Big Daddies and Cougars

Has anyone ever successfully dated someone 10+ years their senior? And I mean "successfully" in the sense that the relationship was consummated, feelings were felt and it lasted a year or more?

I attempted dating two...three older men in the past. One was the biggest mistake of my ENTIRE life and although nothing came of it, the notion that I even thought of allowing that creature to touch me makes my skin crawl. And no, we never consummated or kissed which is pretty much why he spazzed out.

Anyhoo, I don't so much mind older men. They're interesting to talk to. They totally dig my sense of humor. They can discuss complex topics/issues. They know what they want to do with their lives and are doing it. They're clear with regard to their expectations in terms of family and children. They're more open with their feelings. They are excited about the prospect of being with you and aren't afraid to show it. They are always asking if the can help you even when you don't need it.

The downside of course being they're old, beauty fades, lucidity can fade, socially it's challenging...

I have a mentor who married an older man when she was younger. I think she was in her mid-20s, he was in his late 30s-early 40s. They've been married for almost 20 years and are very happy. But he still had a spring in his step when they met. I wonder if there's a such thing as being too old? Most recommend an age gap of no more than 10 years.

Anyhoo...

1. Would/have you ever dated someone 10+ years older/younger? Why/why not?
2. What were the differences compared to someone closer in age?
3. Did it last, if so, why not?
4. How did/would your friends/fam react?
5. Would you do it again?

34 is still young. he still has his looks. i imagine if you'd feel differently if he were 50+ and did the same things for you prince?

My longest and the most serious relationship was with someone 12 years older than me. Older men are great in a lot of aspects you mentioned in your post. The downside was that he had a baggage and I wasn't mature enough to accept it.

i don't think it has anything to do with black women being easy per se. for those that have NEVER dated outside their race or specifically black women and are older/divorced/widowed, i think black women seem like a sure thing. marriage rates are low for us for a reason so i think the perception is, the courting stage won't take long.

he's older, he doesn't have time to waste and he's sick of going to bed alone. and that attitude, that desperation i think is the same for most old men, regardless of race. where a greater number of women can be quite content not getting remarried later in life, an older man is likely to run off with the first chick to say i do and i guess black chicks statistically seem the easiest?

with the younger ones who have never dated outside their race, i think it's more sexual curiosity. white men, or so i've been told, find black women intimidating. and for most black women, i think we have blinders on when it comes to white men. the early flirting signals/whatever just aren't connecting in the way they should.

a guy can't "give you the eye" if you're not even looking in his direction or worse...looking "through' him. so i think guys who might genuinely be interested don't know how to approach as they're not given any signs of a green light. and sometimes when they do approach, the black chick is so oblivious or dismissive that nothing comes of it.

for me, i like this older guy i recently acquainted. he's returned to a land far far away but i genuinely enjoy talking to him...in a refreshing sorta way. unlike the aries, who is closer in age, i don't feel as if i'm being too much of an egghead. i feel like my intelligence is appreciated rather than intimidating. with younger men, that's rare...at least in my endeavors.

lol @ prince. i wish my stomach had that much fortitude but if i'm not attracted to someone, i can't fathom sleeping with them. and God forbid they're a kisser. that would be my WORST nightmare. having some ug-mug all up in my face trying to swap saliva....gross!

hikoro - excellent points. yes, culture/national origin plays a LARGE part. it largely depends on the man's country of origin though. for example, i have a friend that went to switzerland to complete her masters. she is jamaican and gorgeous! well, the entire time she was there, men would approach her as if she were a prostitute. she had trouble being taken seriously which impeded her ability to obtain employment. although, switzerland is a difficult country to immigrate to...

everything you said about the perception of african-"american" as opposed to non-american black is sooo true. an accent goes a LONG way but this is true regardless of race in some respects. americans love accents. that's why every new tv show host has a british accent. there are positives, generally, associated with being from outside this country. now women from the continent of Africa as opposed to West Indian women are diametrically opposed. i think African women are not viewed in a positive light but a West Indian is exotic and other worldly.

i'm liking this far-far-away dude lots but i think that it's all the aries in my chart that is afflicting me in some way. i like starting anew. it's fun. he's fun and interesting...until he's not 😛

I am dating someone 20+ years older right now and we've been together for almost 4 years. We were also friends for a long time before we began dating. It only works if the younger person is independent and has her/his own life. Otherwise it turns into a child/parent relationship and that can be very unhealthy. I am not one to go out and look for someone older, I just happen to like who I like and I fell in love with someone of that age. Although I am very attracted to old-fashioned, chivalrous gentlemen with good manners. I'm all about mature good guys and I find that in men who are a bit older. Although there are exceptions, of course. People who find out I'm dating someone older and do not know both of us, always assume that he must be rich. That really bothers me. Sometimes I'm really glad that he isn't, because no one can call me a gold digger. Has anyone ever experienced that?

