores this rule.

so in some cases, men don't have to do much. sometimes it's enough for them to be on the phone, in our bed, eating our food, soaking up our air. and if he can get away with little and you love him, why should he give more? and who's at fault? the guy or the girl?

that's sorta why i stopped judging/caring about what my bff does. some of these women have been dealing with him long enough to know better. he's not exactly hiding it and as you said scorp, the first time he asks for cash...ok, you live and learn. but the second, third...and you pay for dinner and get the tip? whaaaaaaaaaaat? puh-leez! take that bitches money cause she obviously don't know what to do with it.

@WB - that is perfect for my bff and definitely for this thread 😉 i'm surprised i've never heard it before.

@jason - lol but WHY does he make you angry?

jason his deception is loathsome but regardless of the airport ruse, at the end of the day...



Two flights...that at least one of them pays for/contributes money to
Hotel room...that they pay for
Car...that they pay for
Food...that they pay for
and Entertainment...that they pay for

these women have accepted this for years.


if you leave your wallet open on a park bench and walk away only to return and yell "THIEF!," i personally blame you. the thief...not so much.

lol..are you guys calling my bff a sociopath?

Posted by valeria25

But, to be on a philosophical bout .... what and who is more evil (if you want to call it "evil"), the one who is doing the deeds or the one that knows and watches?

what am i supposed to do exactly?

most all these women come to know the real deal. and most all of them DO NOT CARE! if they don't, why should i? it used to bother me...a lot. eventually, i stopped giving a rat's poo because at the end of the day, he and i are cool. he looks out for me. he's generous with me. he's REAL with me.

when it's just he and i, he's...different. i have been out with him and that persona, that "show," i don't like it because i KNOW it's fake. i understand how women can be drawn to it and i'm sorry they don't get to see what i do but maybe someday, some woman might and he'll be man enough, mature enough to put the game aside. until then...

i learn from him. he's a constant reminder that the world is cruel so be on the ready at all times.

i never felt the need to study in depth but know enough to know that he's not one. mainly because he does feel guilt/remorse. this isn't a foreign emotion to him. it's not something he attempts to emulate.

i remember watching a docu/interview with jeffrey dahmer and his father before dahmer was murdered in prison. the way dahmer spoke was...sad. he knew what he did was wrong but there was this level of disconnect...even when he talked about discovering faith, it was cold and removed.

overall, my bff isn't like this BUT, he is a virgo 🙂 and at times, he has a difficult time admitting fault/wrong-doing but i blame that on virgo not on psychopathy.

yeah, i get what you guys are saying and i think my bigger point in the thread was to recognize signs of a player more than focus on my bff...although feel free to do so.

i think he's....an abnormal case because as i've said, THIS is his job. THIS is how he earns a living. and i would feel sorry for the women, i do actually until he says something like...

yeah, so and so gave me 2k to renovate my media room. or...

remember so and so? she offered to open up a bank account for me to get my business off the ground.

^^now that one was funny because as soon as he said it, i looked at him like "bitch, WHAT m' f'n business?" he looked back and me and just smiled.

it's like a dark comedy and i'm sorry, i know that i shouldn't be so dismissive as i'm not. i mean, i started this thread because he actually made me sad that morning and i wanted to put yet another reminder out there for those of us in the dating world...trust no one. i get my reminder on the regular. not everyone has the fortune of witnessing the tricks of the trade.

i tell you, had i met bff before i met his bro, i would've never dated him. bro isn't nearly as bad but there were warning signs that i chose to ignore.

