What are you afraid of?

When it comes to NOT wanting to dating men/women with children?

Is it:
1. Not wanting to deal with any possible baby mama/daddy drama?
2. Assuming they're still sleeping with their baby mama/daddy?
3. Assuming they've still got feelings for their baby mama/daddy?
4. Not wanting to take on step kids just in case you get serious with them?
5. Wanting to be with someone w/o kids so that you can start your own 1st family with them?
6. Not wanting to have to go through the process of getting someone else's kids to like/accept you?
7. Not wanting to be with someone who has to divide their time b/w you & their kids (you want to have their undivided attention)
8. Not wanting to have/make kids of your own, therefore not wanting to be in a relationship where kids period are involved?
9. Other?

This post obviously isn't for those who are ok with dating someone with kids.

For those who absolutely won't OR prefer not to, I'm curious as to the REAL reason why you wouldn't want to

For me it'd be 1, 2 & 3.

Even if it wasn't his fault that his baby mother still cared for him, I'd still feel uneasy about dating him. Even if he didn't want/care for her, it'd still bother me

Plus, it'd all depend on how old his children are. If he just had a baby 6 months ago with a woman, nope I wouldn't date him simply b/c I'd figure that his baby mama probably isn't over the "Let's be a family" stages that alot of women go through.

I wouldn't want to compete.

Plus, I'd hate for the baby mama to use his kids as leverage against him all b/c he's dating someone else. I'd have a guilty conscious & wouldn't expect for him to pick me over his kids.

If I wasn't married & had to date a man with kids, 1. He'd have to be pretty freakin' amazing! & 2. His relations with the baby's mother would've had to have been over a lonnnnng time ago

@LoveBucket: I don't agree that men should stay or try to make it work all for the kids. Settling is never fair for anybody involved, especially the children.

If the couple isn't gonna make it, it's best if they split way before the child grows up vs. the child being subjected to divorce, bitter custody battles & watching 2 parents who don't love eachother, at the age when they finally understand all of that

I agree that men in general (kids or not) shouldn't think life is only about going from 1 woman to the next, BUT it's not fair to stay in a bad relationship without kids being involved so it's even worse when kids are brought into the picture

I agree with Dr. Phil. Kids would rather be OF a broken home than FROM one

What I can't stand is when the woman refuses to accept that the man no longer wants a relationship with her, makes it about her instead of it being about him as a father & then uses the other women he dates against him. That's dead wrong

A man as a father & a man as someone's boyfriend are 2 totally different things

A man should be able to be a good father, while not being committed to the mother & still live in peace.

I don't think children in these situations end up resenting their fathers. They end up resenting their mothers b/c they can clearly see that their mothers using them as bait & for manipulation makes them (kids) suffer more than anyone else

Sometimes people have kids too early w/o 1st getting to fully know eachother. Other times, people really do try to make it work, but it just so happens that around the time they finally realized that it wouldn't work, kids just so happen to be born.

Kids being born won't make 2 people love/respect eachother more if the relationship was not worth it to begin with

Posted by Nights22
All the above.

I concur except for #8. I want kids of my own...don't want to be bothered with anyone else's.

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by Nights22
All the above.

I concur except for #8. I want kids of my own...don't want to be bothered with anyone else's.

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My friend said this too. And it all makes sense

She doesn't have kids yet so why would she go be with someone with kids already? Why go be a step parent when you're not even ready to be a regular parent yet? Some women don't have children right now for a reason. And if she doesn't b/c she doesn't want them or isn't yet ready, why would she purposely take on step children?

If a person who doesn't yet want children takes on a tribe, it's best if it's their OWN first!

1. Not wanting to deal with any possible baby mama/daddy drama?
2. Assuming they're still sleeping with their baby mama/daddy?
3. Assuming they've still got feelings for their baby mama/daddy?
7. Not wanting to be with someone who has to divide their time b/w you & their kids (you want to have their undivided attention)
8. Not wanting to have/make kids of your own, therefore not wanting to be in a relationship where kids period are involved?