When I was 23 I dated and was engaged to a 46 year old man. It was good because his maturity level was something desperately lacking in men my own age. I was a single mother and already had outgrown the party scene, I had a baby girl to look after. It did not work out because he had an anger problem, a very ugly one. I do not think I'd do it again, would like to keep things closer to my own age.

I went out with someone 16 years younger...maturity was definitely lacking. Not interested in doing it again but you also never know the age of someone you are attracted to til you meet them and then a decision has to be made! The last person taht made an impression on me was 7 years younger but circumstances were that we couldn't really give it a go! Pity!!

lol 🙂 i remember that episode

"I am dating someone 20+ years older right now and we've been together for almost 4 years. We were also friends for a long time before we began dating."

@ladycap - that would make him 45+ given your profile says you're 25. that means that you began dating when you were 21 and he was 41+ correct? and that you were "friends" for a "long time" before you began dating. which means that you were in your early 20s and possibly a teenager when you met this man.

no offense, that's parent-child scenario no matter how you look at it. money or not, just doesn't make sense.

either his development is arrested and he's choosing to stoop/act/relate to someone who is far more immature than he in order to have a tenderoni on his arm, he's immature/unintelligent with/without you or he's a dirty old man and you have daddy-issues.

20-year old concerns, ideas, thoughts are far different from 30-year old concerns. 30+ year olds are different from 50+ year old. you have couples that get married in their early 20s that divorce before or well-into their 30s because the reality is, a 20+ year old is an adult by number only. a 20 year old hasn't lived life long enough to TRULY have a sense of identity and any man/woman who is the elder in the relationship who kids him/herself to think they've found a match is f'd in the head.

if i date someone 15+ years older i'm not kidding myself about the arrangement. yeah, love can be achieved with an older individual but be real...it boils down to stability/security cause it damn sure ain't looks or longevity.

correction...it's not looks/longevity for the younger of the two.

george clooney is hot but he also has on a shit load of makeup and can get nipped, pulled and tucked. normal 48 year old he is not. he's a taurus btw.

Posted by Prince_Pisces
Well my Leo is 34. . . .I'd say its going successful 🙂 He buys me whatever I want 🙂 LOL! I've never really been with someone around my age, but i've only had two real relationships before, the others were just sugar daddies 🙂 lol.

^^^^had to quote you prince because your honesty is refreshing 🙂

i won't say that i'm looking for big daddy but f-that. if i'm compromising on age, he better have some bank. i wouldn't be upset if my friends assumed i was in it for the money. i'd be ashamed if they assumed i was in it for the money and he didn't have any money. what kinda broke bullshit is that?

my friends know me well enough to know that yeah, stability is part of it but compatibility is a necessity. i can hardly have friends i can't relate to. so an old, farting, hairy man that keeps telling me to turn the music down is out of the question. i have to be able to relate to him on a grander scale and he has to be attractive. so my friends will recognize that in addition to the finances.

with that said, he doesn't have to be donald trump but i can build a life with someone who is in my age group. if he's in his late 40s and he's still building/finding himself...CHECK PLEASE!