YEP!

overall, if i had to give a number one rule it'd be "NEVER GIVE A MAN MONEY!"

i watch my grandparents and it's cute. they have separate bank accounts. my grandmother respects my gdad and his money but she has access to his accounts. she keeps both checkbooks at all times.

now my gdad, he doesn't have my gma's checkbook and wouldn't THINK of asking her for money. for them, "together" means what his is hers and what's hers is hers. and my friends, when it comes to money, that's the way God intended it to be. "it's in the Bible"...somewhere 😉

lol...stingy taurus 🙂

sorry for the confusion. the women don't know 100% what's going on. they don't know the true depths of the deception. hell, he's my road dog and i don't know some of it. he'd probably tell me but sheesh...not sure i could take it. and i guess if i can't stand to hear it, maybe they can't either? better to turn a blind eye.

overtime, they have to recognize the crumbling facade...

they HAVE TO KNOW that the money they may have "loaned"/"invested", will never be returned.

they SHOULD KNOW that he's not in "settle down" mode.

and they MAY KNOW that he's dealing/sleeping with other women.

i'm sure he's deceived and disappointed his fair share of women but tbh, he tends to avoid women who are looking for longer-term commitments. the, "i'm happy with my life and i don't need to get married" chicks are ideal because if they catch feelings at some point, he can turn it back on them. he didn't change, they did and either she leaves OR more likely, she stays because she's in love now. at the end of the day, not his fault.

jsaon, why are virgos so judgmental? again, why do you care about his wee and the women whom partake of his wee? he's not raping/molesting anyone. consenting adults doing what consenting adults do.

yeah, i think he will have trouble when he wants to settle down but tbh, i'm not sure he wants to. i think he might be one of those old men that ends up recycling tenderonis.

uhm jase, you masturbated after being angry at my bff? hmm....no comment.

valeria, yeah, he's got me until i get married because afterward, no more naked co-sleeping.

lol


Prostitution is the oldest and most profitible career known to man. And tax-free, so long as you're not caught.


Talk about being mental, it looks like the responsers here take the cake .. the man is merely a whore to women who are willing to pay for the services, in which he must be a really good fuck 😄 ... and the mental responsers in here have him in a nut house, under a microscope, being diagnosed.


He's just a whore, and good at it apparantly. These women don't CARE so long as his tongue and dick still works.



Christ .... some of you responding are real nutters.

At the risk of being another NUTTER, my thoughts are that these woman MAY have their own agenders...the ones paying for him to come and go have enough money which doesnt mean too much to them, so their own lives must be of that they are professionals & have little time for a real relationship or rich husbands that have little time for them.

However for him to feel guilt there must be some that he is completely decieving into believing they are in an intimate LDR.

Very interesting topic...I've seen men that can woe a woman because they have learnt the art of what a woman really wants...they are all ears and affectionate and loving and touchy feely and it pays off...Unfortunetly the ones I've seen had alterior motives, all they wanted was to get her into bed and it worked a treat! One guy I knew was an older gentleman and he could get the hottest chick in the room everytime...we who knew him used to watch and shake our heads!

agreed, men can be prostitutes too and not all whores conduct business in back alleys. i didn't get the sociopath analogy myself but eh...

@swhearts - lol...i meant he is capable of remorse/guilt in general. not that he feels guilty for dealing with these women. his time is worth something and where they're not exactly cutting a check for "services rendered," that's what's happening isn't it?

at risk of going further off-topic, most women when on dates expect the guy to foot the tab. even if they make a financial contribution here and there, the dude is coming out the pocket. what if you reversed that?

i recently started a thread about LDR/Online Dating. it was suggested that if one goes to see the guy or vice versa that he foot the bill? why? simply because he has the penis? my bff would argue that he's doing what women have done for millennia so why the astonishment?

so honestly, i don't think it's his taking the money that's the issue really...although i get why some are offended. i was more focused on the multiplicity. i mean, what do you think these women miss most after it's all said and done? i don't think it's the money.

and that's not to say that money isn't important. if you can part with it, fine. if you can't, don't. i think the money becomes a point of contention at the end of a relationship...or it can but really, it's not the money that folks want back. it's their self-respect/worth/esteem.