In ten years.....maybe not even the things I left on the list will matter. But right now....children would really fuck my plans up.

NOTHING
MAYBE LIVING

Posted by LoveBucket

Posted by krysrenee7
@LoveBucket: I don't agree that men should stay or try to make it work all for the kids. Settling is never fair for anybody involved, especially the children.

If the couple isn't gonna make it, it's best if they split way before the child grows up vs. the child being subjected to divorce, bitter custody battles & watching 2 parents who don't love eachother, at the age when they finally understand all of that

I agree that men in general (kids or not) shouldn't think life is only about going from 1 woman to the next, BUT it's not fair to stay in a bad relationship without kids being involved so it's even worse when kids are brought into the picture

I agree with Dr. Phil. Kids would rather be OF a broken home than FROM one

I didn't say settling, what I'm saying is if she was good enough to holla at, and then good enough to fuck, and now that the baby is here, she's not good enough for a relationship?? Because I'm FOR relationships, my stance is COMMUNICATING because through COMMUNICATION, they both could find out that the problems they thought they had weren't as bad as they thought they were. Oftentimes though, people don't communicate -- they get one-tracked minded into believing instead of just communicating with my s/o, I'm go go holla at ole girl up in Apt. 6B because, her jeans do be fittin kinda nice on that ass. Next thing you know, him and Ms. 6B are an item when, all he had to do was open his mouth and start a dialog with the one he, at one time, had the hots for. Ya got me??

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I get your point. That's only true though if the main problem was communication. Half of the time it's a mixture b/w communication & compability.

Men don't necessarily pick the women they want to just screw like they would the woman they wanna take home to mama. Women wish they did, but unfortunately that's not reality. Just b/c a man screws a woman doesn't mean he likes her 1 bit. And in that case, he's not doing her or the baby any favors by committing to her.

Well I came close to going out with a chap with 2 kiddies....pickins are getting slim out here!

Reasons not to were:
-he never married their mother (just lived with her)
-he explained their sex life wasn't that great which is much of the reason why it didn't work out

...so I'm thinking if your sex life wasn't so great why did you A)keep having sex, B) move in together, C)have A kid or D)have ANOTHER kid—



*This wouldn't dissuade me from pursuing a serious relationship someone who was a parent (it would have to be heading into marriage serious not just a having sex thing) just don't think this is the right kinda guy in the right situation.


**prepared to listen to arguments from anyone who thinks I have been too harsh on the guy

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
-he never married their mother (just lived with her)
-he explained their sex life wasn't that great which is much of the reason why it didn't work out

...so I'm thinking if your sex life wasn't so great why did you A)keep having sex, B) move in together, C)have A kid or D)have ANOTHER kid—

Ha! Good point!

It makes no sense when a guy says, "Yep, she's due to have my 3rd baby, but ya know what, I really can't stand that B! We were never together anyways & I never really liked her like that from the beginning."

It's like um....1st time/accident? 1 thing...but if your on baby #2 or 6, that's an indication that you purposely strive to have kids with someone you have no plans on committing to. And yeah, that's be a deal breaker for me b/c I'd be damned if I ended up being his 5th baby mama & another person he says the same thing about to his friends

It's 1 thing to have a baby with someone when you really thought things would've worked out at some point

But it's another thing to purposely know up front that you can't ever see yourself with that person & yet still have unprotected sex with them & put yourself in a situation where you might have to deal with them for the rest of your life. That's just silly

THAT is when I say sex is over-rated!

I'm dating someone now with 2 younger children 11 & 8. My youngest is 16 and I'm thankful I'm nearly at the end of the worst years!

At this stage I'm not interested in meeting them although the issue has been raised a number of times.

For so many reasons.

