Thinking out loud

When I was younger I played around and had a few one night stands...do we even call it that anymore? idk?? Learned from it that it doesn't make me feel good about myself so lived most of my adult life making choices and not sharing myself around, on the odd occasion I let myself go with the flow and didn't beat myself up over it.

But as I get older I know I'm on limited time, the choices will get fewer and I feel finding someone to share my life with will be less and less likely to happen, for various reasons, which are more of my choice and I feel fine with that, however, I don't want to give up sex altogether, so it comes back to...do I lower my standards a little and be more open to going with the flow? There's opportunity atm. I'm still attractive enough but know it's going to start fading..., I spend months and months not having any intimate relationships, maybe only 1 a year...I mean, we all got to die sometime and we all have to enjoy our lives and sex and being loved is a huge part of this... or do I keep just filling my life with other things to fulfill what always feels like something missing?

Meant to add that I'd like to hear thoughts of some the older woman/men here that know where I'm coming from.

LOL why so pessimistic? Getting older doesn't mean less chances of finding love. Somebody's wife is going to die some day. I know it sounds mean, but it's a fact & the guy is going to need to continue living. Plus others will get divorced, meaning more fish for you to fry. I really don't see how age will be stopping you from being alive. 20, 60 or even 90 as long as the heart is still beating & the planet still populated you still have chances of finding that special someone.

And it may not even be an older gentleman or even someone your own age. You my dear could meet a younger stud who'll blow your granny panties away 😛

Posted by djbuck1

... you Sweethearts are hardly "over the hill."

That's coinciding with her fears, in that it's saying that if you're older, than you're done.

Sweethearts ... people who are older find older people attractive .. you silly goose.

You are speaking from a perspective in saying .... how is a younger person suppose to find an older person attractive, lol

for me personally ... if a guy isn't wrinkled and gray .. he's not attractive to me. And that's what happens when you age. You will find men your age attractive, and they will find you attractive.

I know a woman who divorced in her 50s and finally found happiness and true love in her 60s. If that's not an inspiring story, then I don't know what is.

@Sweethearts: I may not be older but I'll be 40 in Dec and maybe I can lend some insight.

I'm pretty much in the same boat but I have a question for you. When you say standards, exactly which ones. I think you mean, behavior and I feel you on that. But you also have to be realistic in those standards. Having them means boundaries in which the door swings both ways. Be realistic with your standards. Don't let just anybody in but maybe relax them a little.

I'm not insecure by any means or worried about getting old, it's the truth that is out there and blatantly so. People are different and have gone with the times and the times have changed so much that there isn't many out there now with standards. Sex is so much more casual and expected and weeding through these people/men is exhausting and a long process. For instance - The only time anyone has tried to get my number is if I'm out with my friends drinking and too drunk to take anyone seriously, at this time I never give out my number (rule of thumb) or go home with anyone except who I came with and at best take their numbers. It seems, they have no guts/desire/balls to other than in this type of situation.

Getting older does feel like there is less chance of finding love, as I have grown, I have far less tolerance for the BS that people put up with and that in itself lessons my chances. You guys all are less tolerant when dealing with some of these drumheads on the boards, short and to the point and can see straight through them. That's part of being older and wiser and without tolerance or making excuses for peoples BS actions! I always wondered why older people like my Aunt was so direct when she spoke and now I start to understand why.

Yes, Beautifulsoul, you are older. You are no longer in your teens or twenties which is considered the "young" except it embrace it. I personal started loving myself way more from around 39+ Doesn't mean you're over the hill...I don't feel that but I'm old and wouldn't want to go back to being young and dumb!

And it comes back to my thoughts...rather than settling for less, I'm thinking being a bit more open to enjoying sex with someone that I don't necessary think of as a permanent along my travels. I plan on traveling and seeing the world.

At P, i wish I would start finding older people attractive. I've met 2 guys that are right on my age which I have found attractive but it's more to do with the way they have taken care of themselves physically. Might seem shallow but i take good care of myself and I expect the same of anyone that I'm looking at.

Why do you have to lower your standards? If it's sex you are after, find a younger man who is good looking, discreet, healthy and clean. Raging hormones, healthy sexual appetite, yet no sweetheart yet. If you like each other, suggest FWB.

I started a FWB relationship soon after my longest committed relationships ended. The FWB lasted about one year and it was a very positive experience. Similar to dating, only without future plans. Better sex than during my marriage! The fact that I live in the UK where 8 million men are registered for NSA sites made it easier to find someone I liked.

I would recommend avoiding your usual type and going for someone you wouldn't usually date, for example someone outside of your normal dating age range...just to avoid asking yourself "what if...?" later on.

I can't recommend one night stands, though, never had one.

"And it comes back to my thoughts...rather than settling for less, I'm thinking being a bit more open to enjoying sex with someone that I don't necessary think of as a permanent along my travels. I plan on traveling and seeing the world."


That sounds wonderful! Try local specialities 😉!

...lol @ this thread

Posted by sweethearts

... one night stands ...

Ah, yes .... that was the lingo, wasn't it?

And in reality, it is a better description than friends with benefits ... because friends don't fuck each other and there is no benefit.

so, it really is just a "one night stand"

I love how after Undine made a fool of herself on the Pisces thread .... she is determined to prove to everyone how proud she is of being slutty.

The old adage is true, isn't it? .... you just have to give the person enough rope

Posted by sweethearts
When I was younger I played around and had a few one night stands...do we even call it that anymore? idk?? Learned from it that it doesn't make me feel good about myself so lived most of my adult life making choices and not sharing myself around, on the odd occasion I let myself go with the flow and didn't beat myself up over it.