Here's my take on that...Sure they say age is nothing but a number & all that good stuff. AND people nowadays are attracted to anything that is either on OR beyond their level, considering they feel that most of the potentials in their age range just aren't getting it right or satisfying them. Would I date someone 10 years older than me? Possibly. BUT only if we were on the same page. I'd want to be my partners equal & vice versa. Generally when people specifically seek mates significantly older than them, it's for some type of gain or benefit to them. For example, older men are more attracted to much younger women b/c of the supposed better sexual benefits & experiences. And on the flip side, alot of women are attracted to much older men b/c they associate big time gaps in age with a man that is more 1. mature. 2. has more money & 3. Atleast has MORE than the average guy her age has. For me, I would want a man that is my equal; a man that doesn't have way more than me, but then again not a whole lot less than me either. I'm not the type to go after a man that has the 1. House 2. Dream car. 3. Dream career 4. Financial stability OR any other thing that is GOOD to have, bUT yet the things that I DON'T have. And I say that b/c when you or your mate has more than the other, there's always a possibility that someone might have those same things (the reason we even geared towards that person in the 1st place) over your head. I've seen alot of age-gap-relationships work out, BUT nowadays, it's very rare, especially depending on how young the person is when they start b/c of the trend nowadays that gears people to use others for what they don't have or only gear towards someone else b/c of comparison. For example, there's a difference between a woman whose 55 dating/marrying a man that's 65 vs. a woman whose only 22 dating a man that is 32 or 42. I don't see the problem in dating someone that is much older than me, BUT it's not like I specifically & only look for someone a certain age either. I say that b/c there are lots of OTHER more important factors about a person that matter more & that could potentially make/break whether or not the relationship actually works out. If a 25 year old happens to be that UMPH I need, then I'll go for it. And hey, if a 45 year old man happens to be that UMPH, I'll go for it too.

For me, the older a man is the more liklier I'll have to deal with more baggage. For example, when you're 18 & looking for love, sure there's always going to be the guys that had children young, BUT for the most part the biggest challenge in that age group is moreso maturity & worrying about fidelity, since that's an age when responsibility is not necessarily the main focus over fun. BUT when you're 29 looking for love, (and without somone with alot of baggage or kids), the chances of you finding someone with no baggage (through the form of kids, debt, etc.) goes DOWN tremendously just like the chances of an older person being more mature the older they get goes UP tremendously. For me, I think both are just as important. If a woman doesn't have kids, it may not be the smartest thing for her to go for the guy that's been divorced twice & with 3 kids already, even though he might be financially stable or more mature. The truth is, the longer someone lives, the more baggage they will have due to the number of their experiences (good & bad) increasing with age. It all just depends on the REASOn someone would want to date someone much older than them in the 1st place. Like I said, nowadays, alot of people want to date people much older OR younger than them for selfish or for the wrong reasons; in other words, the focus doesn't seem to be on love or about how that person makes you feel anymore. Seems like the new trend is about how much/what that person can DO for you. An older man might LOVE his younger girlfriend's hot body b/c it provides him with that sexual satisfaction he feels he's not getting from women his age, BUT at the same time that same young girlfriend may not be on the same level with finances, children or anything else that is JUST as important to him either. I think it's all about finding your equal. For example, if a woman whose 25 with 2 kids ends up dating/being in a relationship with a man that is 45 with 2 kids then their relationship might actually work out due to the fact that their circumstances & situations are both very similar. In that case, the age difference wouldn't necessarily matter b/c atleast they'd both have the 2 most important things in their lives, in common. It all just depends on WHY both people would lean towards dating someone much older or younger than them. It all starts with motive & intention

OH-EMM-GEE! two posts without ONE paragraph break.

damnit krys! are you replying via your phone? tell someone to show you how to use the paragraph button!!!!

with that said, i agree with much of you wrote although my left eye is crossed right now.

Yes it is painful but i highlight my own paragraphs witht he mouse and then read section by section 🙂

lol well hey if this were English class, maybe I'd care moreso about paragraphs & all that good stuff. But this is just Dxp..people are either going to read what I have to say or they won't. This is an opinion column so of course my focus is moreso getting my opinion out, vs. worrying about how my sentences are structured.

dude, stop being and ass and just use the return button on occasion.

better yet, type in all caps and bold letters from now on. this is the first time i've actually read one of your posts and obviously the last.

@Tubby..hey you not reading my post anymore won't hurt my feelings one bit. I don't take this website that seriously, nor do I get paid to make you happy...if you're expecting for me to run off crying, you're sadly mistaken.

@Taurus...I'll take that into consideration ;~P

you're missing the point. i NEVER read them until that post. eyestrain.

you are intelligent and you obviously made good points but after line three, i give up.

so it would be kind of you to just use the return button as i'm not the only one who has trouble if you haven't noticed.