a player generally wants two things. money and sex. if he can't get the money, he'll opt for the sex. so if rule #1 is keep your purse strings pulled tight, rule #2 is keep your legs closed and your mouth shut...be careful who you lay with.

dear Tub butt

I think you and this BBF of yours go together maybe you could get the rat thing to join you make a 3sum

@valeria - "mouth shut"...not in the talking perspective. the uhm...sexual one.

tate, shaaaadup!

actually, sociopaths can emulate feelings very well and feel no remorse...no guilt. they're smart enough to recognize these behaviors in other human beings and to appear normal, they mimic normal human behavior. but they feel no guilt/remorse. they mimic it. my bff doesn't mimic.

i agree with P. maybe she and i belong on the same lucidity farm. the topic is PLAYERS. i used my bff as an example but it could've easily been GOLD DIGGERS. a woman who receives monetary gain from a male companion deserves the same negative sentiment right?

overall, i honestly don't care so much about the receipt of money. i mean, sure, i think you shouldn't give money to man to whom you're not committed legally but yall are focusing on the deception. i'm focusing on the frequency of the deception...the NUMBER of women.

if i date a player and he's only playing me, that i can stomach. i can get over that. but if he's playing me and 5 other women...that's another story.

i will admit that having been around my bff, i am a reformed player. it's easy to get things without laying on your back. it's sad but true. and taking advantage of the weak doesn't make me proud but why do they make it so easy?

@butter - eh...sometimes the situation begs for it.

a guy once gave me 1500 bucks after knowing me for about 6 weeks and without laying with or kissing me. am i proud of it? no. but when you hang around players, it rubs off on ya. plus it made for some interesting articles.

the women that i've met locally are very similar. the difference is, the women are less pathological but they do it to. as my gf said, he's eating your food, getting cool of your air, laying up in your bed, GET MONEY!

@sea, why are yall taking him so personally? i get it but it's not really that serious as you wouldn't be foolish enough to allow this to happen to you right? he's at fault for much of it but the women aren't exactly innocent. we're not talking about him preying on mentally challenged people.

and yes, he sleeps naked and sometimes in my bed because we watch movies. it's not that serious as who he is with me is different than who he is when he's in player mode.

agreed. we all make mistakes. we all are capable of falling victim. hopefully the lessons we learn don't have to be tragic ones but learn the lesson and be better for it. ideally, there would be no lesson to learn but this is the real world and "nice" isn't a standard state of being.

@sea, sorry to hear it. it's unfortunate that you had to endure it to learn what NOT to do moving forward but hey, how do we learn but from experience? my ex, my bff's brother (yeah, it's convoluted), was a jackass too. not nearly as bad as my bff but even in watching the behavior of my bff, i ignored the signs. for that i feel foolish. i blame me, not my ex. it's not that i wasn't alert. it's not that my woman's intuition wasn't shifting into high gear. i simply should have known better.

again, we're not exactly victims without a voice. in the case of my bff at least, there's no gun, no partner-rape, no emotional abuse in the extreme sense. there's merely a woman who's on cloud 9 who'll do anything to keep from coming down.

Posted by tubbyscubby

there's merely a woman who's on cloud 9 who'll do anything to keep from coming down.