1. I think it's too early in the relationship to involve his younger children even though he has met mine and they all like him, they are older. They understand that sharing time with someone doesn't necessarily mean marriage etc

2. His ex is and quickly moved someone into their family home. Too much too soon.

3. He only has them every 2nd weekend and because he works 6 full days I think that time should be for him and his kids only. They get a Saturday night stay over and are home again by Sunday at 5pm. No holidays unless he takes leave during the school holidays.

4. I myself came from a split marriage and I had step dads that were around from one night stands to a couple of weeks/months and eventually my step dad who has been with us for 30 years now. And unless I'm totally certain I don't want to be a fly by nighter in their lives.

@Sweethearts: I don't blaim you

Some prefer to introduce their children right away, while others wanna wait until they themselves are absolutely sure that the relationship will even last long term

I think it's destructive to the children to keep introducing them to "maybes."

I get that ya need to know how your children will react to your partner b/c whether or not they like/accept your partner can sometimes make/break things

BUT I'd rather know how I feel about someone 1st before finding out how my children feel about them. The best gift I can give to my children is to introduce them to someone whom I know for a fact loves me. Once my kids see that, it'll be easier for them to accept him.

i fcked three girls with kids. And Im not afraid of none of that.
The only thing Im afraid of is catching the monster. Especially these ny bitxhes.. sleazy.
I hate when a woman has kids before the age of 30 and they're not married yet. No morals.
Even though Im depraved, it doesnt matter. I automatically think you're a slore if you have a child before the age of 30.
That says you have no self-control and just dumb as fuck.
Especially when they do it with no condom and a child is born and end up an "accident".. Dumb as fuck.
Especially when women are so-called "in love" with a man who has no intentions of taking care of baby and they couldn't peep that.. Dumb as fuck.
I hate rambling so Ima stop.
They would be the most easiest type of girl to get with but that crown goes to the party girls smfh

Posted by MidniteStar
I'm just afraid that the guy wont want anymore kids and I want some kids of my own someday. I'm sure there is nothing like having children of your own. I want to be able to experience that. I'm not going to turn away a guy just because he has kids, but he has to not just be willing to have more for my sake, but to actually WANT more.

And thats it. There's your answer.
If he's not willing to want to have kids with you then tell him to curve.

Posted by Pb
How does a women having kids before she's 30 and before she's married equate not having morals? Some people couldn't give two shits about legalizing their marriage and could have had children while in a solid place in their relationship and then split due to God knows what differences. Get your head outta your ass.

I actually didnt think about that and I agree with you. I was kinda generalizing.
But Im referring to women who accidentally get pregnant. I dont care if condoms work 99.9% of the time. I dont wanna hear that excuse.. If you're a female and you have a child before the age of 30, you've failed as a human being.
But dont worry, almost 2/3 of the population are just like you so you're not alone.

Women don't get pregnant alone..juss saying.

Posted by venusianbull
Women don't get pregnant alone..juss saying.

I knew someone would say something like that.
If men are so dumb and women are so smart. How come they cannot realize the man they want to start a family with is a cheater or a douchebag? And they wonder why they become single mothers.
Love blinds females and that's your species weakness. You girls do not use your brains. Y'all too emotional.
You let emotions cloud your judgment and that's when life becomes hard for you people. But hey, Im not saying anything you people dont already kno.

Don't be a dumb fuck!!

Doesn't matter how a baby is created because if the guy hasn't covered his end then he is just as much to blame for creating a new life. A woman can't get pregnant on her own and when a child comes into the world whether the parents are together or not they are both responsible to see this child grow up.

Being an arrogant obnoxious weed that decides that it's only because she is a dumb slut changes nothing. His life has now changed too because of his actions...somewhere down the track he will meet someone that he wants to spend his life with and doesn't consider just a trick in bed and he will have to explain that he has a child or maybe even 3 if he is that STUPID and have a few baby's mamma's to deal with!

Posted by AybLynk

Posted by venusianbull
Women don't get pregnant alone..juss saying.