Well, up until this point all I've seen is the younger girl/older guy scenario. What about the older girl/younger guy scenario? I'm currently dating a guy 8 years my junior, what are your thoughts on an older woman in a relationship with a younger guy? =)Just curious? =) OH, and hello all =)

uhm...EEK! what's his first initial?

advice is... "don't fall"

Your 46 so he's 38...certainly not a babe!

Wooohoooo Bella! G-g-g-g-g-GET IT LADY!! 😄

Welcome to dxp Tauruslady. 🙂

Haha, sounds like you've got yourself a Cappy...just make sure you get a great deal first on the job before you play Bells 😛

And dont forget us here waiting to here the next chapter!

I'm in my 30's and I prefer younger (LEGAL AGE AND OVER 25) men. I used to always like guys who were at least my age, or a few years older, but now, I just attract younger men from like 20 and up. My last person (the Leo) was about 9-10 years younger than me, and let me tell you - he was more mature and put together than any guys my age and even some older ones.
I'm particular about a lot of things, and I like a certain type of guy, and older men just don't do it for me. Most of the ones that are attracted to me are WAY older than I am (I'm talking in their late 60's) and they a. don't have any swag; b. don't have ANY sense of style (and I'm not saying they should dress young, because they shouldn't, I'm saying they should dress nicely); c. they are too pushy and overbearing (for my taste) and I'm not talking the 60 year olds, I just mean older guys in general.
In the business realm, I'm uber professional and I take my ish seriously, but in my personal life I am silly as hell. I watch Spongebob and other cartoons, I'm a child at heart - a perpetual 7 year old 🙂 and I love it. Older men just are too stuffy for me. There is nothing wrong with that, it just isn't a fit/match for me. I'm certan that if I ever date again (seriously), the person will most definitely be younger than I am - and I'm cool with that...

Go Bella ... do the damn thang!!! 😉

GO BELLA GO BELLA GO BELLA!!!

I wanna hear how it goes!!! DONT BACK OUT!!!! Do the damn thang just like USCTG said!

Posted by Astrological Aftermath1
GO BELLA GO! (not sure why we're all saying this btw?)

GO BELLA GO! FUCK THAT CAPPY!

HAAHAAAHAAA, 'cause we want her to live a little 😉

YEP, and every woman needs some attention in her AREA. 😉

Posted by BellaBulleautiful

Posted by venusianbull
YEP, and every woman needs some attention in her AREA. 😉

my AREA has not had any attention but my own for 3 years.... :/ and 3 years ago it was from the same one I was married to for 13....so the thought of new attention is actually scaring the hell out of me because no one new has been in the area for almost like,17 years....:/

buuuuuuttttt.....much to his disappointment,I'm not rushing in to that anyway.although we are torturing the hell out of each other and I don't know how long that's going to last.we are EARTH people for God's sake 😛

click to expand

Lord do I feel you in this. 2 years for yours truly. I have been considering just labeling myself 'jaded virgin' but that doesn't quite cut the mustard. Yes, on the 13 years too ( okay, what is up with that? ). It is a scary thought in a lot of ways. But I'll tell you this. If I were in your shoes I'd be humming some Gene Autry about now. YEH BABY. 'BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN'.

HAHA Bella!! Yes those cappies can be asshats for sure!!! I have a cappy guy that I talk to on and off and we are ALWAYS playing ridiculous games and taunting one another. He constantly refuses to divulge info until I give in on something he wants. And of course my curiosity usually over powers my stubborness and we both end up divulging the details, but its fuN!!! YOu two earth signs ought to be very interesting to watch in this little situation! Please keep us posted!!!

*waving at Awake* Hello. 🙂 Wondered where you got off too.

Well, for starters I had to leave for work and missed your post. 😢 Things have been hectic, and up, down, all over the map. Life in other words. I'm sure you're eager to come home. 🙂 It's going to be an adjustment period I'm sure, from service to civilian. Complete gear flip. Good seeing you on the boards again.

* every sign has some fugly men...but not Capricorn

I could introduce you to some. 🙂

Posted by Jason2213
We do not stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.

- Benjamin Franklin

I think I migt have to get this tattooed. As a reminder.

LOL @ little_sparrow.