That about sums it up. Unfortunately women (moreso than men) will do ANYTHING to keep a man - have a child by him to keep/trap him; give him money to "buy him"; forego all of her friends to be with him; make large sacrifices to stay with him; sometimes allow themselves to be emotionally or physically abused by him because, hey, any attention is good attention...(not what I think, but I've seen it time and time again).
People are adults and must act as such. Does that mean we make poor decisions sometimes? Yep, but if we are adults we have to accept the consequences of our actions - sometimes there are good outcomes, and sometimes there are poor outcomes, but the problem surfaces when we don't LEARN from those situations and continue to do the same things over and over again. Any women I've known that have been cheated on knew it. I'm not saying right when it first happened, but when the dust settled and the rose colored glasses came off, the women looked back on things that just didn't add up, but they CHOSE to overlook them and give the guy the "benefit of the doubt." Right, wrong or indifferent; oftentimes, the writing is on the wall; whether we chose to read it or not is up to us.
Short story - one of my male friends met this chick who was about 8-9 years older than him. She was getting a divorce at the time and just was sprung on my friend. Anywhoo...she was moving out of the state he lived in and wanted to maintain a relationship with him. He told her point blank, "I am NOT looking for a woman; I'm chilling, so if you want to come along for the ride, so be it, but I'm making no promises of anything for the future." She accepted it. Took him on trips; paid his rent; bought him an Escalade (used, but hey she bought it cash out in his name). A year later she was pressing for a relationship, he reiterated his prior position, and she knew she had to bounce because all of the "buying" wasn't changing his mind. He told her she could have the truck back, but she told him no, because she bought it for him.

THANK YOU USC! that's what i was getting at. even when faced with the reality, even when told the truth, even when given the option of reclaiming the physical/monetary objects that were "stolen" from them, the women don't want it back. i think it's because they are still holding out hope that "one day," he will remember their kindness. he knows she was kind. she was so kind that he's looking for another one just like her...HA!

and i agree, women's intuition is like a fog horn but in the course of a "relationship," many/most of us ignore it. in retrospect however, all the signs where there and that's ultimately why i think my bff gets away with it. "i should've known better" has been uttered by victims all the world over.

UGH! why are you focusing on the man? my bff specifically. the objective here is to learn so you don't have to live it for yourself. there is evil in the world. there are men who take advantage of women, people who rape children, tyrants who slaughter innocents... by focusing on the individual who's committing the horrible acts, you miss the point.

what are the signs?

how do you recognize when you're in denial?

how do you get out of it if you're caught up?

yall want to punish the bad guy. the bad guy will reoffend...trust me. i'd much rather enlighten women than reform "men."

pffffff! way...what a way to not read the topic...


Has anyone else noticed any signs/signals/behaviors/characteristics that can help identify a player?

Posted by tubbyscubby
Watching my male friends, here's my list...

1. Sob story. He'd come see you but he has a flat-tire. He'd take you out but he just paid his mortgage. There will inevitably be some gut-wrenching story that pulls on your heart-strings and makes you want to help.

2. You aren't invited. You've been to his home. He always has a convenient excuse, he may indeed be single, but you have NEVER been to his home.

3. Last name. You don't know it within a reasonable time frame.

4. Too available. Early on, he's too available, too ready, to eager to cater to your needs. In other words, he's a dream.

5. Invisible kids. He speaks fondly of them and yet, they never seem to be around for more than a few hours at a given time.

That's what I can think of for now. My bff really depresses me. I love him but sometimes after talking to him I feel like I need a long hot shower.


^^^^from the two OPs. if you all want to go off on a tangent about my bff, fine. if it helps you understand the topic better, fine. but don't confuse my intent with yours. i gave up on him a LONG time ago which is why i don't care what/who he does. sure, it saddens me at times but this topic wasn't a lament about men but rather a call to enlighten and empower women.

what thread, on this forum in particular, doesn't veer off in some random direction? it seems to happen a lot on my threads. maybe it'd due to my lilith in gemini 😛

i'm not saying that my bff isn't an interesting topic but that was NOT my intent. yall ask the questions, i'm more than willing to answer but if you read my posts, i have tried to steer it back to my original intent and will continue to do so while simultaneously engaging in an off-topic discussion. at some point, folks will offer some insight that is on-topic.

point is, i'm not gonna fight yall to see it's not about his wee and what his wee is doing. the story about him was merely a lead-in and an interesting one at that.

and he's due home soon. i will get him to read this to which he is going to be PISSED! but i will share his viewpoints if he offers any but i can guarantee that he'll just shrug it off because in his view, he's not hurting anyone. will update ya on that if the info becomes available.