I knew someone would say something like that.
If men are so dumb and women are so smart. How come they cannot realize the man they want to start a family with is a cheater or a douchebag? And they wonder why they become single mothers.
Love blinds females and that's your species weakness. You girls do not use your brains. Y'all too emotional.
You let emotions cloud your judgment and that's when life becomes hard for you people. But hey, Im not saying anything you people dont already kno.

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Right. And men are robotic, unemotional creatures who share no part in feelings or tenderness. We should all be afraid of the big ol' bad wolf because there ARE no good men out there. I give that entire statement a big finger up and a fugga you in case I pocketed the digit too quickly.
Nothing in what I said implied men were dumb and women were smarter, but you put women right down into this crazed "I'ma trap a dude" or "I'm just ever so stupid, may as well toss my legs up in the air." slot that irritates me for a lot of reasons. Maligning a woman over what her body is GEARED TO DO is bizarre.

Posted by AybLynk

Posted by venusianbull
Women don't get pregnant alone..juss saying.

I knew someone would say something like that.
If men are so dumb and women are so smart. How come they cannot realize the man they want to start a family with is a cheater or a douchebag? And they wonder why they become single mothers.
Love blinds females and that's your species weakness. You girls do not use your brains. Y'all too emotional.
You let emotions cloud your judgment and that's when life becomes hard for you people. But hey, Im not saying anything you people dont already kno.

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This is true for the women who knew UP FRONT the man was a douche bag & still decided to have kids with him later

BUT not all men show their true colors before the baby is born. Some men literally decide to "show out" as soon as the baby is born.

It's easier to predict what kind of boyfriend a man will be. It's harder to assume or predict what kind of father a man will be to his own children w/o 1st experiencing that fatherhood with him or seeing how he does other kids

I don't think the average woman should go into it thinking all men are cheaters & douchebags, IF she's already beeing treated with respect & if the man so far has given her a reason to think otherwise

If a man is acting right, why assume that you're gonna be a single mother? Sure, it's a possibility but wake up ABY! Not only are single mothers making it but they're also doing twice the work nowadays.

Even though being a single mom isn't ever the goal, women nowadays can obviously handle it. And meanwhile, dumb men think the woman is suffering all b/c she's still "Single" when in reality the MAN will suffer in the long run b/c of the neglect towards his OWN children. So who really loses?!

PST! I'd rather be a single mom, with no man & yet my kids be proud of me doing a 2-person job by myself VS. Being the man who has to explain himself to his children in the long run

Some women proudly brag that their single moms

Not b/c being a single mom was what they had in mind in the beginning

But instead b/c they refuse to let a deadbeat/cheater/douchebag interfere with their ability to successfully raise their children

Men have it all wrong when they assume that half of single moms are bitter all b/c they're "single moms." Take a look around!

The kids that are being bred from single mom households are just as happy, have just as good opportunities & turn out just as nice as kids with 2 parents!

A woman like me would be disappointed if my husband all of the sudden decided to become a deadbeat, BUT don't get it twisted, I'm confident that my children would be fine regardless!

If we didn't last relationship-wise, who cares. A man as a boyfriend/husband is not as important as a man as a father. If he didn't wanna be with me personally, fine. Doesn't make him a douchebag or bad person. He'd only be a douchebag if he decided to neglect his children in the same way he did the relationship. 2 different things

being a single mother is like jumping off a cliff. You can do it, but it's still not the right thing to do.
The child always comes out better in a two-parent household no matter how well you raise him/her.

and i wasnt referring to all women when I said what i said so w/e

Posted by Pb

Posted by AybLynk

Posted by Pb
How does a women having kids before she's 30 and before she's married equate not having morals? Some people couldn't give two shits about legalizing their marriage and could have had children while in a solid place in their relationship and then split due to God knows what differences. Get your head outta your ass.

I actually didnt think about that and I agree with you. I was kinda generalizing.
But Im referring to women who accidentally get pregnant. I dont care if condoms work 99.9% of the time. I dont wanna hear that excuse.. If you're a female and you have a child before the age of 30, you've failed as a human being.
But dont worry, almost 2/3 of the population are just like you so you're not alone.