But as I get older I know I'm on limited time, the choices will get fewer and I feel finding someone to share my life with will be less and less likely to happen, for various reasons, which are more of my choice and I feel fine with that, however, I don't want to give up sex altogether, so it comes back to...do I lower my standards a little and be more open to going with the flow? There's opportunity atm. I'm still attractive enough but know it's going to start fading..., I spend months and months not having any intimate relationships, maybe only 1 a year...I mean, we all got to die sometime and we all have to enjoy our lives and sex and being loved is a huge part of this... or do I keep just filling my life with other things to fulfill what always feels like something missing?

sweetheart, honey darrrling??_??_..don't you worry your little head, uncle 11 will sort it all out for you??_..may I present you with the perfect male specimen..
for generations my village has harboured the most beautiful, strongest, friendliest 😉 fijian men for the sole purpose of fulfilling 1 thing??_.your happiness

They say the fiji island way is that the girls are easy and the boys are hard to get but that simple is not true my dead, for they aim to please..
as you can see in the second diagram they are lining up to please??_

All I'm saying is that fijians are really big on pre arranged marriage??_..they rely on knocking up girls on holidays to be brought over to another country and can I just say that once you have a fijian man you won't go back??_..I know a woman who is on her second marriage to a fijian man and she is so fucking gross and the guys she's with are fucking hot, even I haven't been with a guy that hot??_.its all because fijians need to branch out and make more of themselves??_.they are trained from a y

young age to be the perfect gentleman ??_..they cook, clean, hunt, fish, gather (coconuts) annnnd wait for it!!??_..they can't cheat on you!!!!??_in my village men are not allowed to cheat on their wives??_.its automatic banishment forever its like their religion, and to frown upon it is an understatement??_.Ive been to a funeral of my cousins son and no one from my village spoke or comforted him because he cheated on his wife??_.hes like an outcast??_so to sum it up you get??_.

A holiday??_i think from aukland return flight is $ 500??_.oh and you can stay for free at any of the villages I'm from.
a souvenir??_.cute little half cast bun in the oven..
wedding??_ppl fly miles to fiji just to get hitched but you'll already be there.
your scrumptious chocolate man??_


think about it 😉

Fijian is not my flavour, much prefer the Rarotonga man and going there end of this year for a wedding, one of my gf's has caught one of those lovely island boys while on holiday last year...she's a beauty of course 🙂 Might find one of my own...but only for a play around. Marriage is not what I'm looking for 🙂

Spend a lot of time with a Samoan family here in Australia, awesome bunch of people that are always looking for something to party for, had many a drunken nights and days with these people. Islanders have a unique style of life and upbringing, most of my friends are either Maori or from the Islands.

What's your preference 11? Apart from the obvious 😉

1) I don't often agree with P-Angel, but when she says that older people look for older people to be with, and that we find those more near our own age more appealing than any others, she is exactly right. We have much more in common, speak the same "language," and have had many of the same experiences. We have more to share with one another, you see.

2) As we get older we become more set in our ways. "No We Don't!!!!!" blah, blah, blah. We do. We find the things and ways that make us comfortable and happy. We like being comfortable and happy, so that is what we keep doing.

3) Get used to the idea of "settling." There is no perfect person out there. There never has been, there never will be. If you run across someone that you really enjoy being with, who makes you happy, who you can stand to be around for lots and lots of time, that is the person you need to be with. They are going to be flawed, just like you, just like me. You just need to find that person where the positives outweigh the negatives, and accept the whole package.

What's that you say, you knew all this already?!?!? Oh, OK. Then really what is the question you are asking?

Posted by DonJohnson
from a realistic perspective, yes lowering your standards is the best way to finding a mate.

+10000

no more "Looking for Mr. Darcy." but you don't have to have the creepy Mister Collins either.

Maybe a nice, simple farmer guy or a tad lower, who is just as excellent....Bingham.

Maybe that too is a little too high?

Posted by Undine
"And it comes back to my thoughts...rather than settling for less, I'm thinking being a bit more open to enjoying sex with someone that I don't necessary think of as a permanent along my travels. I plan on traveling and seeing the world."


That sounds wonderful! Try local specialities 😉!

good thing you're single, Undine, all those secret tyrsts in every corner of the world.

all those men, "So many men, sooooo little time!" lol

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by djbuck1
So, you are going to "settle for less" than what you really want? Hmm.

If it didn't make you feel good about yourself when you were young and (relatively) inexperienced, how will it make you feel, now?

I would suggest that it will only increase your anguish while lowering your self-esteem.

+1

You will still feel unfulfilled if you're not getting what you really want.

And +1 on "the loneliness talking" aspect of this. You're nowhere near old.

click to expand

well then, what's the cure??

if idealization is looking for Mr. Darcy type, what happens when you do grow and lonely? Let's be realistic here too. It's a balance to look at both. I'm guessing, that imagination is the only cure. Imagination is your only lover.

I have to agree with Gobshite. Are you male or female?

Seems like something is missing from your life Sweetheart. Perhaps you shouldn't have shared yourself around or let yourself go with the flow like that.

As you get older opportunities don't become less. Man or woman you should never lower yourself or standards. You only need to find that one person to share the intimate relationship with for an eternity.

TBH, I don't think I want to find a person to spend my life with. I really enjoy living on my own and doing me and having that freedom.

However there are nights like the night I wrote this when I was wondering... hence the title "thinking out loud" (can't help the Libra Venus)

Loneliness comes and goes from time to time and my mind goes into overdrive but for most of it I'm perfectly content with my life. I guess at times the grass can appear greener...

@Gobstopper...are you projecting from experience, very sorry you were hurt but do get over it!