Trying to let go

Something that is really hard for me

Anyway I started a new job delivering packages for amazon in late 2020 and met a girl there in the beginning of 2021. Asked her out and got her number, we never went out anywhere but started texting and talking over the phone a lot. Learn she just got over a long relationship with a girl in 2020 and a lot of other stuff happened that year. As time went on it seemed like everyday we worked together either she or I would call each other and talk while we worked. Or sometimes she would call me outside of work. Eventually found out I didn't really cook for myself. Once kinda joked with me about it. One day I actually got some things to cook fajitas and showed I actually could cook. But didn't really have motivation to. Eventually she told me she was moving on cause it just seemed like anytime she called me outside of work I was playing video games and I didn't cook for myself which I guess meant I wasn't really taking care of myself. She never really told me when she started seeing someone else, i heard it from someone else (dating another girl) but recently told me she was getting married.

I still called her from time to time while at work and really the coversation these days seemed dry and boring. Thats when I realized that I was clinging on more than anything and was the only one calling. This week I told her she should delete and block my number and I was going to do the same. As a form of moving on. Now work is kind of reallyyy awkward cause on certain days I have to talk to her.

Not sure why im even writing this

Heres just a list of things that kind of bothered me

1. At one point she really bothered be about tik tok stuff. I had the app but didn't really use it. One day I started using it and her tiktok popped up on the home screen. I told her about it and she didn't like that at all. and one day I told her one of her tik toks were hot and didn't like that either. I guess I kinda see how it was weird that I found hers but I also at the same time don't. For example one of my internet friends found me on there and added me and she only has my steam name and discord.

2. I came up with some great ideas for dates (Axe throwing, or a vegan resturant (Cause she was vegan) both times I was declined, and next thing I know she made tik toks of herself going to these places by herself

3. We just never went out anywhere or did anything outside of work. Other than this time she invited me to her house once and let me use her washing machine. And when I bought a house and invited her over to see it. She snooped through my fridge to see if I changed my eating habbits I guess.....

At the end of the day I just don't understand that what I guess video games and not eating right was the major red flag here. If that was it the way i seen maybe I could of just used a little motivation from someone to cook for myself (I already showed that I can) and yeah maybe I do play a lot of videogames but.....idk I felt like if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't be doing it as much and would be putting my attention on them instead. I was looking for more of a outgoing person and she seemed to fit perfectly. It just seemed minor and could of just been easily fixed imo.

I don’t think the dealbreaker was actually the not cooking and video games, I think she just wasn’t interested in you. What you described sounds boring and passionless. The chemistry just was not there

Posted by TXCowboy
1. She wasn't into you in a romantic sense but she DID briefly consider the possibility. 3/10 probability.

2. Dude seriously get out and fix yourself up. Video games and not caring for yourself is pathetic and others will eventually notice too. Stop using video games as a way to not face your current reality.

3. Cut the crap with this woman on social media and start preparing for the next one. Learn from these mistakes. Start will yourself first. You'll be ready in about 6 months.

"Dude seriously get out and fix yourself up. Video games and not caring for yourself is pathetic and others will eventually notice too. Stop using video games as a way to not face your current reality."

Back in January/febuary I planned on going to a therapist about this but at the same time a lot of other things were going on. It seemed to click once that I have been trying to use video games as a way to escape way back as a child when my parents fought screamed and yelled at each other what seemed to be every day. And just been stuck on them

I kicked my stepbro out of my house around the same time. He was really bad at paying rent or any kind of communication. At the end there also tried being very narcissistic to try to stay

My sister pregnant at the time got into a fight with her bf, he threatened her to punch her in the stomach, dad offered her to move to a house two hours away. That lasted about a week before she moved back and things are alright I guess?

I did attend therapy for about a month while all this was going on (on phone sessions). But I don't feel like I was using it enough. Once I got my stepbro out of my house I felt alright and didn't really have anything to talk about so I felt like I was just wasting money at the time so I unsubscribed from it. Also it was extremely expensive. I wish my insurance would of been able to cover it. A 40 min session on the phone didn't really seem worth $ 300 a month subscription to.

I get into (Freakout perioids) from time to time where suddenly everything is wrong I need to start making changes I need to start doing this or that. Might last a week but then that all kind of goes away, And then I just feel alright doing what I do. Maybe im just alright living alone in my house, just need to keep up on it a little better.

I don't really like the thought of putting myself out there on dating sites and what not. Its just super hard to find something to talk about. Don't go out much on my own. Most of the time I go out anywhere on my own I get like brain fog, don't know what to say to anyone and just don't feel like I belong there.

I do think another chick at work is cute. But not even sure if I want to even try.

What happened with this really kinda got me unfocused with work lately. I have been making a lot of mistakes. I don't want to do anything to loose my job over.

Posted by nanochip
I don’t think the dealbreaker was actually the not cooking and video games, I think she just wasn’t interested in you. What you described sounds boring and passionless. The chemistry just was not there

Yeah I saw that too. Sometimes I do think she just kinda used me for attention enough to bring herself up to find someone else. She hasn't dating a dude since middle school, which....really doesn't count. Her past dating history was just girls

She could of just been into girls and thats it. Which if she just told me that, that would of been completely fine and I could of just accepted that, moved on my mary way and save a lot of face a lottt earlier

Posted by IceStorm
It doesn’t sound like she was interested in you as more than a friend. Was she a Virgo? Lol I ask because of her seemingly desire to “fix” you. Lol

I’ve heard a quote that “rejection is Gods protection” so try not to be down on yourself.. she just isn’t the one. But you can still use this situation to learn from.. it wouldn’t be a bad idea to pick up a new passion project. Commit yourself to a different passion that doesn’t involve video games and isn’t dependent on relationship.

If you commit to taking cooking classes, learning new recipes, a workout program or learning a new skill, any of these things will naturally boost your confidence and self esteem. Once your self esteem is higher and your time is occupied with more meaningful stuff, then you will not need girls or video games to escape to.

Video games are fun but just like social media, they are brain-rotting type zappers. So I would set a limit like only play for an hour a day or so, and commit to doing something else for yourself that will help you grow in confidence. A lot of people use breakups or rejection for fuel, setting new fitness goals or writing a book, and end up coming out the other side even better than they were before the breakup/rejection .

Leo

I don't really look into it further than that with charts and what not

I gotta add this too. Im kind of socially awkward. But like accepting it. Which is probably isn't the right way of doing things. Cause it really isn't going to get me anywhere.

I don't think she liked me cause of that either.

For instance today was our work anniversaries party. A gathering with food and a raffle my work does every year. I went to it last year, but I was earlier than a lot of others.

Today there was a huge group of people and kind of overwhelmed

It was near the key return we had to go to anyways. I kind of stood there for a second away from others. Looked around and went home.

I mean....I did tell me self before hand it would be okay for me to go if I felt uncomfortable.

Also this weekend I went to a concert with a friend, walked my dog at a park and took him to the groomers which is A LOT more than I usually do on my days off.

But also idk also always been the kind of person that never goes to outings or much to anywhere unless I know someone who is.

Im also 32 and probably shouldn't be still acting like this at this age