Judgements are ridiculous aren't they? My good friend had a baby when she was.like 18, she's the.branch manager now at a bank.of America and shes doing fine as ever.

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keyword: human being

It doent matter how successful a woman can be. As a "human being" she failed.
Havig money doesn't clarify you're a good human being. Just a good social climber.

Posted by starlover

Posted by AybLynk
being a single mother is like jumping off a cliff. You can do it, but it's still not the right thing to do.
The child always comes out better in a two-parent household no matter how well you raise him/her.

No not true.....some kids have horrible times with huge tensions between their parents.

In some situations its far healthier for the children to have parents either living apart or one parent who truly loves them...children instinctively know when their parents cant stand each other and just stay together "for the kids"

..that is so dysfunctional!

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I think it is true. i stand behind my opinion firmly. I wont go into details of why two parents are better than one.
But I have examples. Typing it out is gunna feel like homework to me so nah..

"keyword: human being

It doent matter how successful a woman can be. As a "human being" she failed."

And how does one fail exactly doing what the body is genetically engineered to do?

Posted by venusianbull
"keyword: human being

It doent matter how successful a woman can be. As a "human being" she failed."

And how does one fail exactly doing what the body is genetically engineered to do?

It's called self-control..
When a female can barely pay her rent and decides to bring a child into the world, she is stupid.
That's why i think in order to have a baby, you must have a good job and a faithful spouse. Im old school. Idk.
But I know females who had abortions at the age of 13 to 25.
The point is it doesn't matter how much financial success a woman has gained. She already failed as a human being by giving birth to a child without getting her life straight.
(C'mon Son)
And even if a female has her life together, she can pick the wrong man and f*** it up like a dummie.
I figure since women are so highly superior than men they should know the difference between a good man and a bad one.
So there's no excuse if she gets pregnant and the guy skips town. You should've known that. Because you're so intelligent.
Okay.. sure.

But dont feel bad if some of you are bad human beings. You can still live a happy life. Look at Charlie Sheen.

Or Octomom.. dumbest bitxh in history. Im glad Suze Orman gave it to her.. I'll take advice from her any day.

A woman has no control of when an egg is going to dive bomb her fallopian tubes. That does not render a fail. Nor is it a fail to bring a child into the world. If everyone waited until things were completely in order not many of us would be typing today.
I concede your point about dipshits, however. Some women have about as much sense with a child as an ape would with a duckling. Environment and other factors in as well. Octomom is just a waste of skin. That was straight up attention whoring, had little to do with children.
No woman can ultimately KNOW if a man is a complete dickhead, anymore than a man can know he's got a straight up psychotic twat. ANY woman can pick an ass clown, and ANY man can pick an utter bitch. Nothing to do with slapping an envelope to your head, wrapping a turban on your forehead and lighting a candle. That'd be like biting into a perfectly sound looking apple and then standing there pointing a finger calling someone a dumbass because they ate a worm. Did you know that worm was in there eating it inside out? NOPE, couldn't see it.
Men have every bit as much culpability for bringing children into this world, just as much. Just because a woman has to carry a babe and raise it does not make her less. And on that note, we ARE more emotional, we have to be. We're raising YOUR ASSES.

Posted by starlover

Posted by AybLynk

Posted by starlover

Posted by AybLynk
being a single mother is like jumping off a cliff. You can do it, but it's still not the right thing to do.
The child always comes out better in a two-parent household no matter how well you raise him/her.

No not true.....some kids have horrible times with huge tensions between their parents.

In some situations its far healthier for the children to have parents either living apart or one parent who truly loves them...children instinctively know when their parents cant stand each other and just stay together "for the kids"

..that is so dysfunctional!

I think it is true. i stand behind my opinion firmly. I wont go into details of why two parents are better than one.
But I have examples. Typing it out is gunna feel like homework to me so nah..

Not for every child it isnt the right thing...that is YOU....all stories are different. You are still a youngish man so dont really have the experience of life either

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I dont think I need to physically experience what it's like to be a father and have a child. It's just common sense and that's what I go by. But Ima man up and admit that you're thesis is right. But mines is too.
Sometimes two parents are better than 1. Sometimes one parent is better than two. It varies. That's it.

Posted by starlover
Again i will reiterate, most men never grow up! The woman is the one left "holding the baby". If the man doesnt leave, he either runs away in work, sport, women, booze etc etc

I know very very few "physically" present fathers, but when you speak to the mothers, they arent that present at all. Most of them are just overgrown children themselves

And you right, most men never grow up. Oh well.

Posted by Nights22

Posted by starlover
Again i will reiterate, most men never grow up! The woman is the one left "holding the baby". If the man doesnt leave, he either runs away in work, sport, women, booze etc etc

I know very very few "physically" present fathers, but when you speak to the mothers, they arent that present at all. Most of them are just overgrown children themselves

If people would plan pregnancies instead of oops condom broke or oops I didnt pull out on time. Shit would be different.

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exactly. they need to plan it. no accidents.

ayblynk from the things you've said i'm assuming you probably grew up seeing this happen a lot so i can understand your disdain and lack of sympathy for the situation but your personal hatred is causing you to make OBSCENE generalizations.

To say that a woman has "failed" simply b/c she's a single mother is to also imply that the children have no chance. NOT true.

Plus, why do men always automatically assume that the woman who ends up a single mom must've somehow knew ahead of time that the guy was gonna bounce out on her?

Some guys WERE there in the beginning, WERE great boyfriends/husbands & some WERE even good to their other kids (outside of the relationship).

A woman trusting the man who shows that he loves/respects her, to have kids with him only to end up "wrong" about him is not a woman who has failed. Failed is not the right word. Sure, she was obviously "wrong" about him, BUT to me, a woman hasn't failed unless she's done all she could do & yet her children still suffer

And looking around, some of the children that come from 1 or NO parent homes turn out to be some of the best & most successful adults.

What about the children who started out being raised by 2 parents but yet their parents divorce? So what, the mother "failed" all b/c of the divorce?

Or what about the children who started out being raised by 2 parents but yet 1 parent dies? Is it really fair to consider the only living parent left a failure all b/c they're technically by themselves now?

That's pretty insensitive.

Granted, some women make "single mommyhood" look bad b/c they absolutely can't do it by themselves. BUT some women actually CAN & if anything, those women are the biggest SUCCESS since they were able to accomplish something that normally takes 2 people & something alot of people fail at.

So the victory is 10xs GREATER when a single mom successfully raises her children.

Posted by AybLynk

Posted by venusianbull
"keyword: human being

It doent matter how successful a woman can be. As a "human being" she failed."

And how does one fail exactly doing what the body is genetically engineered to do?

It's called self-control..
When a female can barely pay her rent and decides to bring a child into the world, she is stupid.
That's why i think in order to have a baby, you must have a good job and a faithful spouse. Im old school. Idk.
But I know females who had abortions at the age of 13 to 25.
The point is it doesn't matter how much financial success a woman has gained. She already failed as a human being by giving birth to a child without getting her life straight.
(C'mon Son)
And even if a female has her life together, she can pick the wrong man and f*** it up like a dummie.
I figure since women are so highly superior than men they should know the difference between a good man and a bad one.
So there's no excuse if she gets pregnant and the guy skips town. You should've known that. Because you're so intelligent.
Okay.. sure.

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As the saying goes, you can NEVER be fully prepared to have a child!

Rich people still struggle b/c even though money never runs out, they still feel like their children need "more."

Even the couple who has it all (degree, enough money, the emotional/physical ability & stability, etc.) can still run into some hard times that weren't present WHEN the child was conceived.

People end up having health problems...financial problems...the death of 1 parent...

It's an ignorant statement to assume that all problems occur BEFORE or during the child is being conceived. Sometimes the greatest couples don't run into problems until the middle or the very end.